Feeling Down

C.:

Do not feel badly about these feelings. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. You have hormones raging in your body right now and these wreak havoc with your emotions. I remember laughing one minute and being in tears the next. I think it's wonderful that you're expressing these concerns, even if only online. I think it helps and is healthy to talk about what you're feeling. I don't have a miracle cure but I do think you should consider remaining active during your pregnancy. I think walking every day would not only lighten your mood but also keep you in good shape and may help make your delivery easier. Maybe after your walks you can go online and look at baby things and start to get excited. You've still got time.

HTH, even a little

I had those feelings to when I was pregnant. It gets better. I also had mixed feelings right after the birth. I had a csection (she was breech) and afterwards, I didn't want to hold her for a few hours. Not everyone feels the motherly urge right away; you have so many hormones now and after the birth. Just cut yourself some slack and remember that it is normal to feel how you do.

It is very normal to feel what you are feeling, so don't feel bad for feeling this way! I have 7 and #2 and #7 were surprises, and my feelings like that were worse with #7. One thing that did help was getting out there and buying things for the baby, getting myself prepared helped ALOT! I got very sick with the last three from beginning to end and didn't really feel joy until they came, and then it was love at first sight! Give yourself a break, talk to your husband and your doctor, it will be OK!

I completely understand. My husband and I didn't plan any of our children and I didn't want them. (shhh don't tell them that now though) But I would definetely suggest talking to your doctor and possibly getting on antideprresants or if you don't like pills do alternative medicine for deppression. Your Hormones are out of whack because of the pregnancy and that can be a very very tough thing. As for bonding that will come eventually. With my oldest we didn't bond til a month before my son was born she was 17 mo then I resented my son for taking away that closeness. Then just when I got into the swing of things with my son the youngest made her appearance which was even tougher because we did our best to prevent another baby. I sometimes hate hearing how well some mothers take to pregnancy and how they loved the baby even in the womb when I felt the exact opposite. With the first two I spoke with the doctor and got the antideppressants before talking to my hubby with the third one we both knew the signs and were a little more ready to deal with the deppression/ hormones. Even though you are not excited try and get prepared for the baby the best you can by doing some shopping. Buy wipes and diapers and clothes. At least then when he appears you are prepared and don't become guilty over not having anything for him. We didn't even have a going home outfit for number three I still feel kinda guilty that my sis-in-law had to buy going home outfit after baby was born. If you need any more support you send me a message and we will keep in touch ok. T.

I wouldn't worry too much about your feelings right now. It's completely normal to have mixed feelings. This is a huge change in your life. It's normal to fear change, especially such a big one! I wouldn't be too surprised if your husband has had the same thoughts but was afraid to say so as well. I would talk to your doctor at your next visit. I'm sure that he/she will be able to give you plenty of comfort in knowing that pretty much everyone has some mixed feelings. Truth be told, I had mixed feelings (mostly on the negative side) throughout my entire pregnancy and afterwards too. But I cannot imagine a happy life without my son. Simply put, I would have to be put away in the looney bin for life if anything happened to him. I have no doubt that you will feel the same way if you sit and really think about it.

It is totally normal to feel scared. It is a lot of responsibilty to raise a baby. They don't come with directions only guidelines that don't always fit your kid.

Relax you will do fine and it might help if you tell your husband how you feel. You are in this together. Don't shut him out he needs to know.
C. B

I can totally relate. We're expecting our third. A huge, hard struggle to get this far. Usually we loose the baby by now. Plus, I'm finally getting a girl. I feel like I, too, should be excited. I've spent $6.00 on this baby. (Not that the 3rd needs a whole lot, but everything we have is blue.) I found with the other two that you bond with each child differently at a different time. With both I have found that the moment I saw them, all I felt was complete love. If you still have these feelings after a few weeks after the baby comes, it might be worth checking into it with your doctor, but I wouldn't worry until then. Your nerves will probably be replaced by sleepless nights and complete love all in due time. Congratulations on your little man. Just enjoy each day as it comes for now.

OMG you sound just like me when i was pregnant with my first. don't sweat it.. you are probably having mixed feelings because of all the big changes that are on the way. you sound like me. i am a planner and a bit of a control freak and with pregnancy, labor and parenting you can't control everything or have it all planned in advance. you can just have a basic plan or idea and then lots of back up ideas. sometimes you just have to go with the flow and that can be super hard. donn't worry that you won't be a good mother or that you should be happier than you are. i felt a lot like you described when i was pg the first time, but once my little guy got here i was all about being a mom. it was an adjustment and it may be rough for you too but that doesn't mean you won't be a great mom. talk to your hubby though and tell him how your feeling. this will be a great way for him to help you through this time. there will be a lot of times when you are in labor or when you are learning to breast feed that he won't be able to do alot for you. let him help by listening.it will be a great way to bond before the baby gets here, and you will have practice so you will be able to ge through the adjustment of being new parents together. i bet you will feel better and trust me you are not wierd, you just sound like a more cautious person and you are probably still trying to wrap your brain aroud it all. it's a big deal so you are probably smart to want to think it all through. if you have any questions or just want an e-mail buddy while you are PG and a new mom i would love to be a support for you. my little guy will be 4 in july and i have a new little one who is 7 mos plus i run a daycare so know a thing or two about the little ones ! :) take care and hang in there you are more normal than you think!!!

It is so normal with all the emotions that come from pregnancy. You have hormones going on big time on top of it all. Can I say everything will change the second that baby arrives! You will be filled with such an enormous amount of love that you will soon forget any worry or feeling that was negative you ever had! Promise!
It takes a toll on a moms body, all that is going on. Try just taking some time to rub your belly, play soft music for your baby, talk to your baby and think of how great it will be to have that baby in your arms looking up at you knowing just who you are!
It is normal to feel down, have emotions run high and all the anxiety that comes from being a first time mom. Just don't let it consume you and think how blessed you are instead.
Boys adore their mommies so it is such a gift!
Go shopping for that baby, seeing that stuff in the house makes it real, buying the baby clothes and seeing how adorable they are makes it all come to life!!!!

I agree you should talk to your husband. I felt scared and alone many times and my husband became this amazing listener and supporter that I never dreamed he could be. It is difficult to relate some things to men because motherhood is real for us the moment we know we are pregnant, whereas fatherhood starts the first time they hold the baby. But if he knows, he may be able to help create positive experiences for you right now and also watch for anything serious. I credit my husband with opening the door early to talk about the possibility of postpartum depression and keeping a watchful eye on me - because of him, I was able to recognize and talk about those feelings when we got there and pull through them.
You are such a planner, it seems you may be scared that something will happen. I know I stay detached emotionally until I feel like something is definite, but you will be robbing yourself of the experience. I struggled with this because we had an accidental pregnancy and miscarriage (because I wasn't taking care of myself and was in a high stress job) so when we decided to get try and have a baby I was always expecting the worst and at first didn't want to nest for a baby I was afraid wouldn't make it. But I am young and healthy like I am sure you are and everything went smoothly.
Try not to isolate yourself and surround yourself with positive people who make you make feel beautiful and excited about your baby. (I avoided some friends that were single and passive aggressive about my impending motherhood). Take time to appreciate how nice the entire world is to you when you are pregnant, and all the strangers that will want to talk to you because of the miracle that it happening to you. However, it is also easy to lose yourself when everything is so baby focused, so get out and do things that have nothing to do with baby and go on lots of dates with your husband. This phase will pass!

I can relate to all of the emotions that go along with expecting your first child. I can only make suggestions on what you can do to help bring the joy into having a baby. I know you can only plan for so much, maybe get some books on newborns or parenting to calm you abilities to know you can do it. Are you going to have a baby shower? Possibly try and go shopping for him, get some cute outfits and then show them off to your husband. Have you picked out a name? Some of the simple things might bring happieness to those emotions not knowing how to react. Cheer up, I hope it will get better for you!

C., you are definitely not alone and there is nothing wrong with what you're feeling. All I can say is support groups are great at all stages of motherhood. They help us to physically & emotionally connect with other mothers who could be or might of gone through something similar.There are a large number of great groups out there. I personally loved doing prenatal yoga, prenatal water aerobics, etc. The exercise also helped me feel more comfortable so that I could enjoy pregnancy better. I'm a birth & postpartum doula with a great wealth of info & resources. Please let me know if I can help ____@____.com

I think a lot of women go through this. Have you talked to your doctor about it? I'm not sure if it's depression or just anxiety. Talk to your husband. I know you're scared but maybe just talking to him about it will help allieviate some of the negative feelings. It's perfectly normal to have mixed feelings about having a baby. You are taking on the biggest committment of your life and I would be worried if you didn't have any concerns. It is a huge deal to have a baby knowing that you are responsible for raising that person into responsible adult.

But, you know that this is going to happen and you need to be as prepared as you can be (and even you said yourself that you can't fully be prepared for motherhood). Start getting things you know you'll need for the baby. Maybe doing some shopping will help get you a little more excited.

Talk to your husband, I think it's really the best thing you could do for yourself. You might find out that he's scared, too, even if he is excited. Also, be prepared that after you have the baby you might not just fall into your idea of the perfect mother, but that in time, everything will just sort of click. The best thing someone told me was that I might not have that bonding moment with my baby immediately (and I didn't) but when he was about 3-weeks old, I did and it was amazing. Things might not start out the way you expect or plan, but I have no doubt that you will eventually love your baby unconditionally, you'll love being his mother and that you'll wonder, "why was I so nervous?" No one can prepare you for being a mother, but you may just find it's the best thing that you ever did.

Good luck and best wishes!

You are just fine! I had so many emotions during all 3 of my pregnancies! And after! And still! That's life...it is the great American drama done far better than any movie can ever try and you get to live right in the middle of yours! You don't have to do or think baby stuff all the time...go do something with your husband that has nothing to do with baby stuff and know it's just fine and then go walk around Babies R Us for a while! (((hug)))