Do You Think Facebook Ruins Marriages (Or Were They Already Broken)?

People cheat because something is missing. PERIOD, plain and simple. It may be him, may be her, may be both.
Blaming FB would be like saying "we were drinking and it just happened".

I think people ruin marriages.

If a person is going to cheat, they will cheat eventually. Facebook is just another way to find people. Facebook didn't always exist and people still found ways of meeting. People cheated before the internet. People have cheated from the beginning of time. There is only one link in affairs from the beginning of time until now...is people.

I think facebook makes it easier to get CAUGHT. I think men and woman who are getting caught, would have cheated with or without facebook...but their spouses found out because of facebook.

P.S.
The only people are "tempted" by facebook, are the same people who would be "tempted" by the co-worked being flirtatious. People who don't desire the temptation, aren't tempted.

People have been having affairs since marriages were invented and we did not even have electricity.

FB is what you make it. A fun way to reconnect with friends and family. Or to stay in touch with friends and family.

He would not have strayed if he had wanted to stay.. He is the one to blame.

No more responsible than:

- Bars
- Highschool reunions
- CoEd schools/workplaces/etc.
- Parks
- Clubs
- Gyms
- Boys nights
- Girls nights
- Best friends
- Grocery Stores
- Neighbors
- Newspapers
- Dating sites
- Childcare

I mean... unless we decide to become hermits, and have enough wealth to support that... the only way to avoid meeting other human beings is to off yourself.

Blame the people involved, not the place they got involved in.

Facebook can be the vehicle if you're looking for a ride.

If you blame FB for breaking up marriages you'd have to blame a lot of other situations too...
Offices & Workplaces
Neighbors
Old "Friends"
Night Clubs
Strip Clubs
Bars
Why don't we blame dishonesty, disloyalty, immaturity, thoughtlessness, arrogance and narcissism? If you have a tenuous marriage you have a lot more than FB to be worried about.

Break up is the destination. FB is just the vehicle.
I think it has definately increased the number of people getting busted! 1st rule of deception, leave no evidence. Fb will get somebody caught by spouse, employer, the law. FB is entered into evidence in court cases regularly. Anything you type can and will come back to bite you on the @ss.

I think that they were broken and FB was the medium used to put it in the can. Many people have successful marriages and use FB.

I have to agree with everyone that says there were already fractures in the relationship...and Riley J said it perfectly! She's right! If someone is gonna stray, they are gonna stray and WHERE they decide to do that could be ANY part of their life.

I 100% agree with 'Jim at home dad'. Something had to already be missing in the marriage. If it wasnt FB, it would have been somewhere else.

I don't think you can blame a website for the failure of a marriage. While it canelp" it disintergrate, there were already problems to start with.

My take is this....Even if you are in a happy marriage, you shouldn't be conversing with an old flame via facebook. Unless you were ALREADY friends and your spouse knew about it. It's an easy place to "share" feelings and vulnerabilities, and build a sense of security with a profile page, not an actual person. It's dangerous!

I am VERY happy and secure in my marriage. But I have turned down friend requests from old boyfriends. Because I haven't talked to them since the break up. My husband doesn't know them. Or it ended "unresolved" People are so quick to turn to someone else other then their spouse when times are hard. And they think the grass is greener. I'd bet 9 out of 10 times, it's NOT. We need to learn how to carry ourselves as honorable, MARRIED, committed adults. Technology has given us too many chances to screw ourselves!

facebook cant ruin anything that cant be ruined. Like a catalyst, or a weapon, it is really the object that without it something else would be found.

The relationship was doomed anyway, if he hadnt have found the ex he would have found a stranger, its that simple.

If facebook wasn't there he would have still had an affair. The marriage was already broken. He would have started talking to the nice waitress at lunch, or some woman at the bar he stopped at for a drink on the way home to a marriage he didn't know how to fix and he gave up on.

.

Nope. Facebook, myspace, etc. do NOT ruin marriages.

What people fail to realize is even though you "caught" the person - you STILL need to "woo" them. Just because your married - you STILL need to date. you STILL need to focus on your marriage....

No one is "kept" - really - you can't force someone NOT to cheat nor can you FORCE them to cheat....if someone wants to stray - THEY WILL. It's THEIR conscience.

He or she is getting the attention they desired - they were just getting it from the wrong person...facebook was the catalyst...not the reason or the problem.

I think if he is going to cheat on someone he had feelings for that long ago, then he would likely cheat with anyone else he connected with on an emotional level in real life. People gossip and share tmi and get too close to people everyday... facebook makes it a bit easier and more public, but those personal flaws are still there whether facebook exists or not. I think it is a good idea to have limits on what you share with people and how close to get with the opposite sex both on and off line.

Honestly, I've seen couples fight publicly over facebook, and flirt with others over facebook. People need to learn to have some self control, especially if they are going to let everyone in on their issues. People really need to be selective over who we choose to have in our contacts anyways. Also, why even add to the drama posted by others anyways? If my cousin/coworker/friend/mom wants to say something stupid, I ignore it, no need to add some dumb snarky remark back, or to begin gossiping or telling people off in the first place. Extreme immaturity.

Nope...people cannot blame Facebook for their own failures. It takes two to make a marriage and two to break one up. If Facebook made that much of a difference, then there were obviously major trust issues beforehand.

FB is not at fault here. This is a decision that the two people involved in cheating make. The individuals on FB have a choice, platonic or more. That is the individual's fault not a inaminment object. It has no feelings, it has no recourse.

People break up marriages, the person in the marriage who obviously doens't want to be in the relationship breaks up the marriage.

I do know people who were on FB and they cheated...I think those people who cheat using FB are going to cheat whether or not it was with a FB friend or someone else.

ETA: My high school boyfriend requested I friend him. Before I said yes I asked my husband if that would bother him...he said "No...but if it was so and so...he would bother me"...so I accepted the HS friend and then defriended cause some people never change. But won't ever request or accept one from the other ex. Simple, it's called respect.

I think FB makes it easy to find old friends. But if a marriage didn't have problems the person wouldn't be looking for an affair (emotional or physical). I have found a couple of ex boyfriends on FB. We exchanged a few emails to catch up and that was that.

People say this all the time and honestly it's just an excuse for something that was bound to happen anyway. Social networking just makes what people want more readily available and accessible and immediate, but in all honesty her husband would have cheated either with this "old girlfriend" or a coworker he connected with or an acquaintance. Something was in him already that was primed and receptive to looking outside of his marriage.

Facebook doesn't break up marriages. People do.

I agree with M. L.
Marriages need to be guarded and protected. Not because they are delicate (though sometimes they are) but because they are precious gifts. When we take them for granted and take liberties we shouldn't, it is very easy for someone to get involved outside of their marriage. FB just makes it that much easier for people to get involved while thinking they aren't involved. It SEEMS distant, so it SEEMS safer. But really... people are thinking that they are safe from temptation because it is "distant". Really, none of us is safe from temptation, and should be on guard against it at all times, protecting what is valuable to us. Not paranoid, but careful. People tend to let that guard down a bit with FB b/c they think it isn't physical, so how can it lead to anything. But it can... So, it doesn't make us more likely to cheat by virtue of "causing" people to cheat... but it presents more 'opportunity' to get involved and it is more subtle in how that involvement is presented initially.

FB cannot break up a marraige, the 2 people in the marraige break up the marraige. FB is a way of communicating with another person, it's also a way of making your private life very public.

I think FB magnifies problems that are already there.

FB makes it easier to connect with old friends/old flames but if the person wants to stray, they will with or without FB.

I think FB is very dangerous to marriages. Yes, people have always cheated. But FB makes it SO easy to reconnect. In the past, you broke up with someone and (hopefully) moved on. Especially if you or they moved away...out of sight, out of mind. Now, with FB, everyone is searchable with just a click of a button. Depending on people's account settings, you can pull up at the very least pictures of that old flame, which brings up old feelings. It is almost impossible to resist the urge to look up ex's....that is why I have always been SO glad my husband has no interest in FB and has never had an account.

FB = temptation

Personally I don't think anything can break up a marriage other than the two people who are married to each other. And usually both have some responsibility for what happened to their relationship.

I can see how people might think that FB or the web make it easier for cheaters - but really, FB didn't MAKE her husband cheat on her - and I am sure that if he was unhappy in his marriage or simply wanted to cheat, he could have easily done so without ever having been on FB. Maybe he would have started something with a co-worker.. maybe he would have picked up an escort... cheaters have been around long before the web and they will be long after FB has lived out it's glory days.

Facebook just like any other social networking site is just a site. If facebook breaks up someone's marriage, they obviously didn't have a good, strong foundation to begin with. I strongly belief that it can be addictive just like any website or just being on the internet in general. If it takes time away from family, couple time etc. then it will affect the marriage. I think it should be used in moderation just like everything else :)

M

No FB does not break up marriages. People do. My husband & I are both on FB, with separate accounts, but we are friends with each other and can read each others pages. We also have each others passwords.

a marriage falls apart over years, not just in a blink of an eye!

The % of marriages has not been going up since the invention of fb so I kinda doubt that fb is the cause.

I think the marriages were probably already tenuous. Facebook by itself is harmless. I'm on it, my husband's on it. I have no worries at all it's ever going to break up our marriage though because we respect our marriage enough to be open with each other about who we communicate with. Marriages are inevitably full of ups and downs and during one of the down periods, it can be tempting if an ex or some pretty stranger reaches out to you but ultimately, it's what you do with the temptation that matters. Facebook can give you the tools to cheat but it doesn't MAKE you cheat. There's a big difference.

I think FB just makes it easier for already rocky unions to be ruined.

Well I think yes and no. That's the short answer ;)

Here's the long answer...I have known friends that didn't have tenuous marriages and their spouse did some unsavory things via FB and I of course know people who are skeezy and looking for ways to be dishonest who did the same thing. In the end I think that FB makes reconnecting much easier. I think for some it starts as an innocent reunion between two old friends, exes, unrequited loves, whatever. And from there people feel a false sense of security and anonymity b/c their interactions are all on line and not in person, so it's not "bad". I think that FB allows innocent things to quickly become not so innocent. The person becomes obsessed with talking with these people, hearing about them, confiding in them and that of course leads them down a slippery slope.

Now I can't say that these people who had seemingly happy marriages wouldn't have had something else happen down the line, but the point is, FB happened first and so we'll never know what would have happened. I'm not saying it's FB's fault, and certainly we are all responsible for our own actions, but from what I've seen I think most of these interactions start out with the parties involved thinking everything is just innocent and curious, and in a lot of situations I think they are. I think that as a faithful, loving spouse people should be more concerned with who they are and are not friending on FB so that you don't put yourself in an inappropriate predicament...just my 2 cents!

The marriage already had issues, or one of the parties had serious issues which would then cause the marriage to have issues. My ex used myspace to do similar things, but he was also doing tons more. Before FB there was email, phone calls...
Sure I believe it might push someone over the edge tha J. had a slight urge but never wantd to act on it, or already bummed and an ex contacts them and starts talking to them about the past...I think it can definitely speed things up, but as far as cause it..NO

I think it brings up unnecessary drama and can bring temptations...my husband and I both have one but we have each other's passwords.

It's another avenue which will make it easier to reconnect with others. Just one more way to cheat.

Yes, it breaks up marriages. We know couples whose marriages have been destroyed because one party in a couple was reunited with an old flame or innocently communicated with coworkers or clients off hours only to wind up in a steamy love affair right under the other spouses nose.

FB makes people more accessible than ever before, and it makes people feel or want to make their lives an open book. All of this is a recipe for an affair IMO.

As for already troubled marriages, if you're serious about saving your relationship, you have no business indulging in a FB account. FB brings outsiders into your marriage and life that have no business being there. Sure people can argue they only use FB to stay in touch with family. Sorry, but people seem to forget, sometimes extended family is the worse thing that could ever happen to a marriage. What's so great about giving that meddeling MIL access to your business and friends? Why on earth would you want your husband to still be in contact with the parents of an high school sweet heart, just because they're friends with his parents? All recipe for trouble IMO.

Facebook makes it easier to reconnect. Before the internet, I wondered about my exboyfriends. Now I can anonymously look at their online profiles and see how their life turned out. When I filed for divorce, I looked up an ex using information about his graduation and the whitepages.com We reunited briefly and totally got closure that we never had as teens. Others have looked me up and frankly I don't communicate with the one that got away because one or both of us might be in a bad place in our marriage and I don't want to be hurtful to my husband or him.

No- I think that FB doesn't ruin marriages... if they weren't on facebook... they would probably just have an affair elsewhere... be it a coworker... an old freind that they meet up with - etc. The emotional tendency has to be there. Believe it or not, I am FB friends with one or 2 of my exes... and so is my husband... GASP! but, I don't chat with them and I actually very seldom comment to them at all. Most of them have families or relationships now and I don't even think about our past romances... if we talk, it is about our kids and work- we don't confide in one another- that is what husbands are for.

Affairs are as old as marriage is. Sadly, the internet might make them more convenient... but I really doubt that it causes MORE of them. In fact I think that it makes them easier to discover. (Maybe i there was internet when I was little my mom would have known my dad was having an affair BEFORE my sister was conceived with another woman... hmmm) I think that internet relationships are harder to sweep under the rug or deny or claim as "misunderstandings".... the truth is there for the whole world to see. Even so, internet or not- they sure are a painful experience that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I hope that your freind finds a better place!

-M.

I saw a statistic that fb is mentioned in at least 50% of divorces. I think it makes it easier for people, maybe starts as friendly "whats up" and then it turns into more. I stay away from fb.

I believe that the marriage is already in trouble. Social media has been blamed for break-ups for years as well as online role playing games. If there weren't already issues there would not be an interest in someone else, especially online where all it serves is an emotional need.

Although I dislike FB I don't think it is the cause of marriage failures. It sure does bring the problem out in public.

FB is a fun place to connect and stay in touch. But as in anything like Victoria W said marriages have to be protected and guarded. I do think you need to be careful who you friend. My DH is not on FB all that often. He unfriended his exwife at my request. I made sure she was blocked. Unless you have a child with the ex nothing good can come of you remaining friends. It's a closed chapter move on. There was obviously something wrong with your friend's marriage to begin with and that is sad. If you care about your marriage make sure you are building into it and not FB or any other distraction for that matter.

I've had a lot of relationships ruined because of facebook. You know that saying, how you write in paper is how it's sounded out? Sometimes people can't or don't control what they say on paper, email or text because they have that comfort that the "firewall" will protect them from being attacked.... lol... I've learned a lot about a few people who I were friends with on facebook that I've just decided to not be friends with anymore. The things they say, do or even sometimes pictures they post. Sometimes it gives a difference of opinion on that person who you Thought you knew. My last relationship was with my husbands cousin, who used to live in Panama. We all decided to bring him back to the states and chip in to help raise him. With food, clothing and school costs. He never appreciated it. Then he got a selfish ignorant stuck up little ***** for a girlfriend. Do you hear the hate???? He stopped calling us (he's stationed now out of Kansas) his work hours are the night shift. They came down for Thanksgiving and I saw him for 2 minutes. He never cared to see all the other family members who helped him a long the way to have a good life here. And it's his girlfriend who controls him. (trust me I'm not making it up). So because I was bothered and he wasn't answering my texts, emails or phone calls I posted on facebook how he never calls. It started a huge fight. I told his g/f to "f" off. And told him that when they brake up don't bother trying to come back to the family for help or support. Because just like he turned his nose on us is exactly how we will turn our noses on him. Eventually they need to learn. He's only 21 and I doubt that relationship will last. My step-brother ended his marriage because of facebook. I ended my friendship with his wife because of facebook. I've just learned to delete all those who really don't matter and don't post anything extra private. I honestly only keep it because it's the only way to stay in touch with family that live out of Florida and my husbands family who lives in Panama.

I think yes and no.
Simple because it depend on whom you add.
My husband recently added a girl who claims she isnt a Random Girl.
But his Xgf. Apperantly Gf is a higher title than wife or the mother of his children. She even went as far to say that she and my husband were going to be 2gether, in Dec.

So I just think people have to be careful who they add.
Because you never know what some people say.

And I hate Fb. But its the only way to keep in touch with some family.