I will soon be going through Mediation with my husband of 19 years. My husband walked out the door 3 years ago and decided he "couldn't" support me or the 3 kids, ages 13, 11 & 7, about a year ago. I filed for divorce last month and will be going through mediation next month. He called recently and said he is going to want the kids 50% of the time (even though he has never had them for more than 3 days). I got a job or two immediately after he told me he "had no money" and have supported myself and the 3 kids for a year now. He lives in a different town and claims "there aren't alot of jobs out there due to the bad economy" yet I don't believe he is looking for work. We have lived in the same house for 10 years and this is the only place my kids know. Their stability is here with me, their schools and their friends. He lives in an appartment. We have a house and major debt involved. Has anyone been through this and have any suggestions of what I need to request? I don't want to leave anything out for the sake of the children? Do I need a lawyer at this point or should I go to mediation first? We have a temorary orders hearing if mediation doesn't work. Suggestions please. Thanks so much!
what a tough situation, J.. I would definitely seek out an attorney to help you. I hate to sound cynical but to me it sounds like he wants joint custody to avoid being on the hook for child support
Hi J.,
Sorry you have to deal with all of this. Definitely go with the stability in the lives of your kids. If he wants the kids part of the time, then he needs to come back to the same town, so their school and activities are not disrupted. It doesn't sound like he is working anyway. If he is still not working and has no money, how will he take care of the kids and provide 50% of the cost of raising them?
I can give you the number of a good mediator in your area, however, I think you definitely need to at least know your legal rights. Mediation can save you a big chunk of change, but I'd still be checking my rights in case things start going in the wrong direction. Mediation is all about compromise and unfortunately it does not sound like your husband is bringing any compromise to the table.
There is a great inexpensive way to get answers to your legal questions without having to check your wallet each time. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any. Watch the clip at greatlegalhelp.com and then email me if you want more info. I think everyone in a divorce situation or a post divorce situation with child support and custody issues could benefit especially.
Hope it all turns out well for you and the kids.
S.
Good Luck. the kids and I were kicked out in 2006 (not final until 2008), and it took a long time for him to want to see the kids. I live in a small town and currently have to go back to court to prove the ex isn't paying his child support. kind of dumb, but i am making it with no income, the kids are what matters.
Do not bend to his whim, 50% can be accomplished but since he is the one that left he will be considered the NCP (non custodial parent) Which means you are the main parent. Your main job is to keep the relationship with their father good.
You said that the father is in a small town? 50% would be hard to do if he is out of the kids school district even if he NOW is saying he will drive them to school and pick up on his time, but there will be problems in the future with it.
The only good advise i can give you is this website...
http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/
There are some really straight forward answers and do not be discouraged when the attorneys on here say something you do not want to hear. They give you the legal answers not the personal opinions.
Just remember the courts will be thinking of the kids and not what you want. I have my case in Douglas county (castle rock) Colorado, because the ex lives in Parker. The judge is good and VERY much for the kids. You may want to get an attorney (the one my ex has in Parker the Judge absolutely hates she knows how much he lies) and have him/her ask for attorneys fees if possible. Make sure you think of the kids i can not stress that enough. Also, therapy for them too. It will not make you look bad to the judge at all but it will help them deal with this divorce. It shows that you are doing what you can for them and their mental well being.
There is so much i can tell you. I had a bad attorney and had to do a lot of research on this. This website became my best resource. And tons of reading on child custody laws... I'm actually thinking of going to school now to become a family lawyer. Anyway... Good luck email me if you need any more help or just to vent at.
J.,
Do yourself a favor and retain the services of an experienced divorce attorney. You have too much to lose to do otherwise.
I would suggest getting an attorney but if you cant afford it you can always call one and most of them will give you a free consultation. I went through a divorce a year ago. If he is asking for 50/50 its probably because he doesnt want to pay child support. I have a friend going through a similar situation as you right now and her husband is asking for the same thing. Your husband needs to realize he needs to do what's best for the kids not what he thinks is best for him.
Im so sorry you have to go through this, divorce is one of the worst experiences I have ever had to go through. Good luck!!
Hi J.,
First I want to say my heart goes out to you! And kudos on what you've accomplished so far this year. Hang in there & you'll have lots of prayers from fellow moms I'm sure.
I went thru a divorce 5+ yrs ago & we used mediation, but there were no kids involved. My suggestion is get an lawyer. You will need someone to go to bat for you. Mediation doesnt take one side or the other. They simply sit down and go over everything you need to go over...it will still come down to an arguement between the two of you. They will make suggestions and give you advice and will guide you thru the process, but if you have already decided you wont budge on custody for him and he is going to ask...you'll ultimately need to go to court for it. Hiring an attorney may be more expensive, but will be worth it in the end. Good luck to you.
I don't have any personal experience w/divorce but I really think it's best to at least consult an attorney. My hubby did a DIY divorce several years ago & there are serious gaps that the generic paperwork they filled out didn't cover. My sisters, because of my experiences as the 2nd wife & hubby's as a victim of his own divorce paperwork, knew exactly which gaps to fill & as a result everything is on paper & all parties know their responsibilities. Consult your city courthouse-somewhere there's a list of lawyers who do a certain number of pro bono hours a year... (or at least that was the case in TX when my 1 sis started looking into divorce & in IN when she did divorce)
Best of luck to you & your kids!
I went the mediation way and after years of fighting in court for things I wanted in the first place I wish I'd gone through the initial expense of a lawyer. Good luck to you and don't give in. Write down exactly what you want and then stick to it.
J.:
Here's a weblink to a resource guide in the state of Utah. A professor and an attorney wrote this book to help people answer questions about the divorce process, and help them think carefully about their options. It's free. Chapter 8 is called "What are the legal options for divorce?" This might be particularly helpful to you.
http://utahmarriage.org/files/uploads/Crossroads%20Guideb...
I'm sorry your dealing with this. I would guess he wants 50% so in his mind he doesn't have to pay child support. You are their provider and care taker. He left you all. Yes make sure you provide a good relationship with their father but he has already proved you all are not priority. He can have them every other weekend and changing holidays. You are main custodiol parent.
Get a lawyer, this is not something to play around with. He wants the easy way out of all of it. You will regret not taking more firmer action. Don't be angry or revengeful. You are the protecter as the one you thought you had left.
