A Belated Ceremony?

I think you deserve to celebrate! Who cares if it's not traditional and "wouldn't be the same"?!

:D That's my advice. Have fun!

We "eloped" as well. And while we didn't have a belated ceremony, my inlaws had a reception for us a few months later...
I say do whatever you want...were I am from two ceremonies are common, because the religious weddings aren't legal and vice versa, so most people will have a secular ceremony and a religious one.
Good luck!

Have you considered a wedding reception instead of a ceremony? Like with dinner or food and dancing? The party part of the wedding. Maybe that could be a compromise.

If it is on your dime and you guys can afford it, you can do a "repeat the vows and party" any time you want.

In my mind, it would nto be a good idea to ask for anyone's help or to upt it on a credit card.

I hesitated at the use of "deserve one." What does that mean exactly? Think people use it loosely and on advertisements. You mean perhaps "you deserve one as much as anyone else even though you didn't back when the original marriage took place?" Again, that would be directed at whose paying for this. I wouldn't ask your parents to contribute for sure.

If you got pictures of your marriage in some fashion, why not put them together with a video of your growing up pictures. Throw a reception. Show the video (slideshow?) of pictures then have your DJ announce the bride and groom (and family before you guys) to enter in formally. Saw that done. Very nice. Don't know if it is appropriate to mention a gift registraton on the invitation though.

My current husband and I went off to lake Louise in Canada to get married. We had grown children and young grandchildren. We were dressed formally and had dinner afterwards in the resort restaurant. We had some video and pictures taken (not too much) and the video guy is going to put that together with pictures of our honeymoon and then we have a section called "Going Home" where our new home is pictured and then our family members. We are going to throw a large home party. The video will play on one or two screens in a room. Otherwise, it will be like a family/friend reunion with appetizers and drinks. Key guests will get copies of teh DVD.

We figure that we could lose our parents and siblings some year (or ourselves) and this gives them something to remember anyone by. We will not be asking for gifts (but then we are two households combining so we have two sets of everything already.

Just think of all the hassle you saved yourself - you got married to be married - not to have a party (which is such a stressor on planning weddings now!) Now, you're married so have that party and celebrate the one you love. You've been celebrating your marriage for the past year - time to share it with your friends and family :) Have fun!

Sweet girl, you are married. You made your decision when you got married last year without your family knowing. Now, move on from here. You gave up your dream of a wedding ceremony when you eloped. That was one of the costs of doing it the way you did it. Why should you throw so much money down the drain for a party? If it had meant so much to you, you should have been patient and waited to do it the way you wanted. I won't say it was a horrible thing to do. You are married! That is a blessed thing! Don't beat yourself up for it. Love your husband and celebrate today with him. You don't "deserve" another ceremony. You had the exact one you wanted already. Remember, you chose this route. Now, you must live with it. Blessings, and wishes for a long, joyful marriage to you!!

Celebrate. It is never too late. I am not sure I would do the wedding part, but I would definitely have a reception!
and maybe the two of you could say a few words, like redoing your vows or simply expressing your love for all to hear. Congratulations on finding your love, don't sweat the small stuff!!

You're married.
That's the main thing.
Why you didn't tell your parents for a year? That's something you might need to come up with an explanation for.
Have a ceremony if you want one, but I wouldn't expect parental donations at this point.
I'm sure you had your reasons, but keeping such a secret for a year?...As a mom, I'd probably wonder why all the sudden my daughter wanted a big ceremony.
She's not married yet at 24, but if she said, "Mom, we're just going to get married and have a family ceremony later" I could be fine with that. But, keeping it a secret for a year and THEN telling me she wants a wedding, I might be tempted to wonder what the point was. I'm not saying I wouldn't show up. I just wouldn't be super giddy about it. And I certainly wouldn't pay for any of it.
That's just me.
Come on...after a year, you had to know it would come as a shock.

I would plan your ceremony, you and your husband together, paying for all of it, and invite your parents and close friends to a renewal of your vows in honor of your first anniversary.
That way, it's not a wedding, because you did already have one, and they might be more inclined to enjoy it that way.
You didn't do anything wrong and it's certainly none of my business, I just don't understand why you kept your marriage a secret for so long.
If you kept the secret that long, why didn't you just keep it and have your ceremony with nobody any the wiser?

I think you should do things how you want to do them and I wish you the best.

My husband & I got married at the courthouse. My parents were there, though. We couldn't have a "real" wedding because our dates we picked kept getting interrupted by the Army haha He was deploying, so we just went to the courthouse. We've been married 2 1/2 years and we never had a "wedding", a reception, honeymoon or anything.

We've thought about having a reception-type party someday. I dunno if it would be tacky to register for gifts? hmm

What if your ceremony was a vow renewal? Is that a bad idea after only being married for a year? Maybe my hubby & I could do that someday... haha

A marriage ceremony is different from being legally married, although most people combine the two.

<laughing> Oy. A YEAR'S worth of planning, and after exchanging vows at our wedding H and I realized we'd forgotten to actually get the paperwork for the state. Whoops. So we got that taken care of about 2 weeks later.

To my own mind, a person can have whatever kind of ceremony they want. What they *can't* expect is that others will pay for it. Nor that everyone will be happy. I like Hepburn's mother's advice, myself: "You can't make everyone happy, no matter how hard you try. So if you do what makes YOU happy, at least you know ONE person is."

My question is, what is your motivation for wanting a public ceremony now? Is it just the reception you want so you can celebrate with those you care about? Are you wishing you had gotten the gifts perspective guests might bring? Is it because you think that your parents really WILL want it or you know better what they want than they do? Is it because you want to declare your love to this man in front of everyone? I think those are important questions to answer for yourself so you know you are doing it for the right reasons. Because there are probably people, if they know you are married, they will see it as you trying to cash in on your marriage as an excuse to get gifts. And there are others who will find it offensive that you didn't share before, but are suddenly throwing it in their faces. I know, it sounds so offensive that people would think of you that way, and not everyone will, but some will. Having an answer to those questions might stave off rude inquiries later, too. When someone asks you about it, you can explain why you didn't do it then, etc. And I would say if you do decide to go through with it, not to have any expectations about who will be there, getting gifts, etc.

Why was this a horrible thing to do? I am sure you had your reasons.

My husband and I were together for a couple of years before we married. We'd been "formally" engaged for about 5 months when I got pregnant with our (now 6 year old) son. I was 5 months pregnant and SICK at my wedding! My husband promised me a ceremony I could enjoy at year 10. I don't know if it will happen, but it's a nice idea. We had a wedding because HE wanted one at the time - I was all for a justice-of-the-peace affair (or waiting). And while, in retrospect, I am glad we did what we did, it was our choice. I am old enough that no one hassled me, but really, it's YOUR marriage. So no one should tell you did a horrible thing.

As for the ceremony...hmmm....a "wedding" would be a stretch BUT you could still have a ceremony. You could DEFINITELTY throw a celebration party. Maybe you could have an anniversary ceremony and party?

I am sure there will be some other ideas too.

good luck.

We got married out of town and had a reception the following week or two after.
I think this is a "window of opportunity" that has come and gone. Maybe do a O. year anniversary dinner & vow renewal?
If it was me, I wouldn't see the point in having a ceremony unless it is VERY important for you to be married in the church if you haven't been already, etc.
Our parents weren't thrilled that they weren't there for the ceremony but they got over it. Yours will too.

I have not read the other answers posted here, but I wanted to add my own two cents in here as I have been in your shoes. My hubby and I went to the court house in July '02 and he deployed in Sept '02. He returned in April '03 and it took awhile to get settled in, so we had our wedding in Aug '04. We had a real ceremony and treated it just any other wedding. Everyone came and it was great. If anyone had told me I did not "deserve" a wedding, I simply would not have invited them to celebrate with me.

A "wedding" and a "getting married" are two different things as the wedding is the public celebration of getting married. Why do the two have to be simultaneous to be legitimate? Unless the couple signs the marriage license DURING the wedding ceremony (most my friends did not) they are not married during their wedding anyway. The other benefit to having a ceremony after your sign the certificate is that you can have whoever you want to do the ceremony. We had my brother do the ceremony for us and it was perfect!!

I wanted my wedding for the memories, both planning and the actual ceremony, so I would encourage you to have your own wedding. It does not matter if you had not eloped before there will anyways be someone who will tell you that you did it wrong. So you should to do what you feel you need and if your parents will not help then you will just have to scale back and do it yourself.

My brother eloped in secret too and then told the family after the big wedding ceremony. If anyone was mad, they never let it show. Of course my brother and I get teased now about being the family that has to get married twice, but we all laugh. If you are comfortable with your decision than they can either accept it or choose to be petty and hold the grudge. You cannot change their mind with your guilt though, so I would recommend that you work on letting it go and make peace with your past decisions.

Congratulations and good luck

My husband and I got married last year in Vegas. My mom, dad, best friend, husbands, mom & sister, best friend came. It was very simple and many of the people I really wanted there, didn't come, and it hurt very much. I want to have a vow renewal ceremony and reception on our 5 year anniversary. I think you should go with whatever your heart guides you too. The wedding is about you, a day to shine and be the center of attention. The actual marriage is between you and your husband. So if you want the ceremonial party, go for it with as much as you want to put into it. It isn't about the people that attend, it is about you.

Do whatever you want. You deserve it and life is too short. I don't see why you would want to let your parents run your life anyway. I'm sure you have friends out there who support you no matter what you do. And don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you had reasons for getting married w/out a ceremony.

I agree with some of the other posts. You can't have a wedding ceremony, you are already married (and have been for a while) but it is TOTALLY acceptable to renew your vows and you can celebrate that anyway you want. People do it all the time. You should sympathize with your family, they are hurt that they are just finding out and that is something that they wanted to be in on, but its your life and you chose to do that for whatever reason and that is OK!!! Get over the guilt, be happy with your husband and celebrate why you are committed to each other. Good luck:)

Kind of a tricky situation! If you want a ceremony, you should absolutely do it. I will say this- my cousin got married by a J.P. 2 years ago, and then just had a ceremony this summer. They made it exactly as if it were the first time they got married, and I have to admit, it was weird listening to the vows because I'm thinking "they already ARE married!!". Still a cool day, etc., just hard to pretend we didn't all know they are married already.

So having said that, I think you should have a ceremony, but do it in a way that honors the time you two have already spent together. Your parents said it won't be the same, well, they are right! Doesn't mean it shouldn't still be celebrated somehow or a different way. It won't be the same, but should still be special and something that you want.

And of course, if they are to be footing the bill, they might have a little more weight to their argument. :-)

maybe you could just have a nice reception?

Well, I haven't read everyone else's but I got married pregnant with my first child at the courthouse. Our families were supportive and we had a few folks there as witnesses. On our first anniversary we "renewed our vowes" (as our invitation stated) and had a religous ceremony and reception for our families and friends. It seemed to work really well for us. I would say if you want a ceremony then have one! It is a party for you and your husband to celebrate your life together, which to me seems like a celebration that isn't dependent on a calendar or proper timeline.

Wow! You obviously have your reasons for doing what you did. Don't beat yourself up. If you feel you deserve a ceremony have one. I am sure your fam will love the chance to participate in your event. Happy decisions!

I would maybe do a vow renewal! You can wear a fancy dress still and decorate! You could even do a destination one so that you get a kinda honeymoon too! I hoping to do this for maybe our ten or fifteen year anniversary! I have no idea where I am going but I am going some where lol!

People elope all the time, it doesn't mean that they love their family any less or that they were trying to be selfish. It usually means that you didn't want the big show of dramatics or were being spontaneous. Sometimes there are major life events like deployment, pregnancy, or other things that can hasten the want for getting married quickly and quietly. Regardless... whatever the reason, it's not anyone's business but your's and your husbands.Your family should be happy that you chose to get married and should just be glad that you want to share a celebration with them. Whether you are married now or whether you would be getting married, in this day in age, it really doesn't make that much of a difference does it. You love him, you want to spend your life with him, and he you, and you have already committed to each other. I think your family should want to share in that celebration of love.

Maybe a ring ceremony at a reception would be nice for everyone. It might be a compromise for you and your family if they aren't comfortable with the whole marriage ceremony when you are already married. Personally, I think you should do whatever makes you happy, but that might be a good compromise.

hmmm... I WISH I would have eloped! I don't think having a little ceremony is bad at all! Maybe it can be like a party where you exchange your vows, cut cake, as opposed to a mock wedding with the bridesmaids ,or walking down the aisle and such.

You can do it for your one year anniversary. there are lots of fun ideas here:
http://ruffledblog.com/

i have mixed feelings about the whole wedding thing. i didn't "get" one, we were broke and my parents didn't approve, so we "eloped" also. now we are in our thirties and not in a million years will anyone be footing the bill, so maybe sometime down the line we will renew our vows and have something, but it will be simple. sometimes i wish i had had a wedding...but then the few weddings i have been involved in...SHEESH. no way! they are such a huge hassle for ONE DAY of celebration...i am not sure it's worth it. but, like some of the ladies said, if it's on your dime and it's what you want, absolutely go for it!! i think it would be incredibly tacky and selfish of you to expect anyone to foot the bill, though. i doubt you were talking about a huge lavish parents-paid-for type wedding.

Well................I would say you had your ceremony, now how about a party where you renew your vows to each other and enjoy your friends and family.
You can still send out announcements. Be creative and enjoy the celebration.
Move on:):)

For myself, the ceremony wouldn't feel right if my parents weren't enthusiastic about it. Possibly if you had a civil ceremony and you were repeating with a religious ceremony you might talk to the officiant about whether they could help your parents see that the religious ceremony was the "real" one?

If I couldn't get my family on board with a ceremony, I would probably just throw a reception to celebrate the existing marriage, which I think can be justified as something you deserve and haven't yet done. (And unless my parents were offering to pitch in more, I'd throw a simple reception that my husband and I could afford to do on our own dime.)

So many responses so I hope this isn't too redundant. As a sister of a brother that got married without letting us know until a couple of days before ( he lives in a different state) and another sister who got married and didn't let us know I have to say it really does hurt so I can see why you family would say it wouldn't be the same. How about forgoing the ceremony and having a reception party? Then if you wanted to perhaps do a renewal of vows, you could add that in too. Then that way you can celebrate this time with your family. Good luck!

We did the same thing except we didn't tell our parents. We had a separate ceremony and it was awesome. The ceremony isn't for them anyway...it's for you! I say go for it!!! Trust me, it will be special and a day you'll always remember.

I don't think what you did was so terrible.
I did something similar. Both me and my fiance were in the military, and if we wanted to be stationed in the same place, we had to get married. So we had a courthouse ceremony, far from home, with no one else there. It wasn't a wedding at all - it was just a legal document at that point. The plan at the time was to tell no one, so that we could have a real wedding later (that didn't work out, but that's another story).
My point is that getting married is different than having a wedding, where everyone in the family gets to celebrate with you, and you get to create your own vows (or have a religious leader do it for you, if you prefer). So...I recommend what a lot of other people have recommended - call it a "renewal of vows" or something, and have the ceremony.

Life is short! Enjoy your husband and your ceremony if you have one. My husband and I started to plan a wedding, saw what a nightmare it was with family and ran to the court house where we had a couple of friends meet us to sign the certificate as witnesses :) It was fantastic and so sweet to us! Our parents understood and we had a party with them after. Do what makes YOU happy and tell your family you love them and will celebrate with them in another way that works for you all! Yahoo, congrats on your marriage!

How about you do a "Renew Your Vows" ceremony. Most people do it for a big anniversary like 25th or something but I don't see why you cannot do a 1 year anniversary. That way you are respectful of your parents who are obviously hurt and do not see a purpose of a wedding yet you get to do a wedding-type ceremony to suit your needs.

Good luck!

We all make mistakes, I say go for a ceremony, and consider making it a family unity ceremony, like having your parents, his parents and you and your husband all light candles from a single flame etc. That might help smooth ruffled feathers!

"Should I still have a ceremony? I really want one, and deserve one i think!"

I have had friends have a simple destination wedding and then have a reception when they returned from their honeymoon, and Miriah Carey got married like 4x in a month or some such so that she could have ALL the various ceremonies, but I haven't heard of someone getting married and then deciding a year later that they 'deserve' a wedding ceremony.
Confused. If you think you deserve one, why didn't you wait and plan a simple one out? At least invited your parents?

You could have a vow renewal, but if your parents are on board, what is the point?

If you want one...have one!!!

My first husband and I eloped, we were guilted for it our entire marriage. Apparently my MIL had decided that we would have a Christmas theme and had bought a bunch of decorations- she would use them every year and make snide comments as she put them up. My mother said over and over that the wedding was for the family and not the couple. I never felt guilty about what we did- we didn't have the money to plan a big wedding, and didn't want to wait. We had to tell everyone three months later when I got pregnant.
Weddings are expensive! If you feel the need, do a small backyard vow renewal and invite people to 'Celebrate your lives together' I managed to put my second wedding together for under $500- including the dress. Friends catered- including the cakes- I made my own invitations, I bought my dress second hand, hand beaded a $12 veil from the craft store, and we bought our rings online at Bidz.com for under $50 (for all of them). I did my own hair and make-up, and we got a crew together a couple weekends in a row to make-over a friends backyard.
The ceremony is for you, make sure that it reflects who you are as a couple!

Who says it's a horrible thing to do? Some friends of ours did the same thing in order to get her some health insurance benefits a whole year before their actual ceremony. It was a decision they needed to make as she was having some health issues! They told No one about their decision and continued to allow her family to pay for her wedding a year later!. Now that's deceitful. But you were upfront with everyone. I say if you still want to have a ceremony, go for it. If you don't, don't.

Sorry, K. but I don't think you "deserve" a ceremony - whether you are already married or not. If you want to pay for it, go right ahead. But if your question is really about the fact that your parents won't pay for it and you think they should, I disagree.

Was it secretive becaus ethey don't like your hubs? If that is not the case just own up to it and say, I know I did wrong and I want to celebrate with my family forgive me and can we celebrate our happiness? An elopement makes some parents feel "cheated". If they say no, then do what you want but you will probably be miserable if they are not there. If you just want the fanfare then make the plans invite everyone and enjoy your day. My cousin moved in with her fiance before marriage. My aunt and uncle were appalled and said why bother to get married? But they got over it, becasue my cuz involved them in all the planning.