First Anniversary of Mil's Death

My mom loved roses. When she died I planted a rose bush in our yard to remember her. Everytime a rose blooms it's like my mom is smiling at us. Valentine's day is the day to plant/prune roses, so it's a good time.

It is touching that you got along so lovingly with your mother in law, good for you. There is something to be said about that for both of you. After my brother died suddenly and tragically, we decided we would celebrate his life, not his death, because that is what he would have wanted. We gathered and took turns telling our favorite stories about him. We laughed -and cried of course. I think the balloon whispers and the scrapbooking are great ideas, too and could both be very therapeutic for you and your family. I think writing about her could be helpful to all of you, too. You could write down all of the things you remember about her, because as time fades away, so do some of the details - details that you don’t think you'll ever forget. What were some of her favorite things, places, foods, shows, people, etc? Writing may also help each of you through a difficult time. God bless.

Have your father in law over for dinner if that is an option. My mom passed away suddenly 4 years ago. I always make sure my dad is ok on that day. I get into a funk for a few days before and after but my kids do not know know why. I don't feel they need to know exactly what is going on. They were 3 and 5 when she passed away and still talk about her. My daughter (born after she passed) talkes about her angel grandma. It does get easier. And don't feel guilty about not going to the cementary. It took my dad and I a year and a half to go (she is buried in Iowa) however once I did I realized she is not there. It is just a place. Now if we head out west we stop by the cememtary but have only been a few times. Know each year it does get easier but it is still hard.

I'm so sorry. I really can't imagine how it must be. Losing my mom is by far my biggest fear in the world. I'm terrified of it. It seems the older I get, the more I think about it. My mom loves hummingbirds. This will seem odd to some people, I'm sure, but I know that when that time comes for me I want a small tattoo of a hummingbird. No doubt about it. Something that will be with me forever and ever and ever. I don't think I've ever told anybody this before. I wonder if it's something I should tell mom?

I know your feelings exactly. Thanksgiving Day was the one year anniversary of my FIL's death. On his first birthday after his death, we went out to dinner to one of his favorite restaurants. It was a bittersweet time but we just wanted to be around family that was experiencing the same grief.

One final recommendation: clear your day of responsibilities if at all possible. Give yourself some quiet time to grieve, cry, laugh and reflect. It is a tough milestone. I commend you for looking ahead to this difficult day.

Michelle

I'm so sorry for your loss. My father in law died unexpectedly as well. If possible, I would suggest going with your children to a place she loved, or that you went to together. Tell stories about her. If there's a certain food she loved, or made a lot, make that and talk about her as you make and eat it. I also think looking through a photo album is a great idea.

I like the first response about planting flowers, if you are good at that sort of thing (my thumbs are certainly not green!). Perhaps you could also spend some time with the family looking at old photos and sharing memories. If you don't already have one, maybe you could put together a scrapbook together. It would be a great way to keep her memory alive for you and your children.

I am so sorry for your loss, you have a lot of great ideas already and when I post something I always try to relate it back to our family. We have very young children and what we might do is a crock pot dinner that Grandma would have made (so there is no stress and no clean up ) and then we would curl up on the couch and watch a favorite Disney movie that Grandma got for us.

My thoughts are with you at this time.

I know your pain. I am working on the 3rd year without my mother and February is a hard month for me. Her birthday was the fun times in picking a gift to make her smile and laugh. I know it is hard, but I visited her grave for the first time last September. My Dad and I went together. You just need to pray for the strength and go. You will find it to be your special time with her. My parents were the joy of my kids and there was nothing that they could ask that she did not do and some. We miss her dearly, but the love they have made us closer and a group and we cherish my Dad. I don't have to ask them to call or visit their grandpa, because the love that was demonstrated by them still remains in their hearts. We talk about her often and laugh about the things growing up. Each day you will get stronger. Remember God only gives us what we can handle. I am not saying you will not cry or feel bad, but you will find yourself smiling behind the tears. This is our hearts love and pain for them gone. You have to let your feeling come through to help ease the pain.

Haven't read any of your responses, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. About a year after my mom died, my brother's school planted a memorial garden in her honor. (Any money that was given at the funeral was given to them.) It was really nice. They had a small tree and some plants and things. I realize you can't really do this in Feb., but maybe it's something you can do somewhere as spring comes along.

When my grandma passed, we went to a park that she frequently helped clean and had a tree planted there in her honor. She did a lot of volunteer work in her community, and it was a special way to keep her in a place that she loved. We also took some of the ivy that was growing in front of her house and split it amongst the kids/grandkids. It didn't last very long (Ivy doesn't do well in pots, sadly) but it helped me get through the first year or so. I hope you and your family are able to find something special to remember her by. :) *hugs*

As something for you and your kids to do, I would suggest "balloon whispers of love". We did this at the cemetary once for a friend, but you can do it in your own backyard effortlessly. Write a little missing you love note to your MIL (and the kids can do the same or draw a picture) and then roll it up and put in a helium balloon. Go out in the yard together, exchange thoughts about her amoungst yourselves and then release the balloons. The idea is that they "float up to her" and she can read the messages. It was such an emotional but very beautiful thing to do as a way of saying "we remembered".