Finalizing Divorce

i don't know much about alimony, but my husband pays child support... i don't think you get to ask for an amount, i think the courts of each state have a calculator and figure it out based on salary and some other variables. you may be able to ask for more if you think they don't grant you enough (however, that's what my husband's ex did and turns out he was paying too much at the time...even though he agreed to keep paying the higher amount, not every guy would, so you have to be careful!)
Medical costs and insurance were factored into the child support part of court - in my husband's case it was based on comparing the parent's incomes.

And i second Everly - be sure to spell EVERYTHING out. Times, dates for drop off / pick up... if the summer will be different than the school year... especially who gets what holiday and at what times (we do it by even/odd years). Who the kids spend their birthday with each year. Mother's Day / Father's Day. How far each parent is allowed to take a child from the area before the other parent has to be notified. Maybe getting "right of first refusal" if you want it so you get the kids on a holiday or other time if your husband is unavailable during his time (as opposed to a babysitter/family member of his) - we have it only for certain holidays like Memorial Day, etc. A good lawyer will make sure it's all in there and set in stone so noone can play games! There was A LOT of "game playing" with the schedule before my husband took ex for a better custody agreement.
Good luck!

In some states there is a difference between "parenting time", "visitation" and "physical custody". It is a bit of semantic debate, but it can help you if he starts not showing up or trying to skirt around times.

Some decrees are worded "father is allowed x amt of time" which basically means he can't have them MORE than that, but he can decide he DOESN'T want to have them that weekend and legally he isn't OBLIGATED to take his kids.

At the point that we were still attempting to do joint custody my lawyer had it written in that he has "custodial time". So, if he didn't pick her up at 5pm from the daycare I wouldn't get in trouble (I still went and got them, but he had to pay the fine etc).

Also - spell out medical stuff. My daughter just broke her arm while at her dad's for Christmas. He took her to the ER and paid the $100 co pay. Now that she is back with me and has been to 2 orthopedic specialists and is looking at surgery and a pin...... well he says that $1500 deductible and $3600 out of pocket yearly maximum is on me because she's back with me. We're going to end up with lawyers because our decree is worded "each parent pays for medical expenses when the child is under their care". He says she's back with me and even though it's medical bills from an injury when she was with him that it doesn't count. They try to get away with unlimited amounts of bulls*t if they can..... so if you have one like that get as much in writing as you can.

What about extracurricular activities? If one of the kids has practice on a day when he has them.... does he have to take them? What about a game? Even if he doesn't agree with the activity? How will extracurricular activity fees be paid?

That's just what I can think of now........

I'm not divorced... but my good friend who is says that she's very happy that her final papers spell EVERYTHING out. When the kids go to the ex's house, what time they have to be back, how many phone calls per day/week when the kids are at the ex's house, who pays for sports, braces, etc. Anything you think you might possibly fight over, or that could stress you out in the future, put it in the papers.

I don’t know about Arizona but I am divorced and my children’s Child Support ends at 18 years of age or the day they graduate from High School. My Boyfriend on the other hand has his Child Support ending at 19 Years of age and I think that gives the children time to get on their feet and have some financial support while doing so. Also, the others that mentioned sports, dance classes, art classes, music lessons and any extracurricular activity needs to be put in the paperwork as well. You would be amazed how much Baseball, a vehicle, insurance on the vehicle or Prom costs these days. I thought when getting a divorce my children’s father would still be there for them and fulfill all of the things a father should. Unfortunately he has only seen his children for an hour at an aunt’s house over the Christmas break and that was the first time he has had any contact with our children (sixteen year old son and fifteen year old daughter) in three years. By all accounts this is a “good guy” as he works and has married the woman he left me for; he is also the father of two more children. By the way, if your soon to be ex has more children your child support could go down so I would look into a stipulation on that as well. This might sound horrible to you but please cover your children as much as possible because I didn’t and didn’t know any better. Good luck with everything, I wish you and your children happiness.

Here's an odd one and it may not bother you or even apply in your state. A morality clause. It gets totally under my husband's skin that his ex-wife lives with a married man. A morality clause would prevent that type of living arrangement by giving my husband leverage in court against it. Otherwise, I totally agree with the others. Spell everything out. The post-divorce crazies usually last about one year in my opinion. That first year either of you is liable to do something off the wall while adjusting. Most normal people settle into the groove, though, and cooperate. However, if your ex won't settle down, then that divorce decree will be what you live and die by so make darn sure it's all spelled out. Good luck and best wishes for your family.

The importance of what's on paper depends on the ability of the two of you to talk, negotiate, and agree, in a reasonable way. I put our divorce papers in a file drawer and have never looked at them, because I've been able to communicate, negotiate, and work together with my ex to co-parent our daughter.

BUT, with his first divorce, and his two kids that I helped raise for 17 years, EVERYTHING needed to be in writing. The two of them could not talk without fighting. If any detail was not written in the papers, they could not come to an agreement. So, the kids' schedule was laid out to the hour, school break times and holidays were scheduled out years in advance, who paid for everything was in there, what hours he could call them, everything. We had to have our lawyer petition the court for them to be able to come to my mother's funeral...not kidding. You might want to write in something about special family events... He was made to sell his guns (had been a deer hunter since he was 13).

Some people write in stipulations not allowing a parent to move a certain distance from the children, although courts are likely to overturn that if a move is necessary to find work in order to support the children.

As far as support, does your state have guidelines? Ours has detailed guidelines and the money is calculated using a formula. Alimony is less common and is where you may have room to negotiate. A court will not, typically, take so much money from one parent that they don't have enough money to live and to see their children (live in a space big enough to have the kids stay over, for example, or pay for transportation). Alimony, in my experience, is for a limited time. So you might want to present a plan to become employable (training / schooling) and the expenses involved in that.

The judge usually uses the child support scale the the state you live in has decided what normal child support is. Some of them have higher number's that other states, like California, they have a higher cost of living than somewhere like Arkansas. So the child support has to be more in the higher costing states. I think your attorney would have a good idea of what your child support will be no matter what you ask for.

The one thing I have seen over and over is pushing visitation limits. Such as a question asked earlier today about hubby constantly bringing her daughter home late, even missing a day of school, from his visitation. You need to make sure that the visitation is lined out in the decree so that if he is supposed to bring her home on Sunday evening after his weekend visit then he needs to have a reasonable time set to have her home so she can settle down and get ready for school the next day.

Also, if he takes the child over a month or two of her summer vacation you still need to get full child support. You are providing her home for her even while she is gone. She still has her part of the bills to pay whether she is home or with him. Part of the child support is to go for her portion of the house payment, the utilities, etc....he needs to pay the money regardless of where she is.

You may need to define his section of the kids lives too. Like clothing or school costs. As far as I am concerned the child support should cover these things. That is what it is for. If the children go to private school though and that would be too much for you to do on your own then him paying part of it, not out of child support either, needs to be written into the decree.

Also, if he has the kids during the week for visitation and they are enrolled in gymnastics, dance, sports, etc....he must take them to class on his nights. He can't just decide to plan something else. If they have a performance or game on his weekend he cannot just decide to keep them at his house and not participate. They should not have to miss out on their activities due to him having them for a visit.

Make sure you also add in there who can claim the kids for taxes every year. Make sure it is written out clearly, there is also a form from the IRS form 8332 that also needs to be filled out. The IRS is a @D$#%^ to deal with when it isn't spelled out clearly in the divorce decree.
When writing it out make it simple enough that anyone can understand it. i.e. mother will claim 7 month old and 3 year old, while father may claim only 8 year old.
Hope everything goes ok for you.