Do I Need More Structure?

Hi R.,

I'll tell you what worked for me, and hopefully something in there can help you!

I tried having a more scheduled day- wake up this time, do this from 10-11, eat at this time, etc. I ended up feeling frustrated or like I "failed" my list because it's hard to stick to that- just with kids getting sick, having appointments, weather, moods (theirs and mine!).

I realized that schedule didn't equal structure, which was what I really wanted/needed. So what I did instead was having more of a to do list.

I would come up with the things I thought were important in the day- reading time, craft time, toy time, quiet time, outdoor time, coloring/writing, even chore time (and whatever else you do).

I wrote those things on separate, small pieces of paper (I also let the kids help "decorate" them so they had some ownership in them). I also made sure there were pictures of the categories for the little ones before they could read. We had a box marked to do, and a box marked done (you could be so creative with your packaging, I was SO not). So they knew at the beginning of the day we would start in and they knew what to expect of the day. They would pick something out, then once it was done put it in the done box and move on.

If you want a more consistent day, you could put them in a certain order (maybe number them from 1-10 or whatever so the kids know what order they should be done in). I let my kids pick the order, and found that they actually came up with their own preferences for how they liked to structure their day. I felt like at preschool age we needed structure and a predictable day, but would gradually work into a more scheduled/ordered day. But you know your kids best and know what they need and would respond best to.

Hope that helps. It ended up making me feel like I accomplished something in the day, and also prepared the kids for expectations and routine in preschool and beyond. Good luck!

Structure is needed even for a one year old. Having a set routine will save your sanity, give them boundaries early and know what to expect in their day.
I do in home child care so I have a pretty set routine.
Basically you just need to set a time that everyone is to be up (like 7:30am), not let kids sleep in for a long period of time. Even though we moms love it when the house is quiet and everyone is asleep, setting a limit to how long they sleep in is really going to help you out.
Get up, have breakfast, while you are cleaning up the kitchen let them go play, then dress them for the day (doing this will help you when they head to school or you need to go somewhere), getting them used to dressing every single morning.
Then run an errand if you need to, before throw a load of laundry in, take them to the park, outside play, do a fun game or whatever.
Then snack time. If your youngest goes down for two naps do the first one after morning snack and then have some one on one reading or playing with your oldest. Then lunchtime, naps if you do them for both, getting things you need done while they are napping like cleaning up dishes, finishing laundry, etc..

When they get up, snack, some downtime, fun movie (good kid TV show), reading, playing, the park or whatever you want to do.
Then getting them involved in an activity together so you can get dinner going. Dinner, then baths if you do them nightly, jammies, winding down for the evening and stories and then bedtime. Do the same bedtime EVERY night too, that will help set them up for good sleep habits and not be overly tired.
I can suggest for your 3 year old to see if there is mommy days out programs, where one day a week she can go have some peer time with other kids her age and get sense of independence. I did this for my daughter, it was every Friday, like $30 a month and for three hours she got to experience being in a class setting, playing with kids her own age and it was a nice break for us all. She loved it and went into Preschool at 4 so then I had extra time with my youngest while she was in school, then while he was napping I had one on one time with her.
Just a suggestion.

Join a MOMS Club or MOPS group if they have them in your area, you can look them up online. They have playgroups by age, getting to hang with women your kids age groups, they do fun activities, book clubs and so forth. This was my saving grace when my kids were really young.
Setting up structured snack times and meal times will help stave off picky eating, gives kids a sense of security too.

Every day doesn't have to be the exact same, however it will help if you get them up and have a morning routine big time when they do head to school it won't be a battle.
Even on snowy weekend days, my seven year old insists on getting up and having breakfast and getting dressed! IT IS GREAT! :)

Routine is definitely important for kids their age. It helps them feel secure because they know what to expect. Now, routine does not have to equal rigid schedule or structure.

I have an in-home daycare with five children ages 11 months to 3.5 years. My routine will look a little different because I do not get to do many outings with the kids - don't have a vehicle big enough - but just looking at other routines might help you devise one that works for you.

7-8 Free Play - Discussion time with kids (talk about yesterday, set up today, etc)

8-9 Breakfast/Clean-up

9-10 Baby Naps/Preschool Activities/Projects with older ones

10-10:30 AM Snack

10:30-11:30 Outside Play/Walk around neighborhood

11:30-12 Indoor Play or cartoon while I fix lunch

12:00-12:30 Lunch

12:30-1 Clean-up/Bathroom breaks

1:00-1:15 Storytime

1:15-3:30 Naptime

3:30-4 Quiet play while others wake up

4-4:30 PM Snack

4:30-5 Outside play or Indoor activity while waiting for parents to pick up (group block building, stories, Little People, etc)

Now...I listed times because it helps me set goals for approximately when things should happen (mostly naps and eating). I do not start and stop things abruptly, though. I freely move from one thing to the next and these are the approx times that happens. And, of course, not everyday is the same. Maybe one day it is snowing and the kids are excited to play outside...so we go out earlier or it is beautiful and mild out, so we play longer...or someone brings a movie to share with the others, so we try to make time to watch a portion of the movie. Etc..

A routine is definitely a good thing for the little ones. :o) Have fun!

I don't know about you, but I am a people person. I need to be around people to feel like I am not isolated in kid world. I have two kids, now 7 and 4, but when my kids were your kids age, I had something I had planned every day. One day was Mommy group, another day was a kid gym class, another day, just walking around the mall. I live near Southwest plaza, for us just going to put a penny in the fountain, look at the Disney store, go look at the puppies at the pet store, and jumping on the reactrix mat, took up like two hours, not to mention driving to and from. Most of the time I never even bought anything (I always expained to my kids before we even walked in, we were not here to buy anything, just look). That mall is not that busy during the week, so easy for kids to walk, like your 3 year old. Also, check your local Rec Center. There may be classes you can do for your kids at little cost, and it will give you something to do every week. Anyway, I hope that helps. I never had specific structure, just tried to keep myself busy, so I never lost my mind. So far, so good :)

I definitely had a schedule as far as meal and nap times. I found that I'm not that great at structured activities (crafts and stuff) at home, so I get them out of the house a lot. We joined playgroups that usually met in the mornings, so on most days we were either running errands or at the park, playdate, or some other activity from about 9:30 until lunch time. Then home for lunch and a nap. That way the only time you have to fill at home is after breakfast and after nap/before dinner. Some of that time is spent having a snack and getting dressed.

Hi, R.,

Boy, do I understand where you're coming from! I have a 3 1/2 yr. old daughter. I, too, struggle sometimes with this very issue.

One thing I can tell you has helped me tremendously was when I joined StrollerFit. There's a location in North Denver--you should check it out(strollerfit.com). I love everything about it. It's great way to meet other moms and have your kids interacting with other kids at the same time. Plus, I get a great workout, which is a good thing because when I attend class, I have more energy and more patience with my daughter throughout the day. I am not a mom who enjoys going to the gym...I always feel like everyone is sizing me up and passing judgment, so it's nice to be working out in a group setting where everyone is in a similar situation to me. The other fabulous thing about Strollerfit is the social aspect. They have a calendar that is put out every month with activities for us to do with the kids as well as for moms only. My group has a book club, cooking club and we do a monthly moms night out.

I recently put my daughter into a parents day out program once a week and although it was hard for both of us initially, I'm glad I did. She looks forward to going now and it gives me a little time to get stuff done that I might not have time for otherwise. Something else I've done is enroll her in dance classes at the Arvada Center. She LOVES it! It wasn't very expensive, either.

I hope this helps! I wish you the best of luck!

Only a few suggestions here.

Outside time (ride bikes, color with chalk, kick balls, fly a kite)

Reading time (look at pictures, read with them)

Puzzle time

art time (finger paint, paint w/ brushes, color with crayons or pencils, cut & paste, play-doh)

movie time

These are done throughout the week in my house in addition to visiting the park a few times a week. The park is at my oldest child's school so the kids all play there either after or before school or sometimes both. We live extremely close to the school and a couple parks. I work from home, so the kids have free time, movie time or outside time when I am working.

HTH

Have a GREAT day!

S.

Reading, reading, reading.... :)(We love the library)

Games...

I need flexible structure. :) So I have some days where there are things that must get done and there are some days where there is more flexibililty BUT I also got my 3 year old in preschool so I could feel sane. I know it might sound like a "bad mommy" thing to say but seriously preschool saves our relationship, plus she is learning TONS and LOVES it so I get guilt free free time.
We also have quiet time for an hour before daddy gets home from work because that is about when I'm done. She doesn't have to take a nap but she does have to play quietly on her bed or some days I let her play in her room. She naps some days and other days just plays.
When we go get produce on Mondays at Sacco's My dd helps put the food in the basket so she is involved and she always gets to pick one treat. Yesterday? a green apple. I love the "treats!!" she picks it makes me happy.
We don't have a schedule like at 2 pm every day we do art time. I'd go crazy. Usually we talk about what we want to do that day the night before, I let her know what our schedule looks like and let her know when we have free time and ask what she wants to do with it (this or this) questions usually work best but even then we often change those plans. But she feels included in the planning which is the most important part. for me the best "structure" we just came up with is our bedtime routing because dh and I don't do the same stuff each night so I made a picture flipbook at snapfish and my dd gets to tell us what is on each page and what it means at night so no matter who puts her to bed she gets that routine and knows what is coming and doesn't fight her bedtime as much HALLELUJAH!!
I don't know if this is what you are looking for but it's what we do. My dd likes to have about an hour to herself every day as well where she watched Mrs. Spider or Handy Manny (choices of late) and just plays by herself. Then she will come find me and say I need you mommy and that is my cue to get down and play with her.
If you need some sanity definitely build structure. For me our flexible structure works great because I don't feel "guilty" we didn't get something done like craft time...
oh, and she has dance once a week too. It helps us get through all of it, helps her get to be social, I get some breaks and we all survive!!
don't be hard on yourself it sounds like you are doing awesome. I wish I did more outings...lol.

The main thing is being consistent about meals, snacks, naps and bedtime. Other ideas to fill your day are crafts ( I found some great books at a teacher supply store), story time, music ( find some music to dance and sing to and drum to the rhythm),kitchen fun ( bake something, they can help dump and measure, or do science projects, my little girl loved playing with cornstarch goo( water and cornstarch) and seeing vinegar and baking soda bubble), dress up and free time to play by themselves. We also liked doing a movie day that we rented something and got special treats and popcorn. The library is nice to go to story time and check out books after. I hope this gave you a few more ideas. Good luck.

I don't like to have TOO "structured" a routine, but I do like to have "structured activities" and I think that's what you're asking about. My son is 3 and we have a baby on the way. He does go to pre-school twice a week and that helps, but filling up his days with enjoyable and educational activities takes alot of work.

When we are at home I try to come up with crafts that he can help with or do on his own - edible play dough, water color painting, finger painting, etc.. He LOVES to help me in the kitchen so I am always looking for healthy "treat" recipes that he can help me bake - I have a great banana bread recipe that uses low fat plain yogurt instead of oil....he really enjoys that one because he gets to smash the bananas and help add all the ingredients. Also, any time there is a holiday we come up with some type of homemade gift for the grandparents - for Easter this year we made center pieces....A plain box that he can decorate with stickers/paint/markers/ribbon, with fake grass inside, and then we made little chicks and bunnies out of strofoam eggs, yarn and foam cut outs. I also found plain wood frames at the craft store for really cheap that I let him decorate however he wanted (paint, glitter, stickers) and then put a picture of him making it into the frame for the grandparents...it was a BIG hit on both ends.

Outside of the house gets a little tougher....we live in Montana so for at least 6 months it's pretty hard to spend much time at the park. We have the Museum of the Rockies here and he LOVES it. A family membership is only $40.00 a year and he gets to go see dinosaurs whenever he wants, plus they have a kids discovery center and alot of times they have cool kids exibits too. I'm not sure if you have a museum near you that might be suitable, but that's an idea. He also loves the library and they have lots of scheduled kids activities there as well.

Hope that helps a little bit. Good Luck!