Expecting a Girl & Slightly Disappointed

I thought I always wanted boys and when I got pregnant I just knew I was having a girl. Ultrasound proved true and I can't tell you how happy I am to be a mom to a little girl. I think every mom should experience having a daughter, it's the most amazing thing in the entire world. I know there are challenges ahead but I have seen teenage girls both good and bad...so I know there is hope too:) We are pregnant again and I can't wait to have the next one, either gender brings its' own special gifts.

Hello ~

Yup, they are a bit tougher, but they are SO much fun! I have 18 yo and 10 yo girls, and they are great companions. We go to movies, work out together, go for walks, giggle, text silly jokes; it's a little like living with roomates again. No, I'm not one of those moms who is their daughters' cool friend, but there is a friendliness that evolves when you all go for pedis and manis together. We have a boy too, and he's the love of my life, and totally easy. He doesn't wear my earrings without asking, run up big cell bills, cry for no reason and reduce me to screaming obscenities in the car the way my girls do, but I wouldn't change it. Besides, I bet they'll take care of me when I'm old! :-)

We have both a girl 3.5 and a boy 20 months. We did not find out what we were having with either a head of time in part for this reason. Anyway we could not imagine what life would be like if any different. It is so wonderful to have the two children and I must say that I think it is also wonderful that we get to experience raising both a boy and a girl!

We have two girls, ages three (almost four) and just turned one. I was disappointed that number two wasn't a boy because we wanted one of each. I would have been more disappointed to have no girls however, they're so fun! Yes later can be an issue, but raise them right, keep lines of communication open and honest and all should be manageable. You were once a teenage girl, think about what your parents did right (or wrong).

Thinking back on my initial disappointment now I couldn't imagine life any other way, now that I see them together, how she loves her little sister and how they play together! You'll see when she's here how good it is. And her older brother will be such a good helper and protector. I have no brothers, no sons, we still want to try again for a boy!

Besides if you had two boys, trust me, you'd look at all those great girl clothes and wince. And when she's older you can shop, get manicures, etc together! And it's fun to see her play with my old toys and wear my old dresses. You'll have a blast, trust me! And remember it's okay to feel disappointed too..just a stage that you need to go through. Go buy some cute special girlie things, you'll feel better about it :) congrats!!

Oh, L. - I have SUCH good news for you!!! Girls and boys come in every flavor. There are girls that are moody and difficult and there are girls who are so easy - it's just amazing. There are boys that are athletic and well balanced emotionally and there are boys that are ----------high need- volatile and explosive. I cannot recommend too strongly that you get a copy of a child raising book titled ''Touch Points ''' by T. Barry Brazleton -- he talks about the different types of personality and what works well with each--. I raised 3 children - a girl, boy in the middle- and then my youngest is a girl. L. - is my oldest and she was so easy to raise - it was almost scary- balanced, helpful and eager to please. D- my boy- was also SO easy going - my youngest tested me until I thought I'd lose my mind.
Here's old mothers' advice
1. look to see who your baby is - she may be the tomboy of all time - an athlete- a mathmetician who loves to fix things - LET HER BE WHO SHE IS - musician? - artist? What her gender is is the smallest clue to who she'll be
2. keep your marriage strong and work together - don't let either of your children work one against another- all children are hard-wired to try.
3. keep your sense of humer

Many blessings,
J.

My only daughter was a girl, and even as she reached adolescence, raising her was far more joy than terror or aggravation.

My only grandchild is a boy. I thought I would have a hard time adapting to that (I had hoped he'd be a girl), but I fell deeply and irrevocably in love with his little self from the first moment I met him. Don't worry about those difficult feelings, L.. I'll bet they'll evaporate when your little one is born, if not before.

There are particular challenges and hazards to raising either gender. Establish the relationship you want with her early, give it consistent energy and intention, live what you want her to learn, and you should be fine. Just like with a boy! I wish you as much delight in her as I have experienced with my daughter.

I totally understand your worries. I always wanted three boys, and when we gave birth to our daughter (second child of three- boy, girl, boy) I was nervous. For me, I pictured boys having unconditional love, respect and a bit of some unknown, mystical awe toward their mothers. Whereas girls grow up and tend to know all our secrets and see right through their mothers- even if with love and respect. I guess I felt that having a girl meant more responsibility and pressure on me to raise a wonderful woman- and all my mistakes get tested if she becomes a mom. I was just really over-thinking it! My daughter has been a joy- all 8 years. She has brought magic and wonder, patience and nuturing, joy and tears. I can't imagine our family, or my life without her. She totally sees right through me, just like I thought and it makes us both laugh when I'm trying to be mad or serious. She knows me so well, and I see myself in her. Like all three of my kids, she's amazing but not perfect. I love seeing her relationship with her Dad, and I love my time with my boys. By the way, my oldest boy is just beginning on the mood swings, attitude and drama- it's not limited by gender. Don't beat yourself up about being nervous, I remember being a bit stressed by it for months after her birth. But once you start to relax, let yourself relish it and enjoy!

I have two girls and a boy. I would suggest really looking at how you define femininity--you do NOT have to accept the negative stereotypes about girls/women that scare you about raising one. In fact, make a list of outstanding, positive character traits of girls/women and make that your new norm. Drama, stubbornness, crabbiness are not a function of being female. We all have our bad moments, but heaven forbid others make judgements about our personality and character based on that! We're human and that applies to everybody, male and female. Girls ARE tenderhearted, enthusiastic, & love beauty. If you hold yourself accountable to not living by negative female stereotypes, you're already creating an atmosphere in your home for raising an amazing child & daughter. No fear! : )
Love, R.

Oh L., I can totally relate! When I was pregnant with #1, I was convinced, convinced, CONVINCED that it would be a boy. When I had that 20 week ultrasound and it was confirmed that baby was a GIRL, I wept. I had all the same "fears" as you, remembered how awkward puberty was, and consulted websites that dealt with "gender disappointment". I quickly realized I was in the minority, as most women were disappointed to find out their baby was a boy!

I teach middle school, and I always enjoyed teaching the boys because they are so "obvious" about everything. A large number (but definitely not all) girls at that age can be more reserved and concerned with how others perceive them, so they don't raise their hands as much, don't show off how smart they are (compared to the boys who always want to be seen as "brainy"), and don't seem to challenge themselves to do their best work, but boy do they like the drama and socialization that middle school brings. But, the more I thought about it, the more I started to think about things this way: I have had dozens of girls in my 10 years of working with middle schoolers that I would LOVE to know as adults. Very smart, very articulate, engaged with the world around them, not overly concerned with appearance/socializing, responsible, funny, all the characteristics that I would want in a daughter.

Having a daughter has helped me two-fold, 1. I cannot imagine NOT having a little girl now! I enjoy her so much, she really does make my life better by helping me be the best woman I can be (for my sake and hers), and I look forward to her being older so we can enjoy "girly" things together. I never liked pink, still don't, but I do think little girls' clothing has such a variety to it!2. It has helped me be a positive figure in my female students' lives. I realize that I have the power to encourage them to be their best possible people and to communicate the most effective way they are possible by challenging them.

I keep thinking of all the great girls I have taught (some of whom have now graduated from college and are still in touch), and how THEIR parents must have raised them right, and that I can do it too... It's MY responsibility to raise my daughter to be her best person and I love it.

We just found out that our baby #2 (due in May) is also a girl. Of course we thought "one of each" would be fun, but this time--I was really glad to hear that it's another girl! I never had a sister, my mother--in-law never had a sister, all four of my sisters-in-law never had sisters, just my own mom had sisters and is very close to one of them. Needless to say, all of us women think it's awesome to have more girls in the family!

A parent of a family whom I have had the pleasure of teaching all three of their kids (2 boys 1 girl) said this, "Boys are a heart-attack waiting to happen until they hit middle school and then they tend to mellow out, whereas girls are super easy until middle school when they break your heart if you let them." Her daughter was awesome, and I know it's because she had a great relationship with her brothers and parents.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as you plan for your daughter. She will bring you so much joy and awareness, you will love it!

Blessings!
M.

If you begin disappointed you will always be disappointed in her no matter what she does in life and the saddest thing is that she will always sense it, know it and it will shape who she is as a human being. If you don't know what it is like to grow up knowing that you are never truly unconditionally accepted by your mother or parents let me give you a clue. It sucks, it's painful, it shapes you in ways that cause you to make poor choices in friends and boyfriends and it makes it very difficult to learn to accept your self. Not complaining because I've overcome growing up as that unaccepted person but it took a LOT of mistakes, a LOT of pain and a LOT of soul searching to get to this point. Maybe it is what helped shape the strong, confident, happy woman I am today but I don't know if I'd want to go that it again.

I don't know where you get the ideas about what you have ahead with a girl unless you are basing them on your self. If you've never had a girl before how could you possibly have any idea whatsoever what kind of baby, toddler, child, adolescent and adult she is going to be? She could end up being the biggest blessing of your life but you'll never see it if you don't get these limiting ideas out of your head now.

I know one thing for sure. Children ALWAYS live up to our expectations of them. If you expect her to be difficult that is a 1,000,000% guarantee that she will be. If you expect her to be moody, she will be. If you expect her to be vain and more worried about how she looks than who she is then she will be. Parenting shapes most of these personality characteristics so putting the responsibility on her is not fair. Every child is different regardless of their gender and if you base how you raise your little girl on what other people share of their own experiences you are cheating her out of everything she deserves.

My advice...don't listen to anyone else. Just get to know her as she grows and feel blessed she is healthy and happy.

Sincerely,
C.

I have both a boy (first) and then a girl. I am happy that I have both for many reasons, and love them both deeply. They are grown to adults now and I can speak to many of the "experiences" you may fear. As babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, I found that when one was driving me crazy with a phase the other was calm and collected.

Both my children were active in the outdoors because I expected it. Neither child as children through teenagers were afraid of the outdoors, although my son was more of a thinker, contemplator and is now an minister, while my daughter is an avid, and I do mean avid outdoors woman, summer, winter...etc.

My daughter was more emotional, so as a teen, I put her in sports...she was also a straight A student in the gifted program. She did not have time or energy to be emotional. She went to bed at 9:00...voluntarily at 16. I believe sports are important to emotional girls---and year round activities so they are always engaged. By the way, my daughter was very small and doll like looking as a preschooler. I had to constantly battle people who wanted to treat her like a doll. She wanted to wear lacy, feminine dresses and play in the mud, climb trees, etc.

So, some of your daughter's behavior will be determined by your expectations and the type of things that you expose her to. Some of your daughter's behavior will be genetics. And that you will have to live with.

And if your daughter is 'emotional' you will deal with it, as I did. The terrible twos will begin a bit earlier and last a bit longer. Your heart strings will become more entangled than you thought a child could entangled them. That is not necessarily bad.

When I was pregnant with my second I was expecting and wanting another boy. I think it was because we were having so much fun with our son. We had a girl and I can't be happier. Our family would not feel complete without her. The dynamic between a boy and a girl is great. They don't fight as much as same sex kids I know. They really look out for one another and they are perfect in their own right. You will feel different when you meet your little girl. She will be just as precious as your little boy. I think it's normal to have the feelings you are having, but don't let your fear stop you from really enjoying all the indivialities of each child. They will both cause you trouble in their own time. Congratulations!

I'm sorry to say that, but your threat kind of makes me mad. People like you are the reason why I constantly have to justify my little girl. She is almost 11 months now, and the most wonderful person you can imagine. There are so many couples out there who cannot have kids at all, or have major problems conceiving. You should be glad to have a healthy baby growing. We didn't find out the gender of our baby when I was pregnant because we wanted a surprise. Early on both my husband and I thought it was a girl, but as pregnancy progressed everyone around me predicted a boy (the way I carried her). When we had a girl we were beyond happy, but have to deal with family who is disappointed about her being a girl to this day and refuse to meet her. Embrace the blessing you have. It will all depend on how you raise your kids. If you raise them to be high maintenance and demanding, they will cost you a lot, but that's for both genders. Have you ever looked at what these "boy" toys (PS3, etc.) cost?? I don't think girls will necessarily cost more than boys, and the mood swings, well, some kids have them, others don't..

It's not the gender as much as it is their overall constitution and your relationship that determines the atmosphere you will find yourself in. Boys are no picnic at times as well. Boys are wonderful, girls are wonderful. I didn't have mood swings growing up, and my relationship with my parents went through various stages all towards a healthy one as an adult. Try not to look at the gender with set expectations on either end of the spectrum. We all end up with a unique mix of personality, mixed with our own (which has ALOT to do with outcome) and family dynamic. Think positive no matter who is born into your life.
:)
Liz

I have to laugh at your post about girls being high maintenance, or mood swings. Let me tell you, I have a 15 year old boy that would put any girl to shame in those areas. I have a 12 year old girl that is so easy going.
Out of 2 girls and 3 boys, they each have their ups and downs. But it is not because they are girl or boy, it is because of who they are.
You will grow to love having a girl. You can take her in to get her nails done, and play dress up.
If you want to know more, then please let me know. I would be more than willing to hold your hand in having a girl.. LOL
Congrats
B.
www.SouthSoundDoula.com

Good Morning,

I am so happy for your family and may your baby be full term and healthy.
I am a mom of 4, 3 girls and a boy (#3). (I will also tell you that I had a pregnancy of twin boys that was not viable- so gender was not my primary focus with pregnancy).
I will only tell you that you are a lucky mom to have the opportunity to learn from each of your children regardless of being a boy or girl.
I will hope for your sake you will allow the gift you are receiving to be one of the best experiences of life.

Forecasting difficulties so far in the future seems unnecessary. May you enjoy the many phases of parenting, watching both a boy and girl grow to become wonderful individuals.

Merry Christmas,
D.

Well, there are things that are typically easier about girls also... potty training for one! Just think down the road to all of the things that you would miss out on if she were a boy! I have two boys, and while I couldn't imagine life any other way, I look at the bond that I have with my mom, and the bond that my husband has with his mom. They're both strong, but entirely different, and I know that I will never have a little girl who grows up to get married and have children of her own. As my boys get older and we have sports and scouts and all these boy things going on in our house, not to mention how much they eat... I do sometimes wonder "what if?". I'm missing out on all of those mother-daughter moments that you can never have with a son. I was a little disappointed when we got the ultrasound results with my second son, but he turned out to be the perfect youngest child for our family. The good thing about knowing now, is that it gives you time to adjust your hopes and expectations and get excited about who this baby actually is. One of my friends said it best that when you find out the sex of the baby, it's always a little bittersweet because all of the "maybe" children that you had imagined are lost. Good luck!

We have a girl and a boy. They are very different, but both equally wonderful. I wouldn't change anything. My boy is more sensitive than my girl, so you can't always anticipate mood swings and drama coming from only the girls. They bring so much life into your family too! My clearest memories about my two kids are usually of my daughter, as she is full of life, creativity, and spunk. Please try not to label your newest little one. She'll give you joy, just like your fantastic little boy. I do understand that there is a special place in a Mom's heart for little boys though. Trust me, my son is amazing and I can't imagine life without him. It's great having one of each. Good luck and congratulations!

Girls aren't the only ones with mood swings! And boys can be obsessed with their appearance... and will have girlfriends. In fact, all the "high maintenance" items you listed may or may not happen with any child, along with a multitude of others.

I highly recommend taking refresher parenting courses as your children age to get ideas or to be reminded what to be watching for... and to connect with other parents. We were not able to access services like that when our children were younger, but now that they are adolescents I have found that connecting with other parents and with professionals gives me insights and helps me over the very FEW rough spots.

In the meantime, enjoy your children! Let them develop in their own way at their own pace. You will find that girls can be tough and boys can be tender, girls enjoy outdoor activities (I did) and boys can love to cook (mine do). Each child will have unique interests and abilities, and both will surprise you with their ingenuity even as they challenge you with things you never expected.

I'm the mother of two young adults. My son is 21, and my daughter is 18. I've always felt that my friends who only had sons missed out on some wonderful experiences. Yes, a girl can be more emotional and high maintenance, but they also tend to be more open in talking about their lives and emotions. My daughter has always provided me a window view of what young people today are thinking and feeling. With my son, instead of a window view, it was more like some snapshots. The girls who seem to turn out the best are the ones who develop a passion for some outside-of-school activity. It doesn't matter what the activity is: a sport, music, dance, Girl Scouts, volunteering or something else. It seems to help them develop self discipline, feelings of self worth and accomplishment and a circle of friends who share their interests. Of course, it does the same for boys. I've appreciated the differences between raising a daughter and a son, and was thankful I had the opportunity to experience both. Child rearing is always an adventure, but that's part of the fun of it. Don't worry, and good luck. M.

I thought I was having a boy, but then my daughter came along. It is true that raising girls is quite a different experience. However, I think that active parenting and constant communication with your girl can help you get through the bumpy parts of the tween and teen years. I grew up with 3 sisters and 3 brothers, and, to be quite honest, I think (and my parents thought) that the girls were easier on the whole. I have more boys in my grade 6-8 classroom, and it is true the girls are more moody, but the boys bring along other issues.

Although I prepared myself with glee for having a boy, I wouldn't trade my eight-year-old girl for anyone. She is willful and is working on navigating her way through the popularity thing, but I think she makes good choices on the whole.

Good luck with the path ahead. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Hi L.,
We had a girl first and wanted another one, so when we found out our second was a boy, I was disapointed too. The first moment I help him I loved him more than words could say. If we had anymore I would want more boys! He is so cuddly and snuggly compared to my daughter ( although, she has autism and snuggly usually does not happen with this) But once you have that precious little package in your arms it will feel so right! Merry Christmas

I have one of each. My son is 4 1/2 and my daughter is 2 1/2. There are a completely different set of challenges for each, and they are not always typical. Both my kids are typical and atypical in a lot of ways. My son is very rough and tumble and roudy, but at the same time, he is very sensitive and very in tune to how others act. My daughter is a little diva, already picky about shoes and coats and loves dolls, but at the same time, she is rough and can beat up her brother. They are both a lot of fun, and really it all comes down to their individual personality. My son is very artistic and the most creative story teller and my daughter likes to pick things apart and get into things. Of course later in life the challenges will change completely and its true girls are generally more picky and can end up costing more money because of that, but its not guaranteed she will end up that way. I myself was a tomboy and didn't care much about being popular or expensive clothes or even makeup for a long time, (although I was very much into boys). I played basketball in school and fit in with all the crowds (me and my friends were sort of the middle ground in school for all the different cliques) I promise you it will be a joy, and your lucky you had your boy first. I certainly like my son being older to protect her from other boys. But I wouldn't dwell just on her having boyfriends, your son has just as much potential for trouble with girlfriends. Just be firm in your values with them and I'm sure they will follow the right path.

Hi L.!

Congrats! I am so happy for you! Girls are no more high maintenance than boys, just in different ways. Just address their concerns as best as you can, it will be fine. My girl wears her emotions on her sleeve so at least you know what is going on. My boy is a true crab, all hard on the outside and tender on the inside, which makes it harder to figure out what he is feeling. But these are personality traits, not gender ones. I've known Moms of boys totally exasperated by their 4 year old dramas. Just work on having a great emotional bond with her, which I have no doubt you will, and it will be just fine. Girls tend to be more upset with bumps and bruises but they won't have as many, usually. Orion has bloodied his lip so many times by now, I've lost track! On mood swings, I have found that keeping Casia up on a good multivitamin really helps her be able to manage them better. She needs more niacin than what is in our diet normally. Also helps with growing pains at night! You won't have to worry about the pink obsession until somewhere close to 18/24 months. And even boys go through stages of liking it. You are a good Mom, L.. You will find the right balance of showing her how to take care of herself and care about her appearance and obsessing with the mirror. Just remember to always instill how valuable they are as people, not what gender role they should play, and you'll be a huge step ahead.

Many well wishes!
K.

L.,
The other responses are right...you will, soon enough not be able to imagine life without her. One thing that someone told me about girls, that I have always remembered, is this: When boys grow up they get married and have a new woman in their life and the bond although special is completely different than that with your girl because when she grows up your relationship will only continue to grow and be stronger. I talk to my mom atleast once every week and we live two states away from eachother. I love my mom and need her more as an adult than I ever imagined I would!

Believe me, I know that boys are the bomb...I have a grip of them (I too was a lil' disapointed, I loved the idea of 3 brothers)....but my lil' girl is amazing and watching her with her Daddy melts my heart on a daily basis!!!

Just you wait...You will see.

K.

Don't set yourself up for disappointment. Girls don't have to be difficult. moodswings outfit issues. Only if you let them learn those things. I know us woman are different than men. But i know a lot of men that are worried about their image/clothing apperance than most of my girlfriends. My husband was concerned about a daughter no one to ride, fish or hunt with. But our daughter loves the outdoors and everything that goes along with them. That's what we do so that's what she knows. She doesn't know to be picky about her clothes she just wears them.

hi L.,

congrats on your baby. you will be amazed at how much you love your baby girl. i have 2 girls and they are completely opposite personalities. the beautiful thing is you grow with them and there is nothing to be scared of. yes it is a total learning process and with my girls being complelety different at every age just when we think we have it all figured out everything changes anyway and we get to learn it all with them. we thought it was great to have a 2nd girl because we already had everything well that didn't work either because they were born different seasons and nothing seemed to fit at the right time so funny we saved everything and ended up garage selling andyway.

there are so many fabulous books on raising girls and the biggest thing is building a strong self esteem so they are not ashamed of themselves and are proud to be who they are whether they are a boy or a girl. there are some really great websites too. imom.com has been really helpful for me with tips for raising children and has tabs for every age. may you continue to have a healthy and blessed pregnancy.

I haven't raised a girl through adolescence, but I was a low maintenance girl through my own, and my sisters and sisters-in-law, who are all teenagers, are very responsible, respectful girls. Not all girls are going to act like something off of tv. I think upbringing and personality play as much of a role as hormones and teen culture. Just be available and make sure she knows your expectations.

To tell you the true, boys can be just as moody, picky about clothes, and temperamental as girls. And you will have the same problem with girlfriends for a boy as you do boyfriends for girls. And you never know what kind of personality your girl will have. I have three girls, one is 17 and very much a tomboy, not feminine at all. One is 12 and pretty girlie, and one is 15 and is somewhere in between. I also have two boys. One is 23 and the drama with him when he was a teenager!!!! drove us insane. One is 15 and very low key. You have just got to roll with the punches and everything will be fine.

Okay, beyond the stereotyping, I can't say that I've seen any indication that girls are more expensive than boys. Both can ask for huge presents at Christmas, whether video games or clothes (for either gender).

I have one of each child, but I was also one of seven, split between the two genders. And I found that, even with my parents' experience, they didn't know what to expect from any of us. Your child can grow into the very expectations you set up for her: ultra fashion conscious, moody, playing the field... or she will, more likely, surprise you utterly. My daughter is feminine, and loves clothes, but she is as just as happy with homemade stuff and consignment things as she is with new clothing.

How you RAISE your kid is the important thing. If you raise her to be fickly and care only about her appearance, she might do that very thing. If you show her empathy and caring, responsibility and intelligent thought, she will show them back to you.

Remember, too, that both children will become teenagers, but with help, they will grow out of that stage, too.

I have one biological son (11 y/o), and two step sons (6 and 10 y/o). We were blessed with a daughter May of 2007. I have to say I shared many of the same fears that you have expressed, but my fears have so far been unfounded. My little girl brings a calmness and a closeness that I have not had with my other children. I have enjoyed every moment of being a mom of a little girl and yes I knwo it will be tough during some times,but as a baby she seems so much easier and a much easier tempermant.

Hope this helps.

I sooooo wanted 2 girls but got 2 boys instead. As one of three girls myself I felt like I KNOW girl land, I so wanted all the trappings of little girls--the bows, the dresses, the dolls, even though I'm not a girly-girl myself. To say that I was devastated when the ultrasound showed another boy...well, that was an understatement. I was thrown into a bad depression for two weeks afterwards, all the while feeling terribly GUILTY because the baby looked healthy and I thought God would surely punish me for feeling that way. I actually had to start taking anti-depressants at 22 weeks b/c I was simply not coping. Some Mamasource moms told me about these sites, which you should check out. They helped me. I still get sad at department stores, the toys shopping when I'm stuck in the boys' toys sections. But I will say this: I love this second little boy of mine. It wasn't as immediate as with my first boy, but within 2 days I was pretty much head over heels. It's not that you don't want the children you have; it's what you're NOT getting that makes you sad. So don't feel guilty. And my husband was worthless at making me feel better. Hope yours is more intuitive than mine. Here's one site to get you started, called "Secretly Sad": http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/fetal_development/genet...

Best,
AMD

I think Shelly summed it up best by saying that they will both cause you troubles of their own in time. I concur about everything she had to say.

We had a little boy who was 2 when I got pregnant and I truly wanted a little boy again. In fact, I would love to have a Nascar team full of boys, but we now have a little girl, and she is one of favorite kids. I mean, not to be biased, but there is something about having a little girl that just is so much fun.

I really did not believe it when my former employer who only had a girl stated that having a girl was great and was the best thing in this world. I was immature and didn't want to believe her because she ONLY had a girl. Come to find out, having both really makes sense. I love the fact that my son and Boston Terrier really take care of her. They protect her and she loves them for it. I would never trade that.

As for being prissy or too girly, that is what it is. You can either make her that way, or just teach her what you believe to be fair and honest and keep going. Like, teach her to be able to change the oil and change a tire and cool stuff like that. My dad wouldn't even let me touch a lawn mower until I was over 18, so I am much more domestic than a lot of women. I learned after being married for 7 years how to do a lot on my own, but let her grow into her own individual style and just love her as much as you can. She will become what she wants as long as you love her and teach her everything you know.

Congratulations, and good luck. I am so excited to hear of her coming.

Kim B.

Expect nothing. Even if you were having another boy your experience with this one would be different then the first. As a mother of two boys (, and a girl)every child is different no matter what the sex. Some days my oldest is way more moody than my girl. There are some intrinsic differences, of course, but none more difficult than the other. (That does vary from day to day :))

Congratulations! Buy a pink football and roll with the punches.

I had three boys, and when we found our fourth child was a girl it took us a couple of weeks for it to sink in. Not that we didn't want a girl: I was skilled at boys, a tomboy as a youngster and thought my hubby could only provide "Y" swimmers! WE LOVE IT! Our daughter is such a personality none of us wish she was a boy looking back. I would advise you to let her develop her own personality, and just enjoy the little being she is. You might just be as pleasantly surprised as we were! =)

Hi L.,

We had a baby girl 13 months ago and she is a total doll. She is so calm compared to baby boys, you'll love it. You're little one won't be throwing stuff and running around crazy, at least for the first year :) that should be a nice trade off for you!

Hi, I had my daughter about 13 month ago. I was ABSOLUTELY sure when I was first pregnant that it was a boy. I wanted a boy SO BADLY. When the ultrasound came back and told me it was a girl, oh, I was initially so disappointed. I talked with a lot of mom's who had raised both and everyone had an opinion that differed. My myself, it took me a few days to really understand why I was so disappointed and it really came back to my own relationship with my mom and my fears of making the same mistakes she did with me. I feared that she would grow up and hate me. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to accept that I likely won't make the same mistakes my mom made with me (but I'll surely make different ones) and that there will be times when your children, boys or girls, will scream that they hate you. I anticipate some of the emotional ups and downs, but I also feel that with good parenting, strong and appropriate rules and consequences that the teen years with a girl don't have to be so terrible. By the time my daughter was born I was ready for the healthy little one to come into my life and I am so happy to have her and so happy that yes she is a girl. I think there are positives and minuses raising either gender. Good luck to you!

I have a 12 yr. old boy, 7 yr. old girl, 5yr. old girl. went crazy with my son when he was old enough to walk and he still has his moments!! My girls are growing up and becoming sassy but they are so sweet. Having girls was very scary for me also because I was a hellion an I wsa scared that they would be like me. I love do my daughters hair in pony tails and braids, you know girl stuff. If you do not make a big deal about her clothes then neither will she. One day she will like boys and you just have to teach them how to behave and give them morals!! They will all be great kids if you teach them to be great!!! I hope this helps a little! Take care and don't be afraid, she will be ok and so will you and the father!!

K.

L.,
I have two boys and a girl. Without a doubt each one is unique - even my two boys. Their personalities are not the same or their moods. While my 3 year old is fairly easy going the other is 5 and is very challenging some days. Our little girl is only 18 months but holds her own with two big brothers. I wouldn't worry about the future ("down the road"). Enjoy your time with them now. You will help shape who she becomes. Time goes by way too fast for you to worry now about the teenage years and beyond.

Oh my, we have three girls ages 6,4, and 2. We wouldn't have it any other way because God truly created them just for us. We definitly fear the teenage years because of a houseful of hormones but I am sure that we will do the best job we can. Please don't be disapointed in a decision that is not yours to make, your little boy will be the best big brother to his sister and their relationship will be wonderful to watch. Rejoice in God's creation!! Having a family is so much fun regardless of the gender of your kids. Congrats on your new baby!!!

Merry Christmas!!!! What a wonderful thing to have a healthy little one on the way!

I have a step daughter and a son. Of coarse right now my son is easier because he 1 1/2 and hasn't too many demands. But I love my step daughter so much. I is a different world x10 but in a good way! She is loving and thinks of others all the time. There is a lot of pink.. and I am not a big fan of the color but we work together on it.. :) She snuggles and gives love all the time (She is almost 7). Boys snuggle but only until about 5 and then they are BOYS Girls snuggle for longer... and if you can help it *choosing friends, schools* wisely you can prevent her from growing up too fast, as most kids are now-a-days.

I think you will find that it is a great mix!!! :)

As a nurses practitioner you should you know that not all girls are "high maintence" i have 1 boy and 3 girls and they are all different with different challenges. But i also know how you feel with our last one I was hoping for a boy but had a beautiful girl. You should let yourself feel sad but in the long run you will be so happy for that girl that you were blessed with. Merry Christmas!!!!

Hi,
Congrats.. I have 2 girls they are young only 3 and 6.. But when I found out I was having another girl I was excited... and people would make comments like, too bad u didn't get your boy.. and so on..
But think of it this way, there are so many woman not able to have children and you were given a little girl. I truely believe God gave you a girls for a special reason :)
Also. boys can be difficult too, just think of boys and fast reckless driving the need for speed as a teenager.
You will have so much fun with your girl and instill positive rolemodle.. Teach her how to bake, play sports.. be a strong girl.. girls rock.
I read your other post and I had to c-sections and am glad I did.. my friend had one c-section the first time around and then did a vbac and she tore so bad she had to have surgery to make everything o.k. again down there.. sorry I know this doesn't answer your question thou.. In hind site she wishes she would have opted for the 2nd c- section.
Best of luck,
Lenc

I shared your experience on the hopes for a boy due to fears of adolescence for a girl. My daughter was an angel as a wee one and I cannot imagine my life any other way.

All the same, she is 9 now and it is just beginning. She is easily overwhelmed, uncharacteristically indecisive and stormy. Everyone I talk to says, 'yup that is an adolescent girl alright.' Her emotions can be like a beast that she rides. They responds before she is ready and sometimes she just struggles to not get bucked off.

As frightening as this may sound, I have lost my initial fears. This deep sense of love guides and pulls us through. The connections and trust that we have formed during those easier years give us the foundations that we need. It will do the same for you. :)

Hi L.,
Well I have a 2 year boy old with my husband, and he has an 8 year daughter from a previous marriage. There is a slight difference in the mood swings and outfits and all that stuff you have fears over. even at this young age. My step daughter is very spoiled at her moms house and more diceplined structor at our house. I think that it is all in how you choose to raise your daughter. With her being high maitence or not. You can still shop cute for a girl and a boy at decent prices at "walmart" or other stores that don't have name brand clothes. The additude you just have to raise her with the same as you do your son, start young that the sassyness maybe cute at times, but isn't allowed, there are other ways to express yourself. I hope that I have helped a little with out going into a big long lecture session? Im not really good at responding with quick and to the point issues. I guess my short version would be, its how you raise her, teach her and love her, and remember its not just girls that go through the mood swings, right outfit, and "friends" of the other gender.
Good luck and enjoy your little princess:)

Well L.,
I don't have boys I only grew up with them. And I only have a daughter. How your child acts will depend on you and your mates' genetic mak-up and your behaviors. I thought my daughter would be so froo froo and girly since she had no brothers around. Turns out she is just like her parents, no fus no mus. What ever you show and interest in she will. She will want to be just like mommy. Get ready to have your space invaded. She will get into your make-up and destroy it trying to be like you and like to walk around in your shoes. Just enjoy your kids don't worry about the future it will take care of itself.

I'm afraid of having a girl too & I've been told by all my friends who have girls that they only want girls becasue they are so wonderful.

You have lots of good advice from readers. I have two boys 21 & 18 and they are very different people.Gender is not important, it's the person they are and it's fascinating watching them emerge into adulthood. Each child had different needs and challenges along the way. One was into clothes, had lots of girlfriend and the other was more emotional during the teen years, but low maintenance on a physical plane. Good luck and fortune to you on your parenting path which is unpredictable and wonderful.

Hello L.,

Congrats on the newest addition that will be arriving!!

Girls are no different than boys. I have 4 boys and 1 girl.
Someone told me that girls are easier than boys but can't prove it by this mother cause she can be just as bad as her brothers. My daughter is 12 yrs and isn't that picky about clothes. I do make sure that they have nice clothes to wear to school,church etc. She's going through changes right now so it is a little hard on the both of us.As for boyfriends nothing in that area yet same goes for the girlfriends for my boys. For now all I can say is jut enjoy your baby girl and let the rest take care of itself.
The one thing you don't ever want to do is compare your girl to your son cause that will show you favor one child more than the other and it will make the girl feel like she's not worthy and unloved.
Good Luck

God Bless and take care.
A.

When I was pregnant with my second child my husband wanted another boy. When she came out as a girl he was the happiest person and she's Daddy's little girl. Girls are so much easier to raise so far. She was an easy baby. All she did was sleep and eat. She's not as rowdy or hyper as my son is. I tell her to clean her room or do something she does it right away without fussing unlike my son who keeps trying to test my nerves or make me get angry with him. Girls are easy.

We have a 3yr old girl and a 16 month old boy. It has been so fun to watch how they approach the world in such differnt and distinct ways. I can also see a special bond forming between them that wouldnt be the same if they were the same gender. I grew up in a household with only girls, so I can compare the two. I don't know about the high-maintenance and other problems you're worried about, but I think that it doesn't have to be that way. Each gender presents its own parenting challenges. Just get ready to enjoy your daughter, because raising one of eacH is going to be FUN!

Hey L.,

You've got some wonderful responses, but I thought I'd add one more!!

I was the only girl in a house full of boys. My parents loved all of us and they still do. But after we became parents, my mom and I realized how different it was to be the grandmother of your DAUGHTER's children.

Being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child - especially when they're young - is primarily a female thing. When your son has a baby, yes, you'll be involved, but you'll be one step removed because it won't be YOUR child who is pregnant, giving birth, and spending most of the time with the LO while they are small. Your DOL will probably be sharing most of this incredible experience with HER mother, not with her Mother-in-law.

Are there exceptions? Sure. But if you were to ask a large group of grandmothers who had both sons and daughters, you would find that the majority would say that they feel closer to their daughters' children.

Let me be clear: This has nothing to do with the love a grandmother feels. My mom loves ALL of her grandchildren and delights in my brothers' children as much as she delights in mine. But the bottom line is: she has access to my daughter in a way she doesn't with my brothers' children, because I am her daughter.

Now that I am a mom and see how wonderful it is to share this journey with my own mom, I am deeply grateful to God for giving me the gift of a daughter.

Again, please don't take this the wrong way - boys are awesome! I love my father, my brothers and my husband. I'd be thrilled to have a boy. But with all this talk of "girls are harder" (not just from you - I've heard this from a zillion people), we mothers need to remind ourselves that our daughters can be the greatest blessing in our lives.

Congratulations on your new arrival.

L.,

I know how you feel. I was a tomboy growing up and would really have preferred to raise boys, I relate to them better. My son turned 5 in October, and my daughter will be 2 in March. I didn't get my wish and was terrified of trying to raise a girly girl. She is more of a handful than her brother ever is. I'm also glad that I have one of each. They play together and are each other's best friend.

If you have any questions or would like to talk send me a message.

Melissa

if you treat her like a high maitenance girl then you will have one but if you raise her to be mellow adn down to earth and that there are more important things that boys and clothes life will be easier... compared to my boy my girl is a handful but he is too she is just in a different way... and she loves to be a girl just like mom but also loves to go out and work on cars with her brother, dad adn grandpa... sooo don't freak out love her for who she is and will be and just roll with her.. same as you do with a boy...

Hi L.,

I was blessed with two boys and one girl. Yes my daughter went through mood swings but sometimes so did the boys. What I would have missed out if I did not have her in my life were the girl times. We loved to go to lunch and out shopping with each other. We sewed together and even made jewelry together. She loved cooking with me and we got pedicures together. She is now married and says that she catches her child saying the same things I did. She calls me when her son is acting up and she will wonder how I lived through it and ask for advice. When we get together we talk about all sorts of girl stuff and even compare purses and jewelry(what little we have) She calls when she sees an ad that is something she thinks I might enjoy

Yes there have been the hard times but the good one out weigh them all. Teen years were good and bad. Yes at some point you know nothing but that is true of both boys and girls. The first time they come to you and tell you, yes you were a good parent and thank you it all goes away.No child is perfect and there are times you may even ask who are you?

She will be a precious gift as she is part of you.

Congratulations!!!!

Girls might be more difficult at times when they get older but so much easier when they are little. We have 3yo girl and she is just a sweetie. She is easy going and no drama. I see little boys her age at her preschool and it's a big difference. They are wild, fighting all the time and screaming at each other. I think it all balances in the end. They're all miracles.

I have 2 boys and a girl, my oldest is a boy and 12.5 then my daughter is next at almost 11, then my youngest a boy at 9. And for my experience thus far my daughter is the easiest of all my children. I know we haven't made it to the teen years with her but she is a very good child and although I do expect her to have her own 'growing pains' I really don't think it will be all that difficult. My sons on the other hand are already having shall I say challenges. I don't think you have anything to really worry about, it will be different but not bad. I believe it all depends the relationship you build with your kids now. So stop worrying about things that most likely won't happen and enjoy your pregnancy now and your daughter when she is born.

When I had my two girls after my son, I wanted all boys like you. However, as time went on I realized they were a gift from God. I realized boys are a gift to the father, and girls are a gift for the mother. Girls are a help to the mother, help her see who she really is, and you will tend to have more camaraderie with your girls than you did with your boy. Also, my son is now 21 and very independent, and doesn't really care about what impact what he does has on the family. I noticed my girls love to take care of things and each other and are radically different in good ways. They DO care how things they do affect others. Yes, they are very emotional - but we're all musicians in our family, so we all tend to be a little emotional. However, if you teach your girls good values, they will be good.

What you let them see in the media has a HUGE impact on what they do. This can NOT be overstated. I had to change my listening and viewing habits for the morality of my kids. Make sure your girls only see and listen to moral music and TV - teach them to choose good music and good media. That will also go a LONG way to building their character. Kids are like sponges - if they watch Shrek, they end up behaving like Shrek. Give them alternatives, and they will act better.

Well, I have three girls, and yes it has been hard sometimes, but I would not trade them in for anything. There is no comparison between boys and girls they are very differnt. You are worring about things that you should not even be thinking about right now. I think you see little girls in the wrong way, my girls are great, and they are who they are, so like it or not you are having one and you will see that little girls are truely a blessing from God. All children are, so just be thankful you are able to have your own children no matter what the sex is.

I agree that the teenage years will probably hold their trials but if you look beyond that it seems that most women I know live closer to their moms then most men I know and also have better closer relationships with their moms then most men. So if you look past the teen years and think about the joys you will have with her as an adult and watching her bring children into the world it is very exciting. BTW I have a daughter and am having another soon and would not have it any other way. She is so precious and even though she is very active she is definately a lot more refined than the boys her age and it's very nice.

Something to think about. Boys also go through puberty and are high maintenance also. Sports are very costly no matter the gender. Boys are pretty particular now days of what they wear. I have a son just turned 21, a girl 13 and one girl 11.
It's not about gender but each child's personality combined with what they learn from their parents.
Relax and enjoy your bundle of joy. You might be surprised just how pleasurable it will be to have a daughter.

Come on now those thing should so small for you to worried about being high maintence. I have a girl 10yr, she is and was an easy baby compare to her now one year brother. Your child is going to grow up on how you raise the. Rememeber you have 14 month boy. What about him getting someone pregnant, some the women you are not going to approve of, how he treats women, etc. Again, it is all on how you raise a child. I have heard raising boys are a little harder. I think you are about to have the best of both worlds that is what I and enjoy ver minute of it. Stopping of the small thing about raising a girl, because if you continue with these though it might affect how you treat her when she is first born and possible affect you relationship as you get older. You always get what God wants you to have. It will be fine. Just love her she is going to be mom little angel your pricness before you know it. It all will be fine.

As a mom of 4 boys and 2 girls, I can tell you that for me anyway both sexes have their advantages and disadvantages. Don't know if you plan to quit having kids after 2...but if not you'll get a mix. My boys get more physical, so 2 boys might have meant fist fights or other testosterone filled activities like sword fighting in the living room, kick boxing off the couch, peeing and MISSING....forts all over the house, football, soccer, baseball, broken bones, worn out knees in the pants and burping contests at the table. I'm of course using humor here OK. A girl on the other hand MIGHT (unless she's a tomboy) read her books, tie up the phone with chats to the friends, take ballet, cuddle with mom, steal daddy's heart, wear pretty clothes and love makeup and jewelry, crochet, like baking w/mom, and have a lot of giggles and laughter to her. On an off day she may scream, cry and slam her door. On an off day your son may push or hit something or someone, scream and even he may cry. I can tell you puberty is no picnic in either sex!!!! My boys have gotten more aggressive at times, more mouthy and more physical.....within reason. My puberty ridden daughters have gotten more emotional but most often don't yell. They just cry and run to their room sobbing and slam doors. At least w/a girl you and she are the females against all those guys! In a long term prospect, your daughter will decide the parenting style of those grandchildren and in the event of divorce, etc. if your child is the mother of the children your chances of seeing them is greater. I've seen sons who never see their kids. Anyway I covered a broad spectrum here LOL but hang in there and I know all about scared!!! Teen pregnancy has always been a fear somewhere in my subconscious, but I worry for my boys also....they can get tricked into pregnancy...and have no say in the pregnancy should an unplanned one occur. I can tell you that boys are just as high maintenance as girls AND whoever said only girls have mood swings is L-Y-I-N-G. right ladies????