My husband's Ex has been "working the systems" (child support, welfare, un-employment, etc) and getting away with A LOT. I was wondering if anyone out there is having the same issues. My husband and I both work, and he pays a higher than normal amount of child support. His ex does not work and has learned how to get the courts to see her as a "helpless victim" and has let her get away with a lot more than most people.
I know there are a lot of single mothers struggling out there - I'm not meaning to offend those who truly do not get help and support from their ex-husbands - this is not the case here.
My husband has always paid CS on time and has paid for sports, extras, school costs, etc.... along with the parenting support that is expected of him. She quit a great paying job, collected un-employment for longer than the law normally allows and cryed her eyes out at court because they were going to make her claim a normal income (based on what she could be making if she were working) and they took pity on her !!!
I guess I'm just looking for some support from other stepmoms who may be in the same boat.
Go for custody, you ae already paying everything.
I thought you had to have a job to get welfare? Did she lie or is that not the case anymore?
No i hear you...my situation is diffrent.....my hubsband wants to see his daughter but his ex refuses....as long as she gets her $$ she's happy. Plus she works and has a good job. and i think we pay ALOT. it's just hard cause we have our own children as well and his 1st child gets designer clothes and my gets are lucky to get walmart. she wont even pass down the hand me downs because her daughter doesnt like us....whats what the mother claims.....whats worse is I bet when her daughter turns like 13 or 14 and is out of control I bet 99 to 1 that she's be shipped here to live with us cause she would be able to handle her.....it's just hard for us step mom's and no one gives us any credit for trying to work things out and get people to get along....
Oh the joy of the ex-wife! Mine (or rather, my husband's) is disabled because SHE IS AN ALCOHOLIC!! Fantastic--AND she makes her 15 yr old give her his meds!! HA!
It's a different boat but boy I know how you feel. We have custody of my husbands daughter and her mother is suppossed to be paying child support, they have tried everything, but she just goes into teh court room and cries because she has no help and can't work and has back problems. but she won't see a doctor, her dad provides ehr with an apartment and her boyfriend lives there as well, they are on welfare and just doing nothing to help support her daughter we had to stop visits because she was driving her around on a supspened license. and she now won't even return our calls about seeing her little girl. so yes there may be ppl out there that really need teh help and aren't gettingit from the other parents of their children but there are those ppl out there that play the system any way they can jsut to sit at home on thier butts while other ppl worry about things like school supplies and clothes and hair cuts and doctors visits. someday maybe the system won't suck but for now, good luck.
Boy do I know what you are going through! My husband's ex is a real loser! She steals and sues to get her money. She has had many jobs, cause she either gets fired or quits before she gets fired. My husband pays A LOT of support and 80% of medical (though typically 100% cause she never pays us back since we are the only ones to take her for any medical care) and we carry the insurance. My step-daughter said that her mom won't buy her anything cause she says she has no money. So where is the money she gets for support? She smokes a pack a day, so there is some of it, I could go on and on! Once my step-daughter is 12 and can stay home alone, in another year, we are going to take her back to court and have the support reduced. By then I will have 2 at home, so it will make our case better. And we are NOT getting a lawyer this time, since they just suck you dry and do nothing for you! We will file the paperwork on our own. Good luck to you, I know what you are going through. All it does is eat away at you if you dwell on it too much. Just remember, you and your husband are happy and she is not. That should help get you through this!
L.
Hello L.. You could get all the information together with dates etc.. and report her to unemployment, welfare. Try to get facts together. They will investigate.
I am a step-mom and not in your exact situation. My husband's ex-wife works full time, but I do understand how you feel. I was just whinning to my mom on the phone today about being jealous because I too want new things and the children and her are always wearing new clothes and shoes with new electronic gadgets. But she does work hard full time and I am greatful for that. And even though envy is a sin I think we are all quilty of it at times.
You should try to get custody.
I too am a stepmom. I know where you are coming from. My husband is good about his child support always paid on time, even when he was laid off. I know we pay way too much but we haven't taken her back to court. She doesn't spend the money on kids' clothes or things they need. She sends them to us looking like bums even when we give her notice about going to special events (like weddings) which forces us to buy clothes they may wear only once. We are the only ones who pay for hair cuts and the like. This year she ie even trying to get us to pay for over the counter meds as part of the medical expense we are responsible for. Some people are just money hungry and think everything is owed to them. I also think maybe she is jealous because her ex-husband (my current husband) is happy and doing well.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband has three kids, two with his ex-wife and one with an ex-girlfriend. The ex-wife has a job and everything but the ex-girlfriend also works the system. On the seldom occasion that she has gotten a job she quits it within a month for no reason. She and her boyfriend also live off of welfare. At one point it was her, her two daughters, her brother, her boyfriend, and his three kids all living in a two bedroom apartment because none of them would get jobs! They finally did move to a bigger place but now welfare is paying for their housing too. What really gets me is that she gets just as much child support for the one child as the ex-wife gets for the other two!! How crazy is that! My husband is paying over $1,000 a month in child support plus has medical and dental on all of the kids. He has to work two jobs in order to have any money at all for us. I work too but it is still hard to keep our heads above water. We have custody of my 11 year old daughter so we also have all of her needs to tend to...school fees, clothes, field trips, etc. Needless to say as much as we would like to get custody of this child we just can't afford to get a lawyer either. If you find some way to get this mother off of her butt or at least get something done about it I would love to know. Sorry, I couldn't help but believe me honey, we feel your pain too. Good luck!
