How to Cope with Lonliness

Looking into joining a moms group, storytime at the library, open gym for toddlers at a gymnastics place, toddler music class, let them play at the mall play area. Skipping naps or shorter naps 1 or 2 days a week won't break the baby bank. it is essential. My husband was in school and was gone a lot and I mean a lot. Now that he's out of school and building his business it's the same thing. Trust me. Get out of the house, get a routine, get a moms group and you will be much better off.

do you have a local library? When I was at home, I found story time/lap time at the library helped break up the day. You can talk to other mama's and maybe arrange playdates that work out.

K.,

You are not alone. I think alot of moms feel this way from time to time. What helped me is to set up a weekly schedule of activites and things that we do daily to stay busy,be effective and have fun!

ex. Mondays~
6am breakfast
6:30-7:30 free play
8am shower/bath and get dressed
9am take a walk
1st baby nap @10am other child does quiet activites- I clean up and get other tasks like laundry etc done.
11:30 do an art project
12:30 lunch
1pm go to the library for story time
2pm play at the park
3:30 home to have quiet time and watch a tv show
get dinner prepped and put in fridge so I can just throw it in the oven later

and then the day goes on like that...but it really helps to stay busy- go to the story times at the library- join a mom's group, have playdates, go to the park, kindergym, make music together, dance etc. Good luck!

M

I felt the same way in the beginning. I was a school teacher for 15 years up until this year, and I didn't quite know what to do with myself at home all day. I felt like I should be going to work, and it was very lonely. It was too tempting for me to sit and cry about how "no one wants to hang out with the lady with a baby" so I started reaching out to others rather than wait for them to call me. I try to go through my address book and call someone several times a week that I might not talk to often. When my husband is home I go shopping or get coffee with friends. I do volunteer work once a month and we attend church every sunday so I feel like I get to see plenty of people. I also invite people to come to my house during the week that way my daughter can nap and we can visit. Sometimes we just run a short errand so I don't feel like I'm always at home. I take her in the stroller almost every day. I think the key is to get out of the house when you can.

I am much older than you K.. But I feel your pain. My husband lost his job due to downsizing last year and has been working overseas for the last year. I was OK at first. It wasn't until this Thanksgiving that I REALLY missed him (not that I didn't before, but it was the "straw that broke the camel's back"). It might have been the lack of "doing things with him that I thought we should be doing" or having him here to share the "family times" or truthfully I am not sure what it was. It just hit me. After 11 months I cried like a baby and cried for 3 days straight. Looking back now, I actually think it was for all the lost opportunities that we "could have had" if that makes any sense. And then I remembered a plaque my mom had on the wall that said "Too soon old...Too late smart". I thought of myself and had this awakening. This sounds so corny I know, but I suddenly realized my hubby could be part of all these things going on in my life. I could call him (not likely at $11.00 a minute), talk on Skype (very likely) email him, and text him. Most are possible. And I decided to take people with me when I went Christmas shopping (possibly the loneliest thing to do alone). I asked my friends (and K.....not even my closest friends) and found that not one refused to go with me. Take a chance...ask folks to be with you, and enjoy the season. Heck..if you asked me I will help you...so you can be sure if you ask your friends to step up to the plate...they will and do so willingly. God Bless!

You are not alone K.! What you're experiencing is very normal. I too, often feel that way because I'm a SAHM. However, what you're doing is wonderful. It is a sacrifice that you are making for your kids, and I commend you for doing that.

I tend to call people when I feel lonely or set up a sitter so that I can get some "out" time to refresh myself. Today, I got my hair cut/styled. I spent 2-3 hours talking to the stylist about nothing special, but it felt awesome just to do it without interruptions!

I adore my little ones. Truly, I love being at home with them. But it is normal to want to speak to other adults and not have everything revolve around Sesame Street or PBS or you fill in the blank...

Some ideas might be to call other mom's and just chat. Set up play dates. Play on Facebook now and again. Don't isolate yourself. Join a MOPS group. Get out there and be known to other mom's in your community. :)

I am really active with the women in my church. They support me in numerous ways. Parenting is wonderful, but not if its always done solo. So, I encourage you to get out there and get support.

Hope this helps. Remember, you are not alone!

I had my two year old in a gymnastics class so I could see and speak to adults.
Church is good. Is there a book club? Can you have a Pampered Chef party and invite some of the gals you know. Moms love babies and would be happy to help with the little ones during the party.
Or hire a babysitter for their babies too and they can be upstairs while you are downstairs.
Library storytime is good.
A two day a week preschool/daycare might be helpful and you can see moms from around the neighborhood.

Edit: I just reread your post. I'm sorry, I didn't see that daycare is out right now. I did take mine just for a couple hours a week to have time for myself.

I'm like that. Meaning, like a Single Parent....
And my husband goes to work (full time) AND goes to school too.
BUT... I do not get 'lonely.'
I just do, though, go nuts-o with my 2 kids... all day and all night... by myself.

How about, you MAKE your own plans??? Invite a friend over, or a relative... or... go out. And say plainly.... you need a break and would like to just hang out... with them/your friend.

For your Husband who goes to school... are these classes online or on-campus??? My Husband for example, has online AND on-campus classes... but... he is not gone from 6:00am to 10:00pm.
He is HOME... after work.... and comes home by 5:30. AND he then, AT home.... studies.....

I would ask your Husband... "why" he has to be gone all day and night, until 10:00pm? Can't he study at HOME?
Or is it his job that is until 10:00pm???
Regardless... I don't understand, why your Husband cannot come home... by 10:00pm???? What is his schedule, daily??? with work and school??

For example, even if he has night-classes, on-campus.... (at least for my Husband), classes ends at 8:30pm. Then he comes home. And he calls me too.

I would SIT DOWN with your Husband... and talk about his schedule... and that he NEEDS to help out... at home and with the kids... AND give you a break so you can have alone time or out with friends... TOO.

As I said, my Hubby works full-time AND goes to school... but he comes home in between that... AND spends time with the kids, helps in the house (even if sparingly)... and... takes out the kids.... AND if I want... I will go out and do my own thing.... so you and Hubby... NEED to talk about it. I have had to... do that with my Husband... and it was not always pleasant... but it was my sanity... or my leaving....

THEN... I have a friend, whose Husband was going to school AND had a full-time job too. BUT she would get so irked... because her Husband... used "school" as an "excuse" to just never... be home... nor be around the kids... nor anything... like a responsible "Husband" should be.
Her Husband is done with school now... and so, she is... making SURE... she gets her own time and plans her own things... and... leaves her 2 kids home.... with him... to babysit and spend QUALITY time with the kids... since he never ever, did that.... while he was "going to school"....

all the best,
Susan

Wow you do have a full plate!! I also struggle with that sometimes, especially when my hubs is working a lot, which is almost always!!!!LOL I try to just think that these days fly by and babies grow up. I also exercise which helps me feel better about myself. I am about to start a MOPS(mothers of preschoolers) group in January so I hope that goes well. They meet at churches and have childcare and you get to hang out with other moms. You can google MOPS and see if there is one near you. Even as I am starting to meet people here lately, it can still be lonely bc developing a friendship is something that takes time and we mamas often don't really have a lot of time to devote to new relationships. We chat about potty training and baby weight but the heart stuff just takes time before you would invest that into someone. So I just do my best to get out with a girlfriend I have known for awhile now and then, but I find that having a person to really share my heart with is just something that happens in life as a serendipity thing. I am hoping and praying that I will develop a close friendship and if God brings someone along that would be awesome, until then I try to just be encouraged that what I am doing now is changing history forever and that my day to run and be free will come again, but then I won't have little voices asking me for hugs and blowing kisses(until grandbabies!!!). Anyway, that is how I am dealing at the moment, hope it helps!! I have a three year old and a ten month old so I feel you!! Take care:D

One of the best things I ever did when mine were little like that was to join a weekday morning Bible Study. They provided child care for my children and I got to have real adult conversations! My kids liked it because once a week they got to do something different. I also made good friends for my children too as many of the women had small children as well.

Someone mentioned MOPS. I've never been a part of that but I only hear wonderful things about it. It's even better when you make friends with someone going through what you're going through.

Hope you find a solution soon. I've been a SAHM now for 22 years and I've had those times of loneliness and just wanting to have a conversation that didn't include baby talk, LOL.

My local library has a child play area. There are books, puzzles and fun toys. There are always a bunch of kids there as well as their moms! Do you have any friends with kids? Take them to McDonalds play area. Let the 3 year old go crazy in there and let the 1 year old sit with mom & suck on fries. LOL! I am not particularly a church-goer but I know a lot of people that have found great friends and interaction for their kids in church groups. Good luck K.! If I lived closeer I'd so be your friend and we could have coffee.... LOL!

I have been in your shoes and understand, I recently went back to work in a part time postition and truely feel the same way, I thought i would make friends at work but it''s all superficial. I usually deal with things better but this has just been a really hard week and i could cry for being so incredibly lonely, And i don't want a thirty minute chat with someone i knew in college that has nothing in common with me anymore, and i honestly am not in a place to invest in a random stranger that just also happens to have kids. I'm being grumpy, I know if i "reach Out' and "relax" etc etc the right person will fall out of the sky. hang in there, you aren't alone if finances aren't an option maybe look into hiring a neighbor hood preteen to be a mothers helper and at least let you break up your day and have a little interaction there at your house Or maybe look into babysitting another 3 yo part time then youll have to see their caregive at last twice a day and hopefully they will chat with you,

I'm guessing there may be moms groups and/or play groups in your area.
Once a week get-together with other moms while the children play together.
Regarding not leaving the girls with anyone else,
haven't you become acquainted with any of your neighbors?
Sometimes moms do child care swapping.
You really need to allow yourself some time without the children
every so often. Your hesitation to leave your daughters with anyone
seems extreme. When my children were young, we were involved with babysitting co-ops. Each mom in the co-op was interviewed and screened by existing members. We met from time to time to let the children play w/one another and to get to know one another.
We each trusted the other moms in the co-op.

church they have day care and you get to socialize. :)

Hi K.,

Some towns have indoor playparks that you can become a member of, and use during a relatively broad period of the day. This way, naps might not factor in so much and you can have a place to get out with the kids and meet other moms.

I know daycare isn't an option, but would you consider a reliable grandma-type to watch your children for a small stretch while you got out and met with a friend for coffee, or to go on a walk or do something nice for yourself? There are sometimes older women looking to make these sorts of connections, or your local college/university may likely have an Early Childhood Ed center, and you can find a student looking to make some extra money. (The plus with both of these categories is they will likely have good references and they like what they do!) I found I was apprehensive about leaving my son, but by the time he was one, I was comfortable leaving him with friends and people I knew. Your three year old can also *tell* you about what happened while you were gone. I'm not trying to convince you to get care, but I also believe in not being miserable.:)

Sometimes, I've found, just being out of the house really helps too, because even if it's just going to the store or picking up some coffee-- at last! a real adult is looking at me! (Yes, it's a desperate attempt, but it will work in a pinch!)

I do like many of the suggested ideas for you. There are many preschools that take children as young as 3 as we have them at the YWCA here. You may want to check with them if there is one near you. I have several friends who work at that preschool and they are grandmothers with education degrees! Once you get into the school scene, you will meet other parents who you can develope relationships with. MOPS is a great opportunity. I would forgo the part-time job right now if you want to be a stay at home mother. I have been one and never have I been bored. There are always volunteer activities. Keep us posted.....I hope it works out for you.....

Have you considered a mother's day out program for them - just two days a week, to give you a little break? Or doing some kind of mommy and me class like Gymboree, My Gym, The Little Gym, etc. That would be something both kids could participate in and you'd get some adult interaction. Or something like the Y where you could work out while the kids are in the daycare. I know, for me, that when I make time for myself I'm a much better mommy. I think it's important to maintain a sense of myself, outside of being mom to my two kids. hope that helps! Good luck and remember that you are not alone! :-)

Dude I am so there with you. My hubby works and goes to school and I'm constantly at home watching our 7 month old. I feel the same way except I'm a homebody and I'm usually too tired to fix myself up to go anywhere when I finally get the chance. I know theres some churches that have mop groups mother of preschoolers where you can go hang out with other moms and bring the kids. Check it out. a lot of churches have them. I'd go if I wasn't such a lazy slob.

Maybe you should go back to work (either full time or part time) to get the adult interaction that you so very much need. Honestly, your kids are not too young for daycare. Daycares take babies as young as 6 weeks, and your daughters are 3 and 1. They will greatly benefit from daycare (and preschool for your 3 year old) because they will be socializing/interacting with kids their own age instead of being with each other and their mommy all day. You even said you struggle to occupy them, so don't worry about it anymore - send them to daycare and the daycare will occupy their time while you are making money and having adult interaction. Your daughters will not be happy if you continue to be so lonely and miserable. I hope you will help yourself. Good luck.

Check out the local library. Many have Baby, toddler story times great way to meet others and to help your children develop a love of reading. Also you can get books so that you can keep your own mind sharp and read adult books. May also want to see about book clubs through your local library. I also stayed home for 3 years with my son and know about feeling isolated. Another option is MOPS way to meet others in the same stage of life. You didn't mention your faith choice, but you and your husband may want to consider attending a church and getting involved there so that you can meet other couples that are raising families. Hope this helps.

Here are some MOPS groups. They are a great place to start. Also, I met moms there and we set up a playgroup at McDonalds.

River Ridge Community Church
Group Type: Classic
River Ridge Church
2090 Greenbriar Street
Charleston, WV 25311
###-###-####
http://www.riverridge.org
Meets: 2nd and 4th Tuesday at 9:30-11:30AM
About 2.56 miles - View Map
Get In Touch

Mt. Pleasant Baptist Church
Group Type: Classic
58 Mount Pleasant Drive
Elkview, WV 25071
###-###-####
Meets: TH at 6:30 PM
About 11.15 miles - View Map
Get In Touch




Good Shepherd Baptist Church
Group Type: Classic
Not Currently Accepting New Moms
15 Scott Lane
Scott Depot, WV 25560
###-###-####
http://www.gsbcflock.org
Meets: 1st & 3rd Wednesday at 9:30-11:30
About 15.90 miles - View Map
Get In Touch

First Baptist Church of Kenova
Group Type: Classic
1120 Poplar St
Kenova, WV 25530
###-###-####
Meets: 1ST & 3RD F at 9:30-11:30AM
About 50.11 miles - View Map
Get In Touch




Gassaway Baptist Church
Group Type: Classic
403 Elk St
Gassaway, WV 26624
###-###-####
http://www.gassawaybaptist.net/MOPS/mops.htm
Meets: 2ND TUesday at 9:30 - 11:30AM
About 50.64 miles - View Map
Get In Touch

Gassaway Baptist Church
Group Type: Classic
403 Elk St
Gassaway, WV 26624
###-###-####
http://www.anchorministriesonline.org
Meets: TBA at TBA
About 50.64 miles - View Map
Get In Touch