M.R.
M., you have gotten some excellent and frankly tough advice here. It's true that the boundaries you describe aren't really boundaries. I'm not going to repeat all that good advice given below (please re-read Diane B's in particular) but am just going to add a couple of points.
Near the top of your post you mention that you "asked her to turn her music down or I would throw her speaker out of the window." I totally get the exasperation that can drive a comment like that toward a teen but -- is this typical of how you speak to her? The "or I'd throw her speaker out" is a red flag; if you couldn't stop at saying, "Please turn your music down" there's a problem. As others noted, where are the consequences for her? Tossing out her speakers is not a consequence. Do you have real consequences that she knows about in advance?
For example: You ask her to turn the music down. "Please turn down the music." She doesn't and you then say calmly, "Please turn it down. This is the second time I'm asking this. If I get to a third time, it goes all the way off, and you will lose your phone for the rest of the day and tonight." Or she loses whatever she will feel the loss of -- TV time, an outing, whatever. But there are advance warnings to her and a very, very clear statement about how doing (or not doing) thing X will result in consequence Y. Did you do this when she was little? It's totally applicable to a teen, too. Do it.
Think about this: When you say, "I wont give her rides anywhere until she talks to me respectfully for a period of time (maybe a couple of weeks)," that is very vague. What do you mean by "talk respectfully"? Specifically? You may feel she "ought to know" without being told, but apparently she doesn't, so and she AND DAD need to have that conversation. Not a shouting argument -- a laying out of rules at a calm time. And "a period of time" is totally unclear; she has no idea if you just mean "forever" by that; you can say "a few weeks" but in her head she hears "as long as mom wants, so, forever."
I strongly suggest you, dad and daughter need family counseling and you and dad need parenting help. There is no shame or stigma in getting an outside, objective, third party professional to look at your parenting and your family dynamics. Please consider it.
I want to second Diane when she says that if you don't fix this ASAP, you AND DAD (get it? He's got to be on board) will be doing daughter a huge disservice.That's why involving someone outside the home could be a huge help.
One other thing that jumped out at me. She is disappearing from your house for hours and hours, apparently on school nights too, and walking around "in the countryside." Why does she not have enough schoolwork and enough organized activities that she is too busy simply to vanish? Does she have any activity that she likes and values? A club, hobby, sport, artistic activity, anything at all? So she just defies you and goes out the door (or out a window)? You may need to require her to join some activities if she has that much free time on her hands. And because you drive her, you can know she gets to the activities.
I too wonder if the friends she's going to meet are also under-occupied and have too much hanging out time. Frankly, hanging out is not good for many teens, and your daughter is flat-out defying you to go do just that.
If she will stay in the house if dad says to, he needs to start being home when she gets home from school, even if that means he has to rearrange work for a month or so. If you need to do whatever is necessary so she can't get out windows or walk out of the house, do that. And get all of you into counseling ASAP and her into activites that she chooses and that you cheerfully support - but that she has to attend.