Am I Being Overprotective? - Killeen,TX

I would have said yes.
I don't believe in being a helicopter parent.
Kids need some freedom. Being a small town , being 11, being with a group of friends she would have been safe.
My 8 yr old no not yet , but when she's that old if we are still here I'd have no problem her walking down to the gas station which is about a mile down the road.

My kids understand that my rules are my rules and it doesn't matter what other kids' moms let them do. They understand that I have these rules because I care about them. You are not over reacting

I live in a small town too. The kind of town where people dont even lock their doors. I wouldnt let my 11 yr old walk alone, even in a small town, but if she is walking with a friend or better in a group then I would be ok with it.

I think there is a balance of being over protective and too lenient. Helicopter parenting can backfire on you.

She was with a group, in a safe area, etc.

As hard as it is, we have to let go and allow our children to become independent.

I am going through the learning to drive stage and it is killing me but my baby is growing up and I am not going to let my fears hold her back.

You asked, yes, I think you are being way overprotective. In a few short years she will be going to college in another city or even state. How will she fare if she doesn't get the chance to test her wings just a couple blocks from her own house in her own neighborhood?

My question is, if not now, when? Legally in all states she's fine to be by herself. So when, when will YOU be ready, clearly, she already is.

I read a great quote a while back about a mom who launched her kids...it's tougher on us than it is on them to give them the independence they need. It's time to figure out how you can work with her on gaining her independence. She needs you to do this for her....The "anything can happen" argument is pointless only because driving her in the car is waaaaay more dangerous than letting her walk.

And to set your mind at ease, read "Free Range Kids, how to raise self reliant kids without going nuts with worry". It's a very easy read.

I'm pretty overprotective myself, but I would say yes if she was with a friend or a small group of friends, and as long as she knew she was to go straight to the agreed upon destination, and no place else, period. And then call me to check in when she arrives. BTW, my DD will turn 11 in a few weeks, and I just started this summer letting her walk to a few places around our home in our immediate neighborhood 2-4 blocks with a friend (maybe just a little further if they are on bikes) but I'm still pretty strict. She isn't allowed to just wander or go and loiter at neighborhood store. And she isn't comfortable going too far either.

It depends on the family, the maturity of the child and friends, the traffic, etc.
I think kids are way to protected these days. I have child the same age down the street, 7 houses and he can not walk over here. I rarely ever see any kids inteh neighborhood and it is such a shame. After all teh researching I did in schools and cities and for my son to have just about no one to hang out with is really tough to choke. I am not interested in making "play dates" for an eleven year old. But that seems to be my only choice. I pretty much feel forced to be a helicopter mom.

Personally, I would have to say that walking a couple of blocks is fine. When I was 11, I was riding my bike all over town (a largish town, but not huge) to my friends' houses and to the arcade etc.. Almost always in a group though because there's safety in numbers.

Look up free-range parenting on the web to get a better idea of the arguments in favor of allowing your children more freedom, especially at this age.

I live in a small town and am a relatively protective parent. I mean, I'm extremely protective, but when it comes to certain things, I let my guard down a little. By 11 my son was able to walk around a lot, BUT, we started practicing when he was younger. I only let him go if I had the other parents permission and he had to call me when he got there. And, when I said be home at a certain time, he'd BETTER be home...or he wouldn't be able to go again. He never let me down. He always wore his watch and he really built up that trust. He's 15 now and incredibly responsible. A woman I work with let her daughter walk to a carnival close by and I told my son he could go, but he had to come back because we were ride sharing that day. He was back 5 minutes early. When we went to pick up her daughter, she wasn't standing where her mom told her to wait for us. She wasn't doing anything wrong or bad, she just didn't think about the time and just about the time her mom thought she was going to have to go looking for her, here she came.
I've never had to go looking for my son and I think that at 11, it might be a good time to start trusting your daughter with things like walking 4-6 blocks with another child with the agreement she lets you know when she gets there.
When I was a kid, we used to ride our bikes all over the place. I actually lived in the San Francisco bay area and we rode and walked all over the place. Times certainly have changed now and I wouldn't let my kids do that if we still lived there. But, where I live, people pretty much look out for each other and most everybody knows everybody one way or another.
It's always best to be on the safe side, but letting our kids have a little responsibility here and there is good for them, I think.
Always do what you think is best.
Maybe talk to the other moms and the coach about their experiences living there and how they gauge the safety of it.
I had to laugh, a friend of ours came for the first time from out of town and brought her son. They are from a big city and he was worried his mom wouldn't be safe going into the market alone to pick something up while we waited in the car. There's virtually no crime here. I've left my car unlocked and forgotten my purse in it and nobody ever bothered anything.

It will be interesting to see your other responses.
Best wishes.

We just returned from 2 weeks in Colorado where we have a cabin-new to us. It is near a small town -population 5000- and my main goal was for my two girls, ages 14 and 12 to make friends locally. They each had friends from home with them and I dropped them off at the park and said "meet some kids". I stayed in town and checked with them and then picked them up a bit later. They had met friends - ten boys!! (The 14 yr olds will be 15 in Sept.-going into high school.) Of course, they wanted to hang out with their new friends every day. I invited these boys to dinner at a restaurant and also had them over to our house. The boys introduced them to girls and after two weeks, they were like little locals. I would drop them off in town, they would meet their friends, skateboard, swim in the river and walk all over. I met most of the kid's parents and took many of them home to their houses. We also had these kids over to our cabin. At one point, 4 local girls slept over at our cabin and as I went to bed I said "Turn out the lights and make sure the front door is locked." to my daughter. One of the locals looked at her and asked "Why would you lock your door?" My daughters were amazed that kids could walk all over and be safe. They were amazed at how nice the kids were and how welcoming. I was impressed with the manners of the kids and just how nice the boys were to the girls. The older girls said they had never met such nice boys- very unlike what they are used to at home. They all hung out in a big group- about 20 kids together- and the most trouble they got in was being kicked out of the Starbucks for being too loud. At times I would question if they had too much freedom- but they all were responsible and I had nothing but good vibes from all the kids. It took me back to a summer when I was 14 and my mother and her friend took me and my friend to a small town in Mexico for 6 weeks. We met local kids and had an absolute blast. We were allowed to wander the streets and hang out in a way that could never have happened in Houston.
When we left to come home there was a huge sobfest. The girls were crying, the boys were crying- they are all now friends on Facebook and daily my girls ask when we can go back to the cabin. They text and talk with their new friends all the time.
It took a HUGE amount of confidence in my kid's abilities to watch out for themselves to allow them this freedom. Maybe we were just lucky but I truly believe this summer will be the summer they never forget and these are friends they will have for a long time. I think you have to have faith in your kids. I will say that my daughter's are the second and third kids- so they are "older" than their ages in some ways... the third is always so much more mature than the first was at the same age. And since they are 2nd and 3rd- I am a less paranoid parent.
You know your child best. A group setting is pretty safe and if you know the kids your child is with and trust them then walking around should be ok. It sounds like the parents were also very responsible since they checked with you- sometimes you have to let go a little. The only way your child will gain some independence is if you let her go some. As one of the friends that was with us said (her mom is pretty strict) "If you don't give your kids SOME freedom, then they are more likely to rebel and do really stupid stuff. I know, cause my parents are really strict and my sisters have done just that."
Let go in baby steps- it will do you both good. Good luck.

I would have said yes. Yes, it's a small town, and it's not free from the chance of an accident or someone you don't know.

But, what I commend the girls for is asking you and seeking your permission instead of just doing it. My fear with many kids around that age is that they'll ask, not get the response they want, and do it behind your backs.

As long as they're in a group and you have a way to communicate with them (and vice versa) should there be an emergency or issue, I think 11 is an age where they begin to be responsible (this is, of course, dependent upon the child) enough to have a few freedoms. 4-6 blocks is ~1/2-3/4 mile.

As long as there are sidewalks and no crossing of really busy intersections, I would be comfortable.

I come from Mexico City, so almost anywhere in the US is safe(r) for me. I wouldnt have any trouble with my daughter walking a couple of blocks, as long as she is not alone. That way she gets to know the neighborhood, and feel a little bit more independent. However you are the mom, and it is you who has to feel comfortable about it. but place things on a scale, how far is too far for you, and under what circumstances would she be able to walk around her neighborhood? how well you know your neighbors and other things such as businesses, schools, about your own neighborhood. Like I said it might be a good experience for her, but just weigh it in, your concerns vs the neighborhood environment and dynamics and then you can decide. Good Luck!

i think you should go with your gutt feeling, thats your best bet and not take advice from other people that dont know the community, or your daughter or other kids in the area. you know the maturity of your daughter and what you think she can handle and when. she won't die if you wait another year or two to let her have more freedom. i think you are doing what you feel is best for you and yours and thats all anyone can ask. good luck

well we moved to a 'community' type place too. but nothing is too safe in my opinion. and it's not maybe and necessarily that i fear the people around us, but strangers etc.
so i don't think you're being overprotective. overprotecting kids, i think, is out job, to make sure we keep them safe until adulthood and even then we still worry about the world around our kids.
to answer your question, i would have done the same thing.

NO WAY!!!! You can read my question of the day about childhood accidents. I think that this kind of careless parenting is just horrible. If you were paying a nanny to keep tabs on your child while at work, you'd be PO'd if the nanny allowed the children to run the streets. You are so RIGHT on the money. They are too young to become a sad statistic.

It depends on the child, but better safe than sorry. at twelve or thirteen you will probably be more comfortable, and possibly your daughter will have a cell phone with her, but that is still a little ways off.

We all let go of things at different times with our kids. We have to give them their independence, which is hard to do and hard to judge. Two 11 year olds walking a few blocks together in a safe town in daylight should be just fine. You are overreacting somewhat and holding on a little too tight. Yes, we all know terrible things happen in a tiny percent of the time, but we have to let them grow up. The other moms are doing the right thing, and it is particularly nice that they checked with you first. Many wouldn't even think to do that. 11 is old enough to cross the street safely, watch out for traffic, and deal with blatant stranger danger. So hold your breath and loosen the apron strings.
You're being great parents, by the way.
Good luck.

Big or small towns run the risk of having "weird" people. Kids are very precious and they deserve to be happy. I DO NOT think you are over reacting. I have and 8 yr old daughter and she is not allowed to go across the street without my supervision. We live in an area that is under construction and there is a lot of people coming in and out. The best of all is that your husband backs you up......that is great!

Best of luck!

No you are not being overlyprotective! This is your one shot at raising her. When she grows up she can decide on how protective to be for her children.
Let me explain why I say you are not being overprotective. There is a festival or jubilee going on. Large crowds attend these. People of all sorts, good and bad. Eleven year old girls are prime targets for pediphiles. Eleven year olds are extremely nieve. They think they are savvy, but talk to them for five minutes and the truth comes out. They are also driven by peer pressure. Next time stay and offer to drive or walk with the girls, at a distance for her independence (not really).
I have 7 daughters, I was always accused of being overly protective, but I don't care. My girls are awesome, they are beautiful, smart, successful, loving, and 4 are moms themselves. They all have gone on to attend college, some have graduated, some have gotten consecutive degrees.
My youngest is soon to be 13. She is the only one at home, am I going to let up? Not for a moment. I am a certified chicken, my sister's scared me as a child with their antics, and I never wanted my children to be harmed by an unsavorly individual or become a statistic. We had no teenage pregnancy, no rapes, only minor issues with partying. In retrospect, it is the other parents who are bothered by your protective manner. It makes them look bad in their eyes. Keep up the good work and relish in the glory when she is a mom or graduating college and thanking you both for being the way you were.

Yes, you are over reacting.

I have read all your responses and I see valid points on both sides. This is going to be long.

I have a five year old son and we live in a good neighborhood in San Antonio. My neighbor children are allowed to run to each others houses without adult supervision. The children I'm referring to range in ages from 5 - 9. I DO NOT allow my son to go out front at all without adult supervision. PERIOD. I don't care what the other parents or kids think. I have checked and there are 2 registered sex offenders in our area. I mean within a mile of our home. There are more than I can count within 5 miles. I feel I live in a SAFE area, but I don't know who is driving down the street and what they are looking for.

When I was a junior in high school, I had 2 incidences where I could have been abducted. I lived in Kansas City at the time. Once was in broad daylight, walking to my brother's house 2 blocks away. A man approached me in a car and asked if I wanted to get ice cream. I told him "no" and quickly walked away. He followed me. I was scared to death as my brother was at work and I was on my way over to his house to let the dog out. Fortunately, one of my schoolmate's and his father were in their driveway working on their car and I walked up to them and stayed with them until we were sure the car was gone. Had they not been there, I could have been in serious trouble.

The other incident was at night after being dropped at home by my date. He didn't wait for me to get inside and I had trouble finding my house keys. My parents were asleep. When I got inside, I went to my room to change and noticed the cat was acting very strangely watching the windows. I felt uncomfortable and decided not to change. I went in to watch t.v. for a while and the cat kept acting strange. I finally turned all the lights out and went to look through the peep hole in the front door. The neighbor across the street had their porch light on so I was able to see quite clearly a man running from one end of our house to the other trying to find me. I was terrified and woke my parents. My dad went outside with a gun but didn't find anyone. We called the police and they picked up a guy walking by the high school football field (which was at the end of our street) who said he was looking for a phone. There was a gas station on the other side of the high school. Remeber, I was in HIGH SCHOOL, 17 years old. I still was not safe.

My point is, children are NOT safe these days. Yes, we have to allow them to grow up. Yes, we have to give them some freedom. However, we also have to protect them. Jaycee Dugard was 11 years old when she was abducted WALKING WITH A FRIEND to the bus stop AT THE END OF HER STREET. We all know her story now. Elizabeth Smart, another young girl abducted and put through hell. I would much rather be a little over protective than to have to watch my child go through the emotional and physical trauma that these girls went through. I talk to my son all the time and explain to him that there are bad people out there that will hurt him and that we love him so that is why we don't let him do things the other kids are being allowed to do. I think you have to decide what is right for your child. That is why God put that child with you. It's not the other parents right or responsibility to make the decision what is right for your child. Maybe they can handle it better if their child is abducted. Think about this, if you were a pedifile, where would it be easiest for you to abduct a child: in a big town where people are more protective or in a small town where everyone feels they are safe and the children roam the streets freely???? I'll be overprotective. Small freedoms and building trust, yes. Giving in to peer pressure, no way.

Kids get abducted all the time by perverts, especially at 11. They are not yet women, but yet maturing. I hate to say this, but its always the small towns that you hear about some poor kid getting kidnapped. You are absolutely right in not letting her walk that far. Stand your ground and keep your child safe.

No, if it were me, I would've said 'no' too. Trust your instincts. If they tell you 'no' then stick w/it. Just b/c other parents feel it's 'okay' doesn't mean you hafta go along w/it. Anything can happen & you are correct to want to protect your daughter. If she were 14, then perhaps it'd be okay but I agree that 11 is a bit young to let her walk w/o a parent w/them, even if it's just "4-6 blocks" That's pretty far when you really think about how big a block is.

I see you've already posted a follow-up. I don't know how "small" your small town near Killeen is... I grew up in a town of 2,800. I was allowed to walk a couple of blocks to the pool (in daylight) with friends. So were my siblings. We were also allowed to walk to stores on main street about 6-8 blocks away (also in daylight). We knew nearly everyone in town, and even some people from the nearby farms.

I'm guessing your version of small is not nearly as small. And the world just doesn't seem as safe as it did then. I would personally allow my children to walk WITH friends (or a trusted adult) a few blocks during DAYLIGHT hours at the age your daughter currently is. But not at night without an adult. Just my 2 cents.

NO, NO, NO---you are NOT over reacting! You are being very prudent! I live in a small community, too. My sister lives less than 1 mile down a neighborhood-ish road, but I won't let my daughter (12) even ride her bike to her house. Just turn on the news and you won't let your daughter out of your sight for a second! So many young girls and young women are getting murdered/abducted--I fear for my daughter.

As a parent you are being protective of your daughter. Just the other day i saw on the news that a 12 year old girl was in her yard and two men driving by in a car tried to grab her, but she ran away from them. So you will never know what would happen now days. even if it is a safe place, some strangers can come thru and kidnap kids and even adults. So you aren't overreacting.

I haven't read all the responses but here is my two cents. My daughter is 11 too and my answer is no. I don't even let her play in the front yard by herself. I dont' care if I am overprotective but it is too easy for some stranger to come up and snatch her.
You are going to have to go with your gut because I know I get a lot of people saying I am overprotective but oh well I also don't let her do myspace or facebook and I am in the minority on that. I am a strong momma and I don't really care what other people say.
So again go with what you feel. If it feels right than it is.

What i don't like about this was the whole party atmosphere, that makes it a little differetn to me than just two friends walking 4 blocks to the library. I think a lot would depend on what sort of streets would need to be crossed etc,
I think i would love to have my daughter and my self take a selfdefense class at this age.

Nope I don't think you are being over protective at all! I would rather be cautious than end up sorry that I wasn't more cautious. In todays society you can hardly even let your child take the garbage out. I know smaller towns are different than the large cities but things seem to happen in even the nicest subdivisions and neighborhoods. I always trust my gut!

I would have been with you and said no also. My sister was with someone when she was little and the girl was kidnapped. (She was returned safely). She is a police officer now. (my sister). Sorry, but if these kids don't like us being overprotective they can go to therapy someday.

I would not let my son go to the movie theatre with friends without a parent until age 12. At age 12, I or another mom dropped at the front of theatre and picked up at the front of theatre. Then in a few months, I'd allow them to walk from theatre to nearby bookstore, or ice cream shop, and pick up there. I think you have to take BABY STEPS.

What is scary is if your daughter has friends who become "sneaky." I have two examples: I saw a friend of my son's (he was on same 4th-5th grade basketball team as my son). He was meandering down the sidewalk about a block from our movie theatre with another boy who I did not know. I stopped to say HI and wanted to say HI to his mom, so I looked around & asked, "Where's your mom?" He said, "Oh, she dropped us at the movies. But we didn't like the movie, so we left." I asked what time the movie started. It had started 10 minutes earlier. These boys had no intention of going to the movies. They were "cruising." The mom had no idea her child was cruising the downtown area unsupervised for 2 hours. 2nd example: My daughter went to a birthday spend-the-night party at age 14 or 15. The girls all left the house and went cruising the neighborhood at midnight. They stopped in front of another girl's house whose parents were out of town. She invited them all in to partake of Tequila and Vodka. My daughter and few others said no and went back to the original home. I asked my daughter if they woke up & told the parents who were hosting the party. She said no.

My advice is: GET TO KNOW YOUR CHILD'S FRIENDS. If they are the type of kids who DO WHAT THEY SAY then feel more comfortable letting your child "cruise" with those particular kids and have frequent "check-in" times - - an agreed-upon time when they could call you and let you know where they are, when they'll be home, etc. But just like in the 2 examples above, some kids don't mind being SNEAKY and doing things THEY KNOW their parents would not approve of. Do your best to know who those kids are and don't let your kids "hang" with them.

I didn't read any responses, but my advice would be to check out the book (or blog) Free Range Parenting.

Were you allowed to walk 4 blocks at age 11?

i watch way too much t.v. about kiddnappers,murders and such. i heard one kidnapper say its much eaiser to take someone who is alone than it would be if they were in a group. so if she is with friends the chances of her being taken are less likely. if she looks like she will fight back men are less likely to attack. if she calls you once she gets to her destination or texts just to let you have some peace of mind. i would say she is old enough to be walking places with friends. this is the age where she is learning to be responsible. if she does not call or just frogot then you will have to address that. but i would let go a little for her at this time....only if she is walking with friends and only if she lets an adult know. also teaching her about badguys/stranger danger will help.

I would have waited also. I have been to many functions and I know how easy it is for grownups to get sidetracked and kids doing what they please. It is easy for kids to come up and ask a question while the grownups are taking and one turns and just says yes and keep talking.

When you say "small town", I'm not really sure how large you indicate as small.

Number one... your city is indicated as "Killeen" ...... I'm in Georgetown, and frankly, with Killeen being an army town, I would NOT let my child walk alone, or even in a group at that point. I'm not saying that Killeen is a bad town, there are a lot of good things about it. I've heard that the schools are good ones... we just got a new middle school principal from that area last year, I believe.

Even if you are in Copperas Cove, Florence, or Harker Heights, same thing... you are too close to a MAJOR army base to let them be that unsupervised.

There are a lot of wonderful people in the military, but unfortunately, it can attract a lot of not so nice people. The girls may be somewhat 'savvy', but at that age may end up trusting the wrong person, just because they seemed nice.

Stick to your beliefs..... you know what is best for your family!