Mediation Vs. Lawyer

S.,

If you decide you want to speak to a laywer you may call my colleague Stacey Click at ###-###-####. She has been a divorce attorney for many years.

Best of luck,
S.

always get a lawyer. if you cant afford one ask the state board to refer you to a free one. it is called pro bono. you dont have a choice between mediation and a lawyer. no matter what you will be required to go through mediation. if mediatin doesnt work then the lawyers will fight and ultimatley the judge decides what is best. if you guys can work things out in meidation, then the judge takes what ever the mediator recommends and orders that. that is the law in AZ you have to at least try to work things out. if you dont have a lawyer and if you dontunderstand the legal procedures you will get screwed. if you cant get a pro bono attroney and you have to pay for one make sure you get a set rate try not to go to one that charges per hour. sya one that will charge one price for the whole thing. if you cant find on,then tellhim you will pay for all mailing and copies cause its cheaper if you make the copies yourself and mail them yourself because he will charge you per hour the time it takes to copy and mail stuff. sorry i couldnt finish this before. i tried to do it on my own. i endedup paying spousal support for 2 years. he had a lawyer i didnt. he quit his job i graduated form nursing school and got a good job. during those 2 years he also tried to get custody of my son so he coudl get child support. he almost didit but i finally got a lawyer. he took me for 8000 dollars and nothing happened for another 2 years.then i fired him and got another one and i have sole custody of my son and he was ordered to pay child support. i never got child support i think he sent 90 dollars once. he was also ordered to pay for sons insurance whihc he didnt do and to pay 30% of whatever the insurance didnt cover. never saw any of that.my son turned 18 in may and in june he sent me a letter telling me to sign a paper saying he shouldnt pay support any more i didnt and now we are in court so he will again be ordered to pay up but im guessing he never will pay. he doesnt have a lawyer this time though, yet so maybe we can get somethign tohelp my son out with college,if not, no loss there

As a mom involved in a painful legal battle, I would advocate for consulting a lawyer, but doing everything possible to use mediation. Yes, you do have to protect yourself, but the legal system is just flat out carnivorous. It can take a family that really has the skill and capacity to work things out amicably, and set up so much fear and distrust that "fighting it out" seems like the only way to go. The lawyers win big, and your family loses equally big. I would consult with a lawyer, and particulalry, I would try and find a lawyer who specializes in mediation and conflict resolution. Any lawyer who tries to scare you into ""filing first" by constantly referring to worst case scenarios should be passed by. They will cost you so much money and heartache. However, there is benefit in understanding the legal route, and a good lawyer can really help sort out the best option for moving forward amicably. I would work hard to set aside your hurt feelings, and put a lot of good will energy into making a mediation work. The faster and easier this process can be, the better you will ALL be, especially your kids.

Ask my dear lawyer friend his advice...Doug Lofgren ###-###-####.

XXOO, J.

S. - I know PERSONALLY how devastating it can be to find out about an affair BUT you are not making this decision only for yourself now that you have a child. Please give this much thought and pray about your decision prior to seeking out one of the many attorneys that others have jumped to suggest. I have lived through an affair and my husband is the best father and husband I could ever dream of. I too was a stay at home mom with a small child. Since the affair we have both come to know the Lord and are attending a good Christian Church - we have had two additional children and have an amazing relationship. Again please PRAY - D.

Honey, get a lawyer and clean him out. Mediation is better for when stuff comes up later after the divorce. It's better to get the bulk of your matters set in stone now so there's ideally nothing to work on later.

Get a lawyer. And a good one. The best 2 names in Albuquerque are Gretchen Walther and Bonnie Batley. They each have consultation fees. Pay it. Any lawyer you consult with cannot work for your ex, so talk to every good lawyer you hear of, and any that you hear make nusiances of themselves. Do it quietly, then file.

Mediation is about getting an agreement. Mediators are very shrewd at determining which person is more likely to give in, and putting all the pressure on that person. It's usually the woman. Stay away from any mediation unless it's court ordered, and with a court appointed mediator.

If you were not working before your child was born, and were staying at home now, don't go looking for a job now. Wait to see what goes through with your divorce.

What you do need to do now is apply for and get as many credit cards in only your name as you can. Since you're stay at home that will mean your husbands income will determine what you can get. Once he's out of the picture, this could get very difficult, so do it now. Also, start an account of your own and begin loading it. Every time you go grocery shopping, take cash from your debit card and put it into your account. Make copies of every important paper you have: insurance policies, retirement accounts, debts, mortgage, everything.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I really am. But you must keep your eyes on the facts and protect yourself and your child. Your soon to be ex is a Cheat. Cheat. He will do exactly that in Every forum. Be over prepared for him. Take good care of yourself, and better care of your child. Again, I'm very sorry you're going through this.

I did end up using mediation originally because I could not afford going to Court.
If you go to mediation, try to be open minded and negotiate rather then argue. Be prepared on what you are willing to negotiate and what you are not, yet again try to be open minded. It's unfortunate that your husband broke the commitment with you and I'm sure there's a lot of anger and hurt, yet try to remember that the most important thing is letting the kids spend time with their dad if he is not the primary care giver.
For me, years passed and my ex-husband lost touch and for a whole year we did not know where he was or how to contact him. At that point I had financial and emotional support and decided to go for Sole Custody. I had to hire a PI to track him down and when I did, he wanted full parental rights and would not let me have Sole Custody. We faught using the Courts and unfortunately he would show up in full military gear lying and gloating that he was working for our country.
The Judge would believe him, reprimanded him for not paying child support and told him he needed to be given another chance.
The agreement was not followed through, he did not pay up and continued to harass me rather then take a role with the kids.
I finally fired my attorney who did a poor job and seemed to cause more problems then I started with. I got another attorney who drew the line and when he crossed it, she faught back and I now have Sole Custody.
Over the last two years or so, because I have been opening up and more flexible he has been forced to grow up and is now taking a back seat role in the kids lives rather then not at all.
I have seen the difference in my son's behavior because of it. It's definitely a good thing to have him there even though he's more than an arms length away.
Sorry so lengthy, you will have to choose which way to go, and just know that just like getting legally married doesn't change your relationship with your partner, neither does sole custody change any part of your relationship with your ex husband or more importantly your kids...
I wish you the best of luck during this hard time...

My dad is a family law attorney in Tucson. If you want some advice about how to proceed you could call him and get some professional input. He has been specializing in divorce and child custody for over thirty years and would understand your situation - probably no matter what it is - and be able to guide you to your best decisions. Let me know if you want his name and number. Good luck.

I know you are hurt...please think over everything before reacting. Does your husband want to work on the relationship? Perhaps counseling, which you would need to go through anyway to help with the hurt and anger. Find yourself a good supportive church that will see to you and your sons needs whatever you decide. If you are looking for a good one, I know of a couple, e-mail me for details. May you find the answers that are right for you and your son. Take care.

Hi S., I got divorced in AZ last year and did not have a lawyer. We have kids, had a house, cars, credit cards, etc. My husband also cheated and I kicked him out. I went to a place in Mesa called "The Divorce Store". It cost me $695 to file and they did the filing and paperwork and everything. It was very easy and I was divorced in 2 1/2 months. My ex agreed to everything...short sale on the house, he kept his truck, I kept my car, he kept his credit card, I kept mine, I gave him some furniture and kitchen items for his apartment and it was done. I filed for child support and it comes out of his checks automatically. So you Do Not need a lawyer as long as both of you agree and stick to it, it can be a very painless process. Please contact me directly if you have any questions. I understand what you are going thru and if you just need an ear to listen, I can do that too! I wish you the best, it's a tough time...F. ###-###-#### or ____@____.com

I do know that in mediation, there is someone assigned to your case, and they are a trained professional. They will talk with you, then your soon to be ex, and then they will bring you son in and talk with him ALONE! They will ask him any and all questions that they think to be appropriate. They will also ask what it is like at home with you, and with dad, if dad is out of home, and they will ask him who he would rather live with and why. They take it all into consideration and the entire report goes to the judge with a determination made by the mediator. So, with that being said, you can now make a better decision as to who you want helping you with your case and situation. I went through it and it worked out in my interest in regard to my children. I ended up with sole custody. Everyone is different and has different situations though.

M.

My Fiancé got divorced in '04 - it cost him 20,000 and his ex - nothing. Because she got a pro-bono lawyer, and they told him he made too much for one. They went through mediation first, but she was such a cold hearted person (she cheated on him) that she couldn't agree to anything reasonable. And so they went to court. It took them a year and a half because she refused any reasonable offer... needless to say that the judge ultimately said that the divorce was causing too much financial hardship (as well as she was found to have been lying 3 times!), and so she actually walked away with the least and most basic ruling.

If you file with the Pima Arizona Supreme Court, it is mandatory to go through mediation first, along with attending a parenting class. If you can't agree to anything reasonable, then you should try to get a pro-bono lawyer to save big $$. Just try your best to not let this process destroy your relationship with your children - and remember that they need to have a good one with their father too!