My daughters first Communion is next weekend. We are still so worried about who should be in attendance. I previously called in the help of my GREAT mamapedia moms a few weeks ago and now that issue affects my daughters communion. Unfortunatley my in-laws and sister in law are not speaking with us still. My father in law won't speak to us and ignores the children too if they are with us (baseball game on sat is only time we see them). My sister in law has ignored the issue of her derogatory remarks to us a couple weeks ago, but it will be uncomrfortable to have her at the dinner party that night. I wanted this to be a special time for her, we didn't have a big b day party in march for her, instead we were going to have a big communion party with family and friends. My parents are coming into town for the week. I feel bad for her and my husband regarding his family. Issue before: he confronted them 3 weeks ago that they play favorites with his sister and her kids and don't give us credit for all the help we do for them (we translate, advice, give cell phone service, only watch my kids rarely) while his sister gets taken to dinner, bought anything she needs, babysitting anytime, kids picked up from school 2 cities away, dinner made, etc). I am grateful he finally stood up for our family. Yet his dad went off and said he would never speak to us again and strange things like his mom messed him up he was a mistake. So issues that are hard to say lets forget about it. But what about for the communion, I can just compensate and invite some more friends. But sure does look weird that his family isn't there. I got gifts for attendees and now don't know what to do. Her godmother (his other sister just had baby and can't come either). It is so stressful when it should be joyful :(
Luckly everyone made up somewhat and talked a few days beofre and you were right my daughter was so happy to have everyone together for her big day :)
hugs!! You can still make it a great day and evening.
Does she have any little friends you could invite. It would make a great memory for her and a best friend.
Invite all the people who should be invited. Anyone who opts not to come for their own petty reasons will have that burden on themselves. Keep your conscience clear. If you keep the day focused on your daughter and celebrating her, she may not have any issues about who is not there.
You mentioned in what you do for them and you said you translate. I'm by no means racist (i have a multi racial family :) ) but i had a friend once who was hispanic (first generation american) and his parents did practically NOTHING for him, but they bought his sister a house and gave it to her, bought her a car, basically anything she wanted or needed and it was just sort of their culture.. i'm not sure if this is common with other families. It's totally messed up and i'd be pissed too!
About the communion how sorry are these people that they are letting a grown -up fight come between their neices and grandkids... this is SAD. If possible let them know that without anyone making apologies you want your daughter to have a memorable night and you don't think it's fair. You want to bury the hatchet for a night and focus on your little girls huge milestone. Hopefully these "adults" will stop being kids enough to see they are hurting a little girl!!
I agree with the other ladies. You need to be the bigger person and invite all your in-laws. They will make the decision to go or not. Atleast you did your part and try to include them. Let them decide if they want to miss out on a very special day in their grandchilds life. Make it all about your daughter. This is such a special day for her. Don't let anyone bring this day down for your daughter. Enjoy and I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Would your husband be willing to talk to his mom and dad and say"This is a time for your grand daughter. No matter what our ralationship is, has nothing to do with her and this special occasion. Please come and show her your love and support. We will not make it uncomfotable for you mom and sister, please come."???
I agree with the other responders who say that you should be the bigger person and invite them all and leave it up to them to decide. If you don't invite them, they'll hold that over your family forever. Better to leave it up to them that they were invited but chose not to come.
Let this day be about your daughter and her first communion. invite the inlaws and if they come they come if not still have it be a special day for your daughter. invite the priest over for lunch afterwards. Don't say anything at all about your inlaws not being there. If she asks just say they couldn't make it. Don't run them down to her or anyone else or you might have to eat it later sigh........as thats pretty much how life in families goes.
invite them all and just see what happens. Let them choose not to come.
This event is about your daughter, not you, not your husband, not your in-laws. Make it about her.
Did you invite the in-laws? If you did, assume they are coming. If they come, make a big deal about it to your daughter. Get excited, thank them for coming, try to be as normal as possible and act like nothing is wrong. Enjoy your daughter's day.
If you did not invite them, do it now! They should have the option of being their for her on her big day! Do it for her!
Bottom line, be the bigger person and let it go. They don't owe you anything. They don't owe you baby sitting time or dinners out. What they choose to do for the other members of the family is their business. Try to be grateful for everything that they do for you and don't worry about what they do for anyone else.
My in-laws absolutely favor their daughter and her family. You're right! It's not fair. It's not fair to my husband or to me, but most importantly, it's not fair to our kids. But there really isn't anything I (or my husband) can do about it. We try really hard to help our kids see everything good that comes their way. My kids are 2 and almost 5, so I do realize it's much easier for me. As my kids get older, they will no doubt start to notice that their cousins get more attention and more gifts. We will have to have a conversation with them and let them know that it might not be fair, but their grandparents do love them and are loving them in the best way they know how.
Please let it go and be the bigger person. You and your husband will be much happier if you do.
