From No One to Everyone, an Open Invitation

Yeah, you kind of have to invite family for the First Communion. Assuming the grandparents are Catholic also, at some point you'll all be at mass together, and they'll wonder why she's taking communion unless she had a First Communion that they weren't invited to. ;)

I would just keep it simple. Sandwiches sound perfect. Keep it simple and have the deli make the salads, too. Serve cake and punch, and you're done. No big deal. Nobody expects it to be fancy. If cleaning the house isn't going to happen by Sunday, then how about just having it at the park? Reserve some covered picnic tables, the adults can sit in the shade, and the kids can play.

1st communion and party- are connected. Like Baptism and Party, or graduation and Party.

So, either call the local pizza joint and set somthing up? (then no need to clean since eveyone will be there). Or get some itlian beef, and bread with Chips put them in the crock pot and call it a meal. Order a cake from you favorite cake place.

This is possible, tough but possible.

Good luck.

Not to pile on, but yes, I agree with others that this IS a big deal and should be treated as such. I get it, it sucks that you feel this sort of just came out of no where and it feels a bit like it's spinning out of control on your end, which is stressful! :) But your Plan B sounds pretty good.

Don't stress about cleaning too much, seriously. I host a lot of parties, and yes I do clean a bit beforehand, but seriously the floors look 100X worse after the party than they ever did before the party. Wipe down the bathroom, pick up the clutter and call it good.

As far as food…you're on track. Costco has amazing prices on sandwich trays and cakes and they are yummy! They even have a cake with a cross on it which is perfect for an event such as this. Buy some of their salads and dips and call it good. It might be a bit more expensive than making it yourself, but SO worth it. I also think it's okay to ask the grandparents to bring a dish or something. I wouldn't ask any one else, maybe a sibling, but other than that, make it work.

As far as your Goddaughter's first communion…uh yeah, you need to be there. That's part of being a Godparent. You expect your daughter's Godparents to be at hers, so...

I do not mean to criticize you by any means, but First Communion is a very big deal to Catholics. I used to be a DRE at a Catholic Church, and every family I knew of had a party afterwards with lots of family invited. For many families, it can actually get quite out of hand. Many of the girls actually buy flower girl dresses from a bridal shop. I saw one girl wearing the one that went with my wedding dress.

It's kind of assumed that you would at least invite the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

My brother and I go to the same church, and we both have a child in first grade. A couple of weeks ago my SIL was thinking about First Communion and told me that we are going to have to do a joint party. She's right. My parents live nearby, but her parents and my in-laws will all be invited, as well as a few other close relatives. She and I will have to think about where to have this party, as we will have quite a guest list. But it would be completely unfair to much of our family to try and do it any other way.

I'm so sorry this is happening so last minute for you. Definitely order food from a local grocery store or deli. Sandwiches, salads, maybe a cake? That sounds great!

I know it's going to be a lot of work for you right now, but you won't regret having the family be with your daughter on this very special day.

first communion is a big deal, no? isn't it nice that the folks who love your daughter are excited to share it with her?
i don't understand why the only people you are (were) inviting to your daughter's are the godparents, yet you sound pretty resentful at being expected to attend your own goddaughter's.
ordering a light repast and having everyone over to your house sounds like the perfect solution. yeah, you'll have to clean (i have to have people over from time to time, it's about the only thing that motivates me) but you won't have to cook, and it'll be way cheaper than going to a restaurant. and having your dh pick it all up is ideal also.
sounds as if you've hit on the best possible way of handling it. have fun!
:) khairete
S.

I'm confused. We are Lutheran and confirmation is a BIG deal in our church. All our friends and family were invited both times. Most came out of town to attend. I don't understand why you didn't invite family. I don't know the dynamics in your family, but this is just a little odd.

Its a big deal. I'm glad you are working with Plan B. Just keep smiling!!

Well I sympathize that it happened this way but First Communion is a really big deal and I'm surprised that you weren't planning on inviting your own family to begin with. It's too bad that your husband blindsided you and that you two didn't really clearly discuss this ahead of time, but his expectation is more reasonable than yours. I think your plan to have folks over for a meal after is reasonable and appropriate. Hopefully if you have younger children, you'll know for them to put more planning into the expected family gathering.

I am also confused. We invited all of our family (only mine is local) and godparents to our kids baptisms when they were babies. We always did an easy brunch or lasagna or something after. I can't imagine not inviting my family to something like this...sorry.

I think finger sandwiches, some easy salads, and toilet paper is a great idea. You should have plenty of time to clean between now and then to (this coming from a full-time working mom who has 3 kids with activities 6 days a week).

Wow. Why would you not invite your mother initially? Maybe she would have found the will to drive up for such a great occasion.

Sounds like you might be in a rut or pretty stressed out at this moment in your life? Or maybe you were not raised Catholic?? Having Grandparents and other family, that can make it, at First Communion is just a given in a kid's life. Will your husband's side of the family feel bad they are not invited?

If you are going through a rough time I would enlist the help of anyone you can to bring a dish, help decorate and hire someone to come clean your house. Sisters and grandmas should be more than willing to bring a dish to pass and it makes the meal more special that everyone had a hand in it.

I also hope you can put on a smile and be happy to attend your godchild's big day too!

Congrats and I hope you can enjoy your little girl's big day!

First Communion is a very special day. You did not invite your family!. Sounds like your heart just is not into this. You sound annoyed. I just hope your negativity does not ruin your daughters special day. Order the sandwiches, salads, cake, get some drinks. Put on a pot of coffee and you are done. I hope you can get beyond the issues and just enjoy the moment.

My family, in-laws, relatives, every thing is "pot luck", so guests bring a dish. and if we go out to eat, we pay our own. Any holiday, informal gathering, children's Christening, whatever, I never "assume" that it's a free meal unless so stated.
If I were invited anywhere, I would call the hostess and ask if there is anything I could bring. If they say "no, just bring yourself and dinner is on us", I would honor that.
With impromptu invitees like it appears in your situation, I think they should accept what you have to offer without complaint.

I personally am not offended if someone "asked" me to bring a dish or something to help out. Maybe my family is not the "norm". We never had money to entertain or take group out to eat.

I think your new plan is a good one. If needed, you could ask your mom and a few others to bring a side salad or a plate of cookies to the after-party since the party has evolved into a much bigger affair. Or, just pick one thing a day until Sunday to get ready: today, bake a big batch of cookies and freeze them; tomorrow start cleaning, the next day get groceries and paper plates/cups etc, the next day throw together a dip and chop a platter of veggies, Saturday get the salads thrown together, Sunday have hubby get sandwiches and clean up.

I think it is nice that so many family members want to be there, and hopefully this ends up being a nice get together and a good memory for your family. That being said, I do empathize, because it *IS* frustrating when these events end up being much bigger than you wanted to take on. At Easter, we invited my parents to come over for lunch. I had the groceries all purchased already. It was going to be small, ya know? Then they suggested we invite my single brother, so I did, then we felt like we should probably invite my other brother and his family since they live close. Then I get a call from my brother that lives out of state and he was told about the party and wanted to come and offered to pick up our other brother and his wife on the way (that live near him) so on Saturday night I found out our Easter party was now going to be a party of 20. It was a nice party but we did end up spending a ton of money to host that many people and I worked my butt off to get it ready. But, I do think it will be a good memory for all and really, we do not get together often, so it was nice that everyone made it work. Family is important!

Good luck!

Added after your SHW - Eat first, honey. Eat first. That way you don't get stuck eating the little bits that are left over. You need a full stomach with that twisted skirt!! Hugs!

Original:
I love your toilet paper comment!!

Yeah, treat this like it's a christening and have people to your house after the service, have sandwiches, salad, fruit/dessert, and tea/sodas there for them. It can kind of be like an after-Easter spring party. Much cheaper than a restaurant and more personal too.

Make sure that your daughter knows to open any presents in front of you so that you can write down who gave them.

It's kind of like "in for a penny, in for a pound". If you're going to have a lunch, make sure everyone who is coming to see your daughter's communion knows that they are invited over afterward. You don't want people to not know that you've bought food for them, or worse, for them to think that they weren't invited when others were.

Congrats on your daughter's first communion. Such a special occasion!!

I know it is not what you planned but it sounds like you now have a good new plan.

Can you hire someone just this time to come and clean?
That seems to be your biggest stress.

It will work.

(Good for you--you had a Plan B!)

You can also enlist the grands and say, "If you would bring a salad to round out the luncheon, that would be very appreciated." I would also make an end time - you can cite that it's a school night, etc. Delegate anything you need to so you can enjoy the day, too. Your DH can help with the house, kids, food, etc.

It actually sounds to me like the issue is more that you don't get along with these relatives more than you wanted a small party. Sometimes I invite people because it's the politic thing to do, and then I busy myself with other things (like refilling snacks or getting my Grandma a drink) rather than deal with the people I don't like.

Ask the invitees to bring food to your house. Explain why!

It's a huge change of plans, I know, but flexibility and humor are the keys to making it a day your daughter will remember with happiness.

Call the adults who are coming and ask them to bring something. Be specific - a veggie tray, some fruit, a side dish, a dessert. Take the money you were going to spend at the restaurant and put that toward a main dish.

Ask a couple of friends to come over and decorate your house a bit for you. If you need to, ask a couple of other friends to come over and give your house "a lick and a promise," as my mother used to say. I bet you have some friends who would be glad to do these things for you. They can't be the gracious hostess for you, but they can help with this sort of preparation while you do your part with your guests.

I will now tell you a story about my best friend's daughter's wedding a few years ago. This friend is wonderful at giving parties! Everything was planned down to a T. Then, as they were checking the wedding day list yet again, they realized... that there was no food. Everyone thought somebody else had taken care of it.

There wasn't enough money left in the budget to hire a caterer, if they could have found one at the last minute. It was an afternoon wedding, so there was no dinner planned, but several hundred people were expected at the reception!

My friend wore out her phone calling everyone (local) who had been invited, explaining the situation and asking each to bring a small amount of a specific item. She laughed at herself for her huge mistake, so then everybody else laughed, and it all turned out fine.

The best-laid plans often go to smash, so laugh and roll with it. It won't be what you envisioned, but it may be better. Imagine - all those people wanting to celebrate your girl's First Communion with you! I think that's wonderful!

Could lunch be a no host lunch ? I've heard of that being done. I don't knw how you arrange it, tho.

I did join a family after a funeral. They said after the funeral they were going to a specific restaurant and would we like to join them? When the waiter asked if it was separate checks and all of us including family said yes. I as there because I took a friend so that she could attend a relatives wedding. I thought separate checks were fine tho I might have if were family or a friend.

I thought it might be separate checks because of the way they said we're going to this restaurant. Would you like to join us? There was no invitation in advance.

In my family, ahead of time we would just say to a couple of strategic people "we'd like to pay for everyone but can't" and someone would take care of it. Separate checks would be Ok. But then we are a close family.

I think having a meal at your house is a good idea. Perhaps you could pay to have house cleaned since you will be paying less than you would at a restaurant.

So, your daughter is having her most awesome precious day and you were excluding everyone that is important and is family? Why even have the day then?

I'm not catholic but from what I've heard this is a huge deal, a big day that is supposed to be attended by everyone.

I think you should not serve food, take anyone out to eat, or anything like that.

IF IF IF you MUST feed the people who attend why not use the church hall of some sort and have refreshments and be done.

Good grief! Not inviting her grandmother? To her first communion? I can't imagine how hurt and angry I'd be if I found out something this important happened I was left out.

I think you must be feeling a lot of external pressure for a meal, an event after the communion, etc. I am not Catholic but I know it can be a huge deal to DO something, provide food, practically a reception, etc. -- in some places, in some churches. Ask yourself: Does your particular, local church --the other parents, the priests, the teachers -- just culturally tend to expect that families do all this extra celebrating with extended family? Is this maybe a case of "Well, EVERYONE whose kids have first Communion here takes their extended family out to a meal after the mass...it's just what people 'do' here...What do you mean, you're not inviting every single person in your family?!" and so forth. If YOU, personally, are low-key and not into inviting a crowd for every event, then you are maybe feeling spoken or unspoken pressure to put on a show, frankly. You had your plans and now you feel they've been hijacked.

Well, that boat has sailed, and others are now planning to come. At this point I would do as you've done and order as much of the food as possible (do not spend your weekend making things) and have, in your head, a firm "end time" for the gathering -- It can help to be able to say, "Sally has a (event) at 4:00 so we'll need to wrap this up at 3:00" or whatever (as long as it's true!).

But I'd really think through whether you and your husband, too, are caving to expectations along the lines of "That's what families usually do here" and the implied corollary "And if you don't do that, you're a bit strange...."

I don't think there was anything wrong with your original plan to have only the godparents and their kids there. Did you not originally invite your mom because you have some other issues with her, or because you knew that inviting mom equals inviting at least one if not several others too (your sisters)? I admit that not inviting a grandparent -- if she's close t your kids -- seems a bit odd to me, but it's possible your mom is a handful or you know that inviting her always means other issues crop up.

I know first communion is a huge deal. But it's a huge religious deal, and is also a social event only if you choose to add that onto it. It's a choice, not an obligation.

At our church, when kids were baptized last Sunday, the church had a beautiful cake to honor all the kids who participated and everyone in the church stayed after the service for snacks (provided by the church as they are every Sunday so that wasn't anything out of the ordinary) and the cutting of the cake in front of all the kids. Simple, easy, no pressure, and it acknowledged all the children who were baptized that day.

I'm usually wrong about these things, but I would have addressed it with the friend's mother. "Oh, did she invite you? Isn't it funny how kids try to make plans on their own? Well, of course, you're welcome to come, but I haven't invited anyone because we aren't planning anything for afterward." Then, I would have shared these plans with my daughter and husband. (I likely would have been clear with my husband already.)

Then, I would have said to my husband (in front of whoever was present when he asked), "We agreed that we aren't inviting anybody. Now, you can choose to extend whatever invitations you'd like at this point, but YOU are responsible for what happens after that. We're not hosting any gathering of people."