after you see things happen over and over, do you just develop sort of a "numbness" to them??
i never noticed it until i talked to my cousin before.. yesterrday my fiance and i found out that a guy we used to know (he wasnt a close friend just someone we would hang out with years ago, my fiance more so than i, but i still knew the kid and can recall hanging out at his house quitea few times) overdosed and died the previous morning.. when i told my cousin about it she was like omg im so sorry are u guys ok? you must be upset and she was surprised at how we both seemed to not be phased by it at all.. she was like omg i probably wouldve cried even if it was someone i hadnt talked to in a few years and she said we both sort of had a numb reaction to it.. and when i thought about it shes right.. it was like an "oh thats sad" kinda thing. My fiance and i both had a pretty serious issue with pain killers but we both have been clean for around 4 years. From highschool until now we have witnessed a countless number of friends, close & acquaintences, die from overdoses or completely ruin their lives because of drugs... and it seems now we are both pretty numb to hearing things like this. i feel like when you see someone who had been a hardcore addict for years and make basically no attempt to straighten themselves out, you almost have to expect something horrible to happen. Yes, its really difficult to overcome addiction, ive been there, i get it, but having overcome it i also know that it is possible and you have to try and you have to want it .. so when i hear that someone overdosed its like i have no emotion towards it, well no sad emotion, it almost makes me angry.. this is going to sound absolutley horrible but the thought "what an idiot" actually ran through my head after my initial "oh thats sad"
if this were a few years ago i probably wouldve been legitimatley upset and cried but now its like im just numb to it.. my fiance too .. and he was alot closer with this guy than i was...
reading this over i feel like i sound completely insensitive and mean but as i said ive seen it too many times to get upset any more. I mean im only 24 years old and already ive seen waaay too many kids my own age and a few years older die from drugs/alcohol or incidents relating to drugs/alcohol.. to be my age and to have attended 6 funerals since higschool is just crazy, and thhe more frequent it becomes the less emotions i have
anyone out there ever feel like this?.. like after seeing something happen over and over you just have no reaction to it anymore? it doesnt have to be about drugs or death but just something uve seen so many times youre just numb to it and it has no effect on you?
Yes, numbness happens.
It's sad that it has become that way tho.
Tragedy is so NORMAL now that we don't react to it like it should be reacted to. It is a sad time indeed.
Emotions are not what they used to be at all whatsoever.
Yeah, I think that's normal, particularly with addiction. My brother died of an OD in 2011. Of course that upset me, but he's not the first and not the last. When I hear of it happening to someone else (and really, there seems to be one in every family) it's like "oh, that's sad" and what I think but don't say is "what a shame and a waste of what otherwise would have been a perfectly good life." But no, I don't get all upset over other people. I think that as you get older you realize that death just keeps happening. Some hit more than others. A 17-year-old boy in my town recently died of an aneurysm. That's one that genuinely shook me and made me cry and cry. My heart still breaks for that family. But an adult who ODs? Not something that will keep me awake at night.
I understand why you could be numb to this, I am too for not the same reasons as you but similar ones. Heck, honestly I didn't even cry when certain family members of mine died. Cruel? Nope because they literally killed themselves with their behavior. I'm the same way about kids having kids though, not shocked the way many people seem to be these days. By the time I was in 7th grade I had already had several friends who had children and by high school I was one of the few that hadn't had a child. I totally get the concept of being numb to certain ways of others or the world because it is this way or that.
I think for me (particularly with addiction), it gets worse over time. The first thoughts that go through my head are, "oh my god, his/her poor mother", "what a shame they didn't get out in time," and "there by the grace of god go I."
On the other hand, if I'm not close with someone when they die, I don't feel a personal sense of loss. I feel a sense of sadness for their loved ones and the world, but not myself...not sure if that makes sense.
No. I get very upset when I hear something happened to someone I knew or even from reading a newspaper article, mainly if its a parent or a young child. But you have a completely different life experience. I'm not sure I know one person who od'd. And not a sort of friend - just anyone I knew slightly. So it's different for you.
It doesn't sound like you were that close to this guy, even if your husband was closer if you hadn't seen them in years you can't be that close.
The only reason you would have been upset years ago was that then you were friends, you were close, it has nothing to do with being numb then or now, it had to do with the level of friendship.
I am willing to bet the house if the cousin you were talking to died tragically today you would have plenty of emotion.
Some of this is a factor of the crowd you hung out with.
I've had so many family members die over the years from tobacco related illnesses in my Mom's generation.
It's an addiction, albeit a legal one, but I consider it suicide in slow motion.
My Uncle died last year from illness complicated by alcoholism.
A girl in school in the 10 grade died from cancer and an acquaintance I had in high school committed suicide the summer after graduation - he was a nice guy but no one had any idea how depressed he was - he totally hid it from everyone around him).
My husbands high school graduating class had something like 15 deceased class members before his 10th reunion (out of a total of roughly 400).
If you live to be a ripe old age - gradually people die around you.
Talk to any 80 yr old and they can tell you about so many people that they have out lived - parents, siblings, spouses and sometimes children too.
Whether it affects you emotionally or not - it changes nothing.
Deeply mourning over and over will throw you into depression and it's exhausting and can become a threat to your own well being.
This disconnect you describe - think of it as a survival mechanism.
I know what you mean. At some point it is hard to feel sympathy for someone who chose - and kept on choosing - to throw away his life bit by precious bit. Since you and your fiance are clean, you have moved on and away from that crowd, made a conscious choice to live well and face whatever pain life brings with it instead of numbing yourselves. So it makes perfect sense to me that you would feel no strong emotions about someone you had to leave behind to get and stay clean.He belonged to a different chapter in your life. I don't think you are unfeeling, just honest.
