Father Wanting to Know

If there was a child chances are she would have come looking for you! I would leave it alone since you don't remember her name. She could have moved from the area long ago.

Just a thought, since no one mentioned it, if you find her and are proven to be the child's father the mother could ask for back child support so you need to be prepared for that potential outcome.

Not smart to sleep with someone unproteced and not at least know their name/number. If you think you may have fathered a child with her, you should have remembered her name.

If she wants you to know, she'd tell you. But my opinion of her would be pretty low for not telling you either.

Bad situation all around.

IF there is a child...Here's what I think, because inexplicably I have 2 friends who are the result of a one night stand. (Both know, but one didn't until she was an adult.) The women knows your name, I can guarantee you that. She would have sought you out. If the child wanted you, they are an adult and would look for you. Both of my friends didn't want, care, or need the man that wasn't there. If they did, they knew how to look.

Listen, YOU want closure. YOU want to know. YOU feel guilty, I assume. (You should, in all harshness.) YOU want to fix something in some way, whether conscientiously, or unconsciously Stop thinking about you. Can you imagine being 24 and having some dude show up in your life saying they are daddy?
Stop searching. You had a chance 24 years ago. Don't think you should have a chance now. You will explode someones life. Do NOT keep searching.

I am having a very hard time answering your question...civilly. You don't even remember her name, and youth is no excuse. Whoever this child is, if they exist, they deserve better then that even 24 years later.
Remember this: THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD. This is HER child. You better not ever try to infringe on that. Let it go.

ETA: Ephie D, that was a perfect answer!!

Don't keep looking.

IF you had a child, someone else was the dad they needed growing up. The husband, if there was one, may have been told he was the father of the child.

I can see no good to come by finding out or making a connection.

Good luck to you and yours.

I would think if there was a child that she would have let you know at some point. I am also thinking that maybe now that you are older you are feeling some guilt about how you handled the situation when you were young. I would just leave it be, even if there is a child would you really want to rock their world with this info?

My father had a child when he was 17 and the girl married someone else (my grandfather made my dad joint the army to avoid the girl and getting married). I contacted this woman when I was in my 20's (in the early 90's) because I found out that I had another brother. She begged me to not tell her son, she had lied all those years that his dad was the man she married. I have never spoken to her or her son again and respected her wishes. I figure that if I were the son I would be extremely upset about finding out something like this.

If there was a child AND she wanted that child to know you, my guess is that she would have used technology to locate you. No judgments... just saying that if there was a child (especially an adult child) who wanted/needed to know who his/her father is... mom would have given that child your name and last known number by now.

You're right. She would have remembered the name and number of the man who fathered her child.

If the phone rings one day and it's your child calling... answer it. Otherwise, no need to disrupt this woman's life for no real reason other than a "feeling".

Why do you want to know? What good would come from it?
As a mother of a son whos father skipped out....I would be pissed if he showed back up trying to make a relationship work with MY son.
Young and dumb is a good excuse for a couple of years...not 24. If you really had wanted to have anything to do with this man you would have made the effort years ago.
Let it alone.
L.

I can't be LIEVE you don't remember her name.

OK, so I'm just gonna keep trying to work through that my own little way and maybe I'll answer your next question.

:(

If she wanted you to know - you would know. I suggest if you REALLY want to know then put an add in the paper giving her your Facebook contact info with as much as you can remember about it and be prepared to hear from crazies. Honestly, I mostly agree with 8dad ... just stop - if you really wanted to know you should have found out 24yrs ago.

If you can not remember her name I would let it go, and hope that if she did have a child that she remembered your name, and that child will find you if and when they choose to do so.

I have no answer to your question, but I just wanted to say... Come one?! Really, people?! So what if he doesn't remember the woman's name? I don't remember all of the names of the men I slept with, and I have slept with less than 10. I'm just really bad with names in general.

Ugh, these women on here are basically treating you like sh*t for a mistake you made 24 YEARS ago. You didn't know that there was a kid (If there is a kid) and she never told you. Sooo... How is that your fault?!

Anyways, if you really think you have a child out there somewhere and you know the possible consequences (From reading the other responses) and you still want to try to find the child... Go for it. I have no idea how to find the child, but you should try. If this kid is your kid, then you BOTH deserve to know.

I would leave it alone. Suppose the worse--the young man is troubled... Suppose the best--he is perfect--you did not contribute to that so move on...

I think you are trying to find a needle in a haystack, but you never know, you could get lucky. Please don't take this wrong, but if you are really serious about this, you should contact Maury Povich. A while back, I remember a man on his show who was in a similar position as you are. Maury seems to have ways of finding people. You could also post on the social media networks of your story and see if you get a hit. Even try Craigslist. I'm sure you will get some crazies out there, but say your prayers and hope for the best. There is always a possibility that this child may be looking for you also.

So, you never called her back? I am sure she was very hurt by this and later felt that you weren't worth it anyway, so she moved on. I am not trying to judge you because I don't know you, but like everyone is saying on here, it is probably best to just leave it alone. You can always put yourself on facebook and post your pic up... this way IF she wanted to truly wanted to find you then she could, but after all of this time, I would leave it up to her. We all make mistakes and I am sorry that you will have to live with this "feeling" for the rest of your life. After the break-up she probably said that I hope karma slaps him in the face before I do... and if that is the case it looks like she might have got her wish. Best of luck to you.

Wow, I guess the people on here have never made a mistake or an impulsive decision in their lives...well good for them, let them pat themselves on the back all day long!

I don't think you should give up. I am a BIG believer in trusting your gut (everytime I don't I regret it). I think you should talk to a PI and see if you have enough info for them to go on. If not, do some postings on adoption/looking for birth parents sites and Craigslist for that area. I do agree with the posters who say you should think about and be prepared for a wide variety of outcomes.

My first thought is go for it, I would want to know. However, you are not the only person to consider here. Are you married or have a girl friend? If so how would she feel? How would your child(ren) feel about it if there was a long lost child? It is a potential life altering decision that should not be made lightly. Just be sure that whatever happens you can accept the consequences, good and bad. Some people don't want to be found.

J.,
I'm sorry about those judgmental answers. I don't think you acted irresponsibly because you didn't know in the first place, you weren't given the choice and said no.
I think this is one of those things that you have to let go, since you don't know her name, its going to be very difficult for you to locate her. If there was a way for you to find that out, I would suggest a private investigator maybe. Regardless of the reasons you have for doing this now, I personally think it might do you more bad than good. Look, there's the possibility the mother doesn't want the child to know you are the father, which would be very bad for you, and the child.
There's also the possibility he will embrace you, but that seems a little remote. I agree with other posters, if there had been a child, and that is a huge IF you would've known, and even if she didn't want you to know, you are not the father either way. I think the best thing to do for you is just to leave it alone. You only have one life don't waste it thinking about something that you know wasn't meant to be anyway.

Good Luck.

before going any further,stop and do some investigating, even if you find the woman, it doesnt mean that you are a father, or even THE father, for that matter.first you gotta figure out where she lived, and where she might live now.. any identifying marks or tatoos, height, weight, race, where did she say she was from.. the apartment complex MIGHT have a record of her, if you can give them a good describtion(height, weight, race, tatoos or birthmarks etc.) and ASSURE them that you not some crazie knee breaking loon..which i am assuuming youre not.
good luck on your quest,
my email is ____@____.com, if you need to get in touch with me
K. h.

Well, J., my response is very different than those here. Yes, I would want to know and yes, I would try to find her. But that's me and my perspective is coming from a woman who hasn't had to deal w/ an unexpected pregnancy from a short relationship or fling. Maybe it's selfish, but if I possibly had a child out there, yes, I would want to find out. I'm also a person that trusts my intuition.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to go about doing this but if you are really interested in finding out and IF (and only IF) that interest is rooted in a desire to have a real relationship w/ this possible child, then I would hire a private investigator to do some legwork. Good luck.

Hmmm...gonna guess you're not looking for judgment here.

Have you considered hiring a PI?

Is there ANYONE that you DO remember (mutual friends, etc) that MIGHT be able to provide something?

You know, you see all kinds of things like this on craigslist....maybe do a post there?

Start googling phrases like "Looking for my father" etc. and see if there are some sites out there....not sure.

If I were your daughter, I would want to know! So I disagree with the "drop it" advice. Who knows? maybe this woman (or the child) has been looking for you as well?

Sorry for the late answer. My only 2 cents to add here is...would this woman have had an easy way to get in touch with you if you were the father? If she didn't have your phone number, or threw your number in the trash after you stopped calling back, it's possible she wanted to contact you but couldn't.

So I think that would justify your efforts even more.

All the suggestions here about craigslist, asking around the apartment complex, etc., are good. I'd go that route before the private investigator. But I wouldn't bother unless you want to become part of the kid's life in some way.

Also, wondering if the mom could seek back child support payments from you? No idea, but might be something to look into before you do too much digging.

OK I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that you are 1. not a troll and 2. not looking for closure or something else benefiting you, but that you honestly want to do the right thing.

I would do the following:

1. use Craigslist
2. contact adoption agencies in a 50-mi radius
3. look up county birth records for births to single moms in that woman's age range
4. ask around the apartment complex. It's doubtful anyone is still living there from that time period, but not completely impossible

I also like One and Done's suggestion of using a P.I.

I'm not sure why you should ask if you even should keep looking. Is is because you are afraid the child and the woman will blame you? Do you feel guilty? If you did find this --possible--child and they were angry, they will tell you. But I doubt this would be the case. Good luck.

Kudos to you! I wish my father was looking for me.

The only thing that comes to mind is to check the hospital birth records to see who had a child 8-10 months after your encounter. It wasn't me so you can scratch my name off the list..I was only 17. They will not give you the names, but if you can give them enough information about the woman and supply them with your contact info....they might be able to contact her to see if she wants anything to do with you. Sorry to put it that way, but trying to be realistic.