Friend Wants Present Back

It's easy to see why you would be annoyed. But, It sounds like she was strapped for money and gave you something she loved. That was pretty giving of her. Now it seems she forgot she gave it to you as a present. I guess the way you handle it depends on how comfortable you are being straight forward with her. You can jokingly remind her it was a gift by saying something nice like. "well, I'll lend it to you, but I need it back. It was a birthday gift from a very dear friend and it means a lot to me."

I would respond by laughing it off... "ha ha as if I would give one of my favorite birthday presents away" =)

I would remind her that when she gave it to her it was wrapped and that you thought it was a gift. Ask her if she has forgotten that it was to be a gift. Maybe she has a very different idea of what a gift is. I suppose you could lend it back and forth to each other.

Please do tell us what book it is :)

I would say sure.......whens her birthday?? Send it to her.

Probably pure forgetfulness – she forgot she gifted it to you. I become forgetful when I've been too busy, or haven't been sleeping well, or am getting old (yikes – that one's not reversible!). I forget what I've told people, whether I've given ___ to Goodwill or stashed it somewhere, etc.

I'm sure she doesn't mean to be offensive.

You can either give her the book and find a copy for yourself, or remind her that she gave it to you as a gift for your Xth birthday. She'll probably be a bit embarrassed, so decide whether this friendship is worth an uncomplicated act of generosity on your part.

Hi A.-
I say gift wrap it and give it back to her. No, not really. That's kind of mean. When you find a copy for yourself, purchase it.
As far as your friend goes, was she sober when she wrapped it? Ask her if it was meant to be a gift or a loaner since she brought it over wrapped for your birthday. Make it no big deal. Say if it was a loaner, as soon as you finish reading it, you'll have it back to her.
OR, say you would love to let her borrow it, but it was a gift and you would like it back.
It is totally stupid, but you are going to have to (nicely) confront her on this one. A lame issue, but it makes you uncomfortalbe. It would make me squirmy to have that happen. Sigh.
I wish you the best of luck on this one.
-E. M
P.S. It looks like you can order it from Amazon. Here's the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Josiah-Files-Linda-Hall/dp/0785282521

I don't know why you did not say that she gave it to you as a gift in the first place. I would simply say this is the copy she gave to you on your birthday and she must have her own copy elsewhere... :-)

Just say "Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought it was a gift. Thank you so much by the way, I love it so much that I myself am reading it again. I apologize for the confusion. I will be more than happy to return it to you once I've finished reading it." If she acts snotty because you assumed wrong, then let her know that she shouldn't gift wrap items she is simply lending out since it sends the wrong message and just give it back. It does sound silly on her part, not yours. That is an awkward situation she put you in. Maybe she's got a lot going on and simply forgot that she GAVE it to you. ?? Good luck!!

I'm dying to know what this book is...

I think your friend forgot that she gave you the book as a birthday present. It sounds like she has loaned her copy out, can't remember who she loaned it to and when she saw yours, assumed that's what she did with it. Sounds like she forgot she gave it as a gift, rather than trying to take a gift back. I would politely remind her that it was a gift

In my eyes a gift is a gift. Plain & simple ... you shouldn't ever give somebody something (especially wrapped as a gift) that you are eventually in the long run going to want back. However, I wouldn't want to step on any toes either. So maybe if she brings it up agian say something like "Oh I'm sorry ... I thought you gave it to me." Maybe it will jog her memory that she actually DID! ;-)

I agree, that is weird. But, I have a friend JUST like yours!! Except I have let her borrow things in the past several years .... Then I forget, and apparently she forgets then I ask for them back (books, dvds) then she says she doesn't remember me letting her borrow them and she can't find it!! LOL so, needless to say I do not let her borrow anything anymore. :-) I don't know HOW people can't remember things like that!

I agree with Nese. If she asks for it again simply say you do not have her copy, only the copy she gave you for your birthday, that she must have left her copy elsewhere, and offer to help her remember where. She may have forgotten it was a gift, and with a gentle reminder it can keep you both from feeling bad about the whole thing.

How much is your friendship worth? One of you is obviously confused so give her the book and be quiet. Keep checking used book stores and on line and save your friendship.

I think she forgot that she had given it to you as a gift. You should just remind her. When she saw it at your house, she probably thought she had just loaned it to you years ago. Why don't you go online and get her a copy for her birthday? It doesn't have to be new. :) Half.com is a great place to find used books as well, and if you have an eBay account you don't need to create a new account for Half.com.

It sounds like she may have forgotten that she had given it to you as a gift. Since she's a friend, I would take the approach of assuming that it was an innocent mistake. It's an akward situation but it's great that you were able to find another copy on Amazon.

I say just give it back and let her know how much you loved it and that you realize it is out of print and that if she ever runs across another copy to please pick it up for you...you would really love having your own copy to re-read whenever you wish!

It is kind of a weird situation but not one worth loosing a friend over...

maybe she forgot she gave it to you and thought she loaned it to you.

What a great opportunity to go deeper with your friendship! If you can be honest it may bring you closer. You might say "Hey I've been thinking about the book you gave me for my birthday that year. Of course if you still want it it's yours, but I want you to know how much I love it and even more so because it came from you lines and all!"
She probably forgot she gave it to you as a gift and will be happy (and maybe a bit embarrassed) that you were honest enough to "go there" with her. Best friends are awesome partnerships and deserve the investment of keeping things clear. Good luck!

Give it back. Nothing in life is forever. You were able to live without the book before you knew it existed, you'll be able to live without it once it's gone again. Why not let your friend enjoy her favorite book again? There are millions of other books out there that are great reads. Try reading another book instead. Life's too short to read the same book over and over again, when there are so many other books to explore. If the book is more important to you than the friendship, it's not much of a friendship. I hope this helps.

i would buy a copy for myself and give the other back to her. its not worth making a friendship weird or strained. but i would let her know when you give it back to her that you were almost positive that she gave it to you as a gift.

tell her all this time you had thought it was yours to keep. make it sound just like it is, a misunderstanding. ask her where she got the book and tell her how much you really love it. maybe she did mean it as a gift in "missing" the book and wanting to read it, she may have forgotten the moment when she decided to give it to you. i have had times when i was looking for something at my home that i wanted to use or show my kids and could not find it any where. then when i actually take a moment to think about the last time i saw the mystery item, i have remembered giving it away or even just throwing it away (i am a pack rat and have begun to randomly thin out my "treasure trove.") you may also try ebay or a book exchange / used book store. the book exchange usually has most older books at half price or less. good luck.

I would simply say "I'm confused. You gave that to me for my birthday."

oohh tricky. Can you in a very joking or silly tone next time she asks say something like, "Oh I thought you were just being silly or kidding about wanting my book you got me for my birthday back ? Maybe she forgot and this might give her an out (about being embarrased for forgetting) ??

id give it back but be sure to mention how odd it is that shes asking for it....thats just bad manners

If she brings it up again, I would laugh and say, "You want the book back that you gave me for my birthday?! I love that book!" That oughta take care of it; you'll both get a laugh and she'll probably remember that she gave it to you, not loaned it to you.

Seriously? Just tell her that you thought it was a present as it was presented that way and that you'd rather keep it. Who asks for presents back. In this day and age of ebay and amazon, surely she can find herself another copy. If she didn't want you to have it, she shouldn't have given it to you. She could have lent it to you instead or just kept it.

I would just tell her that I am looking for a new copy of the book and as soon as I find one I will gladly give it back her or you could keep it and give it back to her as a gift.

Updated

I would just tell her that when I found a copy I would gladly give it back or wrap it and give it to her as a gift and say thank you for letting me find out about the awsome book.

It sounds like she thinks she loaned it to you.

I have a bad memory and would be grateful (if it were me), if you said, "This is the copy you gave me for my birthday. Do you want me to help you find another one? It IS a really good book!"

Those of us who are forgetful usually KNOW we are and usually do appreciate it when people we love kindly assume we aren't trying to be jerks.

That's one of the tackiest things I've ever heard! Once you gift wrap something and give it to someone -it's THEIRS! Geez! If one of my friends did this, I would -maybe in a lighthearted voice -say, "Oh, you wrapped it and gave it to me on my birthday, so I thought it was mine!" See what she says then. If she's adamant about getting it back, maybe she really needs it. Hopefully you'll find it at used bookstores, rare book places or something. That's incredibly odd on your friend's part!

A.,

Is your friend a "drinker"? Not only is it dumb, its really rude. I would tell/remind her that it was a gift wrapped "gift" she gave you on your birthday! Furthermore when you are finished reading it (for the # time), you would be happy to loan her "your" book. ...OR if she can find a "replacement" that would be a good solution.

Either way, this kind of thing puts a strain on relationships and we learn just how strong our friendships truly are....Maybe God's giving you both a "life lesson".

Blessings...

A gift is a gift. It was her own fault for giving you a fave book. Seems like she was so kind & unselfish when she gave it to you but now, she's being selfish & inconsiderate. You should stand your ground & just keep reminding her that it was a gift & it's not something you wish to give back. Ask her how she'd feel if you gave up one of your fave items & gave to her as a gift then asked for it back just b/c you changed your mind. If she insists & you want to remain friends, I would just try to remember to put the book away out of sight if she comes over. Hope this helps & good luck!

It does seem odd and given that she's your best friend, I think I'd say something about you thinking it was a gift. But also try Powell's Books www.powells.com they're based in Portland, OR and specialize in out of print books since you still have the book it's easiest to search for it by the ISBN number. You also might want to try Paperbackswap.com and see if anybody out there in the land of book swapping has it available, it might be cheaper for you to get it that way.

Oh wow, this just happened to me about a month ago with my dad and his girlfren. They bought my daughter to Easter dresses, she wore them twice, I even brought them back to Dallas and they had the nerve to email me that they wanted them back after it was a gift. I was so mad, gave them back but told them to not buy her stuff anymore. My bro was mad also and got onto my dad about that too. Weird.

Look on half.com for the book. It often has older books that are out of print.

Just let it go. I don't think its proper ettique for her to ask for it back. Maybe she just wanted to read it then give it back. Who knows. Just be happy you have a nice friend. We are sometimes do peculiar things.

You can photocopy the book and then give it back to her. Some people have a lot of weird boundary issues; frankly, I would be leery of this person's judgment and begin to distance myself.

It is a wierd situation - do you have any HalfPriceBooks near you? If yes, check them out if you haven't already bought it - I've found things there at great prices. Wierdness - she might have thought she gave you a different book ; )

Next time she asks for it, you're going to have to either give it back or 'confess' to the fact that she gave it to you, wrapped, as a birthday present 4 years ago. And as it had come gift wrapped, you assumed it was yours to keep. Most likely she'll be like 'oops' embarassed as she gifted a used item and drop it. But I see no harm in giving her that reminder. Wouldn't you want the same?

I agree with Heather - she gave it as a gift and didn't qualify at the time that she wanted it back.

I'd honestly be blatantly honest with her. I'd tell her you were under the impression that the book was a gift because of how it was presented, that you LOVE it, you've been trying to find your own copy, and you don't know what to do.

Have you tried contacting the publisher to see if they have any copies? Or, have you tried reaching out to the author to see if they have any copies available? Perhaps demand can create the need for more publications to be released to the public.

Your message just prompted me to e-mail our 4 year-old's favorite author and to thank him for sharing his creativity with the rest of us!

Well she sounds like a little scatterbrain;) It is so easy to get your brain scrambled sometimes. I think if it was a pretty good friend I would just ask about it. Openness is best I think. Just say that you are happy to give it to her if she likes but you did think it was a gift so you were just thrown off a little by her request. Then if she says that she loaned it to you, just tell her she gave it to you wrapped and that you really enjoy it, but again she can have it, if she wants it. Maybe it could become a book you pass back and forth:) I think if you just give it back, it will annoy you and if you don't give it to her and don't explain it will annoy her, so talking about is a good thing. She probably seriously thinks she loaned it to you and has no remembrance of the whole gift wrap thing. She may be a person who needs to slow down a bit, but that is a lesson we all have to learn on our own. My vote is, be a good friend and be honest. Good luck!!

Just tell the truth. Sounds like an accidental miscommunication to me. No biggie.

I would love to know what book this is! My suggestion is to tell her the next time she asks-- oh, yes, that is the book that you gave me for my birthday! I would be happy to loan it to you after I am done reading it. Then see what she says. She probably forgot she gave it as a gift.

I'm sorry I may sound arrogant, however it someone gives' you a gift for your Birthday "its yours". Tell her you would be glad to order her one but you are quite happy with the gift she gave you and that you have read it a number of times. No friend would ever ask for something that they gave you back, that is so rude!! Or you can tell her to find another and you would be willing to pay for it once she received it, with receipt of course. Its' obvious the one she gave you knows it may hold some value and now wants it back. Straight answer "I'm sorry you gave it to me as a gift, and I don't feel that it should be given back" if you so desire order one and I will buy you one for your Birthday when it comes. End of story!!

Hi A.,
Beleive it or not this has happened to me but it was over "The Shack" which has a million copies available right now. It was also my Mom who asked for the book back. If it had been a close friend and it was a rare book like you have I wouldn't give the book back but tell her how fond I was of it and tell her that I will try to find a copy to give her for her birthday. (that could spark the memory and she'd be embarrassed and forget the whole thing) Good Luck and God Bless, Lilly