Etiquette for Combo Bday Parties

Hello C.,

I think it is always a nice feeling when a child gets a present. Since, it is a birthday, I think you can get a little something, not too expansive. After all, you don't really know the classmate/friend.

I always think gift card to the bookstore is nice.

good luck,

A.

I've always been told that whomever invited you is the child you buy a gift for. We have done combo parties for my two kids for many years (their birthdays are 2 days apart) as does my SIL (twins), the kids invite their own set of guests and we don't expect presents for both kids.

I would say just her, as her sibling will have invited her own friends and they will be bringing her gifts to open.

well that's a doozy to put on parents. Invited for your daughter's classmate's party, but it turns out to be a "combo" party with older sibling. Well, to be polite, I would get a little something for the sibling as well....but don't feel obligated, unless you know them well. On second thought, if I didn't know them... I would just stick to getting the one gift for your daughter's classmate. That is a tricky one. That has not happened to me yet. Sooner or later I"m sure. LOL. Wow, I think it's kind of presumptuous to be laying this on parents who don't know the older child and was invited for just one of the siblings. But maybe I just haven't been exposed to that yet nowadays. I know some Parents "consolidate" birthday parties to be more cost effective perhaps?
Well good luck, I'll be curious to know what others think.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hey C.,

Just the friend she knows, I'm sure the person throwing the party invited the other person sharing the parties friends!! Why buy something for someone you child doesn't know!! Good luck

V.

Hi C.!

I guess I would ask how good of friends are you with the family? If you are, then yes I would get something small for the sibling. Otherwise you can be assured the sibling will also have friends there to celebrate!

I would say one is good! :-)

S.

http://www.workathomeunited.com/betterforyou
http://www.livetotalwellness.com/betterforyou

Since your daughter doesn't know the older sibling, you're not obligated to buy a present. Just her classmate/friend.

Hard to say . . . Do parents get offended if you don't show up with a gift at all?
I know I have friends/family who can't afford much, I often remind them that the party is for fun and I would hate if they felt awkward or didn't show because they couldn't bring a gift!

I wouldn't expect a "plus one" to bring a gift either. If you don't know someone, why buy gifts for them?

I would consider a combo present!

Something like a board game, outdoor toys or sports team activities for backyard play or art supplies they can both share, considering the age difference of course.

that is a tricky one ! i would go with one gift that they can both enjoy like a board game or gift card ($20-$30) to target of jamba juice or cold stones. if you are friends of the family and you don't just see them at school or something like that, it might be implied to get a gift for both of them. if they know you are only really familiar with your child's friend, i do not think it impolite to only get a gift for her.

I've been to a handful of combo parties and I for one love them. However, the reason I love them is we know both kids well at each party we've been to so for us it is much easier to go to one party for both rather than one party at the beginning of the month then another at the same home at the end of the month to give an example. I buy for both kids because I know them both well. If one of my kids gets invited to a combo party and is just friends with one sibling or only knows one then yes, only one present! The parents would not expect you to get one for both. Hope that makes sense. In your situation I would say no on the sibling for sure. You are not expected to buy her a present.
Hope that helps,
M.

Just her friend is totally appropriate.

My brother and sister just had a combo birthday party for my two and three year old nieces (who are cousins). We opened the presents after the party and some people brought presents for both children, but many didn't. It was more of a pleasant surprise if one of of my sister's friends brought a present for my brother's child (or vice versa) than an expectation.

I would suggest a gift that both kids can use; game, movie, outdoor toy... that is a tough one! Have fun at the party!

Hi C.~
Oh boy.. I can see where your coming from, and what the proper Etiquette confusion lies from?
My 2 girls ( and myself included are all in the same week of Feb. and then I have another daughter in the begining of March.
I am ALWAYS doing combo parties because it is so much easier..

I always let my girls class mates/friends parents know that they do not have to buy for the other children. NO ONE is obligated to buy a gift for all the kids, and I don't expect it at all.
I am more than positive that the parents do not expect a gift for the other child.

I would go to the party with one gift in tow for your daughter's friend, unless you feel like you should buy something little for the other sibling?

But be confident on your call.. and I hope your daughter has fun!..

Tabith

When my son was 5 1/2 years old he was invited to a combo birthday party for a classmate friend and her brother. Positively, the mom gave out invitations to her daughter's friends stating the party was just for her. There was no feeling like I needed to get a present for her son as well. Needless to say, I only got one gift for the daughter and did not feel uncomfortable with that because the son had his group of friends he got gifts from. I think if you got the sibling a gift, it would just get lost in all of the celebration and not have much meaning. The sibling might not even know who the gift is from.

Additionally, I'm one of the those people who take my children to pick out a present for their friends. I give them a budget and use the opportunity to teach them about money. My children then get more excited at the birthday party and want to watch their friend open the gift they selected. It's much more personal. You don't have that opportunity to do that with the sibling.

The bottom line is that I would buy a gift for the friend only and not the sibling.

If you can afford something for the "older" 1, maybe something small.
IMO...you daughter was invited based on "her" classmate, not because of the older child.
Im sure because this is a shared party, theyre both probably inviting the same amount of friends.
I wouldnt feel obligated to but again, thats just my own opinion!

How nice do you want to be?

Hi C.,

As a child, my parents always combined my birthday with my younger brother (I hated it!) Our birthdays were only 3 days a part. I do not remember having my "own" birthday until I was a teenager. I do not ever remember ever getting a gift from my brother's friends, only my friends. Because our party was a combined one, i was only allowed to invite half as many friends as my other siblings (yeah, my younger brother was stuck too.) But, I survived it and so did he. Our party pictures were always together too.

So, unless you are an aunt, uncle, cousin or really close family friends, I would not feel like you need to bring a gift for the sibling. Maybe you should try and read what Ann Landers or Dear Abbey would say about that...or who is that etiquette person. She would have somethng to say about that I am sure.

Good luck and enjoy the party!
T.

Just for your daughter's friend; you have no obligation to the sibling.
good luck

Having thrown a combo party, there was no expectation of a gift for the other child. When someone did, it was considered way above and beyond. If you feel compelled to give something, give a card with a gift card - something small; however, there was no expectation of any gift for the other child.

I do this all the time with my two boys. They are only 15 months apart and have alot of the same friends. You only have to get a gift for the friend. That is who invited your daughter. If you are still kind of concerned get the sibling a card telling her happy birthday, that way you have acknowledge her birthday too.
Have fun!!!

I think it would be best to get a gift for the friend and maybe a small card with a few dollars or a little token of recognition for the friend to avoid hurt feelings.

Considering that I have had to do this for years and years because both of my kids are born in May, I can tell you what is expected from a parent-of-combo-parties perspective...and personally, I find it a little rude that the invitation wasn't separate for your daughter's friend only. Whenever I make out the invitations, I put only my daughter's name on the invitations for her friends, my son's name on the invitations for his friends, so that those respective parents never have to fret about how many presents to buy...only buy one for their own friend. You are not obligated in any way to buy a present for the older sibling if you don't know the family well or your daughter even knows the older sibling....if you want to be considerate of the situation that was thrust upon you, then I would just buy a $5 gift certificate to Target or something, nothing huge. You aren't punishing the older sibling by not getting them something...so don't worry too much about it.
I will say that if I invited a family that we know well, they do usually buy a present for both of them, but that's because we're close friends and they know both of my kids well.

Just the friend. It is not your responsibility to buy both of them a gift because the mother combined the parties, to either same money or time.
N.

HI,
I had a combo party for my two girls because their b-days were so close together. I only expected one present from a family who was my daughter's classmate, so you only need to buy for the classmate. My neighbor bought gifts for both girls but that's because they are friends of the family. One gift and don't worry about it!!

We have done combo birthday party for our girls who are close in age, and unless you are a close family friend who knows both children well, getting a gift for just the child you know- or child knows is all that is needed.
We are doing a join party again and I inivited all the children from both classes, and I would never expect for the parents of my older child to also buy for my younger child when they barely know her.
We have also been invited to join friends parties and the same hold true. However sending a card for the other person is always a nice gesture.
Good luck-
L.

I have 2-year-old twins and a 6-month-old, and I am already sick of presents! Sadly, between family and friends, we get inundated with stuff at holidays and birthdays. Many of my friends feel the same. I now make a donation to a children's charity of some sort in the birthday kid(s) honor as a gift for most birthday parties we're invited to, and many parents thank us for not bringing more clutter into their already-overfilled homes. This might be a good solution - a way to do a "gift" for both kids. Hope this helps...

I have given combo parties before several times (I have two children born within a week of one another 3 years apart). I usually put on the invitations that they need not bring a present so they know....but I would never have expected anyone to bring a present for someone they don't even know. If you feel it necessary, a gift card for a small amount such as $10 to Best Buy or Toys R Us would be fine.

I had a combo party with my son's cousin since their b-days were just days apart and it was mostly family. Obviously family brought a gift for each. I did not want the friends to obligated to bring a gift for his cousin and specifically told them not to and her mom did the same. Then we opened the gifts at home.

I would just take one for the friend. Shame on the parents for not saying no extra gift.

Just get a present for her friend, because the older sibling will get presents from her friends.

The parents are saving expenses by combo party, but since it's your daughter classmate that she knows, She's the one you get the gift for the party. The older one has her own friends and family gifts. Congrads on new coming arrival.

I believe just the child you were invited for, it would be diffrent if it were cousins, neighbor or close friends of yours. But the other child will get her own gifts from her friends. J.

Just a present for the one who invited her. I'm sure her older sister won't expect a present especially if she doesn't even know her well. The older sibling should get presents from her own friends, and vice versa. It's just a party for all involved, so the cake and ice cream and goings-ons are the gift anyway. If it were me though, and I knew the older one was celebrating too I might get her a card too. :) Have fun.

This is a tough one, I have gone to a combo before and only brought the gift for my child's friend, but I noticed that other people brought gifts for both. I think that birthday parties have gotten awfully expensive to attend and don't see anything wrong with getting the one gift. I bought a book for the last combo birthday that I thought both kids could enjoy.

Just her friend! Growing up my little brother and I had the same bday (3 years apart) and it was so much more time effecient and cost effective for my parents that they always threw us joint parties. You should not feel obligated in any way to buy the older sibling a gift. They will have plenty of their own friends there to get them gifts!

I would get one for just her friend if she doesn't know the sister. Have fun at the party! :)

It depends. If the sibling is coming to bring your daughter's classmate to the party, I would say a gift only for her friend would be appropriate. If both are invited as guests (since it is a combo) party, depending on your budget it is nice to have gifts for both.

When in that situation, we usually send a small gift for the sibling as well. Nothing elaborate - in fact, dollar store stuff makes a great gift basket/bucket (bubbles, clay, stickers, cars, silly string, whatever.)

I have done combo parties for my kids before. They all have bdays within 5 wks of each other. I always made the invitations separate, so the party goers didn't realize it was a combo party. That way there is no confusion about getting the sibling a gift. You should only get a gift for the child that your daughter knows!

I recently had a combo party. My daughter and step son were both turning 12. I couldn't afford 2 parties and my step son doesn't have any friends. I invited my daughters class so that there were some boys there. I didn't expect everyone to buy gifts for both kids so we didn't open gifts at the party we waited until we got home so that my step-son didn't feel left out.

If someone asked what my step-son would like I gave them this advice: If you were planning on spending $10 on Haley take that money and divide it in 2 and get each of them a $5 gift card. then it saved money on wrapping a gift and didn't cost them more for the second child. If they felt that a $5 gift card was small I would remind them that they are probably going to get several cards and that money would add up.

I would assume that you purchase gift for both children, excluding one would be unfair. Good gift ideas would be inexpensive books.

C.,

In my opinion, I would get a gift only for your daughter's classmate. I actually have a birthday party scheduled for my twins next week and even though the kids that will be invited know both of them (they are in seperate classes) I am going to put in the invitation not to buy for both. I dont want parents to feel like they have to put out all of this money for both of my children even though they know both of them. So again since you dont know the other child, I wouldnt buy the other child a gift. I hope this helps :)

~A.

When my children have been invited to dual parties like this, we'll get something both children can enjoy together. For example we'll get a gift certificate for the whole family for the movie theatre or to an ice cream place, etc. That way everyone wins and it's something they will all enjoy.

Hi C.,

If you already are aware that it's a combo party ( and in this case you are), then you should take a gift for the older child as well. It should be of a lesser value to the one that is your child's friend. They will appreciate your thoughtfillness.

Good luck,
V.

Definitely 2 gifts - a good gift for your daughter's friend, and a small token gift for the sibling. Maybe a $5 gift card from Target?

C.,

Good morning. Since your daughter was invited to her friend's party, then that is who the present should be for. But, if it is not too much of a financial hardship, it would be appropriate to get the older child a birthday card and perhaps slip a $5.00 Target gift card or McDonalds into the card as a lovely Christian gesture. It is always better to give a little more than to have hurt feelings. Who knows, maybe your daughter will have just made a new friend. We can all use as many friends as we can get. Enjoy the combo party.

M.

I would say if you are friends of the family, but your child is better friends with the younger one, then yes, buy the older one a small gift. If your child only knows the younger one than, I wouldn't worry about it.

I was invited to a party for a sister, who I didn't know that well and knew nothing about her likes or dislikes. Well, the person who invited me really kept asking that I be there and I didn't have too much money, so I just go her a happy birthday card. I just didn't feel the connection at all to buy this gift. All went well, I got to know the birthday girl and she was very nice, but I just didn't even know where to start at to buy her a gift.

C.,

I'd get a gift for both even it it was something small like a book.

T.

Hello C.

You should just get a present for your daughter's friend. Most combo parties are to involve both kids friends so they both can have a great time.

Just the friend. I wouldn't feel obligated to select a gift for a child whom neither my child nor I know.