Gender Confusion in a 3 Year Old?

Honestly, I think it's a phase...at least I hope so. My 3 yr. old son does the same thing and I just chalked it up to him having two big sisters and he stays home with me all the time. I have even caught him putting on panties!!! He will die one day when I tell that story! :) On the other hand though, he is ALL boy-never stopping, endless energy, running, jumping, HITTING!, spitting, loves his trucks and cars-you know the list. So all that to say, I really do think it's just a phase. HTH

Reading this brought back some memories of my now 9 year old son. When he was that age his favorite color was pink, he wanted a Barbie and a baby doll to play with and he liked the "girly" Disney movies - Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, etc. Now he won't touch anything pink, watch any "girly" movies, and wouldn't dare be seen with any type of dolls ! I tend to think these are just stages boys go through and in some ways wanting to be like the woman they love the most - Mom. I would keep doing like you are doing - explaining, correcting but not making a huge deal about it.

I would operate along the premise that this is a phase and in case it is not, don't talk to much about what he is supposed to be because if he is truly experiencing gender confusion he will start to get a worse self-image than he is already going to have if he must grapple with this issue.

I would continue to talk to your pediatrician and if he doesn't grow out of it, then find a therapist that specializes in this issue so that your son can be as happy a person as he can whether that is a boy or a girl.

My son was used as a live doll by my daughter and he would do our hair and make-up and model her outgrown pajamas so that he looked like a little princess. He is now nine and while the smallest on the football field, he easily tackles kids twice his size and while he is no bully and avoids fights at school you had better not pick on one of his friends. One of the boys is like him tiny for his age, was picked on by many of the older boys at his apartment complex. Not anymore, they aren't sure when Nicky will show up again.

As others have said, it could be a phase, just keep an eye on it and make sure that you always reinforce that however he feels, he is just fine the way he is. If it is really gender confusion you will sort it out later. Also, if he doesn't get much one-on-one time with dad, that might help because he would see what dads do.

Relax. It's just something some boys go through. My brother (heaven forbid he knew I was saying this...) dressed in my mother's knee highs and high heels with clip-on earrings when he was around that age. He is all guy now... police officer, married, great son, big screen TV, all the annoying habits of men... etc. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it won't be.

:)

At 3, it's not gender confusion - it's identity exploration. I promise - two of my godsons (now 10 and 12) used to traipse around in my high heels, carrying a purse and playing with his 'lipstick'. Now he is all boy - really almost man, and would DIE if he knew the pictures I have. My 2 and 5 year olds do it now, and like to paint their toenails and stuff (my husband is ok with blue - and no fingernails).

Explain to him that daddies take care of babies too, and help him find dressy boy clothes - he may just really want to look nice, especially if the man in his life tends to be ventilated jeans and stained t-shirt type.

S.

He will grow out of this. One of my four sons wanted to wear ear rings like me and a few other girly things. He was just fascinated with girl stuff. Doctors told me it was totally normal and he would grow out of it. Then, I honestly was sure he would but HE HAS. The doctor also advised that the more attention you pay to him, the worse it would get. We stopped focusing in on it and within months he just changed. Now he cant wait to grow up and be "a daddy", like his daddy.

Don't worry! He'll be fine!

I also agree that it's all fine. My little sister went through a stage when she was about that age, where she would INSIST that she was a boy, and correct anyone who tried to say she was a girl. Turns out, she's just an athletic girl who likes to play outside (was then, still is...) and from what she could see, boys played tag outside, girls played dolls inside. But, of course, it's totally fine for girls to play outside, too. My male cousin went through a similar stage--but he was surrounded by me, my sister, and his sister, so he just wanted to participate. His dad (my uncle) was horrified that Jay wanted to play with dolls, but of course, men can take care of babies, too--and today, you've never met a more active and devoted dad than Jay. Your son is just exploring what interests him, and one of the most confusing things to navigate in our society (IMHO) is what counts as "girly" verus "boy." My husband loves to cook, I'm better than him at math--who cares? It's all part of your son figuring out who he is. Your job is to support him and let him know that he's loved, whomever he turns out to be!

You don't say if he has a Daddy at home or other male in his life.
When my grandson was about 3 his mother was divorced and shared a house with a good female friend. He also had a sister. When they would all get get dressed up to go somewhere he wanted to know why he couldn't put on panty hose and where was HIS purse.
Now at 23 we can't get him out of his baggy jeans and old T-shirts!!
Children learn by mimicing the adults.
Don't worry! It will be alright--one way or the other.
God Bless You.
D.

My nephew went through this phase. He loves his female cousin (2 years older than him) and he would let her dress him up in her clothes and put barrettes in his hair, etc. It was just a phase - he grew out of it. Now he's a 6-year old boy's boy - plays soccer and enjoys super heroes.

I think they relate more to Mom's when they are this age. My son when he was little liked putting jewlry on. I let him play around the house with it, but not outside. Dad's get more involved when boys can hit a baseball, throw a football, etc. So he might have totally different interests when he is 4 or 5. At this age they are just copying and playing. My son is all boy at 11. Like you said you will love him either way. Don't worry at this age. If he likes watching hockey (ice?)maybe start him in a learn to skate program. At 4 they can start a tots hockey class.

I think he's just imitating one of the people he admires most: you! He's too young to really understand what it all means. I used to work in a daycare, and some of the boys enjoyed some of the more "girly" things, and some girls like the more "boyish" things, which is perfectly normal. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it, or he'll do it more just to rebel (like little kids love to do!). Just tell him that boys grow up to be daddies, and girls grow up to be mommies.

I agree with the other mom....read James Dobson's book "Bringing Up Boys"...it's excellent and should be a must read for all parents with boys!! It's been around for a long time...you can probably get it at the Half Price Bookstore or really cheap online. James Dobson is undeniably the most famous Christian family psychologist today and has written many books on various family issues.

Some of that sounds very normal. I think a lot of people get freaked out by things like that, but I do believe it's fairly normal. It sounds like you are doing everything right by how you're talking to him about it and not making him feel ashamed. I've seen too many times parents say "Eww you don't want to wear a dress. That's for girls. Gross." I think that can be detrimental for a child. My son (3) wanted to dance like a princess last week. You know what we did? We danced in the livingroom like princesses. His dad is here, and he has a healthy sense of "boy" in him, but it's something he wanted to do. It's okay. I did add to him that he could dance like a prince since that's what he is. He didn't even seem to notice me saying that, but I don't believe there's any harm in that.

Girls sometimes want to do all the "boy" things, but when boys want to, for some reason, people think it's weird. I don't really understand that.

Hi,
There is a great book by Dr. James Dobson called "Bringing up Boys". It has been a great book for us.
Just my two cents.
R. B.

It's normal for boys to go through this phase, especially at that age. I have a very boyish 4 year old that acted this way some and still occasionally decides everything pink is his favorite. Just don't make a big issue out of it to him and it will most likely pass.

It is fine... what is there to be afraid of really? We love our children unconditionally, right? The worst thing is to make a child feel like they are "bad" or "wrong" for any reason, especially something inherent about who they are, like gender identity. Never ever make him feel badly about who he is-- even if he grows up to be gay or transexual... he is still your son. Just love him and accept him.