DH & I are coming up on our 10th wedding anniversary. I thought it would be nice to have our vows renewed, but, he says he heard it's too early and the norm would be around 20/25yrs.
What do ya'll think?
I don't think there is a norm for this. I didn't know that people do it when they had a big fight or they are almost divorcing. In my opinion, 10 years of marriage is a big accomplishment on these times where people don't believe in marriage anymore. So, I believe 10 years is a big accomplishment and you should celebrate it ! I'm doing mine this year on December! :)
Well, it depends. Are you talking about a huge party with all the bells and whistles? Or a sweet, intimate ceremony where you and your husband pledge yourselves all over again?
Personally, I think big, flashy renewals are a little tacky. When my husband and I plan to renew our vows it will be just us and our daughters in an intimate ceremony to celebrate the past # of years, and the future.
If your husband doesn't want to do it now, then don't push it. It'll feel forced and you want him just as into it as you are :) I'd wait a bit.
My vote would be to spend the money on a rockin' anniversary getaway instead of throwing a hugely expensive party (aka vows+reception). Save the party for when you have too many doctors appointments and grandkids on the way to go to the caribbean, or skiing, or 'do not disturb' except for roomservice sign :)
In my experience Vow Renewals tend to come either after narrowly avoiding divorce (like after long separations) or when you're no longer able or wanting to have sex on a regular basis. The "I would marry you again having survived this awful time" or "I still love you even though you're all wrinkly and have no libido" party.
We are doing ours again on our fifth anniversary. Sounds crazy, but we got married in Amsterdam with his family and friends, so on our 5th anniversary we are doing it out here in California with my family and friends. Too soon? Maybe. Do I still want a wedding here and am I doing it anyway? Yes. =)
We renewed on our 15th, not due to thin ice or anything. I was very pregnant on our 10th and by our 15th our daughters were old enough to understand they had parents who were still deeply in love with one another. We had immediate family only and the girls stood with us while we took our vows. It really meant a lot to them and us. Beautiful anniversary!
My DH and I plan to do it next year on our 10th anniversary, as a small, relatively casual ceremony. Our kids will love being a part of it. I think that everyone saying that vow renewal is a bandaid on a bad or rocky marriage must know of someone who used it that way. So it may be true in some cases, but everyone who knows us also knows how close and affectionate we are and would not misinterpret. I am 100% sure of that. We were really young when we fell in love and got married (18 and 20) and when we started having kids a few years later, we had them all very close together. Then we took in my sister at age 11. We have had struggles, just like every other couple, but through it all, we've remained a happy, close-knit family. We are proud of that and have every reason to celebrate. I think that vow renewal is personal, so you do it when it feels right, and don't worry about what "the average couple" does.
Me & my husband are renewing ours next year for our 10th anniversary. We didn't have a wedding--Just went to the courthouse & put our wedding fund towards a down payment on a house. This time, it still isn't anything big. We are going on a cruise with some close friends and doing a recommitment ceremony on the ship. I get my wedding dress and the fun stuff, just not the big expense.
I don't think there should be any rule--Do it when it will be memorable for you and your hubby!!
I don't think there is any norm. It should be up to the individual. I have heard of couples who renew every 10 years.
We renewed our vows for our 10 year anniversary in Montego Bay, Jamaica (our original honeymoon destination). Very small ceremony on the beach with just the two of us and another married couple (our friends) for our "witnesses". Very inexpensive...no packages...no frills...just us! I even wore my original wedding gown. We said our vows that we made for each other. Our "witnesses" took pictures and video. Simple, sweet, beautiful! We said when we got married that we would renew in 10 years because we felt that would be an accomplishment. We did it! Good luck to you!
I have heard of 25 and 50 but not 10. Another thing to consider is that a lot of people do it after huge! fights. So people may think he did something awful if you do it this soon.
There is no rule on it.
Where did your Hubby, get the notion that the 'norm' is 20/25 years?
What is the norm, for renewals anyway?
I don't think it matters, one bit.
But renewals have to be mutual!
I have "heard" that people do it when they are on thin ice, maritally. Thus it is like a band-aid. Or new glue.
we wanted to for our 10 year (coming up in February) and wanted to make it a big deal, but we just can't afford it to do it the way we want to so we might wait another 10 years. I think 10 years it totally fine!
We never had a wedding and planned on having a huge shindig where we renewed our vows on our 10th anniversary. Sadly we're not going to have the money and had to cancel. (I bawled my eyes out! It still hurts.)
I say do it for your 10th. There's no specific anniversary to do it as far as etiquette goes.
Norm? Do what you want. He's stated that he wants to do it at 20 or 25 - end of conversation. Go to Hawaii.
