Finding Fun in the Day to Day

Hi, I feel for you! I have been in the same position with my 3 year old. I have an 8 and 10 year old and the things this 3 yr old has put me through they never even thought of! I finally was recommended 123 Magic. I laughed at first thinking it would never work on my child. In less than a week I have seen amazing results. The biggest is that there is no more yelling in my house and I am a lot more able to enjoy my child than before. I spend more time playing with her and enjoying things with her than the fighting, yelling, and screaming that were going on every day before. If you have any questions let me know. This has changed my life!!

I've thought a lot about your post. It feels like something I could've written. My boys are 4.5 and 2.5, and the oldest is very, very intense. He drains me. I think to myself, what will help me get through this day? What will relieve this funk that I find myself in, sometimes for weeks at a time? I don't do religion, I'm not a crafter. The red wine I swill at night isn't changing anything. It's a feeling like being unmoored and lost...I think SAHMs get sucked into the vortex of kids needs and lose ourselves down the rabbit hole. Telling yourself to be grateful doesn't work; looking at the sadness of world events and comparing yourself to it will just make you even more depressed than when you started thinking about it all. It's like some kind of existential crisis. For me, it's the quest to find something that is all mine, that's just for me, and not something I should/have to do, like working out. Wish I had some answers for you. I hope it helps to hear that you are not alone in this feeling.

Do you have any Fred Meyer's in your area? Some of the stores have Childcare, so you can drop the kids and have peace while you shop!! Its amazing. Honestly, I alternate between taking the kids if I have to and doing the grocery shopping in the evening after they are in bed, or if hubby can watch them. Its miserable to go grocery shopping with kids. Maybe try to go the park first to let the run and play.

I so feel your pain! Here is what worked for me - (my daughters are 4 and 5 and my infant is 3 months old). Even before the baby, shopping with the girls was hell. I became "that mom" whom we see and judge thinking "why can't she control her kids" or "why is she so nasty to them!" So very simple - I STOPPED SHOPPING WITH THEM. I go when I have someone to watch them or at night. Period. The other thing that works is go out and do things, every other day. What we tend to do now, is we will do one day where we are home and playing in the house and in the yard, and I spend part of the time playing with them, and part of the time cleaning and doing other things (like mamapedia..heehee or working doing freelance article writing). Then the next day we'll go out to a park or the beach or a friend's house etc. And so on. So your routine is always changing up and you're not in a rut. And set things up so you can be relaxed!! You can do it and have fun!

I gotta be in the right mood too. I always get in a better mood when we play hide and seek, play board games, make huge stacks of blocks and see if we can beat eachother, go outside and look for bugs, cook in the kitchen (I have a fun recipe for doggie treats, using cookie cutters. My 3 yr old loves it b/c it's kind of like play-doh, but there's a doggie treat in the end).

Mary Anne,
I get it. I have Twin 4yr olds and a 2.5 yr old. I feel the same sometimes. When dad gets home, he is the golden one. I am the one who tells them to say Please, thank you, clean up the toys, etc. My husband is wonderful, but way more loose on expectations when in a store so if he is with us, I have my 4th kid along:)

I am sure you are doing your best and I am just starting to analize my parenting skills with other methods. I was raised in a loud family and so I am a yeller which I really dislike. I also was more than spanked as a kid than is legally acceptable today but I don't believe that the time-outs that work today will always work so I am trying to think ahead. I am going to read a new book/method a friend back in Ohio with a little older kids gave me about rewarding the positive (like the other posters mentiond) and give this a try. I don't have that information right now but I can get the information on the method if you would like it. She also told me a phrase I love.. It is parenting, not perfection.

You are not alone and glad you and your husband get time together and some for yourself. It is important IMHO.

Hi M.,

May I suggest that you are spending too much time telling them what NOT to do, but they have nothing in their arsenal of behaviors that u DO want them to do. You can make the dreaded shopping trip pleasant by starting small and rewarding appropriate behavior with telling them what they are doing right as soon as u see it and using touched, hair tossle, pat on the back, hug. It sounds simple but it works. They learn so much from you. I would bet your attitude sets the tone for them before you ever leave the house. Try a more positive attitude before you leave.

Take care and enjoy those kids of yours! :-)

T. Nelson

A couple of days of preschool?

"They get bored and then they screw around and I spend more time telling them to "Stop it" "Keep your hands to yourself" "Don't climb on that" "Don't Touch That" etc that IF i get everything I needed I am so embarrased and stressed by the time it's over I want to go home and cry in my room."

Plan trips to places they CAN touch, climb, etc. : a park, a children's museum (or even a museum with kid-friendly exhibits)

When you have to take them along on a must-do trip to the grocery store or mall, tell them expectations ahead of time. "I expect you to stay in the cart/by my side. If you want to touch something, please ask me first."

Try to keep the trip short. Complement every few minutes that they ARE meeting expectations. "Wow! it is so nice to be able buy our food without having to worry about you running off! I am really enjoying having you with me!" "Thank you for asking me before you ran over to look at that cool truck you saw." "Look, here is a fountain. Would you like to spend some time here before we go to the next store?"

It's up to you if you want to promise a reward of some kind (a treat, a trip to the park, playing blocks with them when you get home)