I just want to say thank you to all the mamas on here that have been supporting me through the last week. Specially the one who convinced me my husband was cheating. ; / I got an email this morning from a girl telling me my husband was saying we were splitting up and had been trying to hook up with several women. She didnt admit to it, but im sure shes one of them. She said he had told her she was with someone new. She wanted to tell me out of respect. yea right. Anyways. I confronted my husband and didnt tell him tell him the name of the woman which i think is fake anyways. BTW she found me on FB. So he told me a different name and confessed to meeting her at a bar, but that he had only talked to her. blah blah. He cheated on me before we were married, so reconize all the same things happening. I dont trust him and never will. I will be calling a lawyer to help me get the ball rolling on the divorce, even though i dont think i can file till i have the baby. My 7 yr old is having an awful time and has regressed into her old behavior of selfabusing and destroyed my house this morning. Shes been to therapy before but has been doing so good. She went through the last seperation too. We split for a year, but i've learned my lesson and will not ever take him back this time. So i guess i have to ask a question so this doent get bumped. So anyone know a good divorce lawyer in Tucson AZ?
No i'm not going to do the roomate thing. Craziness. I don't like him very much for being a selfish pig. He's staying at his dads. Now my kids get to their papa a bit more. I just hope i can keep it together to carry this baby for at least another month. We will go on with our lives. Shit happens and you deal and move on. I've done it before (2 kids less) i can do it again. i just wont let him weasel himself back in this time. He will be the one suffering without his family. I am very tired and my body aches, but i'll get a few breaks when he sees kids. I thinks i am mean for not letting him be present at the birth of baby. But i dont need my sperm doner in the room just my family and friends.
Don't know any lawyers. I'm sorry for everything. He's a jerk.
And, to echo Patty -- I've walked in those shoes, and it does fall into place.
just do your kids a favor - make it forever this time. no more going back. hang in there. you can do it. think of your kids and what's best for them. good luck.
I would search out reviews, if people review lawyers. I don't know, the way I did my divorce is I did the online help that gives you all the forms you need and all the waivers, like the divorce class b/c he was in AZ and I was in UT and we KNEW we were getting divorced, and the waiver for fees if your financially disadvantaged.. I know moms probably just went omg really, but just because your getting divorced doesn't mean you don't deserve help. I put together my paperwork, made a statement on why my daughter's last name should be mine and not his (had it notarized), and my ex signed it and the judge approved it. It depends if it will be a battle or not with him. I have sole custody and my ex signed it and the judge approved it because I put in statements about my exhusband's character. I took the statements and paperwork to a free legal clinic here, they checked it over, and said they've never seen more organized well-thought out papers from a non-lawyer lol.
Check for a free legal clinic in your area. I know they are rare but you may have one. WIll he willingly sign papers? It hurts but don't start a war. You want to be as nice as possible when the kids are in earshot or eyeshot so they don't blame you. It is not your fault he strayed and I know it would hurt me if my daughter blamed me when it's her dad that is choosing not to be in her life (where with you he is in their lives and cheated).
Hugs to you :) I know you did it before, I did it once before before I permanently left him. I just want you to prepare yourself because it is harder when it is permanent. I think the first 6 or 7 months are the hardest because your still (even anger) grieving over the failed marriage. He will come back and be all sweet and test your strength... my ex did. Just some friendly words as I too have walked in your shoes. Just know:
There was never a cloud the sun didn't shine through :D
Hey, you are (unfortunately) not alone. Many of us walked in your shoes before and overcame the hurt. You have a good head on your shoulders and you will find your peace sooner than you think. Focus on the well-being of your children and all will eventually fall into place. Have a great future!
I am sorry that I can't help you, but just wanted to say---I am soooo sorry that you are going through this! What a selfish jerk! Take care of yourself and baby and child, stash as much money as you can and put it away safe so when you do get the ball rolling--you have a nest egg put aside. Make him pay child support and don't take him back! If he cheated before marriage and you have proof now of it again, he will do it again and again. Don't let your heart get broken any more or let your kids get hurt anymore by this guy. Sending prayers of strength and courage your way----
Molly
I'm so sorry this happened to you. In reading your post, I am so impressed how you seem so focused on moving forward and taking care of your daughter and the baby on the way (congrats!). I just wanted to say that I hope you continue making forward progress, but remember to take care of yourself as well.
Good job and God bless mama.
What a mess.
Can't you do a roommate thing for a while? He has his room, comes and goes, you have yours? Share expenses, make a list and split the needed chores and childcare....stay out of each other's face and absolutely he doesn't take the kids around his hook-ups or have them to your home. At least until the baby comes and is about a month old. This is no time to be alone.
I just want to tell you to hang in there til you get thru this roughest part! I wouldn't be able to do the roommate thing either. If he wanted out so bad he could have had that conversation with you instead of getting an email from one of his girls! Good luck and congratulations on your baby!
Yes, Get an Attorney.
Bear in mind, there are different kinds of "child custody" too.
Here are some links about it:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/maritalproblems/p/chil...
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/types-of-child-cus...
Document everything.
Your poor child... she is really getting affected by all this too.
At least you had her in Therapy.
Tell her Teacher too... so that they know, your child is going through hardship... and family problems. So in case her Teacher tells you she is not behaving... they have knowledge of why this is happening.
All the best.
Emotionally cheating is just as bad as physical cheating. If he is not physically cheating yet it could happen at any time once he is persuing other women. Not good.
The kids do pick up on mommy upset and crying, hard to hide but need to try. Of course it is more fun (for the kids) with daddy, he is smiling and happy and carefree.
I don't know much about this stuff but when he does have the kids for the day or weekend it would be nice if he could bring them back to you clean and fed or if he could stay and feed/bathe them and get them ready for bed (and the newborn to be) for you at your house instead of dropping them off hungry/dirty and excited (especially for the 7 yr old as it will be a school night).
Hugs and kisses to you, extra difficult situation as your hormones are not going to let you act rationally as well.
I agree with Kade. It's so easy to feel sorry for ourselves and get stuck. You seem determined to do what's best for your children, and move forward. You are setting a very good example for them with your attitude. I hope your 7 year old starts to have an easier time, with the structure and example you can give without your husband around. Good Luck, I hope you find a great lawyer.
Ohhh. I'm so sorry. I have no answers for you about a lawyer as I am too far away, but your situation is heartbreaking.
I wish I could just come on over with a big bag of chocolate and a giant hug.
I know that's not a solution, but I'm sure it would feel good.
Continue to be strong. You so obviously are. Show your kids what a tough cookie their mommy is with love and rationality. They will remember.
With the right attitude things will progress positively. Just take care of yourself as I'm sure you are.
Wishing you the best.
Peace.
