Stay at Home...Question for SAHM Moms?

I think it's ludicrous to expect that children must stay home all day--that's not fair to anybody, but I have a good friend who's husband put that mess on her. Poor kids...poor mom...

What we did in making the leap from full time working mom to sahm took 10 months: I started working more actually, and saved every dollar I could. We paid off all credit debt, we didn't have school debt, and one car was paid off, the other was "almost" paid off. We reworked the budget so that we moved from living on 2 salaries to cutting things out and "weaning" ourselves down to 1 salary. Once you're able to live on 1 salary a couple months, you can cut the strings and be a sahm without worrying about a sudden financial strain. When my son was a few months old, I did take a part time, weekend job at a retail shop for the discount on things I needed, plus a little extra "spending money". That helped me get out of the house and among adults, doing non-mom stuff, helped my self esteem in that I could still work and earn a little bit, kept my resume up to date, and helped my husband understand and respect how much a sahm does by doing it 4 hours on Saturday, 4 hours on Sunday. It was also a sweet bonding time for "just the guys".

I use the children's needs as the main foundations of my daily schedule, and then work everything else around that. They naturally wake up between 6 and 6:30am everyday. They eat lunch between 11:30-12. After lunch we wash hands and faces, read ONE story, and they take a 2-2 1/2 hour nap. There's a little snack at 3:30, and dinner is 6:30 (but 5:30 on kung fu nights, with only a couple celery sticks and hummus as a snack that day so they're hungry earlier). They go to bed at 8:30. Everything else fits in somewhere between those hours.

I view being a sahm as not only an honor and a privilege, but also as my JOB. So I have my "job" outlined, scheduled, etc as I would if it was a job. It's my "business". I believe a good evening routine is the most important thing, because it helps wind everyone down for rest, and also sets the tone and pace for a good day in the morning. Our evening routine: Before dinner, we feed/water the cat. Have family dinner, take a walk 5 nights a week (we don't do this on kung fu nights). Pick up the house real quick, especially the main living areas (entry, living room, kitchen). Together, we gather all items for our "launch pad" (meaning whatever we need in the morning, a restocked/packed diaper bag, sunglasses, keys, backpacks, papers, whatever we'll be needing to take with us in the morning are in one spot all ready to go so we're not looking around for stuff, rushing around stressed, or forgetting something). Lay out tomorrow's clothes (kids get to help me choose their outfits, and they are laid out on a shelf for the morning. They take baths, brush teeth, get in their pjs, we read a story or devotional, do a daily review and thankful thought, say a prayer, and it's lights out for them. Then I check my planner and to do list, do any necessary planning for the next day, wind down, visit with husband, and we may do something to make the morning easier if we have energy---I may do a little lesson planning while he irons his shirt, or whatever. Then we have our time to wind down and hang out, get ready for bed, etc. By doing this, it helps us rest easier. And when we wake up things just run smoothly because everything is ready, clean, etc.

My daily routine in a nutshell: I get up at 5:30 and exercise, shower, pray in the shower, get dressed, etc. Everyone else starts waking up at 6. We feed/water animals and plants, I check the menu on the fridge and put out something to defrost if necessary, make Jer's tea, make breakfast and we eat together, the kids get vitamins, teeth brushed, dressed, and straighten their bathroom. We have a short morning devotional, then Jeremy leaves. When he's gone the boys go outside or to the playroom for 30 minutes so I can chill out from the morning thing (online, or watching Joyce Meyer, or whatever I want to do).

Then we do our own version of preschool. We do some stretches, water, do the calendar, weather, and talk about whatever is on their mind for a few minutes. Then we do English/spelling/reading (my 5 year old does 10 minutes with me, 10 minutes alone, and 5 minutes of me reviewing with him). He knows his alphabet, phonics, we play spelling games, he knows 10 sight words (we review all and do a new one or two every week), he's beginning to read a little now, and he won't start kindergarten until end of August. My 2 year old: we sing the ABC song, play with an alphabet train floor puzzle, watch the Letter Factory, and read a library book. Same subject, but different ages/levels. They take a break to watch Dinosaur Train or play, and I either sit and do the computer (with a timer to keep me on track) or begin my weekly zone work or to do list. The next subject is handwriting letters/numbers. (5 minutes with me, 10 minutes alone, 5 minutes to review). His handwriting is actually really good! Sometimes he draws or does mazes, sometimes he is writing on a dry erase board, sometimes he's working in a workbook, sometimes he's writing little notes with my help to daddy, bugga, his uncle, or his little friend from back home. The 2 year old at this time draws, colors, plays with play doh (that helps dexterity), stuff like this. We have "centers" at our house, and they can do 2 centers, 20 minutes each (legos, computer time, play doh, reading, dress up, outside doing all kinds of stuff, coloring, drawing, playing with instruments, dancing or listening to ALL KINDS of music, different art projects, etc). We walk the dog 30 minutes, my older guy rides his bike and my little guy just started scooting along in a tricycle. When I've got the little one with me, I can't keep up with my 5 year old so he rides ahead 3 houses, turns around in a driveway, then returns to me, turns around in a driveway....that way he's getting exercise and going as fast as he wants. We have free time for everyone, then stretches, wash hands, lunch. The boys have nap afterwards; sometimes the 5 year old sleeps, other times he wants to read a book with me, or work on a project with me that the 2 year old can't get involved in, and then just a short rest time. After naps they stretch, have some playtime outside, then come in for math at their age appropriate levels on M, W, and F and we do special little lessons or outings to talk about geography or social studies on T, Th.

We have health / PE everyday (this might be lessons in being clean or making good choices in food, or about how our bodies work, or it might be kung fu, horseback riding lessons, swimming, TRYING to learn to jump rope, or some fun games I played when I was in elementary school (kickball, army dodgeball, Tball, etc) or backyard soccer, with little brother and the neighbor kids too.

That's all the "schooling" we have during the week days. Included in that are our weekly activities: Mondays and Thursday is Kung Fu, and the chores/zone work that I've set for those particular days. Tuesday is yard work as well as the little bit of zone work planned, and a Bible study with other moms...the church provides childcare. Wednesday a homeschool group meets at the library for storytime and a craft. I won't be homeschooling my kids full time (Joseph starts at the local elementary next year) but we still go. It's for ages 2-5 and so both my boys enjoy it. We go play Tball with friends at the local park in the evenings. Thursdays: we go to the farmers market and explore, experiment, try new foods, listen to live music, etc....then after dinner we go to kung fu. Fridays: horseback riding lessons. On weekends: Saturdays we go to a friend's Tball game and cheer him (but also there to visit with my friend and my boys play with her other boy), and then they all have a little playtime at the park after the game. After naps, we do some family fun: puttputt golf, bowling, the beach, a fair or festival, the pool, or we may blow off the morning Tball game and make a special family trip to Charleston or Columbia, to explore other towns and do tours or museums, zoos, the aquarium, etc. They will nap in the car. Sundays is church, something together as a family (either an outing, backyard camping, swimming, or just being lazy together), and then awanas during the school year for my older guy. We also sneak in some Spanish (we bought the Rosetta Stone homeschool edition as mom and dad's Christmas gift), Science, and "home ec" lessons (home ec: a little about budgets and where money goes, but on their level...how to save and why...how to clean--they have chores! and why...they help me in the kitchen regularly and do age appropriate cooking or assisting) throughout the week and Jeremy is good at doing neat little science lessons with the boys. (Getting up before dawn and hitting the beach with hot chocolate in a thermos for a meteor shower, making paper together, lots of nature stuff that's all around us, helping with a sea turtle rescue, etc).

I divide the chores that need to be done every week up so that it all gets hit a little bit every day (Mon=change bedding, vacuum, mop, dust, windex; Tues=mow yard, weed gardens; Wed=clean out and inventory pantry, fridge, freezer, bathrooms, make a menu and shopping list for next week; Thurs=clear desk, pay bills, do filing, clean all 4 bathrooms (toilets, etc), begin laundry for the week; Fri=finish laundry, run errrands, etc. That leaves the weekend to play. The chores that should be done once a month I divide into zones for the week, and I add zone work (heavy, detailed cleaning) in during the week, just about 30-45 minutes a day for a couple days/week will knock it out (zone 1: porch, entrance, dining room; zone 2: kitchen; zone 3: bathrooms and 1 extra room (extra room could be guest room, playroom, office, laundry room, etc); zone 4: bedrooms; zone 5: living room/family room/den.

That's how this sahm spends time at home. We did have my older son in preschool when he was 4, but we didn't like the situation there. The teacher was nice but the management was poor, and he was telling us some disturbing things from one boy, so we left. I shopped around at different schools and realized that I could really do as good (or a lot better, actually) at home, and he has neighbors, sports, clubs, church, other opportunities to get the social side of it. We save our $100 a week from preschool and use it for more fun things like horseback riding lessons, swim lessons, stuff like that....and that's why I'm so "structured" in "preschool time"...because I'm taking the place of it, so I want to do it "right". I also started providing childcare for a friend's daughter (my guys are 2 and 5, she is 4, so it works fine), 1 to 3 days a week (usually just 1 day). She just joins in and flows with what we do. She enjoys seeing other little girls at the library, or going to an indoor playground with us, next Monday she'll be going with us to see the Parade of Sails as sailboats from around the world leave on a race, "etc". I use that babysitting money as "fun money" as well----10% to tithes, the rest goes to activities or the bank. When school is closed for any reason, or during summer break, I also keep her 6 year old brother. Extra money, and it helps.

I know this is long (my timer went off 5 minutes ago) but it can be done, it can be awesome. Hopefully your husband would be supportive and proud of you being a sahm if you approach it with some discipline like you are at a job. Even though it's FUN, it's still work.

From the beginning - my kids went to daycare 3 days a week (M, W, F) - half days. It allowed me to grocery shop, clean the house, etc. It allowed them to play with kids their own age as well. Yes. I did play dates with other moms as well.

The best way to find out if you can afford it? Put your paycheck into savings. If you have to touch it - you CANNOT afford to quit. If you don't use it for 3 months to six months - you should be golden.

If you are serious about this - go through and cut out things you don't need - start using coupons, making menus, refinance the house to get lower payments, stop using credit cards, make sure you have an emergency fund for car repairs and house repairs, etc. Also call your providers for internet, cable, wireless, etc. and find out if you can save money by using a different plan.

I know that you MUST be on the same page in expectations with your spouse. Having your kids go to daycare for 2 days a week is FINE in my book. However, if he doesn't think so - then you need to TALK with him and tell him WHY it's important to you. I can tell you from experience, if you are NOT on the same page with this - it will be a never-ending fight or tension that is NOT necessary. It is OKAY for kids to be "socialized" during the day EVEN IF MOMMY DOES NOT WORK!!!!

Good luck!! You have a tough decision ahead of you. Making the transition is NOT easy. Getting that routine in place is hard - especially if you have two totally different kids like I do - one is a morning person and will be up at the crack of dawn...the other? he could sleep until noon if I let him!!!

My typical day (now they are in school) up at 0700...have 30 minutes to myself...boys wake up with alarms at 0730...we have 30 minutes to get dressed and eat breakfast (brush hair/teeth) and then off to the bus.

I come back home and take care of the dog, straighten the house. On Monday's and Thursday's I do laundry. I vacuum every day (we have a cherry tree in our front yard and I have two boys that LOVE to track in dirt). I get the meat out for dinner.

During the summer? My boys go to a summer camp - we have to be there by 0900 and I pick them up at 1530. It's through the county - they have fun. It's for six weeks...while they are gone? I take care of me!!! :)

When they were younger? We were up and breakfast then moving around by 0900...earlier for my oldest..we did play time - usually worked on alphabets and numbers but made it into a game...naps usually happened at 11AM for about an hour and 2PM for about 2 hours. This is what worked for US. Your schedule will be different...

GOOD LUCK!!

It's all about expectations...yours, hubby's, and children's.

I have a 4.5 y.o. and a 2 y.o. My oldest goes to half-day preschool 2 mornings a week. I've worked minimal part-time since the oldest was an infant. That what I NEED. I need the itty-bitty income, and I need to keep my brain, and life active (I was a former classroom teacher, and have tutored part time, and now work a Boys & Girls Club.)

To make it all work, hubs and I HAVE to be on the same page. We work opposite of each other, so he has learned how much can really be done when you have littles under foot. He passes no judgment, nor I to him.

At first, I had these crazy expectations of how I'd be this 1950's glamour wife that could do it all. Ummmm, no. If the house can be picked up in 30 minutes and be company ready, I call that success. The laundry gets done regularly, folded, and put away through the week. Where is it now? In a chair in the living room calling my name. (Do you hear it???) Lol.

But, I also squeeze in MANY other things that would not usually be done without taking time off from a go-to-work job. Like all the appts. for everyone (making them and taking them), budgetting the household bills, paying them, buying everything for the house, going to the BMV (was there this morning), and countless other errands.

One of the last people hit the nail. Some days you have lazy days, and other go, go, go days. (Doesn't everyone? Even in the work place??)

Like a recent person asked on here this past week, you have to find YOUR balance. It is not easy at first, but I feel WELL WORTH IT.

If you are used to eating out all the time, getting your nails done, buying new clothes all the time, having the nicest cell phone, a nice car, etc., and that is important to you, then you really need to figure out if this something you can do. It is a financial sacrifice (for us anyway...and hubs makes a decent salary).

Like Cherly mentioned, there are ways to cut corners and save cash. Yes, it takes effort to do so. But, for every dollar I can save, it means the family can do something more...just in a different way. My kids look stinking adorable in their clothes....you would be surprised they are second hand or clearanced items. I get my hair colored and cut regularly....but at Fantastic Sams. We have an awesome swingset in the backyard that I found on a deep discount clearance. My kids have new bikes that I bought last fall on Black Friday. My point, my kids DO NOT go without. I've just learned to make it happen by being very frugile, and cutting corners. We have older (nice looking) cars with no payments that are paid off. We have old DUMB phones....which we will upgrade soon, but I'm shopping the best possible route....and have been for a few months now.

My advice? Figure out your expectations, and see if you can really make it work. I think it is worth every moment to be home with my kids. I PERSONALLY didn't have kids to have someone else to raise them. I had infertility for 6 years before having my first. These kids mean everything to me.....so I'm sure I am a little bit more biased about the SAHM thing. :)

Good luck with your decision. I wish you the best whether you SAH or not. :)

my routine is to take care of my kids first.. then take care of the house errands and other things.

I do not send my kids to day care so I can get a break. I did hire a babysitter for approximately 4 hours every week or two so I coudl do errands quickly and efficiently.

I would send a4 or 5 year old child to preschool for 2 or 3 1/2 days a week for the socialization and prep for school.

We get up-- I shower every day.. get dressed.. eat breakfast kids do a couple of worksheets. they play .. I do laundry dishes general clean up. my daughter has pm kindergarten so I drive her to school.. my son and I come home. We go to the library for story time whenever it is offered. We go to the pool for a swim some mornings, we go to chuck e cheese for fun about once a month. we go to parks when the weather is nice.. we have fun.

Your 2 year old should nap and your 4 year old should be able to play so you can get work done around the house.

stay home it is a great life.

Usually if you want preschool you send them at 3 or 4 years of age... we had my son (will be 5 on 6/15) in preschool, but pulled him out about a month ago & I started working with him at home.

My day (w/ 8 yr old, 6 yr old, 4 yr old, 19 mo old & 5 mo old) is usually this...
6:30 am give baby bottle & start coffee
7:15 others up to get ready for school or walk
7:45 walk 2 kids (8 & 6 yr olds) to school (they get breakfast at school)
8:00 home breakfast for 2 kids & mommy - baby put down for nap
then play time for kids & mommy clean-up time (laundry, dishes, sweep floors, ect.) or run errons with hubby (he does home repairs & we like to go get supplies with him),
10:30-11:00 baby gets bottle - then it's time to get lunch ready
noon - 1:00 lunch & Sesame street
1:00 - nap for babies (19 & 5 mo olds) & class time for 4 yr old
2:15 - walk to school to pick-up 2 kids
2:30 - homework w/ school kids while giving baby a bottle - then play time for all kids (or we go for a walk in the park)
5:30 - bottle for baby
6:00 - start dinner if not already started
7:00 - dinner, baths & bed
8:30/9:00 bedtime & baby's last bottle of the night
then when all the kids are in bed, hubby & I have cuddle time while we watch a little tv

Sorry but I agree w/ your hubby... if you are home the kids should be as well. Will help with the budget thing too.

Edited: BTW being a SAHM is a hard job... your life is the family all the time, there is little outside adult time & money is usually a lot tighter which means you have to cut things out to make ends meat. Not to metion you have very little if any me time... I even have a hard time finding alone time when I'm using the bathroom. But it is also so rewarding... I am hoping to remain a SAHM & will as long as I can!

My kids are much older than most on here and all grown and gone but I stayed at home with all of them. We had 8 so we didn't do day care/preschool at all. The kids played, helped me do chores according to age and ability, etc., we read books, we talked, they played outside and with each other as more were added to the family. I never found a dull moment and never was bored, maybe a bit overwhelmed on some days depending on the day. I treasure those days so much and am so thankful I was able to be home with the kids. I also had them play in their rooms quietly or nap at a certain time of the day and that gave me time to do things I needed to that were not as easy when they were up or to read or rest. Usually that was not resting. :-) You will find a routine that works for you and that is part of your life and home. I don't know if there's a church or other preschool near you for the 4 year old soon to 5 year old but you can also teach a lot at home to prepare for kindergarten but if you are looking for the social interaction there should be a preschool that is near for half day but I found with my kids it just was such a short time it wasn't what I wanted at that time and all our kids did fine in school.

If you can still afford it, I don't see anything wrong with keeping daycare 2 days/week. It WOULD give you a big block of uninterrupted time to accomplish things.
As for a schedule? LOL! Your best bet, imo, is to have a loose schedule then be prepared to be really, REALLY flexible.
I'll assume they nap. Maybe up before kids, do a load of laundry, plan dinner, ( & thaw, etc), get the kids up, fed, dressed then an errand or an outing, home for lunch, naps (during the naps you can do some house stuff), make dinner, play, baths, bed. Repeat. Like Groundhog Day!
My son did 2 half day/week nursery school at 3, 3 half day preschool at 4 and K at 5.

I am happy for you that you can do this! It is fun, and what I found saved my sanity is mom friends! Setting up playdates, can be really really lifesaving. And going out and doing things most days is also really crucial.
Get the 4 yo in preschool right away. I think it is a must so big kid school isn't such a big step. My kids started at age 3, with a few days a week for a couple hours each time. My 4 yo is now in a full day pre-k (9-3) and she'll be in K in the fall.

As far as routines, (this applies to summer vacation, obviously they're in school now). We have two types of days. A lazy day and a get up and go day. On a lazy day, we're in pjs till noon at least, and watch tv all morning, and eat breakfast on the couch. Shh don't tell the mamapolicia. If it's nice out, we'll get dressed and play in the backyard after lunch or go to the playground or go for a walk. If it's not nice out, we drive to Barnes and Noble, or the library, or the children's museum or mcdonalds.
Or we have playdates with friends over, or they go to a friend's house. Or go to the zoo or aquarium. Or if it's summer, go to the beach or sprinkler park, or just in our pool in the backyard.

If it's a get up and go, we're dressed in the morning, and leave the house. The baby still naps (he's 1) so he takes a long nap in the am. The girls are not of course napping. We have lunch around 12. We have a snack in the afternoon, dinner around 6. My kids wake up in the morning anywhere from 7 - 8 am and go to sleep between 7:30 and 8 at night.

PS If you can afford it there is NOTHING wrong with having the kids do something else like camp or daycare or whatever 2 x a week. Yes, you need a break. YES it is VERY HARD to get things done like picking up drycleaning, going to the postoffice, food shopping, buying birthday gifts, etc etc etc while having three young children!!!!

I think you and your husband need to first sit down and discuss what each other's expectations are and do a budget with just one salary to see if you can still afford daycare and all the extras that can come with two salaries. It does not sound like you are both on the same page. I do the cleaning, laundry, household bills, errands, doctors, etc. I have a 7month old and a 3.5year old. First and foremost is the care of my children. Everything else is secondary. That means that some days the house is a wreck and sometimes it's spotless. My husband knows this and understands this. My 3.5yo may or may not go to preschool in the fall or ever. But I don't believe that preschool is necessary, shocking I know. If we do decide to send her it will be through our church. Does your 4yo miss the cutoff for Kindergarten? You say late summer, to me that means before August 31st.

I really don't have a routine and some will probably say they have a strict routine. My kids are 10 and 5. I became a SAHM when my oldest was 5 and I was pregnant with my youngest. When she was younger I of course had a routine with her with her meals and naps. When she turned 3 she started preschool 4 days a week from September to May. She did that again this year and will go to kindergarten in the fall.
In the summer time, I let them pretty much decide what the routine is. Sometimes we have days that we curl up on the couch and watch movies all day. They help me with the yard work, grocery shopping and cleaning of the house.

My house is not spotless, nor does my husband expect it to be. There are times he comes home from work and I still have no clue what to do for dinner. I became a SAHM to enjoy and spend this time with my kids.

One suggestion though, just make sure you make time for yourself. I became a Partylite consultant to get out of the house a couple nights a week and it gives me some "me" money. I could not do this though without the support that my husband gives me.

good for you for thinking this through so carefully!
first off, you and your dh need to work through your differences carefully and with sensitivity to each other's POV. you really need to be on board with each other, and that means a little compromise and a lot of support.
routines are so individual it's almost impossible for anyone to help you with yours. it can be helpful to see how others do it, just don't expect yours to look like that. and however it starts out, expect it to change<G>.
i think you're right to look at daycare as something for YOU, not the kids. you will need a break from time to time and it's not the end of the world to use daycare for that purpose. is your husband's objection the expense, or that he wants you to be fully in 100% of the time, or is it a subtle punishment ie 'you're not working, dammit, you MUST make this your new drudgery.' the answer to that will make a big difference to what the best solution is. kids don't 'need' to be home all the time any more than they 'need' daycare or pre-school (the notion that children can't be socialized with a school structure is very modern and quite wrong. any woman who has a fairly normal social life and knows other moms and kids will naturally create 'socialization opportunities' without it having to be formal, structured, paid-for, labeled or overseen by professionals. seriously.) but of course they do need to run wild with other kids, and you need to let your hair down with other women, so make sure you're taking that into account as you plan for this move.
your kids also need to learn how to entertain themselves at home without other kids to distract them and without mom to provide them with endless 'enrichment.' and you need time to veg. plan for that too.
make a list of priorities and figure out how that will work, ie if a sparkling kitchen is something you can't live without, time to clean it daily needs to be factored in. if your dh can't live without a hot meal ready at 6, the schedule will need to accommodate that. this isn't something you 'get' to do, it's a change the whole family will be embracing, so make sure your husband is in a 'what do i need to do to make this work' headspace, not just giving you a list of demands for what he feels you should do in return for him doing you this favor (not saying your dh is, but some do.)
good luck!
khairete
S.

Your daycare provider can be a great resource in telling you about their routine there, so that you can follow it somewhat, which will help with the transition and give you some structure.

I totally support you having the kids in day care a day or two. If you have time for self care, cleaning the house, etc., you will be more grounded and more present to your kids when they are there.

4 is the typical age that people around here put their kids in preschool.

Good luck! I think SAHMs are very brave!

I always had my kids in preschool but not daycare. There is no need to have someone watch the kids all the need is the education and socialization part which doesn't take all day.

Really everything is about what is in the budget. If you are counting on not paying for preschool/daycare as part of the new budget then that is how it must be.

I never put my kids in anything during the summer, everyone deserves a summer break. Well except me now since I work. :( Well I do cut down to four days working during the summer so I can play with the kids too. :)

there is no such thing as a typical day :) each family is different. Some families have very set schedules with everything done at the exact time every day with all kinds of things scheduled for play and all that stuff. Other families don't have any kind of schedule and go with the flow the entire day. and there's every option in between.

Before my kids started school, we had a minimal schedule. We woke up when we were ready to wake up, and bedtime was always at about the same time (around 8pm ish) other than that we ate when we were hungry (usually around the same time of day) had dinner around the same time of day (usually around 7pm ish), took naps when we were tired (unless tiredness came at 4pm or later, then nap got skipped for that day).

Once they started school the only part of that that changed was we had a time we had to get up for school, and homework was done right after getting home from school. As other activities got added we just worked those in and went with the flow.

My kids never went to preschool, I didn't think was needed. But that's another individual thing. As for the daycare a couple times a week, if it's what you feel you'll need I'd keep it for now, if you find that it becomes less needed, especially as the older ones are in school and/or preschool you can always dump it later. It's easier to get rid of daycare then it is to find a good one.

You'll come up with a system/schedule that works for you and your family. It'll take some trial and error but it'll all work out.

Definitely look at your budget before you make ANY changes though, and include things like health insurance and such as part of your "income", compare benefits and see what you'll be paying out and all that if you lose a secondary insurance.

Good luck with everything :)

I am a SAHM for our 2yo dd and she has been in preschool since her 2nd bday 3x a week just a.m only. Its important for their social skills. Since starting there she is completly potty trained drinks from a cup has tried differant foods that she would not have tried otherwise and now that I know she like it, it's part of our pantry. As for expectations I take care of the house inside pets too unless I ask for something specific for help with. DH takes care of outside things yard, cars ect. See if there are mom groups in your area to help with the bordom that will come the lack of adult interaction. gl its worth it

I've stayed at home since my oldest was born. I have 6.5, 5.5, & 3.5 yr olds, plus my 10 yr old stepson. Every morning, I get up to make lunch for my stepson and get him on the bus. Three mornings a week, we head to preschool for the 3.5 & 5.5 year old and I spend time running errands or doing things around the house with the 6.5 year old. After I pick them up from preschool, we eat lunch quickly and head to the bus stop to get my 6.5 yr old to pm kindergarten. I have a couple hours to run errands/hang out at home, and then it is back to the bus stop to get my stepson. Then an hour later, we go to the bus stop AGAIN to get my kindergartner! We spend a lot of time at the bus stop! On the non-preschool days, I usually get a slower start and don't get as much accomplished since I don't have to be anywhere (besides the bus stop).
I started my first two in preschool when they were 3 and had/have 2 years before kindergarten- first two days/ week, then three days/week. My youngest will go for three years because he is a borderline bday and I'll be holding him back. All of them LOVE, LOVE preschool! Not only is it wonderful socially, but my older two have a learned a TON and were/are prepared for kindergarten. I tried to put my stepson in preschool and his mom wouldn't allow it. There was a huge difference between his transition and performance in kindergarten vs. my son, who had preschool before kindergarten.
My husband doesn't do ANY housework- NONE. He does do all of the yardwork. He works very, very long hours, usually at least 12-14 hr days, 6 days a week. So, I am in charge of the house and all extra curriculars for the kids.
Next year our schedule will change drastically because we are switching the kids to a different school and I will have three of them in all day. We're also having a baby in July, so things will be extremely hectic here!
I try to do playdates with the kids at least 2-3 times a month and they play with the neighbor a ton. They go to VBS in the summer and usually they play at least 1-2 sports during the year. We also go swimming most days in the summer.
Good luck with your decision.

Lucky mom if you have the option to stay at home with your babies! I have stayed at home since our first child was born 19 years ago and truth be told, it takes adjustment.

First off, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE comes before you because that is now your "job" per se. Of course you know that, that is why you would choose to stay home.

"Me" time will come as you find the routine for your three kiddos. My time goes like this, awake at 5:30 get hubby vitamins and breakfast and see him off by 6ish, sit down and look at email etc, 630ish first set of kiddos prep for school, help them if needed (they are high school and middle school) but they are pretty self sufficient now, see them off at 7, 7:45 prep for the younger ones to get up, make lunches and breakfast, check school folders etc., get them up at 8:00, help them (3 elementary aged) get ready for their day, to the bus stop at 8:35.

If my kindergartner does not have school, she still naps at 1:30 everyday so I have usually until 3 to have "Me" time which still consists of doing house stuff but none the less I have quiet time to clear my head or watch Judge Judy, love her, lol.

I find I have plenty of quiet time in between my "schedule", actually this is the only set schedule I have, get people to work and school happy and on time. I go shopping and do household stuff, volunteer work once a week at the church and school and am still able to get my hair/nails, lunch with a friend or whatever done if it is important to me.

It will take awhile to hit your stride and what I have found, oh well if things get screwed up, regroup by not doing that load of laundry or stop and buy the kiddos McDonalds or whatever to help you get through your day too!

Believe me the laundry, dirty floor, dishes or whatever will still be there when you get home, lol. Like my grandma taught me, give it a lick and a promise, it will still be there tomorrow.

Most importantly though, my husband and I have a good relationship and understanding of even though I have been a stay at home mom for 19 years, I am still a person that has needs too, I screw up and forget stuff, I am human.I think nurturing a strong relationship with my husband has definately been the key to my success and sanity through 6 children! (Our oldest is serving our country now, he will be 20 yo at the end of the year, that is why I didn't have to mention helping him prep for his day, other then when he texts me, which I love to hear from him, I miss him terribly!)

the best advice I can give is ask the daycare what schedule THEY follow cause your kids will already be used to that schedule.
I do wake up - breakfast
2 hrs later - snack
noonish - lunch
immediately after lunch - nap (yes for both kids)
after nap - snack

I've been working p/t since returning to work after our third child. My kids are all at daycare or preschool on the 2 days I'm off, and I spend that time running around like a madwoman: volunteering at my son's preschool or chaperoning on field trips, laundry, groceries, Target, prepping dinner, cleaning, and on and on... My husband totally understands that it's too hard to get that much stuff done with the kids at home, unless you're parking them in front of the TV. Also, it's not really fair to the kids to be carting them along for a bunch of errands and being in and out of the car constantly, especially if they really have fun at their preschool. If being "home" is what's bothering your husband, then maybe compromise on getting a sitter for a few hours 1 day/wk so that you can run those errands. Most of the SAHMs I know still get a sitter for a few hours to get stuff done. It's unfortunate that our only "me" time involves running errands. I catch up on some TiVo recordings while I'm folding laundry. I get a pedicure about once/month and every now and then I go out for a nice lunch.

I would start with your current daycare's schedule and build around that. The 2 year old still needs an afternoon nap, so you'll have to work around that too.

I always tried to run errands in the morning after breakfast. Kids aren't cranky yet. After nap was also a good time to get out and do things (go on an outing). Even if the kids didn't nap, we would have "quiet time" and I would read to them.

In the summer, we were less structured. Lots of outside time!

Good luck and have fun!