K. - I am a stay at home mom of 6 little ones. My husband works at a factory. We have our own home, two cars, etc. We don't have a lot of money, but we try to spend it wisely when we're spending it on fun. (For example - trip to the movies for whole fam: about $80 for us: $20-30, plus babysitter $50-60. Video game or new movie we can watch/play again and again $20-45. Plus, we can all snuggle and eat all the popcorn we want at a much cheaper rate!
Anyway, we had to get creative to make things work out. I shop at the discount grocery store for most things, and don't always get to have all the things I would like (LOVE The pomagranate blueberry juice but it's expensive) BUT we all eat healthy meals, have snacks and desert, etc.
I have worked on and off throughout the years. I went back to work when my second oldest was 2 weeks old (and had to leave him at one week to go looking for a job - my now-X hubby was paying a sitter full time so I could find one) I made it work for a year. I belive it only worked that long because I liked my job a lot. At the end of a year, I realized that I didn't know what his favorite color or food was really, I didn't know his personal "tricks" to help him calm down, get motivated, etc. that all mommies should know. That's part of what makes us someone our children crave - we always know how to make things better - and I didn't. It threw me into a HUGE depression. I realized how miserable I was, and how much I felt like I was doomed to be an "outsider" on my son's life forever. In the end I quit, even though I was making more money, even though I loved my job. I loved my kids more.
My hubby now at first wanted me to work after our oldest together was born, but after I started, he would always get really testy and grouchy when it was time for me to leave. He had come to enjoy me being home when he got back, packing his lunches for work, etc (I had been on bedrest for a while) He decided he didn't want me to work after all (which was great because I didn't really want to leave the kids anyway) and that he felt better about himself as a man knowing that he was providing for his family and allowing his wife to stay home. He said it gave him a sense of pride he didn't have before, and made it easier to work the occasional overtime when we need a little extra cash. He loves coming home to a "clean" house, most of the business of the day taken care of, happy kids, having me around to help and spend time with him, etc.
We don't always have a ton of money, but we make it work (at christmas, we take out a Holiday Helper loan from our bank, and arrange it so that it is paid off in time for a new one the next year. We don't go out all the time, but we do a lot more entertaining at home of both ourselves and others. We have also learned to share a number of our interests, sometimes we sit down and write, read, paint, work on seperate projects in a close space, play video games, watch movies, go for walks, we even sometimes excercise together.
That said, if you just can't make it work, then you can't, and you should rest easy knowing that at least she is in good care - there are a lot of unscrupulous people out there (another reason my hubby cited for wanting me to stay home - he's seen too many "hidden camera at sitter or daycare" videos on the news to trust other people to take care of our little ones, especially when they were too young to complain to us about it)- so be thankful that your daughter is at the very least in a place that you feel secure with where they are caring for her, and that you are doing what your family needs you to do (something else to feel good about). Still, be sure to talk to your hubby about how you are feeling. He may grumble about it a bit due to feeling "responsible" for your feelings, but you never know. Maybe having an honest discussion about your (continued) feelings will make him have a change of heart once he has time to mull it over. At the very least, you are doing the best you can do right now for your little one in all areas of her life, and that's all anyone could ask of you. That's the job of a mom. To care for our little ones, and do the best we can by them. We don't have to be "perfect" we just have to do the best we can.
