Boys Doing "Girl" Things

Well, sadly - the reason it's ok for girls to do "boy" things but people freak if boys do "girl" things is that that "girl" things are considered to be inferior. It may not be totally conscious for all people, but it's real. I am so glad that Mom's are taking a stand on this - because it's a message that doesn't do girls OR boys any favors.

My 8 year old daughter, in 3rd grade... has a classmate... a Boy... who's favorite color is PINK.
No one teases him nor thinks he's odd.
He is a TOTAL rough and tumble boy.... totally.
But he likes pink.
And he is not afraid to say so.
Very confident kid.
His wallet... is pink.

I watched this tonight to km and think it is crazy to act this way towards a little child ........ the more I see children playing the more I see that they just enjoy playing with whatever gets their attention at that time....they are not thinking like adults(atleast not at that age)that oh I am going more towards the girly stuff because I secretly wish to be a girl and so therefore want girl stuff.....or am gay...etc. people need to back off. my 5 year old son plays mostly with boy stuff but am not against him at all playing with girls stuff and do not actually think that way when I seeing him do it either....actually I don't think anything....doesn't even enter my mind these things people worry so much about and would love him anyways even if that was the case. anyways,people just need to get over it and let kids be kids.

It wouldn't bother me one bit! We would always play wedding when we were growing up and continually tried to get our little neighbor boy to be the groom. Well, he wanted to be the BRIDE!!!!! Haha! So my mom got him a dress and tied a dish cloth to his head just like my sister and I and we all were the bride! The pics are soooooo cute.

I wish people would get over the gender line. And I have to say that I LOVE your son's comment on being a mom and breastfeeding. He is going to be a daddy that nurtures! Just like my husband.
So many people want to knock that out of boys and it's a tragedy! You are fostering a wonderful heart in your son.
Great job!

There are such a jumble of gender hangups out there!

It sounds like your little guy is identifying with you in his desire to be a mama and nurse. My son (nearly 4) tells me he wants to be a mommy too, 'when I grow up and be a girl'. We have to remember that kids don't have that same sense of gender permanence so many adults experience. They are just interested at the possibilities of what each person does.

This summer my son wanted pink slippers like his preschool buddy. I bought them for him gladly. Passing phase... just wanted what his buddy had. Loves his blue slippers and wears them instead. I could care less either way. If he wanted a Barbie, I'd try to get him a more realistic/less freakily-idealistic doll which was similar. I nannied for little boys who sometimes wanted to dress like their sisters-- I just let them. It's not like they are going to think they *always* will wear dresses. And if so, so what?

I, too, am a bit perplexed at how upset others get by it. I figure it's some insecurity triggered within themselves. How does one get to feeling threatened by something like this? I think there are people who have some pretty strong homophobic feelings (or perhaps latent homosexuality?) which become triggered. Others, I think, have their own beliefs which conflict with non-stereotypical gender play, and so there's another group of anxious people. Their judgmental actions/upset is based on fear, once again.

Not that we don't have enough legitimate things in the world to worry about, huh?

My son is 5 and still will occasionally dress up in princess dresses or ballet clothes and pretend to be a fairy. Since he has a big sister and we have lots of play clothes from daycare he LOVES to dress up. Or maybe it's just who he is... in preschool he dressed up almost every day. Some days he would wear all red and be a red panda, other days when he wore all red, he was "redman" a super hero. He still goes out in public wearing ears a tail and a one piece cheetah suit. Most people who see him smile or say something nice... occasionally people will say, why is he dressed like that? I don't worry about it. If he's comfortable then that's all that matters to me. I love his creativity.

When he was 2 and dressing up in a pink shiny tulle tutu and pink rainboots almost every day, my husband commented that he needed to grow out of this so he wouldn't get teased at school... about a week later my son was looking longingly at my daughter's Little Mermaid toothbrush and told me he liked Ariel's ninnies... I think dressing up is a very normal developmental phase and boys playing with "girl" toys isn't a big deal for me. My son will make a gun out of anything (we don't have play guns or real guns in the house) and then he'll turn around and play barbies with one of the little girls at daycare.

I will say that I have had a Mom tell me that she would rather her 2 year old son not dress up in dresses at my daycare. I think it was mainly a cultural thing, but I can't be sure. I didn't really push it with her, I just respected her wishes.

This is one department where IMO girls *do* have things a bit easier than boys - when one of my daughters went through her "Construction worker" phase in preschool and wondered why there were no "Bob the Builder" underwear for girls, no one seemed worried that there was something 'wrong' with her. Personally I think it's sweet that your son has allowed his baby sister to bring out his 'softer' side and that ought to serve him well in the long run (my hubby recalls learning to crochet from his grandma, and he's one of the most sensitive and thoughtful guys I know :-))

Hi KM!
I'd be ok with it too. I think the more we fight our kids to fit into a box, the more they will want to be outside the box.

It might be a phase, it might not. You are doing a wonderful thing by allowing him to be who he wants to be. Good for you!

And for the people who are bothered by this...so what! You don't sound like you care too much either. I have 3 kids (2 boys and a girl) and they all have completely different personalities. It would be so difficult to tell them to act one way or that they can't play with certain toys because they are girl/boy toys. That's just silly!!

B.

I LOVE YOUR POST!!! I am not entirely sure why some parents get so upset over such things. Maybe homophobia or fears about what others will think and are fearful of bullying? I'm a strong believer in fostering a home environment that not only makes a child feel safe in developing their own identity but also encourages such development as you described doing for your son.

I guess a agree with your post so much I don't really have much more to say other than ROCK ON MAMA!!!

My son is almost 3 and my daughter just turned one. Since my baby girl got here my son has also started liking the color pink. He loves playing with baby dolls, pretending to feed them and change their clothes. I think it's perfectly fine. I feel like he is copying what he sees and pretending to be a loving daddy! My hubby had a problem with it at first but I explained to him that this is what our son sees. He watches us take care of our daughter and dress her in pink and love on her! When he isn't playing dolls he is wrecking his tonka trucks into each other and digging in the mud. My hubby is the youngest in his family, only has one older sister. I have a younger brother and sister and I can remember (also have pics) dressing my brother up in princess dresses and making him dance like a ballerina! hehe He would also play barbies with us bc that is all my sister and I would ever play. My mom would buy him western barbies- Wyatt Earp, Doc holiday ect so it was more boyish for him! Now my brother is a 6'4 300lbs college football player so no harm done but got some great photos for black mailing!! haha

I would be horrified if I had a daughter who wanted to wear princess dresses or play with Barbies. I would be fine if my son wanted to be a mommy (explained to him that a boy mommy is called a daddy), liked pink (purple was briefly his favorite color). We don't watch tv so thankfully we have been able to avoid all toy advertisements. My son's daycare had lots of 'girl' dress up clothing and very little 'boy' dress up clothing so the boys were always dressing up in tutus and princess outfits. I don't think there was a parent that was upset.

My son is 3 1/2 and is into playing with all different kinds of toys. He is 100% boy when it comes to playing outside. If he comes back inside clean then he was probably not having any fun. On the other side he also has a kitchen and a cabbage patch doll that he plays house with. He went to a friends house (little girl) for a play date not long ago. When I returned to pick him up the mom said please don't be made but we were playing dress up and there he was standing there in a purple priness dress and little high heels. He looked so cute and he was having the best time. I wasn't mad he was using his imagination. Now I would personally never go out and buy him high heels or a dress to wear around the house. I think if he is playing dress up and its availible then let him play.

IMO boys playing with dolls and cooking in there pretend kitchen will only make them great daddy's and husbands some day.

wouldnt bother me at all

My boys haven't gone through this specifically (they are 4 and 2) and we are expecting another baby boy soon, but my 2 year old loves a baby doll that was mine as a kid (creepy to me since I HATE dolls and always found them creepy!), but he likes to carry things around and pretend they are babies. My oldest knows that mommies feed their babies but hasn't said anything about breastfeeding on his own (my husband says I have no idea what a pain bottles are since I never have to use them and I jokingly asked him if he would breastfeed instead if he could and he said yes, so I guess it wouldn't surprise me to have a boy just think that is how babies are fed). My 4 year old has asked me (with tears in his eyes) why my chest is broken (apparently there is a "crack" in the middle) and I had to explain that girls have larger chests than boys because that is how we feed our babies.

So we don't have "girlie" stuff around for them to like, but they both like watching Disney's Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast and I don't find anything weird about that. If my 10-year-old wanted to dress like a girl, yes, it would bother me, but on the other hand in late elementary school I desperately wanted to be a boy (they have way more fun in adventure stories and whoever took a female knight or pirate very seriously?). For now, they truck around the house in my stilettos dragging their trucks and telling me they're going to the store. Whatever. I just take lots of pictures. =)

Supporting their interests and dreams is what makes us good parents and them confident kids. I think you're absolutely on target supporting his new love of pink, interest in girlie shows and excitement to be a mom and breastfeed. (Which, by the way, I must say is adorable). I'm 100% behind you and I really think anyone that would try to lable a 4 year old or say it's wrong to let him try new things that are in no way hurting him or others would be absurd. Have a great weekend! :)

I think there is a time when little kids are pretty "generic".
My nephew went through a phase where everything had to be pink.
He threw a fit in a store one time because he wanted pink Power Ranger slippers. My sister was there to get him slippers and she tried to talk him into any of the other colors, but he wasn't having any of it.
My son has a sister 10 years older. From the time he was a baby, he would cry if he couldn't have a "hair pretty" in his hair. Mommy wore them, sissy wore them. He didn't understand why he didn't need one. I have pictures of him with a clip in or a little ponytail on the top of his head. I didn't expect my husband to be very cool with it, but surprisingly, it didn't bother him. My son also played with his sister's barbies and other dolls. He would play for hours brushing my hair and pretending he was curling it. (I just didn't plug the curling iron in). My daughter still teases him about saying he wanted to fight like a Power Puff Girl. He was about 3 and I didn't even know what a Power Puff Girl was.
He's all boy, and 15 now. My nephew is going into the Marines in a couple of months.
We tell them we have good black mail material.

I don't know, I just never worried about that stuff. A color is a color. I know grown men who wear pink button down collar dress shirts with their suits and their wives think they look pretty handsome.

Especially when kids are little, I don't see why people get upset over little things.

Enjoy your son!

Oh, I am laughing - thank you I needed a good chuckle.

My son had a Polly Pocket set when he was about 4. He saw an ad for them on TV and asked for one the next time we were roaming K-Mart. He loved that toy and it went everywhere with him for about 6 months. He also had stuffed animals and once a baby doll when he was really little.

I think it is healthy to let our children play with "opposite" gender toys. Society is just too tied up in gender roles and what is "appropriate" for boys and girls. Heck, when I was little my favorite toys where trucks and building sets. So it must run in the family.

Your son is noticing girl stuff because he has a little sister - which is so very sweet. I love that he planning what they will play.

May your days be filled with fun and lots of toys!!!!

My 4 year old id going through this phase too. I think he's just exploring gender roles and various grown up roles (being a mommy). It strikes me as the sort of thing that only becomes a problem if you make a big deal of it. I have no problem with him having some girl toys but I also won't go overboard in buying that stuff either since it is just a phase.

I did not read your responses or did not watch the show yet-it will be on in bout 20 minutes-it will be switch between that and ghost hunters since they are in NV, but I have a 5 yr old girl and a 4 yr old Boy and she has him dress up in a tutu. WHO CARES? No one says anyhting when a girl palys with cars which mine does, but look out if a BOY plays dress up or house , etc. RIDICULOUS! KIDS WILL BE KIDS! THEY R WHO THEY R! LET THEM BE!!!!!!!!!!!!! L. :)

He's just interested in what he sees around him. My son was 'nursing' his stuffed animals even before I had my second child. I think it's cute, it's their age.

love your attitude, and love that almost all the posts support letting kids explore to their hearts' content.
rock on, mamas!
:) khairete
S.

Its funny, because if a little girl played with toy trucks, people wouldn't think anything of it (unless it was Shiloh Jolie-Pitt who actually looks and dresses like a boy... even wearing baggy swim trunks and bare chested).

My 5 year old son is also a rough and tumble boy but he also loves girly things, his fav color right now is purple, will only drink out of his dora mermaid cup and he totally wants a mermaid or fairy party, so we settled for peter pan.

My oldest (boy) had an American Girl doll and Barbie's.
My youngest (boy) wore princess dresses and played with Polly Pockets.
My girls go fishing and play cowboys and Indians and ride 4 wheelers.
And when you have four the youngest wears whatever is in the drawer, like pink ruffles one day and blue Thank Heavens for Little boy onesies the next.
My youngest is 10 and still tells me he is going to be a good Daddy someday, and I know he will.

I totally agree with you, and I'm glad to hear you are being non-chalant about it and would be ok if he never grew out of it =) I wish more parents I met had the same take on it as you!
I have 2 girls, and my younger one is a total tomboy (like me!) and loves to play with cars, trucks, dragons, bugs, dinosaurs, etc. She loves to play outside and get dirty LOL But she also likes to play dress-up with her sister and wear dresses to school. I think she has a pretty good balance of being a girl, but liking non typical girl things. And I didn't push her into any of it, she figured this out all on her own, and she's only 4. If we let our kids be themselves, they are so much happier and well-adjusted!

No, I wouldn't get my son a princess dress or a Barbie because I didn't get those things for my daughter. Barbies are evil :) I did, however dress my sons in pink and purple and flowers prints as babies. It's harder to do this for toddlers since so much of toddler girls clothes are too frilly - things I didn't even want to buy for my daughter.

I don't think I'd be to bothered, especially a child Kindergarten age or younger. I have a boy almost 5 and a 2 year old girl. I get them a lot of the same toys when age appropriate. I'd so much rather they play together whether it is tea party or trains. Both my kids like Zhu-zhu pets (my son likes to make his fight sometimes though). Since my son is older and a more rough and tumble kid the general tone is more boyish play a lot of the time.

I'm not sure if I'd feel differently if I thought there was cause for concern in our family. I think I would be able to accept my child for who he (or she) is but maybe be concerned people making nasty comments or bullying him as he gets older.

my son is going through this phase as well, he's 2. If you ask him his favorite color he'll tell you purple and he loves Dora, The Explorer. I'll tell him he's a big boy when he does something like helping mommy pick up his toys but instead he says no i'm a girl mommy. I recently had a baby (1 month old) and he'll take one of his teddy bears and says i want to change my babies diaper too. I'm not going to lie it bothered me when he first started doing these things but I kind of just let him be a kid and i'm figuring he doesn't know any better. I do correct him though when he says hes a big girl. I think a lot of parents get upset in fear of their son growing to up to be gay. And if that's the path my son chooses when he's older i'll love him regardless, but I don't let it bother me as much as it use to.

My oldest son was 5 when he became a big brother to a sister. He enjoyed playing dolls with her, house, tea parties, etc. He would often wear a pink shirt when having tea parties. I can tell you that he is now a "manly man" who no longer wears pink, hunts, fishes, camps with the guys. He is also a wonderful husband, and fantastic father to a precious baby girl (who will probably have many tea parties in her future).

Do people really get upset at this kind of thing? I don't think most rationale people would think there is anything wrong with what you described. Why is zhu-zhu pet a girl' stoy? I think what people get upset about is a boy dressing up as a girl like that story about the mom who's son wanted to be Daphne from Scooby Doo. I wouldn't have a problem with my son wearing something like that around the house but I would discourage it in public. The reason being that I wouldn't want him to feel bad when he realizes that its not culturally acceptable. I would let him bring a doll out of the house or anything less obvious though. As far as the "gay" issue goes, if he's gay he's gay. No toy will prevent or make him gay.

It's often pretty sad that we're already limiting children's creativity, play and sense of self from an early age, by dividing up the gender and stiffling their explorations of who they are as human beings.

I want children of both genders to be well-rounded, explorative and cultured -- if that means a boy plays with dolls and a girl plays with trucks, so be it. By limited play, or anything else, we wrap them in a sort of gender straightjacket that becomes harmful to them, as they are unable to explore what they're interested in for fear of being outside the norms.

I am especially concerned with the development of boys - too often, they are told to be tough, and not to cry, as it would make them a "sissy." Imagine the emotional toll it takes on these children and the adults they'll grow up to be. It's unhealthy, and it's dangerous.

I say let them do what they want, as long as they aren't harming anyone. Parents should be embracing their kids, whether that child is identified as gay, straight or anywhere in between the gender and sexuality spectrum is immaterial.

Check out this wonderful story - one you could most certainly read and share with your son.

http://www3.delta.edu/cmurbano/bio199/AIDS_Sexuality/Baby...

My boys are 3 and 4... and their father is seriously homophobic. They live with me and they watch me get dressed for work, fix my hair, and put makeup on. My 4 y/o loves having his hair made spikey and the 3 y/o likes it when I pretend to put eyeshadow on him bc he likes to be pretty lol. I do not let them go in public with make up on but I think it's cute. They like to dress up and wear my heels and they love the Tinkerbell movies and each got a fairy for Christmas. (The fairies help their superheroes get the bad guys). My ex flipped out on me one day bc he went to go pick up the boys from school and the 3 y/o was in the middle of putting on a pink sparkly dress and fairy wings. I laughed hysterically, which only made my ex angrier. I think it's just a phase. I get upset with my ex when I hear the boys say that they are not allowed to like pink or dolls because they are girls things and they are boys. My question to all those who are upset by it: Who are they hurting? So what if boys like girl toys? Girls are allowed to like boy toys but not the other way around? I say just let them have fun, let their creative side show, and allow them to grow up into whoever they want to be :)

My son started doing similar things when his younger sister was about 2. He is 6 now and is sometimes drawn to girly things but it's mostly pasted now. I do catch him watching girly shows when his sis is watching them. He is very much a boys boy though. I say go for it! If he wants to play with girl toys, he should be able to do that. Not every boy grows out of it, and that's okay. Sounds like your boy will though. Don't worry about what people think. Tell them to get over themselves. Liking pink and girl toys at the age of 4 doesn't make them gay. And they probably know plenty of gay people living in denial who fight their nature because of how their generation was brought up. Sad, really. Oh, and my son likes Beauty and the Beast and wants to see Tangled. There's plenty of "manliness" in these movies. It's not all about the princess. :)

I am having a boy next month (hopefully) and I am pretty sure I wouldn't buy him a barbie or would let him wear girls dresses etc, I mean if he plays with his sister's dolls it's OK but it would bother me extremely if I saw him with one of her dresses on, or if he would start preferring girl games all the time. I am sure though that he would go through this face also, specially since he has an older sister, but I would pray for it to go away fast :)

My son loves littlest pet shop and has a purple unicorn pillow pet. Who cares, it is what he likes and it makes him happy. I could care less what anyone else thinks about it. When he was 3 he asked if he could get his ears pierced, so I took him to Clair's and let him pick out some studs. I belive in supporting our children in who they are, not in trying to force them to be who we think they should be.

My son is 7 and my daughter is 5. They play so great together, and a lot of times they are playing with my daughter's Barbie camper and Barbies. He likes to wear necklaces and loves sparkly things and beads and bracelets and all that. When he was younger he would walk around in my heels and play dress-up with my niece, complete in heels, tiara & purse (the purse would usually have a car or two in it). He doesn't dress up anymore, but he still likes a lot "girly" toys. He had asked for his own Barbie a couple of times and I said sure, if he wants one I'd get him one, but I never did and he's happy just playing with his sister's. He is also into cars, dinosaurs and especially Legos! I didn't and don't have a problem with him being drawn to things a girl would normally drawn to. Of course there were the comments from family members and the raised eyebrows, but I didn't make a big deal about it and just said, leave him alone, he's having fun. When he was at summer camp a couple of years ago, he was playing dolls with the girls in the little pop-up house and of course a couple of the other boys were making fun of him...and then took over when no one was looking! Nothing wrong with boys playing with dolls. That will just make him a more caring adult, and hopefully parent as well.

My son, who is now 10, had a baby doll when he was a toddler. It was a boy doll dressed in boy clothes but still a doll. My husband and I had no problem with him playing with that or anything else. I always taught him that there is no such thing as a "boy" toy or a "girl" toy and that he could play with anything he wanted. Same with colors. My son is athletic, loves sports, but he also loves music and art. One of his favorite colors is pink, he says it's manly color. lol

I also saw that show and I thought it was great. How stupid is it to make a big deal about a toy or a color. Let kids be kids! Also I think playing dress up is just that and should not be a big deal, it's using their imagination after all. I can remember playing dress up with my moms things, and I know my husband did the same thing (after all mom's things are way more fun to dress up in than dad's) no big deal!

When the boy doesn't grow out of it and it stays with him as a man and no woman wants to be wtih him because he like what girls/women like what will you say to him then? He loves dressing up and going out with the girls to the clubs, charity events, going for mani's and pedi's but wants to come home with a wife/girlfriend and just cuddle and watch tv or make dinner or something with her. He also enjoys his time with the guys drinking beer and watching football and doing other guy stuff. He just wants to be himself but can not because he is ridiculed but does anyway beacuase that is all he can be.

Updated

When the boy doesn't grow out of it and it stays with him as a man and no woman wants to be wtih him because he like what girls/women like what will you say to him then? He loves dressing up and going out with the girls to the clubs, charity events, going for mani's and pedi's but wants to come home with a wife/girlfriend and just cuddle and watch tv or make dinner or something with her. He also enjoys his time with the guys drinking beer and watching football and doing other guy stuff. He just wants to be himself but can not because he is ridiculed but does anyway beacuase that is all he can be.

Sorry I'm a day behind;
When I was 5 and my brother was 2 1/2 I was given a rather ugly baby doll. When I rejected it, my brother immediateley claimed it as his.
He called her "Babi" and carried her everywhere by her hair. My dad was concerned that his boy had a baby doll. My mother said to leave him alone, see what happens. After a year, "Babi" was on the back shelf. She was very much loved for a year but was no longer needed. After that it was Matchbox cars and "guy" stuff!
He could be very influenced by his little sister and mom right now because he's around them so much. Once he is older and has more outside "male" influence, you could very well be surprised with the new manly stuff he comes up with.
Meanwhile, enjoy your little man while you can still cuddle him.

My son LOVED girl stuff till he was about 4. He liked to wear skirts or if playing with a girl friend he would put on her princess dress. He liked getting his nails painted etc. He is almost 7 now and although he doesn't wear girl clothes anymore, he still will pretend to be the girl character from a kids show/movie/book. He will spend a whole day telling everyone to call him Kate (the girl wolf from Alpha and Omega). He is a sensitive guy and does not like "scary" boy things like transformers at all! But he also loves playing with guns and pretend karate fighting etc. I think he just relates to the more sensitive nature of women sometimes, and I am just fine with that! I have heard him be teased by one of his friends once and he just retorted back, "So. That is what I like." and his friend did not mention it again. He's good at sticking up for himself and is very confident. He's very secure and outgoing, so I don't really have to worry about him not being able to handle being teased. I did find it very interesting how some people would get VERY bothered by him wearing a skirt/princess dress when he was younger and they would say, What does your husband think? (gasp!). Btw, my husband thought it was great/cute.

Both my sons are very well balanced. They love soccer and hockey and super heroes and playing with their stuffed animals and dancing and singing. My youngest (who's three) loves pink!! I think that gender differences are more pronounced in our society than they need to be---most everyone has the same feelings. While boys tend to be more energetic because they have more testosterone, I don't think that means they can't show paternal feelings and be sensitive.
:-)