Ok so I'm just wondering how the majority of people on here cope with people in your lives that stir drama quite often. I have someone in my husbands family whom I have to see here and there who constantly tries to bring me down. Unfortunately at this time it seems never seeing them again is not an option. Also things can't resolve because this person will not let that happen. I've resorted to just staying out of this persons way as to kinda keep myself from getting more hurt or to keep the drama down. Now this person has finally had one of my husbands other family members step up in my place trying to defend me. At this time I do not respond in order to let the drama explode then slowly fade away. But now I feel bad this person that stuck up for me is getting the backlash for saying something for the recent drama. I know it was this persons choice to say something but sometimes I feel like i am punished (because I feel bad for this person who said something) if I don't say anything and if I do. If I had the choice I would cut all ties but like I said at this point I can't because it would mean cutting ties with more than this person and I won't do that. So I ignore, stay out of the way, bite my lip.
So what do you do confront or just try to ignore? And how does that work out for you?
Thank you all so much, it seems most of you think along the same lines as me. I will take into account all opinions. Its amazing how this person just will not stop. Gotta give it to them for persistence I guess. :( I seriously thought once I graduated high school I wouldn't have to deal with such behavior and boy was high school quite some time ago?
I would ignore, act like they are not there, personally. People like that want the fight, they want there to be a scene, they want you to lose it & give them a reaction. When you choose to be the better person & not let them get to you, you win & they lose. They have nothing to be dramatic about because you didn't react to their attempts at stirring the pot.
Indifference is the best way to get to these sorts of people.
They want attention, they want to annoy or get to you, but if you show no emotion towards them.. That is the best way to get them to just give up.
It would be best if everyone just made the agreement to ignore this person..
We have done this in my family and it has worked like a charm. This person is just twisting in the air with no attention, no help and nothing to pick on us about.
It helps that even her mother and father are on board. They no longer offer to help her. They only call her to check on her but not to offer any other assistance. The rest of us do not even do that. If she shows up at an event, if she says hello first we say hello and move on along.
As the old saying goes, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. There must be people like that in every single family!
If the person standing up for you is doing it out of choice, you might want to speak to that person (privately!) just to thank him or her for taking your part. It can be so hard to be on your own, without anybody on your side. Be careful what you say - don't let it turn into a backbiting session.
When I have been in that sort of situation and can't "humor" my way out of it, I tend to say nothing, too - if I'm the one who is being attacked. When somebody else is attacked unjustly, I will stand up for that person.
But it's no fun, any way you try it. Sometimes confrontation can be effective. It depends on your nature and the nature of the person you're confronting. If that person shifts ground or is just too nasty, I can understand your trying to take the high road by choosing not to say anything and letting the ugly words be the problem of the person who is saying them.
If you decide to keep doing it this way, you must be *sure* you don't stew about it, and don't let any bitterness develop inside you. Bitterness (unforgiving anger) will affect your life, your husband's, your children's, everybody's except for the person who is causing the problem.
It torments me. Sometimes I bite my tongue, and sometimes I find my tongue not being quiet like I had wanted it to! It's a rough situation to be in. I can relate to a lot of what you've said. Overall I've realized it's pointless to say anything. At least with my family member, it doesn't process in their mind what I've said. It only makes them feel like a victim and feel like they have reason to dislike me. So, I keep my mouth shut and love what I can about the person and discard the rest (and protect my children from it!).
Hope you figure something out. It's a really rough situation to be in!
I can't say that my way would work for you, but it is really easy for me to just stop talking to people, even if I see them "around". I do not feel guilty if some other adult feels a need to step in and defend me because that person has to manage relationships for him-/herself. I do tell them not to try to speak for me, though. I am well capable of speaking for myself and defending myself in such cases.
What about the old "keep your head down but speak up for yourself when necessary" approach.
As for the other relative--let her know that, while you appreciate it, she doesn't need to defend you, that you can speak for yourself.
Sometimes it is just best to look the person in the face and tell them to back off...as long as you give this person "power" over you - they will continue.
Find out what this person has against you and get it settled once and for all.
The more you avoid them - or ignore them - they will get more mad and more vindictive. It's OKAY to stand up for your self... YOU ARE NOT A WELCOME MAT!!! Stop allowing people to treat you this way!!
GOOD LUCK!!!
We have the same problem here also,So you are not alone.
I myself just try to ignore what people say,I believe we wasn't put on this earth to judge and those that doesn't have anything nice to say I just shut them out ,and if other people brings it up I change the subject.
You are a better person not to sink to their level.
good luck...
If I can't completely end the relationship with the drama person, I limit my time with them. And I limit the information I give them too so they can't use that against me either! I just ran into a situation over the weekend where one mutual friend tried to cause problems with another friend. So now I know that I will not go out of my way for her, nor will I tell her anything that I dont' want brought up again, used against me or used to cause problems with anyone else. So I think sometimes the easiest way to deal with these things is to just limit your time with them. Good luck!
