Do I Need Separation Papers

I have been divorced in the state of Illinois and unless the laws have changed in the last 12 years, I can tell you there is no such thing as legal separation here...

You can never trust that things will go as you two have stated post separation if you do not have things filed legally thus forcing you both to abide by the rules. Have you two sought counseling? If not it might be worth it seeing as you seem to think there's a small chance you might be back together. It is in your best interest to have everything legal for your own sanity as well as the well being of your child.

Having something in writing can help you to avoid issues. If you do divorce, the separation papers can be used in that process, if you both agree.

You might want to check with a mediator, to see if they could write up separation papers, since the two of you seem willing and able to communicate and agree. Mediators can be cheaper, and less stressful than lawyers.

Added: http://www.illinoislegalaid.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home...
Wow, divorce is much more complicated in IL, than in Minnesota!

A separation agreement can be as simple as a document you both agree to and notarize, and then hang on to until you decide to file for divorce.

Or it can be a document you file with the courts which will be used by the judge to create your dissolution document later on down the road.

You really need to talk to an attorney.

Adding to this, you can be cited for abandonment because YOU are moving out. Definitely get papers.

Yes. As much as you have things worked out now, it could all change once the separation takes place and outside factors creep in. Make it easier on both of you by having the rules legally established up front. Perhaps talk to one of those "civilized divorce" type of places to have them draft a document that says exactly what you've already worked out.

Yes. He does not have to do anything you think he agreed to. He can just do whatever he wants and you are stuck with all the bills and all the responsibility. He can get away with every thing he wants.

I would go ahead and get them done asap.

Check you state laws. Here in DE there is no such thing as "separation" papers. After 6 months of living apart, you can file for divorce. You are separated but from a legal standpoint, you are either married or divorced...anything inbetween is just a living arrangement/state of mind but not a legal status.

If you are living apart and splitting the bills already, you should probably see about each of you signing off on the bills you are not responsible for. that is probably the only way that legally you wouldn't be responsible. But again, IL may be different than DE.

I would suggest getting the custody down on paper and at least notarized.

Having everything in writing simplifies things.
Verbal agreements are subject to people forgetting or even lying about what was agreed upon.

First, sorry that you're going through this. In my state, it takes at least a couple of trips to court at least 6 months apart to get divorced. At that first date, the couple has to file a separation agreement that includes temporary orders for child support, spousal support (if any), visitation, and big financial agreements. This agreement legalizes these temporary arrangements and is often the baseline for the final divorce agreement, which would be entered several months later at another court date.

So...if your state is similar, you may have to file a separation agreement anyway as part of the divorce process and it might just be a matter of pay now or pay later, in which case doing it now will protect both of you.

If that's not the case, you can save money and put together an informal agreement with a mediator (you can notarize it but not file it in court) or even just put something in writing between you that you both sign and have notarized. That way if someone renegs on the agreement, you at least have more than the word of the other person regarding what was promised. It definitely doesn't have the weight of something filed with court but it's better than nothing. My husband actually had his daughter's mother sign and notarize a stipulation of custody, child support and visitation that we drafted ourselves at home in a hurry one afternoon before she left town. That document was the basis of the judge awarding us sole physical custody when we got to court a few months later and the mom didn't show up. Rather than needing to continue the case, he was able to use that to validate what we said her intentions were and move to judgment.

You should have an agreement in place before you move out-who pays what, who gets what, and how you will share custody. Separations don't always stay amicable. It would be a good time to discuss alimony and child support.

There is a reason for getting divorced. Be it simply no longer seeing eye to eye too often, cheating, lying, money issues. Leaving without the legal documents to back you up puts you in a pisition of being called for abandonment. Either have a lawyer draw them up and both sign and file with the court or if you feel you may get the relationship back on track, if you have another bedroom, basement,even temporarily a dining room or living room "move" there. Live separate lives based on your agreed visitation times. This will be cheaper but harder than the lawyer route until you decide divorce...I see a few parents from our school doing this. But if you go make it legal to do so.

My brother is a lawyer in the state of Illinois, and I have heard him talk about this before. I'm not sure if you have to file for separation, but I'm pretty sure that you have to live apart for at least 2 years before you can file for divorce.

You could talk to a lawyer about specifics (or google divorce in Illinois). If money is a concern, your county probably has Land of Lincoln Lawyers. They are subsidized and should be able to answer some basic questions.