Disciplining - Redwood City,CA

I don't do timeouts.

Instead, they need to do what they're supposed to (or not do what they're not supposed to). I follow through. Sometimes I let it rest for a little bit then go back to the follow through. (I don't need to shout either -though sometimes I do when I get too exasperated.) This way they know that what needs to happen *will* happen. A timeout can be a "pass" from doing something I want the consequence be that things still need to be done.

ugh...my son is WAY high-energy and over-reacts quite a bit. I don't know if you would call it a time-out or just a cool-off period. But probably 3-5 times a day he has to sit down and calm down. Once a day or so he gets sent to his room because he won't sit down like I asked. We try talking to him first and if that doesn't work, or if 1 warning of "don't tackle your brother" doesn't work, he gets a time out in his room.

No more than once a day, or twice on a particularly "bad" day. If your child is in time out often, it's not an effective discipline strategy because apparently being in time out is not teaching him/her to stop the behaviors that send her there. Also, if your child needs to be disciplined over and over again, you need to get to the root of the problem. Does he/she need more one-on-one time with you? Does the child need more time AWAY from you spent in a structured environment with other children? Why is the child misbehaving to get your attention?? Have you set realistic, age appropriate boundaries/rules and made your expectations clear?

It depends what you mean. I always enforce time-outs when he is in time-out.

How often is he in time-out? It really depends. Time-out is not our primary discipline method. We use time-outs only in the following circumstances:
- an unacceptable behavior (he knows the list, but basically it is aggressive behaviors, hitting, biting, kicking, pushing... or dangerous ones such as running on parking lots/sidewalks) I think he has about one/week, usually for pushing his little sister;
- failure to do something or stop doing something after we ask 3 times (we do the 1, 2, 3 magic) This one is very rare, he usually obeys at one or two. For that, he also have other consequences (like toy taken away if he misuses it or refuses to share

All discipline strategies together, I would say he gets "punished" (time outs or other) 3-4 times a week. But, then, some days would be several times when something is going on.
Also, for any given offense, we ALWAYS consistently give the same consequence. As he grows, we add new rules (staying quiet at dinner time, no jumping on the sofa...) and generally the first days when we add a new rule, he "tests" the limits and consistency so has more consequences.

Also, we pick up our battles, so that there are not too many forbidden behaviors (so less punishments) and we often talk with him about his feelings and behaviors instead of punishing.

This is an interesting question. I'm not totally sure I understand what you are asking, but I will take a shot at it from what I think you are saying.

If you mean, how often do I enforce the discipline I have stated for my child, the answer should be 100% of the time (of course, I don't follow through like I should everytime, but that is the *right* answer). It is pointless to have a disciplinary method and not follow through. How hard that is on the child!

But, if you are asking how often do we use time out, the answer is never. We don't do time outs. We don't do restrictions. We believe those methods prolong the restoration of relationships. We want quick, just, fair discipline, and then a restoration of relationships as quickly as possible. We don't want our children to learn to live without us and be happy about it. We want them to desire and long to be close with us. So, we facilitate that as much as we are able.
I hope I answered what you were asking! :)

Um, just about never? Well, my kids are all teens now, way too old for time outs, but I was very lax in enforcing them, and my kids still turned out great. So if imposing discipline isn't your forte, you can still end up with a good kid.

R., as the mom of 5 and the Grandmother of several, I answer this one with caution. It really depends on the child. Some could be in time out all day and not have it work. When what they really need is a more active and stimulating enviroment. Children ae created to be busy and curious and want to learn things and when they aren't they get boredand in trouble.
We have a stair case-- the more trouble they are in the higher they have to sit** BUT** at each place there happens to be a window, a bird cage, or something they can see and redirect themselves by and not just being bored. If they ae in real trouble they have a barstool to sit on that they all seem to think is the worst.
Again I am a pretty tough love mom and make the punishment fit the childs needs to get their attention not my own punishment.

They say 1 minute for each year. So 3 mins for a 3 year old etc.

Ya know, it really depends on your child, their age & what you feel is important to punish. Our older so is almost 10 so time outs are getting rare as he's a bit too old for them. For him, it's starting to be loss privledges. Our younger son is 5 & we use time outs for him. Some days, no time outs, some days a few. A general rule of thumb for length of time out is their age. So for example, our son is 5 so he's in time out for 5 miutes. As another reponded, if you find yourself timing out a lot, it's losing effectiveness. There are times we send our boys to their rooms to cool off & have some time to get a grip & that we don't refer to as time out. Good luck!