Ex-husband Pushing 15 Yr Old Daughter to Wear Makeup

I think I would have to step up. Wearing makeup could make her very uncomfortable when all eyes are on her. Maybe even ask her to let the make up artist do a very light application- just powder, a little blush and lip gloss- with the agreement that if she doesn't like that then she can wash it off. I would have to let him know that is the agreement on the make up issue, take it or leave it.

I was dating a boy my senior year that at the time I thought was the one (yea funny now I know LOL) but he was coming over one day and I didn't go put on make up- my dad asked me about it and I was like, well if I marry him he is going to know I come without make up too! My mother wore tons of make up and I guess some men just think that it is the girl thing to do!

Good luck

Hi L.,

It wasn't too long ago that I was her age and I remember all those feelings and thoughts you have. The one thing I remember is how insecure you feel and a parent telling you need to change something about yourself or enhance something about yourself only adds fuel to that fire. My best suggestion to you is ask her. Just come out and ask her if she would like you to help her because they do not seem to care that demanding a young girl to wear make up most likely makes her feel that she needs it. Or if it comes down to a battle between her and her father then stand behind her so that she knows that you are there at any moment to help her but also that you wont till she asks you to. Just make sure and remind her that no one can tell her how she feels and who she is. Tell her that she must always stand up for who she is. No one should have to compromise if the request truly compromises who they are, trust me I remember and I know how she feels.

i CAN UNDERSTAND UR POSITION... BUT, I FEEL THAT UR DAUGHTER SHOULD HANDLE THIS...MOST MEN THINK WOMAN SHOULD WEAR MAKE UP... BUT, THAT SHOULD BE UP TO THE INDIVIUAL...I CAN C THEM PICKIN DRESSES AND SHOES.. BUT THE REST NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO TELL YOU U HAVE TO WEAR MAKE UP... I HAVE ASKED MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER HOW SHE WOULD FEEL AND WHAT SHE WOULD DO...( SHE JUST TURNED 22) AND SHE TOLD ME SHE WOULD TELL HER DAD AS AHE ALWAYS HAS AND IF HE COULD NOT ACCEPT HOW SHE FELT... THAN SHE JUST WOULD NOT BE PART OF IT... AND THE COMMIT THAT SHE SHOULD DO IT BECAUSE, SHE WILL LOOK BETTER IN THE PICTURES....paaaallleeeaaasseee... lol hAVE A BLESSED DAY

L.,
You obviously are an educated woman, so this should be a no-brainer for you...this whole "make-up" stuff is so trivial...why should the bride care whether or not your daughter is wearing make-up? Isn't the bride the attention grabber at a wedding? Your ex-husband should be relieved that your daughter isn't wanting grow up too soon!
(Wish I could say that about my 17 yr. old step-daughter!)

Tell your ex he is sending the wrong message to your daughter and he should accept her as is. If he is unwilling to do this, then perhaps she shouldn't be in the wedding.

Hope this helps!
J. R.

If he is wanting her to wear makeup just for this one occasion, I don't see that it's a big deal. His fiancee probably just wants all the bridesmaids outfits/makeup to be matching for pictures. Now, if he's pushing her to wear it other times as well, I would put my foot down.

L. - You received (some) good advice, and I would take it a step further and explain compromise to all parties involved. What is their definition of make-up ? Some powder and a pale lip gloss would defintely help for the pictures. Dad & fiancee need to be reminded that a 15 y.o will not be on the same level as the bride's peers. And dtr. needs to understand that there are many occasions where jeans & t-shirt are not appropriate. It's a special occasion and dtr. should want to help make it special -or at least cooperate a little - for her dad. Good luck. I hope you can all enjoy the day.

I think it all depends on how your daughter has been impacted by it all. If she doesn't really mind wearing the makeup for a special occasion, then let it be. If she's upset by the whole thing you should encourage her to talk to her father and his fiance about it. She needs to explain to them how she feels and why she feels that way without any emotion. It just needs to be an honest up front communication. If she can back up her position (on anything - not just makeup) then she shouldn't ever be forced to give in to pressure no matter if it's coming from peers or adults. The adults are supposed to be smarter but that just isn't always the case. If she talks to them and they are still insistent that she comply, then you might try talking to them about how intense her feelings are. In the end, the decision will have to be hers and she will have to own it. At 15, she old enough to do so. Having her handle this, with you providing guidance and advice on how to communicate her position (not determining her position) will do much to build confidence in her own judgement. It will prepare her to handle more difficult pressures that are sure to come up later.

Hi, L.! What a tough situation! I know as moms we struggle not to step in, and I think you've done a marvelous job.

My opinion is that she's old enough to handle herself with her father and express her opinions as an adult. It sounds like you've raised a young lady who knows herself and knows what she is comfortable with, and even better, is comfortable expressing herself.

If your daughter does ask you for advice, the only thing I can offer is a suggestion that she compromise with her father (as the previous poster suggested). It's one day, it would be special for her dad, and maybe she can talk him into the "less is more" concept. After all, who wants to hide a fresh, young, beautiful face behind a mask?

L.,
I am sure your daughter is beautiful without makeup, the thing to remember is, it is their day,not your daughters. We all have worn dresses we hated and done things for a day for someone else. Part of the territory with weddings. It is not like she has to wear it all the time. Her day will come too when she wants people in her wedding to meet her expectations, whatever they may be. She doesn't have to be in the wedding and then she doesn't have to wear the makeup. Which would be a shame. I think this is silly to let a little thing like makeup change her for a day. She can take it off as soon as the wedding is over. Comply for a day and then been done with it. It really is a simple request. Is she wearing jeans to the wedding too? What is the difference then? She will already be out of her "norm". You will save yourself a lot of heart ache for helping your ex out with this one thing. I would have a heart to heart with her about how weddings, funerals, births, etc. are important days in people's lives and sometimes we have to grin and bare it for others during those difficult times. I, too, am a mother of 5 children with one ex husband and sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles wisely, this to me would not be one of them. If he wants her to do it all the time, step up to the plate then. Just my two cents! :)

It's their wedding day just this once, have your daughter go thru with this gracefully, but I would only go with it that far. He shouldn't be making her feel that he doesn't accept her a certain way. Most girls follow their mom's lead, do you wear make-up? There are some girls that I would love it if they'd act a little more girly and do a little grammer. I have a girl at work that doenst wear it and she acts really boyish, and can't figure out why she can't get a guy. At fifteen I don't think they should wear more than lip gloss and a little eye make up. Anyway just have her do the wedding, maybe she'll see that she likes it and wants to be a little more girly and after that tell her dad to stop bothering her about it.

If I were you, I would leave well enough alone. This is so not a big deal. Let them handle it. At 15 years old, she is in high school. A little make-up if she is interested is fine. Let her handle it with her father. There really isn't anything wrong with looking all dressed up and in tip top shape for a wedding. She really isn't a little girl anymore. The way you have handled it so far is perfect. Let her know she is beautiful with or without make-up but for this special day it wouldn't hurt to please her father. After all, it is his day and the bride's. Plus she will look better in the pictures.