Do You Monitor Your Child's Emails?

Updated on November 15, 2011
C.W. asks from Minneapolis, MN
9 answers

My daughter is 11 and doesn't have an email account. A girl friend of hers was gone overseas for a lot of the past summer and asked if my daughter could have an email account to keep in touch. I said she could sent messages to my account and I would make sure my daughter got them. Occasionally this girlfriend will send other messages--mostly innocent stuff. But sometimes I get weird chain mail emails. Now I think chain mails are stupid anyway, but this one made my eyebrows rise:

"Growing up..your bestfriend becomes your worst enemy. lollipops turn into cigarettes. the inncocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Undies turn into g-strings and boxers.Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground! When protection meant wearing a helmet! When the worst things you could get from girls were cooties! Your worst enemies were your siblings.Race issues were about who ran fastest. War was only a card game. The only drug you knew was cough medicine. Wearing a skirt didnt make you a slut. The only things that hurt were skinned knees. And goodbyes only meant until tomorrow! ...And to think we all couldnt wait to grow up. Fwd to 10 people you dont wanna loose and you will have the best day of your life tomorrow. If you don't fwd it will be your worst day ever tomorrow! NO BREAKING THIS CHAIN!! "

So, there's nothing in it like a threat or bullying or a violence threat or anything like that, but still this does NOT feel appropriate for a 10 year old girl to be sending. I see the list of friends she is sending it to. I know their moms.

What's I'm wondering is if others here have had that experience of seeing something not really appropriate come through your kid's email account and whether you followed up with the kid who sent it or the parent--and what about other parents?

What can I do next?

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

It is a chain email, they are sent by people that do chain emails. That doesn't mean the person even read it. I am wondering why you are seeking meaning in a chain email. The only meaning in adults that do this is they have no life and apparently don't mind riddling their computers with malware. The meaning in children is oh, chain email, I will forward it.

I do not monitor email accounts nor will I ever. Until high school my kids won't have an email account. I suppose if a friend moved away I would give that privilege early. Both my older kids did not feel like their lives were hampered by this rule.

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M.D.

answers from Dallas on

Most of the time these chain letters have some sort of a hacking system involved, not always is the person who it says is sending it, really sending it... No one wants to break a chain letter either, bad luck oh no... so they forward and the hacker gets into your accounts...

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J.T.

answers from Little Rock on

Yes I have done both. I have gotten mixed results both times. Some parents get quite offended when you police their children, but if you feel this is something important-Do what you must. The other time I had a parent tell me it was quite serious, then heard she was making fun of my reaction behind my back. It's a toss.
I would probably delete it and maybe even consider removing the child from my daughter's contacts. Chances are she probably won't even miss it because it's not someone she "sees" every day.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

When SD was younger, we used to periodically log in and check her email. She knew this. I think that there's way too much (like that chain letter) out there for young kids to run into.

Since the emails are coming through your account, you might email the child to remind her that this is not an email you find appropriate and will not be forwarding to your daughter - and your daughter knows this. I would try to be non-accusatory because it's likely just kids not thinking.

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I would follow up with the girls parents on this one. I would tell them (and their daughter) no more chain emails period, and no more inappropriate text/wording or the email privelages will stop between the two of them.

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3.B.

answers from Cleveland on

Wow, that was pretty ballsy of this girl to send that knowing it's YOUR email account. Kids are just not afraid of adults anymore. As a kid, I would have NEVER sent something like that.
It's probably harmless, and meant to look "cool". But I would talk to her mom. Kids now have WAY too much access to inappropriate stuff courtesy of the internet. My kids are too young, but you bet your butt I will be monitoring them and their computer usage!

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C.F.

answers from Milwaukee on

My daughter just turned 12. She uses our ipod touch to text. I absolutely read her email and texts. I haven't had to approach other parents yet but I have let my daughter know what is appropiate for her age. I work at her school so I have an inside line if something is amiss. If I read something that was not appropiate I will step in and talk to the other parent. They way I think about it is we should all be helping eachother out as parents.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Yes, I monitored my kids e-mails. It wasn't because I didn't trust THEM, I wanted to make sure what they were receiving didn't have any weird stuff attached to it regardless of how innocent the kid sending it meant it.

In this instance, for one thing, it gives you the opportunity to talk to your daughter about chain mail. "IF you send this to 10 friends in 10 minutes....."
"If you DON'T send this to 10 people in 5 minutes...."

That stuff is for the birds and should not be taken seriously. At all.
Nor, in my opinion, should 99% of it be forwarded. Ever.

My friend let her son have an e-mail account. Fine. Well, they ordered something online from HER account, but when he received an e-mail about the "confirmation for his order" on his account, without thinking, he opened it and they got a bad virus that crashed their computer. They had anti-virus and security, etc. It could have been a worm, I don't remember exactly except that it messed things up.

So...even though you trust your daughter, I don't think it's a bad idea for her to just use your account and not open things without you looking before even opening.
And, you might let the other mom know what she sent and tell her that your daughter won't be opening forwards or mail with attachments, etc.
That's what I would do. Personally.

Just my opinion.

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S.N.

answers from Minneapolis on

Totally inappropriate e-mail.

Who cares if it is a chain one or not.. and yes, I believe she did read it before passing it on, so she knows what it said. WAY out of line for a 15 YO never mind an 11 YO.

I would e-mail her back re: it being your account and that you do not want anyone sending chain e-mails NOR any e-mails w/ inappropriate content ( and then give her an example from the e-mail re: what you deem inappropriate.)

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