Do I Attract Mean People? Am I Bringing It on Myself?

Life is full of unavoidable little conflicts. It sounds to me as if you have a pretty good grip on things, except that you take too many things personally. Perceived snubs are usually just someone with other things on their mind. Practice making excuses for others. Example---someone cuts you off in traffic---they must be really late for something. Someone gives you a dirty look--- they must be mad at someone else. Someone ignores you---they must not have seen me. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you---you just think it does.

Ignore the bad apples and enjoy the sauce of friends you do have. Some things have no rhyme or reason. Like you said, you are at the school to do the tasks you signed up for. Some moms are there for the social status.
They are the lame ones.
Ignore it and keep on chuggin' Chickie, sounds like you are doing a great job!

You answered your own question O.. No-you do not attract mean people. You do not attract them at the church. You do not attract them at Mops. You do not attract them anywhere else but at your child's school. So it is obviously not you-it is them. And not all of them either-just a certain few.

Keep doing what you are doing-go in there, talk to the women you know and ignore the mean group. Pretty soon you will get to know more and more people. The mean girls will be the minority.

Wow.
Great question.
And wonderful insight/sensitivity.
imo.

The fact that this kind of thing happens ONLY at the elementary school,
with people associated with the PTO, etc., suggests it's definitely not YOU.
It's them.

It sounds to me that you're doing a great job,
socializing/chatting with the people who are mutually respectful/friendly with you and avoiding the ones who are not. The ones who are not are not worth your time.

Regarding volunteer work at the school . . . .
hopefully there is some supervision by teachers or school staff.
If an activity is strictly run by the moms, then there might be some potential problems. But you're a wise woman. I think you'll figure out what to do.

Ignore the "mean ones" and embrace the others.

I am amazed how many moms run into this and it bothers them.

I just do not give my attention or energy to these types of people in any situation inside or outside of school.. .. Never have.

I AM always trying to keep a natural smile on my face. I do greet people, if another parent walks in o a situation, I introduce myself.
In school situations, I include my childs name, grade and teacher.. this usually encourages them to do the same.

Just ignore the catty, smirky people.. You do not have time for that stuff..

Updated

Ignore the "mean ones" and embrace the others.

I am amazed how many moms run into this and it bothers them.

I just do not give my attention or energy to these types of people in any situation inside or outside of school.. .. Never have.

I AM always trying to keep a natural smile on my face. I do greet people, if another parent walks in o a situation, I introduce myself.
In school situations, I include my childs name, grade and teacher.. this usually encourages them to do the same.

Just ignore the catty, smirky people.. You do not have time for that stuff..

It sounds like you do have some good, supportive friends and a lot of pleasant experiences outside of this school situation. Focus on the good stuff and the good interactions you have and don't worry about the others. Not everyone is going to be your cup of tea and vice versa.

And sometimes it's a really good thing that the sourpuss girls show their stripes really early on because - trust me on this - it can save you on a lot more heartache down the line. The scenario is always pretty much the same with them. Either they are being rude and obnoxious from the start, in which case you know not to even bother with them. Or, they are superficially nice and polite to your face but will inevitably stab you in the back and gossip about you after you have been lulled into falsely believing that you have been accepted by them. Believe me, the greatest gift they can give you is to give you those "stay away" vibes early on so you know how to protect yourself.

I don't believe that this is some kind of punishment that you have to endure because everyone has to face this kind of exclusion and rude treatment at sometime in their life. But I do think that there is a lesson for you to learn here if you are wise to it. Now you know what it is like to observe the sourpuss girls in person and, hopefully, are turned off by their bratty behavior so you will never want to be one of them yourself.

Just keep being polite and reserved with them. It's not just you that they are doing this to. I'm pretty sure that a lot of women at school probably view them the same way that you do. Just keep your focus on all of the good people that come into your life and realize that how these sourpuss girls behave is really none of your business. These are their crosses to bear, not yours.

It sounds like you have developed some really nice friendship sin and out of school already, notwithstanding these other women. Keep up the good work.

Wow! I understand.
I'm friendly to everyone, but there are the bad apples that try to ruin your day because they judge you before they know you. My grandmother always said, "those that do good have a bright light around them and sometimes the bad wants a piece of that light for themselves; so don't let them steal your joy. Keep your head held high and remember God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

Sounds like you have some snooty moms who get their self-worth from putting others down. I had a woman during a play group say wiht a lilting sweet voice that she loved my home "and you can always upgrade the counter tops later" since we have formica. Evidently marble countertops are high on her prioirity list, just not on mine. But it is still hard to take that kind of backward compliment that is really a put-down. Unfortunately I can always think of the perfect cutting come-back about a day later! In the moment I just feel horrible, but then I discuss it with my husband and all is well. I would run some of these snubs by your real friends, and present it as "you wouldn't believe the silly thing this woman at school said to me". Sometimes just recounting the episode to someone else puts it in perspective and makes brings home the fact that it is them, not you. Keep up the good volunteering work.

For some people it's all about them.

If you can't do something for them (i.e., make them feel "cool" by knowing you for whatever reason) then they just can't be bothered.

Luckily everyone is not like this. Just gravitate toward the nice parents.

Good luck.

You do NOT draw these people into your life. You do NOT desreve bad treatment. Yes, I believe God sends us experiences so we can learn, and it seems that you've learned that you can ignore it, not stoop to that level, and do what needs done! Good for you!

Most people who behave badly are deeply insecure - that's why they feel the need to be indespensible and surrounded by people who compliment them. It's annoying and exhausting, but nothing to do with you. Don't let it get to you.

It's not you, it's them. No matter how nice you are they will be mean. All you can do is ignore them and move on.

I'm thinking you need to ask your close friends from school if they know what the issue is. Without knowing you it's hard to say you are doing x and need to do y. You say you are kind, humble, helpful, etc. So, from where I'm standing, you're great! I've never encountered this, or maybe I'm just oblivious to what is going on and don't notice it. Hang in there!

Maybe you'll get a kick out of this: I recently lost a close relative. My house of worship has a caring committee that provides a consolation basket. I had a previous opportunity to encounter the woman who delivers the baskets. The previous encounter involved her dismissing in a nasty way something I had said to a 3rd woman. So the woman shows up on my doorstep, takes a sidelong glance at me and says "don't I know you from somewhere?". So what I wanna know is, how the heck did she wind up on the... Caring Committee?!?!? LOL

Trust me! Its THEM not you. Let it slide like water off a ducks back!!!

A book by Mary Kay Ash on People Management REALLY REALLY helped me get along with people in such situations. I WORKED with such people everyday, talk about s-t-r-e-s-s.
~A.

SElf confidence is your problem. You attract people who don't have it and they want to bring you down! Don't let them. Be who you are and keep smiling....it sounds like you are working on them and eventually they will come around. Hang in there! You are doing a Great Job by following up on your word! Great thing to teach your children and the kids at school. Even some of the other moms might learn something from you :-)

I agree wholeheartedly with the other respondents who said not to give this your energy, and especially the person who said to not take this stuff personally because most people probably aren't giving it as much thought as you are giving it. You say some of the moms are "trying to make you feel inferior" -- are you sure about that? And, of course, it's a truism that "nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Of course I don't know you, but just from what you've written, it seems that you are letting this get under your skin. There's an undercurrent in your letter that makes it seem as though you have something unresolved -- it almost seems like middle school, "popular girl" stuff all over again. The line about "she was looking scared and that snotty smirk was gone. ROFLOL" made it seem like there's still some kind of chip on your shoulder -- if you truly didn't care, you wouldn't get involved in the drama of it all.

I know it's easier said than done (to say the least). It took me until I was in my mid-thirties (and some pretty big life upheavals) before I truly stopped (mostly) caring what other people think. They're entitled to their opinions, which really have nothing to do with me. You can't please everyone, and it'll drive you insane if you try. The irony of this is that once you stop caring so much about it and start being your true self (which sounds as though it is wonderful and caring, btw!) no matter what the "popular girls" think, you start walking through the world with more ease and less anxiety, and you start attracting people who appreciate that. The other ones start fading into the background because you're just not on the same planet anymore.

Just be yourself, be the best person you can be, and give as little attention as possible to what the "mean girls" do. Think about it -- it sounds like you really don't like or respect these gals all that much anyway, so why do you care about whether they approve of you or not?

It sounds like these moms are not volunteering to help their kids or the school. They are doing it for "popularity", and their emotional maturity must have gotten stuck around 9th grade.

You've gotten some wise advice here already. Those meanies are not worth your worry. They're not likely to change, but the schools and your kids still need you there.

There is certainly a pervasive undercurrent of competition among parents today. I've seen it through my daughter's activities as a volunteer in her daughter's school. But you can't allow others to affect you. If you genuinely love people---in the spiritual sense-- then it will flow through you to them. If they don't accept you or avoid you, you can't feel responsible. I guess it's best described in I Corinthians 13.