Best Response to Rude Queen Bees and Wannabees

it's nothing to do with upper class or white... my son attends a school where the minority is white and make less money .... I have come to realize that a snob is a snob is snob.... they come in all shapes and races.... ALL groups have their clicks.. at my son's school.. ir's Phillippino and Spanish... if you don't speak the language... often you aren't spoken to ...
As for handling the situation... It was tough at first in that I come from a place that when another says hi , you say hi back... well after I got over being upset, I then decided that hey.. I am not changing the who I am because someone else doesn't say... I continue to say hi and if I get a hi back.. then so be it. if not... who cares.. their loss.. I finally got tired of caring if people like me or not or accept me.... forget about the queen bees and just be you... in the end, it all doesn't really matter..

I like all the responses below. I know those of us with money, never act like it. We want to be liked for us. I wear JCPenney clothes because the walmart ones wore out too fast. I have nothing that costs over $30 in my closet except a wedding dress.

I know we joined a pool that charges $60 per month per family. It is affordable and many working families swim daily. I was surprised people made comments I could hear, but kept walking with my head up and my fat butt out. I didn't have the nerve to wear a bikini, but I considered it. LOL

There was a group of THOSE WOMEN wearing full makeup, hair done, and designer clothes blocking the pool entrance and really trying to get attention. Several women refused to join again. They said they were not going to be treated like that. I begged the nice moms to join me. I only got three to go, but we were normal and nice and had someone to talk to. We ignored those women and by the end of the second year, they don't come anymore. LOL WE WON and the kids play with everybody. And their kids all begged them to get in the pool like us(lowly, fat) moms did. They really hated that which was funny to watch . "Don't get me wet!" "My makeup!"
One child even said "You are in a pool and you are going to get wet." LOL

I don't think there's much you can do except ignore them. I've been on the receiving end of the local Queen Bees' disgust. To make matters worse, my husband's ex-wife is one of them! Another was my daughter's Girl Scout leader. Once she decided not to lead that troop anymore, she made it a point to snub me at every school event. These are pathetic women who were the cliquish, popular girls in high school and never grew out of it. Never grew up. In time you'll find the friendly folks who are down to earth and enjoy your company. Keep smiling, be polite and gracious with everyone and don't worry about those middle-aged train wrecks.

my hubby and I have been in those shoes...kind of on both ends. we have a very good income, a nice house but we dont 'look the part'...we could care less either. I dont wear make up unless we have to go to a black tie event with his work...usually its for charity for one of the sports teams in our area or the zoo. When we do that I get all dolled up and then everyone wants to be my best friend. However on any other given day, I wear jeans and a t shirt ect. I have been snubbed by people like you are describing. You are nice in saying hi to them more than once. The best thing to do is nothing...just act like they dont even exist. Your time would be better spent spending the extra min thinking about your family or other people you care about than to worry about how to please those ladies. They will never accept you unless they want to use you for something that would benifit them. Sorry it may sound terrible to say but its true. I would spend hours trying to please people only to be disappointed when my phone calls would go unreturned...so heck with those ladies..just know that they are probably really superficial and are only trying to look the 'upper crust' part...most people who act the part are very far from it....because the people that are the upper crust...usually dont view themselves as upper crust....hope that makes sense

it is difficult and i completely understand. i think this happens everywhere, esp. in places where people tend not to move. meaning, they grew up there, went to school there, married there, and had children there. that is their life. all their life. volunteering in school is a big part of it. it really will make no sense to an outsider, but i do think it's important to create a few 'friendships' for your child's sake (or children).
i am having to do the exact same thing. i heard comments like 'rich' moms look down on others. my husband heard it too and he turns around and says: and we're doing bad? it's not that. i don't think that's all, i thik they will either like you or not, but you should try to create some sort of social life for yourself so that your kids can enjoy playdates and such.
i am in the exact same situation. it was so frustrating in the beginning, because i do not have the time, energy, or will to be with the 'in' crowd, but don't want to be lonely either. so i tried meeting a lot of new moms. i did. and then i decided who i had things in common with. i am still very nice to everyone but have a circle of 2-3 moms who we all get along, and have get togethers.
jokingly, i always say, if someone is mean or bullies my kid i don't see straight. yes, i say it in a joke, but i really mean it, and whoever hears me knows it i am not joking. this is important to me, and it's important to me for everyone to know, including my kids, that I will take care of business if my kids are ever ever bullies or talked to mean or put down or anything like that. but the fact that i know the moms i think chances of this happening is slim.

Luckily we live in a very down to earth area, but I have lived in several cities in the past with the rich clicks in other social settings. Actually, we do have some wannabe snobs here, but they're so not scary to me after dealing with the real thing. I'm always confronting people with questions when i think they're attempting some sort of 'tude. Once someone is forced to answer you about something-anything, they sort of fear you and move on to the next person they think they can intimidate.

I agree you should just go talk to them when they look the other way after staring you down. Walk up like you totally missed that they attempted to blow you off. Your heart doesn't have to be in it, and you don't have to be nice. Just be aggressive like, "Oh hi, Priscilla, I meant to ask you, where did your son get his back pack?" point blank. Make it a question she has to answer. She will SO not want to talk to you, but you'll be in her face, and she WILL avoid provoking you next time.

When they greet who you're talking to and not you, interrupt and ask where they got their shirt (dont' say it's nice or anything, make it sort of cryptic, maybe even a slightly distasteful expression when you ask-ham it up-who cares). Make sure it's a question, not a greeting they can ignore.

Other than that, I would very openly never give them the time of day OR show them any respect. Don't hesitate to talk about their rudeness when you feel like it and name names. Stare at them and when they turn away, go walk in front of them still staring-hilarious! whatever you feel like on any given day. They're basically bullies who have found an easy target.
I hope you get to move one day-doesn't sound like a great environment for kids to develop social skills and kind gracious open hearts....

They sound like bitches and not worth your friendship and definitely not worth worrying about. Sometimes time fixes these things, but if they are a click do you want to be like them, I'd say NOT.
Most likely your kids are not noticing it, so don't bring it to their attention.
You cant make everyone like you, EVER, so don't waste your time trying. You say you have some friends, just stick with them and let things roll the way they are gonna roll.
Always smile and say hi, that will piss them off.

Hatred stirs up disputes, but love covers all offenses.
-- Proverbs 10:12

I haven't yet read the other answers.
I am grateful every day of my life that I live in a place
where such things are not commonplace or, if they are,
I have not ever experienced them.

I think you should continue to be the reasonable person you are,
and do NOT compromise your values by "playing nice"
with these jerks/hypocrites/big FROGS in small pond.

I think you also should be on very good terms
with your children's teachers to stay in touch
with how things are going in school.

I don't think you need to socialize with the queen bee women.
I'm guessing you previously lived in a place where people
didn't play these kinds of "games",
where people said what they meant and meant what they said.

The stupid frog people will probably not change.
They are used to being however they are.
I'm glad you've found some women to be friendly with.
I believe there are probably other people there
with whom you can have good friendships.

There is no reason for you to have any interactions with ugly frog people.
Don't try to get them to meet you on your level.
And don't sink to their level.

Good luck.

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A couple of ideas I had after reading the other answers.

First, I believe I understood that you mentioned "white and good income"
simply to indicate that whatever the criteria were for these frog people
you believe you meet the apparent one.

I prefer to call them frogs rather than bees.
Bees are pretty; frogs are ugly.

Second . . . and this may be too weird but I'm throwing it out there anyway.
If you have the kind of mirror that opens like a book . . .
not a small compact size mirror but one the size of a paperback book,
you might want to carry it with you and,
when one of these frogs stares at you,
open the mirror so that it reflects her face back to her.
This idea comes from a science fiction novel I read many years ago.

Don't let them get you down - but don't become one of them. Smile, talk to them IF they ever speak to you but ALWAYS say hello when passing. It shows everyone else who the bigger person is and will also make them think you haven't noticed their behavior. Blow them off - who cares who they think they are. YOU know who YOU are and killing them with kindness sometimes is a better "gotcha"!!!! It also won't eat at your insides!!! Just do the RIGHT thing whether they do or not. You can only be responsible for YOU!! Your kids and others ARE watching - just be you.

The best way FOR ME to deal with these overgrown adolescents is to do as your friend did and be super nice to them, engage them in conversation, compliment their adorable tykes. Play a part! Overdo it if you must! Alternate Plan B is to ignore and rise above. Have a smile on your face and never let them know they're bothering you. Whatever, don't sink to their level. The truly nice people will notice and the Queen Bees will get tired of your lack of response and move on to the next victim. At that point, you get to help the next victim. Good luck.

Keep doing what you know is right. Where do you think the bully learned his trade from. Right. His mother. You are right and they are bullies. Stick to your own kind. You sound just right to me.

L.

Been there, lived that, sometimes still live that. I have lived in a small town for 20+ years now. Most of the friends I have are "new" to town. If you research enough, you will probably find out that those moms were born and raised there. They just don't want outsiders moving into town and disrupting their status quo.
Sounds like you have 2-3 good friends. Just work on those relationships but don't lower yourself and be rude to the others or talk about them.
As for them telling stories about you-the people who get to know you will know they are false and you are probably not the 1st person they have done this to. In time, you will probably discover that the people who heard stories about you from them will ignore them.
Good luck and don't let these ladies rob you of any pleasure you take in participating in your kids lifes-you are there for your kids and not them!!

I do not have any great wisdom. I just wanted to say I feel for you. Women can be catty. Just be your best self! Volunteer at the school too. Be a Beacon of Light for all. No need to be Southern to be gracious and charming in the face of witchiness! cb