Getting 2 Year Old to Stay in Bed

I am not comfortable with childproofing a doorknob on the inside unless there's a viable exit (window?) in an emergency. Just my two cents on that suggestion.

When a child goes through a developmental stage that focuses on control or power, ages 2-5, testing the waters and refusing to do as they are told is very possible. His need to engage you at night and sleep with you may be just a vehicle to get more of you, and it’s becoming a habit, so the sooner you change it the easier it will be for your whole family.

Think about it from your young child’s point of view. What does a parent do when responding to something like not staying in bed?
1. You stop what you’re doing.
2. You turn your head and look directly into his eyes.
3. You give him 100% of your focused attention as you tell him “this needs to stop, get back into your bed.”
Getting 100% focused attention for a young child is like getting a slice of parent pie. When being corrected he knows the look on your face isn’t the best look he could get, but since he’s young and uses immature reasoning, he figures some parent pie is better than no parent pie, and even mad parent pie still has 100% focused attention attached to it! 
It’s not a fully adult way of thinking about things, but there you have it.

The solution, I call the modified Ferber or Super Nanny Approach, and no one likes it, is to replace the bedtime ritual with something else, and most of the time that involves needing to listen to crying and silently taking him back to his bed over, and over, and over, and over again for a few nights! You will not be abandoning him by doing what I’m suggesting.

I don't believe in making children suffer, but I also believe, in most cases, what looks and feels like suffering is a child's extreme attempt to try to make things go back to the way it has always been, to what he has come to understand is normal in my house. He isn’t suffering-you’re right there, his cries are the only thing he has to protest with.

At bedtime do everything the normal way you have always done. Be prepared for crying and getting out of bed, in fact, count on it.
By counting on the fact that this will happen you’ve prepared yourself emotionally before you begin, and your feelings won't stop you or surprise you.

Watch Super Nanny on Wednesday’s at 8 or 9 pm, most weeks she shows parents how all of this goes. Let me break it down for you.

The first time your child gets out of his bed you simply say, “it’s time for bed.” AND say nothing else at all as you walk him back to his bed. There will be lots of fussing and doing what ever he thinks will work to get you to change your mind. Do the exact same thing the second time.
The third time, say nothing and just take him back to bed. Ignore all the pleas and cries for you. Only go to him when he is out of his room and take him back to bed.

This is a silent repetition process. Preschoolers need repetition in order to learn. You may do this for 1-2 hours the first night, or less. Then the second night the amount of time needed to get him to stay in his bed will drop down dramatically and by the third night he should pretty much fall right to sleep. I suggest beginning on a Friday night so you can recover over the weekend.

By repeating the same thing again and again you’re replacing the old ritual with a new ritual. AND you’re teaching him how to self-soothe and get himself to sleep which is a skill all children must learn.
Good luck, The Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net (notice .net)

I know I'm going to get a lot of heat from the other moms for saying this (because, GOD FORBID anyone should admit to spanking their kids nowadays) but when my son moved to the toddler bed, it really was the only way we could keep him there at night.

Once we were done with the bedtime rituals, we placed him in bed and told him he had to stay there. If he got out once, he got put back in with a warning. A second time was another warning, perhaps a little more stern, but no chit-chat. The third strike and he was out. He got a swat on the butt along with a trip straight back to bed. Keep in mind that we weren't forcing him to actually fall asleep (nobody can do THAT on command), he just had to stay in bed.

We actually saw it as a safety concern. We live in a two story home and I worried about Luke roaming free at night. Between the staircase and the bathroom, there were plenty of hazards. So we felt justified in our form of discipline, because (as you are finding) nothing else worked.

Anyhow, it didn't take long. Just a few days of consistency did the trick and he no longer needed disciplining.

That was well over a year ago and to this day, Luke will not get out of bed until I come get him in the morning. If he has a hard time falling asleep, he simply talks or sings to himself in bed. He also has a few stuffed animals that he quietly plays/cuddles with. Without fail, he quiets down and falls asleep on his own.

The ironic thing is that I actually wouldn't mind him getting out of bed now. When he has a nightmare or simply wakes up before me in the morning, I would love for him to climb into bed with me. But alas, I've trained him too well. He simply calls out whatever he needs or to let me know he's awake, and the monitor picks it up loud and clear.

Good luck and I hope everything works out!

I have a 2 year old boy and have come to realize they understand a heck of a lot more then we give them credit for. We moved my son into a toddler bed 2 weeks before he turned 2. He shares a room with his older brother, who I am greatful sleeps thru everything. He doesn't wonder the house too often, but he does get up and play in his room. I too have swatted my sons but. No I didnt' beat him, just a firm love swat on the butt to remind him he needs to be in bed. This is of course after placing him back in bed 2 other times. My son turned 2 in June and now all I have to do is say do you want a spanking and he stays in bed. I agree with repitition. Also, my SIL switched her door knob, so she can lock the door fromt he outside.

Boy my husband and I are having the same problems with our daughter! She wants me to either lay in the bed with her until she falls asleep, or on the floor. I am so used to her just going right to sleep in her crib, she has always been such a great sleeper and never cried. If you get any good tips, please let me know, we are a little frustrated!

I just shut my son's door at night when he was that young. Otherwise, he was wandering around the house all night. Once I went adjust the A/C in the middle of the night and he was riding his bike around the house in the pitch black, and he was barely 2. We started shutting his door after that and childproofed the doorknob from the inside so he couldn't open the door. It just became part of his bedtime routine. Now we give him the choice--he can have it open if he stays in there and is quiet. No yelling at us from the doorway or coming out every other second or else the door is shut (we make exceptions if it seems to be a legitimate need such as potty or drink or a genuine fear. but we try to be careful about these before it comes a bad habit just to get attention. So we just take care of the need and immediately back to bed he goes).

Hi D.,

Ooh, I just love the fun sleep stuff with kids! My 2 1/2 year old daughter was never a great sleeper - so frustrating! We moved her to a big-girl bed at 2 because she kept climbing out of her crib (actually started at 18 months). I did NOT want to deal with her coming out of her room a bazillion times a night, so we put the childproof doorknob on the inside of her door so she can't come out whenever she wants. I leave the monitor on so I can hear what she's up to without opening the door. Sometimes she plays in her room for a little while, but at least she's not sneaking out. Age 2 is just too young to have them roaming the house. And believe me, she let's us know when she really needs something. Worked like a charm for us and no nightime interruptions (for the most part). When she wakes up in the morning, she turns off her fan and her nightlight and then knocks on the door for us. Good luck!

Hi D. -

Have you talked with your son? Have you asked him why he is getting out of bed? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go to sleep?

If not, sit next to him on the bed and talk with him and then listen....really listen. He may not have the adult language to explain things to you, but he will be able to get his point across.

Hopefully, it is something very simple - like a light or shadow that is bothering him.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner

I 100% believe in the Supernanny method.
1. Go through the bedtime routine, kisses, loves whatever, and put him in bed.
2. When he gets out the first time, say, it's bedtime darling and put him back in bed and leave.
3. The next time he gets out of bed, say, bedtime, and put him back in bed and leave.
4. Every time he gets out of bed after that: say nothing! that is really important that he is getting NO reinforcement for getting out of bed (even bad attention is attention) - and put him back in bed (repeat as needed)

I have seen this take up to a few hours the first night on the show (usually this is with older kids who know that mom and dad usually give in). I know I never even had to go to step 4 with my almost-3 yr old and he is now 3 1/2 and no problem whatsoever.

The key is that they get no reinforcement from you or anyone else and that they realize no matter how long they carry on, you will not change your course - also important not to ever give in once you start or you'll be starting from scratch again.

Also, I would leave the door closed. It seems much easier that way for a 2 yr old to concentrate on sleeping, and not what is going on outside the door.

D., I don't have any suggestions for you, but want to let you know that you are not alone. I also am I working Mom of two boys ages 2 and 4 months. We also have a bed time routine and lately my two year old has been waking up in the middle of the night crying and wanting us to stay with him. (He also sleeps in his own room in a big bed.) I will make sure he is okay and will let him cry it out for about 10 to 15 minutes until I give in...some nights he sleeps through the night. On those nights, I still wake up and check on him and what I have noticed is that he will rotate in all sorts of direction while he sleeps. I have tried just about everything. I am hoping that this is a phase he is going through...my pediatrician advised me to let him cry it out so that he learns to fall asleep on his own.

I am interested in what suggestions are made in this regard...best of luck.

My girls, 4 & 2, were moved into the same room when I moved my littlest into her big girl bed. Needless to say, they have a hard time settling down some nights. Our routine is brush teeth, story, prayers, sleep. They both have a favorite blanket they love, we get them a cup of water and put it by their beds, and they have gotten to like listening to music to fall asleep. When they are really acting up, we tell them they need to lie down, no more getting up, or we will take their waters & turn off the music. This is so important to them they rarely push it past this. If they do keep up, I take the waters and turn off the music. I tell them if they stay in bed and quiet for 5 minutes, I will bring the water back, but if they don't I will take any stuffed animals they have in bed and their blankets. I have never had to do the second step yet, and usually they are quiet for that 5 minutes and fall asleep or at least settle down so much they almost do, but I always make sure to put the water back so they know I recognized they did what I asked. I just had to find what is important to them and use that as a punishment/reward system and try to get it taken care of before it becomes an every night habit. Good luck!

After we moved our daughter to the big bed she use to stay in bed but then a couple months after she kept getting out. We tried to lying next to her until she fell asleep but that was going to become a habit she needed to go to sleep on her own. We also had a gate in front of her door. So, for several nights when she got up we would just walk her back to bed and leave we would never say a word. After doing that for almost a week she started to stay in bed again. But we just went through it again she is almost 3 and she loves to play so, she gets up and runs around so now if she gets up we take her stuff animals that she likes to sleep and play with in bed this has helped she stays in bed again. He’s to young to understand that but incase he does it again later when he’s older

Have you tried the big boy fairy?? I knwo this sounds strange, but my daughter was the same way. I used to put change or treats (lollipop, fruit snacks) under her pillow if she slept in her bed all night, stayed there, worked WONDERFUL!! She loved it. I did this for maybe 2 weeks and then we told her she hit big girl status and she was ok with not having the little surprises under her pillow. She exchanged them for big hugs from mom in the morning.

Wow, that is a problem for most parents I think. I actually yell "Eric" mommy can hear you, you need to go to bed now when he does stuff like that. He goes, right back to his bed and lays down until he thinks we aren't listening and starts up again and we do this about 2 times and then we hear nothing from his room again. I do go in before I go to sleep and cover him back up and make sure he is in his bed and not on the floor, but by that time he is so deeply asleep that we don't have any more problems. My son turned 2 in February and we have gotten him used to bedtime at 7pm, so he usually comes and gets us by 7:15 if we haven't put him to bed already and points to his room and says bed....LOL. I had to go through the same thing with my older boy, so I think it may just be a phase they go through in testing our boundaries. If he isn't allergic to lavender, I would put some lavender oil on his curtains in his room it will help to calm him down and all.

D.