Divorce and Name Change

As a child of divorce, I have a different perspective. My mom didn't change her name, but my step brother was the only one in his home with his last name (stepmom's 3rd marriage, first one had 3 kids, second just the one and none with marrying my dad) anyway, it used to get him down so badly he'd come home from school crying (he's got a great race-car driver kind of name) and he'd say he wished his name was the same as his mom & my dad. I can totally see why he was upset, no one in the world was like him, I think with having changed so much, having the same last name might help with adapting to the new life together.

D.

I never changed my name, nor did most of my sisters and friends, so I don't think it would be a big deal to just return to your maiden name. Following a divorce, if I had changed my name, I would expect I would want to "reclaim" my own name and return to the ex "his" name. The school, your colleagues, your friends' kids and your kid's friends will totally understand. It happens all the time and it is easy to just update teachers and school directories with your correct new name. Getting a professional license changed or a new drivers license takes some running around, but it is do-able for sure.

And if your son's friends' actually notice and then actually ASK, just reply, "My name is Ms. Y now since I am no longer married to Mr. X. It may take you a while to get that down, but no worries if you forget and call me Mrs. X for a while, too!"

I doubt relatives or colleague will say ANYTHING, since it is pretty obvious why an adult women would switch her last name. Good luck and stay strong!

I think it is totally up to you, your son will adjust either way. That being said, just wanted to give you my own story. My parent's divorced when I was in highschool. My mom kept her married name and still has it to this day. It was her kid's last name and I guess that's just how she saw it. She just used Ms. instead of Mrs. My father has since remarried and his new wife also has his last name, so I guess now there are two Ms. XXXX, but that doesn't matter. I think it would have been a bit weird if my mom had went back to her maiden name since we never knew her by that, neither did our friends, or the schools, but I'm sure we wouldn't have been laying on the therapist's couch over it ,if she had decided to give up my dad's name. =) Good Luck, just do what feels most comfortable to you.

From my personal experience with this I kept I married name since I had children who were school age. Their friends knew me as Mrs xxx, the school if they needed to call would ask for Mrs xxx, etc, to me it would have been too much of a change in their lives all at once. By the time I got remarried the boys were older (in their teens) at which time they understood I would be changing my name again and they were fine with it.
Just my reason for keeping my married name.
R.
http://www.mythirtyone.com/yourbaglady

Your choice - just depends on how eager you are to are to get rid of your married name. I wouldn't worry about the difference of your name vs. your child's last name - it will always be your son. You can't hurt your ex anymore than the fact that you are divorcing. That moment is done - look to the future. Should you remarry, you'll be revisiting this question.

Good luck.