Feeling a Little Alone

You are not the only one, believe me!! I am a teacher so I have the summers off, which is absolutely wonderful, but there are times I feel lonely and the summer is so short. I can't imagine being home full-time. I curse my job for its stress and the time it takes to keep everything going with two kids in day care, but at the same time, I love it because of the friends I have there and the fact that it gets me out of the house. I think you are right on the money about the adult interaction. It is so important, and to go from that 100% to not much at all must be a HUGE transition for you. In the summer I feel like a cross between Julie McCoy the Cruise Director, planning every activity, and someone who is lucky to be home with the kids. My advice to you would be to definitely join a parents' group, or try to make weekly dates with friends of yours who have kids so you have some adult time and get the kids out of the house too. I would also make set times weekly to do something for YOU - if you work out, go to the gym, or get a babysitter and just go shopping by yourself... decide what your main interests are as a person and nurture those a little. Part of the reason we moms feel lonely sometimes, working or not, is that we often put our own needs and desires aside once kids arrive, thinking we have to focus on them all the time. That is not only untrue, but unhealthy!! Good luck and hang in there - you're not alone!

Hi Shauana- I'm sure you're going to get lots and lots of feedback on your post because you are hitting a core emotion of ALL SAHM's. I've only been home for a year and know exactly what you're talking about. I feel so blessed to be able to stay at home, but here are mornings when i wake up groaning and thinking "do I really have to do this all over again and all by myself!".

I've been in a moms group and it does help- I have a few friends that I've done playdates with- I've done a music class with my daughter. They all help in some ways...you really do have to reach out.

I wrote an article about this very topic a couple of months ago- It's about moms and friendship and has some good web resources at the end- here is the link

http://www.baystateparent.com/news/2008/0501/articles/015...

It is good to get connected, merely because it helps you to realize you're not in this alone, even though if often feels like you are!

S.,

Don't feel embarrassed in the least for saying that. Staying at home with your children IS a blessing and it's wonderful, but it can also be very isolating. Most moms feel that way at one time or other. I moved to a new neighborhood when my son was 6 months old, and I'll be honest: it was the worst, loneliest winter I'd had, despite the fact I had this little angel in my life! By spring, I'd had enough, so I found a friend in the neighborhood by pounding the pavement with Mattie in his stroller, and I made her give me every area SAHM's email address she knew, and I sent out an invitation for a "Mommy's Time Out." It wasn't a playdate for the kids; it was a playdate for us moms! Now we do it every Friday afternoon any time after 2, and we have a blast. It's been about 9 months since I started, and I've made some dear friends. Try it, S....you deserve adult conversation, girl! :)

ugh! Most of us know rxactly how you feel. I work part-tim ebut hubby works nights and weekends so I spend alot of time alone w/kids(and I work with kids too). Your brain begins to feel like mush after a while. HOw much Backyardigans and Elmo can one adult handle, right?? Try the library its got alot going nfor it and also look for a family network in your town (we have one in Marlboro if you call them they could tell you about a fram one) . I went when both of my kids were small and I didnt know a soul, but you get to see the same faces every week and take it from there. Hang in there weve all been there., good luck !

S., No need to feel embarassed at all but I understand what you're feeling in the alone department and needing adult company. Have you thought about inviting a neighbor over for coffee and a chat? Even an older neighbor who's already raised her kids, might be able to give you some insight and advice about what you're feeling right now. Even someone you don't know very well, but would like to know better could become a good friend and confidant. Reach out; you'd be surprised how understanding people can be.

Hi there - You are NOT alone!!! We all feel this way, especially in the beginning. It is very important that you have some adult interaction and be able to sit with people who speak in full sentences! Depending on what's available in your area, reach out through the Newcomers Club or the Recreation Department to see if there are playgroups available. If not, start one by putting up a flyer at your local public library (children's area) or in children's specialty stores. A weekly get-together with other parents and kids will allow you to have coffee & cookies, share & chat while the kids play. Rotate from one home to the next, and the hostess profides coffee, juice and simple snacks. Go to yard sales to get special play group toys so your kids aren't frustrated by having to share toys with a new group of kids. If you hit it off with a particular mom, you can also get together on your own. If you hit it off as a group, plan a ladies night out with NO kids! Go to dinner, or a matinee movie and then coffee/drinks afterwards.

Join a story hour at the library. In the good weather, get out the stroller and head for the strawberry patch, the pick-your-own farm stand, the park, etc. If there is a local beach or pond, hang out with others. Let the kids lead - see whom they choose to play with, and you will automatically meet the parents. If you meet someone you seem to like, go back to the same spot the next time. If you meet someone you dislike, move on - nothing lost! If you can afford it, try a Gymboree or other program suitable for small kids. In any of these settings, you may meet some great people you want to spend more time with on your own.

Try to set aside a "date night" with your husband at least once a month, even better at every other week. Get together with another couple if you can - just have some adult conversation and challenge the part of your mind that isn't devoted to motherhood!

It doesn't mean you don't love your kids or love being a SAHM. It means you care enough about them to give them a mom who is complete and fulfilled in other areas!

Good luck and keep trying!

OF COURSE you are feeling alone!

It is completely normal to miss adult interaction, and to sometimes feel like you're going a bit nutty. I'm a SAHM to an awesome nine month old girl in Belmont and there are days that I am ready to pull my hair out. Give yourself a break. From my experience full time mothering is the most demanding thing I've ever done, in that you never get to do what you want to do when you want it and often have to put off doing even things you really need to do (like peeing, eating, etc.)

You're on the right track thinking that you need to hook up with other moms and childcare-givers in person. Look for play groups in your area, go to local parks and talk to the other caregivers, find readings at bookstores and libraries. Anything! I've found taking classes at ISIS Maternity in Arlington have been a lifesaver for me, but they do cost some money. There are plenty of free classes too, like at the Watertown Family Network. Once you meet some people, don't be afraid to say that you'd like to get together again. Simple lunch at your place, play date at the park, outing to a child-friendly mall or restaurant. I guarantee most moms have had the same experience and will jump at the chance for more weekly interaction.

All the other responses are on the right track too. Feed yourself...a happy mom is a crucial component to a happy child. Good luck!

K. Z., Belmont

P.S. I'm sure working and being a mom also has challenges and is super demanding, but I've never done it so I can't really speak to them.

You're definitely not the only one. It can get really isolating sometimes. I had a hard time during my maternity leave. If you search online for local mom's groups, there are a ton on them, and they seem to have activities going on several times a week. Also, check out the groups on www.meetup.com...

I completely agree with the other posters that you aren't alone at all. Right after my first was born I just remember feeling completely stir crazy and so isolated. I am also a teacher, so my time home now is short over the summer, but I still sometimes call my husband 6 times during the day so I can talk to someone over the age of 3! Look for a mom's group, get out of the house, etc. The only other thing that I would suggest is to do some stuff that you enjoy that makes you feel like a grown-up when you're home - read a book, scrapbook, garden, read The New Yorker, anything. I always feel better when I do that because then I have something going on (in my head at least) that isn't all about the kids or the house. I think it also helps keep my relationship with my husband better because we have things that we can share that aren't just about the kids. He can tell me about his day at work, and I can tell him about what I did too. Yeah, it is hard to sneak that stuff in to an incredibly busy day, but there's naptime or quiet play time, or even after the kids go to bed. I really think that even half an hour/day that's about you as a person, not just a mom, can go a long way to keeping you grounded.

PS - I saw that you are in Framingham - if you're looking to get out at meet people, the Y has a ton of stuff for kids and it isn't too expensive, there's also MYgym and other places that you can sign up for classes. There will be lots of other moms there, probably many in the same boat.

Hi S.,
Thank you SO much for asking that question. I'm a new mom to a nine month old boy (who I LOVE dearly!), but I also feel REALLY lonely lately. I try to explain it to my husband, but he can't completely understand (although, he really does try). I've talked to other moms (whose kids are much older) about this and they all agree that I need to find a Mom's Club or a playgroup so that I don't feel so isolated all day long (my husband also works A TON). I guess I don't really have any advice, but I just wanted to say thank you for asking that question...it really made me realize that I'm not the only one that feels that way and I shouldn't feel SO guilty about it. Good luck. I'm sure things will get better for you.