Discipline

Girl email me..... I have a 16 yr old boy and have been through it all.... Am still going thru issues. My son just got sent to High Point. We live in Humble. Sometimes just support is all you can get. my email address is ____@____.com.

find out what her future goals are then do research on schooling for that and GPA's that are needed to get there. find someone in that field who is willing to talk with her. 17 is legal age to work make them get a job and start being responsible for themselves it worked for my brother who is just turned seventeen in september.

I can understand your problems but I don't have a ready solution except to pray.....I have a 13 yr that has the exact same problems as your 15yr old and I have her in counseling.......There is a great counselor that we see in the Kingwood area named Susan Corley....Give her a call.....

You got a lot of good advise here. One subject though to take seriously is to check and see if she is getting into drugs? Who she is hanging out with when she skips school? I was her age once and did it. I'm in Spring in the Spring School District. There is a big problem with teens & drugs here. I know I have heard about it in Humble & Kingwood too. Some of kids here are in a program a parent told me about called Pidap(think thats how its spelled)in Kingwood. Its a drug treatment program.
You may think about her taking a drug test. Don't tell her you will, just do it. If she knows she has to take a drug test, she will try to stay clean to pass it. There is a Texas Med Clinic on Northpark Dr. They do drug tests, costs like $30 to $40 I think. Her friends could be the ones to get her into trouble like skipping school, drugs, etc. You need to talk to her about her friends. Tell her that if any of her friends are taking drugs or skipping school, she needs to realize this is unacceptable behavior and can lead to nothing but trouble. She needs to walk away from those situations. She needs to be smart in picking out her friends. I am going through this with my 14 yr. old son right now. Its tough when you are a teenager, when you get older you realize how stupid you were back then.
If you ever need to talk, you can call me. My cell is ###-###-####.
D.

Hi I have a similar problem. My daughter is 14 and she seems to hate everything, my mom says it's just her age. I live in the same area (Splendora) as you and I have recently enrolled her in a counseling program at the YMCA. We also go as a group to the various programs ( yoga, pump) We do it as a group and that has seemed to help alot more that the nagging I was doing before. At first she didn't want to go now she come home from school and gets ready and is excited everyday. Even if the YMCA isn't for you a group activity might help you to reconnect with your daughter. Then maybe she will open up and listen to you.

Tried spending one on one time together with no agenda in mind. Also find a good church in the area, tons to choose from. We love woodridge.org off Kingwood Dr and Willow Terrace, fantastic youth program for her to get plugged into a good group of kids her age.

Hi H.,
What has worked with mine (all boys) is we actually made a chore chart (kitchen, livingroom, bathrooms, and yard) and along with that I made a list of everything that is expected to be completed for each chore. There are four of us so we rotate weekly and we have a deadline of Thursday evening to get the jobs complete. If they are not, then they do not go anywhere that weekend.

For grades they get grounded if they bring home anthing lower than a C (unless there is really a problem).

I think it works so well because everything that is expected of them is laid out on paper and so are the consequences (no guessing at all, no excuses!). And what teenager wants to stay home on the weekends!

Good luck it can be a very trying age. But just remember this too will pass you just have to be strong and know there will be many battles of the wills. They are trying to be so independent but they still think and act like a kid. The best advice I can give you is to find a way to connect with her and really talk to her. She needs to know you are there to love and support her but as a mother not her friend. She needs to have clear definitions of what you expect from her and you need to be very involved with her daily life: school and personal. You may find there is a reason for the behavior and grades falling past what you can see...

Start takin ipods,cell phones etc. away from her. She needs to earn them back. Grounding her until her grades come up. I know it sounds impossiable. You have to stick to it though. Try talking to her asking her why the change.

Hi H.,
I'm not too sure on how to advise on discipline... just wanting you to know you aren't alone! I have one the same exact age but a boy and i love him dearly, but he is a pain!
He thinks he's king of the world basically, and it's like he's in second grade and i have to check on his grades constantly to make sure he isn't failing. He has snuck out, goes to detention at school for doing dumb things, because he doesn't think about consequences and basically wants everything handed to him. He has a good heart and is very likeable, so i always have hope, and you need to too! We are fairly new to the area, so i decided to stop lagging and get our family to church because i wasn't setting a very good example on even disciplining myself not to be lazy. Other then that, i've tried everything also... grounded, staying on top of things, etc. It comes down to, if i can't trust him to make wise decisions... then his privileges are obviously going to be low and that's what i tell him. He thinks he will drive at 16, he has a lot to prove, so i am hoping that is what will straighten him up and get serious. I've told him, respectfulness, honesty, and keeping his grades up will get him a permit, that's it! If he can't do that, then he is not ready to get behind a wheel. I just keep praying for my son, and my husband and i do our best to show him love, but patience can be tough! Just know you aren't alone! Feel free to write back,
Mom of teenager also.. aka INSANE :)

Dear H.,

I have to admit that I was a tough teenager as well and my own mother always threatens me that she hopes my daughter (now 3) puts me through the same! Isn't that terrible!! But what I can remember is that what meant the most to me was that my mother respected me, was proud of me, treated me with trust, and that I MATTERED. That's a tough one, because as mothers we must always think that all the things we do for our children should show them how much they matter, but maybe that's not how they see it. They figure, that's our job! So possibly you could take her out to dinner, just the two of you and you can have a "woman to woman" chat with her, let her know how much she matters to you and that being a mother you know that at 16 life seems to slowly tick by, but in the grand scheme of things life goes by in the blink of an eye. Instead of ramming the idea that if she doesn't get good grades now, she'll never have a chance at college- ask her what she'd like to do when she finishes high school. Would she like to be an artist, a teacher, would she like to travel around the world, maybe join the peace corp? And also, as a parent, leave behind yourself the idea that if she doesn't get good grades she will have no future. I had a very tough childhood and school was the last thing on my mind. I BARELY graduated from highschool, though I did receive my diploma, not a GED, and I went on to go to Santa Barbara City College- city colleges accept anyone regardless of highschool grades, and I later transferred to the University of California, Santa Barbara. Not only did I save tons of money by going to a CC, but I also had a much better education as the student teacher ratio there was 1:35 instead of 1:500 like UCSB. I only went to Community college for my general ed. studies and was at UCSB for my major. I graduated from UCSB with a 3.7 GPA. I later worked for the NBA and just quit my job for Microsoft- I was a Corporate Training Manager who had a team of 6 people under me, as well as contributed to training a sales field of over 40,000 Microsoft employees. So erase these thoughts of your own, that you may have, (I am totally assuming here, so please don't take it wrong) that she will be a failure if she doesn't get great grades. Just let her know that she may end up at a Community College without good high school grades. I am now married to an amazing man I met while traveling through Spain and have a beautiful daughter, and a wonderfully blessed life. And please don't think that I believe that you are thinking she will be a failure if she doesn't do well in high school, I am just letting you know that if that's a worry of yours, it is possible to let that go, and in turn it may help the way you approach her with your concerns. I would talk to her candidly, and honestly about how your life was at her age, and what decisions you made, wish that you hadn't and the ones you wish you had. I think the goal with teenagers is to level the playing field instead of exerting our power as parents, because they are young adults, and to really make an effort to CONNECT with them, from the heart.
That's my best advice, as I put a disclaimer in here that I don't have teenagers, so I can't possibly understand what it must be like. But I wish you the best of luck, and when any time of connection is made through love that is the best you can do. Let her know you love her, think she's a beautiful person and that whatever her dreams are, you want to be part of making them come true. The most important thing is that she feels close to you.

I wish you the very best,

Kindest Regards,

S.