Father/Son Bonding or Should I Say "Lack Of"?

My sons dad wasn't around at all due to being away at school for the first year+ of his life. They have a great time together now. They still don't spend a huge amount of time together, but making the time quality time is what matters most. When they spend time together they play cards, wrestle, read, watch Scooby (which they both love), work on letters and numbers in ways I would never think of lol...they have a good time together.
Breastfed babies are more attached to their mother. You were/are his life line almost. My son does still prefer me over his dad when anything goes wrong (if we both happen to be there), but he loves the time he has with his dad now. Maybe there are reasons behind the old sayings of "momma's boy" and "daddy's girl"...

Like I'm sure you've heard from many people this is just a phase. Honestly, if I were in your situation I would prefer that he work these hours now instead of when your sons older and realizes it more. There will plenty of chances to play catch in the front yard and go on fishing trips but it's usually hard on a couple with a young child like you and your husband. As long as down the road, he lightens up his work load, you shouldn't worry about a thing.

I was in your shoes six months ago. My husband worked 70 hours a week, two jobs. I was home with our son. I love being a stay at home mom. Nothing in my life has fulfilled me more than guiding him everyday.
Yet, there was a point when I saw that my husband was so exhausted and was unhappy. He, obviously, rarely got to see our son. He did the best that he could to do little things with him and me to make our time special.
It finally got to a point one day when I realized neither one of us were living the best that we could be. Why did he have to work two jobs? Why did I feel like all of the housework and decisions for our child were left up to me? I put my foot down and decided I would see what I could do about working part-time. As hard, and I do mean agonizing, as it was for me to make this choice, I had to. I couldn't see one person being well rested and happy and the other one exhausted and frusterated.
We agreed that my husband would quit his second job and I would get one. I work 16 hours a week, I am a hair stylist. I will admit at first I worried my son would "forget" (now I realize how stupid I was to think that) about me. My commitment to my son it still just as strong, if not stronger, than when I didn't work. I realize 16 hours is truly not a large time away, but it helps us out so much. I love that my husband stays home with our son while I work. I have felt proud of myself for making this decision for our familiy. My son hasn't even skipped a beat in his behavior or development. We are a thriving family with the same concerns and problems as everyone else. I just wanted us to have a balanced, sane life.
I know this might not be what your looking for, but I wanted to share my story with you. Life is really what you make of it. There could be ways your could supplement your income, even while staying at home. You don't have to teach for 40 hours a week....Just a thought. Best of luck, I will pray for you and your famiily.
p.s so glad to hear you are nursing....I nursed for a year and it was so great for me and my son!
:)

That is a tough situation. If your husband is away so much, he will not have the opportunity to bond. Things will likely improve as your son gets older.

My neighbor's son is the same way with his parents. He is 17 months old, and is very affectionate toward his mom, and pretty much indifferent towards his dad. His dad doesn't even work as much as your husband, either. He's just a mama's boy. All I can offer is to have your husband spend quality time with your son on at least a weekly basis, and have activities that your son likes that he only does with daddy. Over time it will get better.

A.,
In my opinion, the quality of time spent is more important that the quantity of time spent together. It won't be like this forever. When we stay home with our children, alot of sacrifices have to be made. My husband works nights and could sleep all day if I let him. We have a 7 year old boy and a 19 month old girl. It was that way with my son when he was little too. I wouldn't even leave my son alone with dad because dad didn't know how to comfort our son and our son was indifferent to his dad. Now they have a very strong bond. My son cherishes the time with his dad and when he isn't around, there are sometimes tears. The non-trad family is difficult. But remember there may be families out there that spend all the time together, and still don't have such a close bond. We do what we have to do to get by. It will all come together. Don't worry. Do you have a webcam so maybe you all could "see" each other throughout the day? Put a little photobook together(the baby ones) of you, your husband and your son and one of all of you together and everyday say something like, "daddy says to have a good lunch" or daddy loves his big boy" or "daddy sends love and kisses to you." I hope this helps a little bit.
D.

A.,

I actually went throught this with my daughter and of all people "myself" when she was an infant.
It had turned out that I was feeling very anxious, stressed, and tired and somehow when holding her she could sense that.
She would only go to her dad and be happy, quiet, smiley, etc..but when with me she would cry and be miserable.
Once I got my stress under control she took to me alot better.
Has your husband been stressed alot about always being on the go, or because he doesn't have much time for you and the baby?
Just an idea...Good Luck!

Everyone chooses what they think is best for their family, but it sounds like the current arrangement is causing stress. I noticed that you have a bachelor's degree in education. Have you ever thought of going back to work so that your husband can scale back his hours to a 40 hour workweek? This would enable both of you to find a little bit of balance and equal opportunities to build a relationship with your son. It's great that your son has had a full time parent, but at 16 months, your son might be ready to experience a little bit of independence at a day care anyway. Or maybe your schedules are flexible enough that you could stagger them? Just a few suggestions..

A.,

My husband works crazy hours too - not quite as extreme as your husbands, but enough that the kids don't get to see him very much for pretty much for the same reason too - so that I can stay home with the kids. My daughter (she'll be a year old on the 21st of this month) at first was very indifferent to him, wouldn't hug him or kiss him and he used to comment on it all the time. But as time went on my husband just tried to spend as much time as possible as he could with her and I always try to make both my kids really excited that daddy is home. I also taught both my kids to say dada first (just as a joke so that they would ask for dada when they woke up at night hehe - not really but it was a running joke between my husband and I) so I think in time they will be fine - your husband sounds like he very much wants to bond with his son so it will happen. Tell your husband that things will be just fine.

Good luck and take care,
Mel

This will change.

With girls, bonding with Dad starts a lot earlier. With boys, typically they don't start male bonding until they are a very cognizant 2-3 years old.

My son has just discovered his Dad after nearly three years. And let me tell you... it's really fun to watch them together. But, even when my husband was a stay-at-home-dad for half a year, my son didn't really bond with him. But now, I am only around for kissing boo-boos and making sandwiches as far as my son is concerned. Everything else is a Daddy thing.

It will take a while. My girls went to Daddy really quickly. But the boys... well, it's not until they are trying to define gender issues that they really start realizing who the "man" in the house is. Basically once potty training nears completion they will be fast friends.