Free Range Kids - Wahiawa,HI

Nope. Now way. I grew up like you. Rode my bike for miles and miles. Came back at dark. My kids will never do that. I hope to have more land than we do now when they are a bit older, the setting matters, but walking around town etc? Unfortunately no. And we live in a family friendly, small town where everyone knows everyone and lots of kids walk around. Even so, even older generations have stories of rapes and kidnappings that have happened there. And there are registered sex offenders. Forget it.

I keep seriously telling my husband, I want to go buy old farming land in northern cali and just go live like hppies. i could send my kids out to play...run as far as they wanted...I let them free range here when out back, out front, i am with them just because of cars in the street. I grew up a free range kid. I hit a boy last summer on his bike. Tthat has set me back a bit on how loosely i hang on to their reins.

one day ill get my dream...free range:)

Hope to do the same when DS is older. There is a great website freerangekids.wordpress.com that is worth looking at. Stranger abductions are no more common today than they used to be. Best of luck.

Hi Page,

I live in Chicago and I watch the news. My daughter doesn't go outside to get the mail by herself - and that's not really me being overprotective; that's me knowing the area of the city in which I live (which is a pretty safe area, comparatively). That's me knowing that she's 10 and cute and I'll say it again - I watch the news.

She goes outside to play all the time. Her after-school program is through Chicago Park District and she plays soccer, softball, tennis, plants flowers and plays and on the playground every day if it's over 40 degrees - UNDER THE SUPERVISION of the park staff. On the weekends we go hang out by Lake Michigan and in the summer we are at the beach or pool a lot. But she is with me where I can see her. Not in a stifling way - but I know what can happen to her in 60 minutes time and I am not ok without being able to see her when there are people around.

Now - when we go visit relatives and they have bigger land or fenced yards.... absolutely she and her cousins go outside and play and adults can see them through the window but aren't outside with them. But, there's 4 or 5 of them together.

There may be MORE kids abducted by people they know - but there are almost 200,000 kids abducted each year by strangers.... and 40% of those 200,000 are killed. 79% of all abductions (around 600,000 each year) are via strangers - b'cuz most familial abductions are child custody disputes where the non-custodial parent takes 1 or more of their own kids.

My 10 year old daughter is really 'city smart'. She has flown as an unaccompanied minor for the last 5 1/2 years and can lead me around O'Hare - to her gate... to random gates we pick and try to find... to baggage claim... back to the car in the garage of whatever section I've told her we're in (all with me as the 'follower'). She can read a bus schedule and a train schedule and knows which stops will enable her to transfer to different el route. She has her own cell phone and has the #s to myself, her dad and her grandmother memorized.

Yes - I used to run around my neighborhood unsupervised with my friends for hours and hours and hours and hours on end. That was a completely different era. For me to pretend that we still live in that time would be naive. I don't live in fear that she will be abducted and I'm not a helicopter mom. She actually has a considerable amount of freedom and is being raised to be fairly independent.

I don't raise her like I was raised because we don't live in that world. If I don't catch up to what is going on around me I'm surviving just on luck - and I refuse to do that where the welfare of my daughter is concerned.

I don't say any of that judgmentally. If you live in area that is safe and you believe it to be appropriate to set guidelines for your child and let her out unsupervised then that is great. Like I said - we have some relatives that we visit where she has more a little bit more freedom, but not much.

http://www.ygoy.com/index.php/child-abduction-statistics/

My son is not yet three and he is "free range" because he plays in the fenced in back yard by himself. Its fenced in and the gates are locked, and our labrador retriever stays out with him. I have the windows open so I can see and hear him from inside the house.

I obviously think it is safe, since we do it every day, but I dont think many of my friends would let their toddlers do it.

Someone posted on mamapedia a few weeks ago about letting their toddler play in the yard by herself, and most of the posters were VERY against the idea - the main fear being child abductions.

I'm just not that worried, in this situation, about that. And I LOVE that my son has a domain that is all his to do with what he wants - dig, carry rocks, drag sticks, make mud pies, carry dirt, push trucks, pull wagons, lay on the dog...

When I was 8 years old, one of my childhood friends was walking to her friends house (a block away) and was kidnapped, raped and murdered. I would like to know where your getting your info when you say child abductions are by people you know, because I strongly disagree. Last year in our state a 3 y/o girl was playing in her front yard with her older brother and was kidnapped (by another stranger). These are NOT bad neighborhoods either, if thats an argument as well. The little girl that was kidnapped was a small rural town. If you think it cant happen anywhere, you are in Lala land. As much as I would love for my kids to go outside and play with no worries, I just cannot do it.

Of course it's important to have a clear-eyed view of possible danger and put reasonable safety rules in place. But parents who watch a lot of commercial news are excessively freaked out at what a dangerous world we live in. My mother watches TV all the time and is convinced there's a pervert driving by in every car. But most adults would sooner help a child than harm one, most worst-case-scenarios will NEVER happen, and I think we do a terrible disservice to our children (and grandchildren) by being too cautious about all the things that 'might' happen to them.

And even when people find themselves actually under threat, things can work out much better than "worst case." Twice as a very young woman, I was actually threatened by men with weapons and bad intentions. Not only did I turn out quite okay both times, I came away empowered – having discovered that I had guts and the ability to think on my feet. Our worst nightmares are likely to stay in our own heads, and they can do a lot of damage there. Fear of the unknown, and never having to face down our fears, I think can leave us far more helpless than if we've actually dealt with an incident.

Congratulations on your free-range daughter! Here's a great TED Talk on 5 dangerous things every child should do: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/gever_tulley_on_5_dange...

I don't care where you live, a child-related crime can happen anywhere. I suppose if you're not worried abour your kids roaming around, so be it. To each his own. I, for one, will continue to "freak out" until my babies are grown, and even after that!

Sure you can let your kids be "free range" but that wont turn back the clock. Plus those "good old days" weren't so great. How many people now are coming forward and telling how they were molested or abused by strangers or more often, aquantences while not being properly supervised? Sure we thought everything was ok but everyone just kept things quiet. I was allowed to play on our dead end street, that's it. We do structure our children's lives too much but since when did supervision become a bad word?

I let my kids go out in the neighborhood. I even let them go to the park TOGETHER - NOT ALONE. They must take the cell phone with them and our dog.

I refuse to live in fear. That being said - when we are in public - I will NOT allow them to go into public restroom ALONE - I know - a little weird...

My kids know that they are NOT allowed to separate from each other and they are "to babysit the other" - so they use that on each other frequently....to keep each other in line!! It works!! I will get a call from one saying "Mommy - Greg walked away!" or something like that...it's funny for me because they KNOW I'm serious and they know the other will get in trouble.

They are NOT allowed to go into ANYONE's home without my express permission - NO ONEs...I don't care if I know the family, etc. They are NOT allowed to go into ANY ONE'S HOME.

I encourage my boys to take our dog for a walk around the neighborhood - one will ride a bike and the other will walk. They MUST pay attention. They MUST not go to ANYONE who asks for directions - if someone approaches them for "help with a lost dog" or "help with directions" I tell them to call me IMMEDIATELY. I actually paid a person that I trust $20 to go to the park and approach them...Hey! he said - I can't find Reston Parkway....my boys IMMEDIATELY picked up their phone and called me. I was VERY happy they did that. What I liked even more was they were playing on the play set - paid enough attention to see the man approach and joined TOGETHER when he got closer! I LOVED THAT!!! I was watching from a tree behind the hill so they didn't know I was watching.

Don't live in fear. Educate your child. Teach your child NOT to panic. Not to approach cars or people...why would an adult need help with directions from a child???? why would an adult need help with finding a puppy? or a cat? Man or W. - they have to be observant.

I think it depends a bit where you live but yes! I am letting my daughters start to be in the neighborhood with friends etc. Of course I hope it doesn't backfire but I've read you have a higher chance of your child getting hurt in a car accident on the way to school in a car than letting them walk and having them abducted. Luckily in my neighborhood, it seems like parents are letting their kids out alone and I think there's safety in numbers. Let's hope it grows! Seeing them enjoy their childhood like I did makes me so happy.

i totally agree with you, i mean i live in a super safe area now but i grew up in LA and there were creep os everywhere but my parents still let me roam the streets how i saw fit since i was 5 years old! i dont let my five year old go farther than our apartment building. but i let my 8 yr old go a couple buildings over to play with is best friend.
i check on them every 30 minutes and if they arent where they say they are then they dont get to play anywhere but our yard for the next two weeks. But that rarely happens. i tell my children i trust them, and they know i will if they listen to my instruction and that i will not trust them if they dont.

obviously you have to set boundaries! but you can NOT be over protective because as soon as your kids know they dont have to do everything you say they will do anything they can to get away from you! i know this because i remember being a teenager and having seen it happen to my friends and siblings as teens. hover parenting does not end well.

this is a sensitive subject for people. i mean you have to do what you feel is right for your own children and nobody should be able to take that right from you. we good parents who want to do right by our babies should have the right to give our children the free range option!

neighbors called the police on me several times because i allowed my children to play outside. twice they came when i was playing outside with my kids! i think people are SUPER paranoid!! it drives me crazy!!!
i tought my kids to NEVER take anything from strangers or friends without my permission. NEVER to go inside ANYONES home even if we know them and to NEVER answer the door without me there.

as long as you instill these kinds of values in your kids you really wont have to worry much about them when they are old enough to make decisions for themselves.

i am a firm believer in not "babying" our children. we should allow them to grow at their own pace of course, but not hinder their growth in any way, and also not force it. allow it to come out naturally. its a beautiful thing to watch a child grow and learn.

I agree with you. People no longer let their kids be kids because they let fear control them.

It really depends on the child, and the neighborhood. Child abductions are no worse than they were when we were children, we just hear about it more because of the bombardment of news everywhere; computer, TV & radio.

I'm pretty free range with my children although, there are limits. They're not allowed to cross any streets, even to the next block and the continuation of our street. They're not allowed to go into anyone's house without clarifying it with me first. Not that I don't trust most of the people on my street (there are a few I don't know) I still need to know where they're at. There is nothing scarier that not knowing where a child is or that (s)he is ok. (I learned that the hard way last summer and needless to say the child that played that prank didn't leave the house for a month!)

A year ago this time, and for several years beforehand, we lived in University student housing. My kids had the whole run of the rather extended neighborhood. There were several play areas they liked to go to, etc. However, only my 6 & 7 yo boys were allowed that much freedom (both my girls, under 5, stayed with me; I was just starting to give my oldest daughter more freedom when we moved.) Both of them had really good walky talkies so I could check in on them. If either didn't answer I went looking for them and took them both home. They did not like that at all, especially if they had to leave some activity with the other kids so they made sure each other answered me. I too was criticized by some of my neighbors (One of them even called CPS because I had let my child go further than a 10 foot circumference around our home; yes, that's what she told the case worker that responded to the call.)

Granted, if I lived in a really dangerous neighborhood, I certainly would not let them go anywhere. But I feel very safe on the street we now live on. Just the very nature of my children roaming like they have has enabled us to meet more of our neighbors than we otherwise would have done so! (I can be rather shy about meeting new people.) LOL One of our neighbors we made friends with because my horde was raiding their unripe cherry trees and they finally let us know. I was glad to finally discover just why my little darlings had the trots. (They certainly learned a powerful lesson about asking permission that weekend!) I was also thankful for the small bucket of ripe cherries they shared later in the season. While there certainly has to be cautions, they need to learn how to live without hanging onto our apron strings.

When I was 9, just 6 months older than my oldest son now, we moved to a small town after my father was released from the military and I was all over the place. I got myself to school every morning and home in the afternoon. I went often to the library and I especially liked going to my grandmothers, 2 miles away from our house. My 8 1/2 yo son is not ready for that much freedom. He's just not responsible enough. But I certainly trust him to play safely on our street. If we still lived in campus housing, I would also trust him to walk himself to school since at that time we lived 3 blocks away and there were crossing guards. But we live over a mile away now so he can't walk that far by himself.

Perhaps it comes from living in a pretty rural area, but I think that we do tend to keep our kids too close in some situations and I think that a reasonable amount of freedom is good for children. I grew up like you did, on summer days I would get up, eat breakfast, and leave on my bike for hours at a time. This was only 20 years or so ago and I don't believe that the world is such a different place now than it was then. There were, are, and always will be scary people out there, but there is no reason to live in fear of what might happen.
"Worry is the fear we manufacture; it is a choice. Conversely, true fear is involuntary; it will come and get our attention if necessary. But if a parent or a child feels fear constantly, there is no signal left for when it’s really needed. Thus, the parent who chooses to worry all the time or who invests unwarranted fears into children is actually making them less safe. Worry is not a precaution; it is the opposite because it delays and discourages constructive action." -Gavin de Becker

I feel a bit free-rangey, age appropriately. My son is nearly four, our backyard is fenced in and gated so he can't get out, and I let him play in the backyard and sandbox while I work in the kitchen (which looks out onto the backyard. If I'm working out in the front garden, he can play in the side or back yards.

I think it's healthy for him to have a little space, to not feel so very watched-over constantly. At parks and outings, I look for safe ways for him to have a chance to walk on his own, near me but not next to me, on his own path. I've taken care of children for nearly 20 years and have very good judgment regarding this. I'm also extremely vigilant when this happens, because he's so young, and am constantly checking for bikes, dogs, and others so that we can be considerate of those we are sharing the park with.

I think you've got it right, personally. More kids fall into swimming pools, die in car accidents, or have severe injuries due to not wearing helmets. Stranger danger is WAY blown out of proportion. It's a familiar face that's more likely to be a predator to one's child. We don't stop driving, or keep our kids off bikes (although our house rule is No Helmet-- No Wheels), or stop buying kiddie pools.

I don't condone it, but starting in first grade, I was getting to school on my own. Back then, I had to cross twice at a busy intersection (I was 5, almost 6 then); in later years I either rode the bus or walked 6-10 blocks to school before I was even 10. I rode around the neighborhood alone at 12, 13...
I also took plane rides and bus rides (Greyhound) unaccompanied, since I was about 10 or so. I felt proud of being able to do this 'alone', even if there were flight attendants keeping an eye out and making sure I got to the proper gate and on the plane. Those were the days....

I think unsupervised play is about being age-appropriate to the child's level of ability (to negotiate, to think clearly when upset, to make right choices most of the time). Your daughter sounds like she's at an age where she can demonstrate those characteristics. My son isn't yet, but when he's old enough and does show me he's capable, he will be allowed more freedom.

Great question!
H.

"Free range" in the back yard. "Free range" on our straight short street where there's a cul de sac on the end. ALWAYS within sight 100% of the time. I won't yet let my 7 year old and 6 year old walk home alone from school together- EVEN though the school is on the same block as the end of our street. I think they are too young for that.

I have four very pretty girls, we are going to err on the safe side at all times.

It's funny we live in a beautiful, safe neighborhood with lots of families with kids. Believe it or not, you would never know that there are children in this neighborhood. Gone are the days of kids just being kids outside playing together. My husband and I always talk about our childhood days when we would do our homework right away and then go outside to play until the street lights came on or until Dad's car pulled up in the driveway. I totally admire you for teaching your child a skill that most kids will never have the opportunity to learn. If we all gave a little than maybe we could have the "old childhood" ( I called it "old childhood" for lack of a better name) neighborhood back. I have to admit that because of the media I do think about abductions. And I don't watch the news a whole lot. Maybe when my children are older I'll feel better about letting them out of my sight. Talk to your daughter about being safe all the time. It's not a one time conversation. I am sure you already do!

I am in injury prevention and you are absolutely right. The media reports every abduction anywhere in the country pretty much; making it seem far more likely for that to actually happen. It is also true that most abductions are from family members or friends, not strangers. However, the stranger abductions are more "sensational" and therefor get more air time. It certainly is difficult to know how much free ranging to do as a parent these days. Finding the right balance for you with each child is important as each child will have a varying degree of responsibility and ability to handle this kind of situation. We should have safety measures in place so our kids are armed with proper information and limits of being "out and about." This is an interesting topic for sure!

Mine are still very young, so it's not an issue yet, but personally, I feel it is not so much that the world has gotten more dangerous, but that the "neighborhood" is not what it used to be. Yes, we used to go out from dawn till dusk and play...but during the day encountered probably 10 adults who knew us. It was a situation where everyone knew everyone and instead of looking the other way and "minding your own business" neighbors seemed to genuinely be interested in the well being of each other. Instead of just my parent's 2 eyes on us, there were several pairs of eyes at all times, just not continuously. We just moved to a new neighborhood this year with that same feel and I think I'll be much more likely to let my kids explore a bit more if that "neighborhood feeling" stays the same as they grow up.

I know that statistically you are correct, but I was always too freaked out to let them be free range.

Anyway, I do think there are more creepy people around than there were when I was young.

Statistic: The year I left my home city, 30+ years ago, there were ZERO murders in the city that year. Last year there were 50 or so.

No, I would never let my children be free range. Why take the risk?? My parents did not let us free range and we are certainly no worse for the ware. My sister is the Director of a program at a well-known university and teaches there too, and I have a Masters degree and stay home with our kids. We're both married. We're both social and caring people. Obviously our parents keeping us within eye-sight didn't hurt us. Personally, I think it is parents being lazy and doing what is easiest for them. Now, I wouldn't have an issue with my children playing in the fenced-in, locked back yard so long as I could see them the ENTIRE time. They don't have to KNOW you're watching them. My mother said she employed this tactic often. We'd THINK we were on our own but she could always see us. I would never forgive myself if something - God forbid - happened to my children because I was too naive to think it couldn't.

I let my 12 year old walk the dog around our neighborhood but not for a long time. I do worry that he might encounter a stray dog and get injured, but feel fairly okay that our dog would protect him if anyone tried anything. I do not let my 8 year old out on his own. Our immediate neighborhood is safe, but there is gang activity around us and I am concerned about that.

I was nearly abducted when I was 8. A very disturbed looking man in his twenties grabbed me when I was sitting on my neighbors front lawn and started running. My friend was with me and he started screaming, which brought his mom out of the house. The abductor dropped me and continued running. Another neighbor saw him run around the corner to where he had a van parked. I was so scared I could not make a sound, so my friend saved my life. I do realize that my experience is unusual...it has definitely made me more careful. I also grew up close to where Michaela Garecht (sp?) was kidnapped, so that memory lingers as well.

This is a very interesting question. I have a similar discussion with a (childless) friend who thinks I'm overprotective. He agrees with you in that the number of abductions, etc is not any greater now than it was when we were kids; it is just publicized more. My argument is that if our parents didn't know the danger was there and allowed us to "roam free", that made them ignorant (not in a negative sense). Now that we KNOW the danger is there and we allow our kids to "roam free", doesn't that make us stupid, and possibly negligent?
That said, I'm on the fence. My 8 year old can play out front and can walk unsupervised across the street and around the corner about 3 houses to a friends. We live on a quiet horseshoe street. But I won't let her walk home alone from school (3 blocks). If with a friend, they can walk the dogs around the block. And, I never leave her home alone.
I let loose the noose when my kids got to 7th grade. They got a cel phone, could walk home from the bus stop, stay home alone, ride their bikes to the park, their friends or known/stated locations. They certainly didn't cling to me though. They all went to camp as well as Grandparents house in the summer for a couple of weeks. But I never just set them free and said "stay in town and be home by dark" like when we were kids. I had to know WHERE they were going and WHEN they would return. This rule stuck all the way through high school. My freshman college daughter STILL lets me know if she's going to be off campus for an extended period of time and where she'll be and when she'll return. And then she lets me know she's back safely. This is just common sense and respect. She does it because she knows I worry and want to know, not because she HAS to, and she doesn't mind.
I personally think you may be a little too loose, but I don't know your neighborhood or your daughter. I think it depends upon the kid. My oldest was more of a home-body and didn't really want to wander the streets. So the only real issue was walking home from school. My middle child son, is a wild child and that's when I really had to loosen up, keeping him locked in the house under lock & key would be a bit like caging an animal. He NEEDED to be free to use up his energy! So I did, but with safety, rules and boundaries. He's now 15. My youngest is somewhere in between. So, I think it depends upon the kid.
Great thought provoking discussion.

A girl was abducted and murdered from the pond at the end of my dead end street so no my kids will not be free range.

When my stepdaughter was 10 we allowed her to bike to her friend's house several blocks away and call us when she arrived. When she and her brother were in middle school, they were allowed to walk home with friends and might stop by friends' homes, so long as they let us know where they were. I do think we keep a tighter rein on the kids than when we were kids, but we try to balance their necessary freedoms with safety. There was one afternoon last year when my stepdaughter (now a teenager) reported to me that she had been followed. The suspicious car was trailing her near an elementary school. I called it in and the cops came out to look for him. She knew when to come home and tell someone.

i have too many pedophiles in my area to let mine. i don't even let my kids out back by themselves. we don't have a fence so it's not only strangers but dogs coming in the yard (we have tons of pitbulls that roam and growl, etc) i would LOVE to be able to feel comfortable enough to let my kids free range like i did and my husband did when we were little. if i was in a community where people knew each other and were friendly it might be differnt (big might) but not where i live. no way. there are so many other things that can happen besides abduction when they are out roaming the neighborhood.

EDIT: a group of men once tried to pick up my sister and myself when we were about 6 & 7 and this was just 2 houses away from ours with my mother outside. we ran like H*LL back home. & when i was 15ish i used to walk home from the daycare that i worked at right up the street from my moms house and someone started following me every night until i started to be picked up. and i was sometimes followed as an adult when i would go running. they were all strangers, not someone i knew and if given the chance more than likely would have done something.

Oh, yeah! Your neighborhood would make a difference! If I was a child predator, I would definitely be driving around the nicer, quieter neighborhood where the parents are more lax and feeling safe. Why bother going to where the kids are street smart and can get loud? If your Megan's Law list is short, what about the rest of those sickos that haven't been caught?! Our jobs as parents are to protect them & keep them healthy, not to reminisce about our childhood. Besides, most of our parents weren't very savvy about these things.
They're the same generation that asked us to buy and light their cigarettes for them! Back in the good old days, neighborhoods had more people at home and took turns keeping watch over each other. Nowadays, we're all to busy with TV, housework, computer stuff, practice, games, etc. Even though I'm a stay at home mom, I'm busier than ever! What's wrong with going biking, playing ball, and just hanging out with your kids? Even if they're indoors, they can always use a little supervision hear & there. Even free range chickens have predators and most owners have to keep the little ones in for sometime. Our kids are precious, please treat them like they are!

I don't let my children out by themselves even my teens. We're very close to a town (I'm talking a 5 minute drive) that is the highest kiddnapping rate in the country and I'm not willing to take a chance. I let my kids go out front together to play but they couldn't go anywhere but I still had trouble with them getting beat up or chased by someone in a car. They kidnap kids/teens and use them for prostitution here and in Mexico so I'm ultra careful. I was able to have free range as a kid living in the heart of Phoenix but I almost got kidnapped twice. It's hard to change my thinking because of where I live but I figure my kids are smart, have fun either way, and will survive even if I'm a little bit too cautious. =)

I really like your post....

Even though statistics say that molestation/abuctions happen most the time by people known to the family...I keep living in neighborhoods where stranger abductions have occurred. I never knew the child directly, but it happened at my own kids' bus stop in a very nice north Seattle neighborhood. Last time it was a girl taken right off the street walking home from school, also a very nice neighborhood. When it's happening so close to home, it's freaky.

I allow my kids on their bikes and scooters to roam around to friends homes though. I am definitely more apt to be like you with my children's freedom, but other parents are not. And those same parents don't appreciate my more open style. So I feel very forced to comply with uber caution, and planned everything.....ugh.

Oh...I soooo want to be like you!! I am usually not spooked by the media and "poo poo" anyone who is. But right here in my home town...at my elementary school where I went and felt perfectly safe...and walked home alone from in 3rd grade...twice this year a van pulled up and "collected" kids that were not theirs...once successful getting kids in...until some parents questioned them...then they got out...second time...the kids got wise and did not get it...but this stuff is happening...and it scares me. If my daughter was alone...that person with the van may have been much more successful. Now, you help ME!!

Hi P.! I'm right there with you. I actually gave up watching the news because of all the hysteria. Ever read Gavin De Becker's book Protecting the Gift? He mentions the increased level of paranoia that the media sells to us and he talks about how it actually hinders your ability to protect your child. The theory being that you become so paranoid that you think everyone is a danger and you are constantly worried which prevents you from being aware and making smart choices based on conditions or information that is at hand. I agree with your common sense approach and wish you lived in my neighborhood! Take Care :)

I think it depends on the neighborhood. In my mom's area, there were TONS of kids, and everyone knew each other. She lived in the center of an area that was about 4-5 blocks that were all this way, so it was fairly safe to let the kids run loose. Even then, we used the buddy system. (the kids that are still there still do...) Most of the mothers were pretty good friends, and had a 'phone tree' going on for keeping track of the kids. BUT when I moved we were in an area that I was barely comfortable running around myself, let alone the idea of kids running loose! It would be nice if it was still safe to allow free range kids, but in this day and age there are so many sickos... and no matter what the statistics are it only takes one incident to change your world forever... This is the sex offender registry for your city. http://www.familywatchdog.us/ShowMap.asp?frm=0 There are 63 registered offenders listed... would you really want to take a chance that your kid runs into one of them based on the assumption that just because she doesn't know them, they will leave her alone? Even if it is someone they know... You might think you know people... When I was young I was targeted by a sexual predator who HAPPENED to be one of my closest friend's grandpa who was living with them. He hadn't been caught yet, so he wasn't registered. Our families had known each other since our fathers were in high school. I was out and about with my friend, and she fell in the mud and got dirty. So we went to her house to let her change. I was waiting for her in the kitchen, and he exposed himself to me and tried to get me to 'play' with him. My dad had done a good job teaching me what was appropriate behavior from adults, so I got out of there and told my dad about it. He got arrested (after my dad beat the living daylights out of him. lol) and after that our 'free range' rules got changed. People who seem harmless aren't always so...

No, I can't say I will ever let my kids roam around freely on their own. We live in a fine neighborhood, that is not the problem, but I would not risk it. Yes, my childhood was just like yours but our parents were not aware of the dangers surrounding kids.

I am sad for my kids too, that they don't have the same "free range" experiences I enjoyed as a kid. Living in a rural community on the outskirts of a small town, with large parcels (3 acres average) on our road... we were latchkey kids and had the run of the neighborhood. Heck, we even (when I was about 11) would ride my best friend's horses out in the woods where NO ONE knew where we were, for hours. It was a different time 30 years ago.

My kids also live in a rural community (although it is more of a neighborhood -- smaller lots, around .75 - 1.25 acres each) a few miles from "civilization". But the town is a bigger town. And our neighborhood is only a few miles from an interstate highway. I let my son have a little more free range these days, he's almost 13, but this is a very recent development. We only finally got neighbors that he has any interest in hanging out with this past summer. And the kid is 14. They mostly hang at our house anyway. But outside. He rides his electric scooter around the neighborhood on his own. But he usually isn't gone for more than 15 minutes (away from our yard) without checking in. Unless he gets specific permission to go to X's house. Then he is given a time to be home.
My daughter on the other hand, is younger. And she doesn't go anywhere alone. She doesn't even play in our yard alone (she takes our German Shepherd out with her). If the kids ride their bikes around the neighborhood together, the dog goes too. All the neighbors know each other. (and they all know my dog, too, and are fine with her roaming with our kids - she actually is pretty protective of ALL the kids. It's strange adults that she is wary of). My kids are very aware and leary of strangers in our neighborhood. If a strange vehicle comes in our street (we live on a culdesac) they usually come inside until the car leaves (folks shopping for lots). There isn't a lot of that kind of "traffic", but the dog always lets me know when a car approaches, and I peek out to see what's up. They are not allowed to go inside anyone's home without express permission from me (and I call and discuss it with the parent at the other end).

My kids have a healthy concern about safety. Not paranoid, but not innocent to the fact that there are bad people out there, either.

This is a great question. I think a lot depends on the neighborhood. We have major streets all around us -- neighborhood streets but heavily used by commuters. And we have rental houses in the area where I don't know who is coming and going; it's a nice area but I just don't know who is living in some of the houses with more turnover.

Plus, my daughter's friends she would probably want to visit are not within a one-block range; maybe your daughter's friends are. But I'm not clear, is she going to places with a previous invitation to play, or is she walking to friends' houses and just knocking on the door and asking if she can play? I'm not against it, just noting that if she's just out and about without a destination, she could end up at the home of someone who just got their kid settled to do homework....

I only offer this as information: There recently was an interesting article in The Washington Post about child abductions and it noted that most abductions by strangers (and yes, I do know there are very few of these stranger-predators) who are interested in children sexually are abductions of kids between about 10 and 14 years old. This is the age when predators apparently find girls most sexually attractive. Plus kids this age have new freedoms but are not as savvy as teens about getting away from someone weird, nor do they read people as untrustworthy as readily as kids 13 and up do. Just something to consider. I'll add the link if I can find it.

Edited: I can't send the link but you can search for the article online: Washington Post, Sept. 5, 2010, by Donna St. George. The article was mostly talking about how girls who get away from abductors tend to be girls who fight hard or think fast. But it did indeed note that this age group is the most interesting to stranger predators and that attempted abductions usually happen when girls are walking alone, including to and from school.

My best friend and I were just talking about this the other day. She thinks I am too free with my son (age 6) and I feel she doesn't give her kids any breathing room. Her kids are Girl 7, boy 5 and girl 2. My kids are boy 6 and girl 4. Her two older kids are very docile, timid, and the Cling to Mommy kids. We always joke that her youngest should really be in my family because of all her independence and spunk. My son is VERY independent! He isn't wild, but definitely very curious and willing to engage his curiosity in something regardless of the consequences. My daughter is still pretty independent but you can reason with her. If we are at the park, I will let my son roam as long as I can see him. I let him play with sticks, run behind bushes, get dirty, pretend play martial arts, and even wrestle with other boys in the grass if the other parent is okay with it. My friend would never let her kids leave the immediate play area, pretend fight, run with sticks, much less wrestle with other kids.

Like others said, it depends on the individual case and kids. I have to et my son have more freedom to roam or he becomes a caged animal. So he can be a football field away from me...as long as I can see him. And he knows that when I yell his name, he better answer me with "I am here Mommy" right away or there will be immediate consequences (spanking, Ipod Touch privileges taken away, immediate removal from the park, etc.)

I don't think I would let my son roam around the block or the neighborhood unattended yet. He just isn't responsible enough yet. Plus we have a registered sex offender that lives up the street. I do let my kids play in the backyard unattended (I can see them through the kitchen window and back sliding door) and will let them ride their bikes or run up and down the street about half a block. They know the boundary....down to the pastors house that has all the rose bushes in front, turn around and up to the house with the big tree in front of it. I am outside with them or in the garage cleaning our doing laundry.

We also live in San Diego, a very busy and populated area so my reign on them is much tighter because of that. Too many cars not watching for kids on the street, etc. Also I think people do not watch out for others kids like they used to. Back when we were growing up all the neighbors watched for each others kids. Nowadays you have to watch your own kids because everyone is more interested in self interests or afraid to "get involved" in other peoples lives. Think about it, you probably knew almost all your neighbors. How many neighbors do you know today? We are fortunate that we have awesome neighbors immediately around us. But I haven't even seen most of the neighbors that live a few houses down or up from us, and we have lived here for 5 years!

Now when we are visiting my inlaws in S. Dakota, I let my kids roam even farther. So much more open space for them, not as populated, not as many cars, etc. I still have to be able to see them, but they can be as far as 2 football fields away from me, as long I can see the little speck of their heads bobbing up and down.

I agree that the media has induced this fear. Statistically, we are more likely to be struck by lightening than attacked by a stranger. However, thanks to Megan's Law, I can check for registered sex offenders in my area and even see what their conviction was for.

Sadly (and shockingly), there are over 300 sex offenders within a one mile radius in all directions from my house. And I live in a really nice, low-crime neighborhood! Almost every single one of them was convicted for "lewd & lascivious acts on a minor under 14." Under no circumstances do I let my two young girls play outside alone. Just like I wouldn't let them play outside with an umbrella during a lightening storm.

Luckily we live in a cul de sac with lots of other kids their age. As long as one of the parents is supervising, the kids play like crazy outside together. They feel free. We know they're safe. It's the best we can do.

I had complete freedom as a kid. I walked to school alone along a busy street when I was only 5. At 7 & 8 I'd take off on my bike for the day and not come home til dinner. My mom didn't even know where I was. It was great. I never came to any harm. But I lived in a small town in Delaware. Big difference raising kids in L.A.

Oh memories, I remember being able to play on our back yard without fence and it was so much fun, and I could walk to my school when I was my daughters age, and my mom was even more free then I.
I am jealous that you leave in a place that you feel secure to give your kid that space. Unfortunately, I agree with Helene, it depends on many things including where we live, and where we are living right now I wouldn't feel secure to even let my 13 year old out.
In our home before she could go to the neighbors in the block (not inside their homes but to ask the kids to play) and all the kids would play outside and between all the neighbors in the block we would see them play, but here I just don't feel ok with that and I am sorry for her because I think she misses that.
It's sad.

I hope to be more free-range than restrictive, but I'm going to mention something entirely different here.
I used to volunteer (when I was single and had time) with a program called Fullpower, which was full-contact women's self-defense. They have a Kidpower program that teaches children how to be aware and avoid danger. They role play (not too scary, and age-appropriate) how to get out of dangerous situations.
For the older kids, they teach "my no is no" for, say, dating teens. For slightly younger kids, they do the "creepy neighbor" or "creepy babysitting parent" and teach them how to react. They provide the children with what to say and how to act, if necessary, to protect themselves.
They teach younger kids that if they are uncomfortable, say if someone is following them in the mall, they go to a female clerk and ask for help. They role play what to say. They role play what to say to a parent if a relative has behaved inappropriately, which is touching any body part covered by a swimsuit.
I volunteered with these classes, and I would recommend them HIGHLY. I believe that as much free-range as is safe is best, and that includes teaching your children how to react. Never get in a car with anyone; drop your backpack and run. You'd be amazed how many little kids are terrified about losing their backpacks because we've taught them to take care of their stuff.
I don't think we have them in our area, but do your research and find one of these programs if you can. I can't recommend them highly enough.