Dinner Fail... Fail... JFF :)

Anytime I step in the kitchen it is a fail. Lol

I'm lucky that my boyfriend knows how to cook... Somewhat...

I'm even luckier that we both love take out. Lol

This weekend my plan was to make a fabulous big meal. I found a recipe for meatloaf wrapped in bacon, which I knew my husband would love. By evening I was exhausted from meal planning for the week, grocery shopping and making the dessert for our meal. I really wanted a nap but I pressed on to get the meatloaf made and in the oven before I took my nap.
I woke up to the oven timer going off.. dinner at last! Except... I had forgotten to turn on the oven. Whoops.
We all had a good laugh. Dinner wasn't ready till after 9 pm that night. ;)

My husband's exwife got confused when making a brisket.....baking soda, or baking powder? She guessed wrong and the baking soda sucked up every bit of moisture. It was a brisket sized jerky instead.
When we were teens, me and my 2 best friends (Jennifer being one) got a wild hair to have some BBQ chicken. We had no idea how to do this, we had no idea about anything. Just thought it'd be cool one day. We already had BBQ sauce, we thought (BBQ packets from McDonalds?!) and we sent Brandy to the store to get chicken. To us, that meant boneless skinless breasts, because we'd never really seen anything else. She comes back with this whole chicken, bones and bits and everything! We asked why and she said it was cheaper. I was like "What do we do with it? It's not flat!" and she said "My mom puts it in the sink" so we put it in the sink and watched it. Jennifer said "Maybe we need to wash it". So we poured Dawn over it, and played paper, rock, scissors to see who had to touch it. I lost, and had to rub the soap on it. Brandy told me I had to reach inside too, so I did, and I pulled out the neck (I think?) but it was down in that hole, close to the legs....I was like "What.....is......this?" and just sat there with my hand around it. Brandy said "Daaaaaaaang, that chicken's hung". Jennifer's mom walked in right then, got mad, took the chicken away from us, and cooked BBQ ribs for us instead (I think she was worried about the soap we put in it). We were happy, we got to eat without dealing with it, and even had fancy real sauce to go with it!
I've since learned to cook, but my best friend: she is terrifying in the kitchen! (TERRIFYING). I think her taste buds are broken. She kept tasting and salting, tasting and salting a chicken stew she made. She left the room while I was choking it down, and I thought "I wonder if I could eat this with a fork?" The answer: Yes. It was so salty it was almost gel....like the Dead Sea. I think the back of my throat was scraped up afterwards. She also did the pot roast dinner that everyone on earth knows how to do, with the McCormicks seasoning and throw the vegetables in a bag, cook for hours on low....I'm all for changing it up a little. (I put in cream of mushroom, rotels, celery, R. potatoes, carrots, onions). But SHE put in just a whole lot of broccoli, with a little potato and carrot. Broccoli. Cooked for hours. It disintegrated into this strange dark green gravy. It tainted every part of that meat. It was so bad, I just giggled to myself. It was truly scary. And finally: green bean casserole. Without looking at the recipe card for exact directions, I know it's 1 can of cream of mushroom to 2 cans of beans, with those french's fried onions, and then if you choose to do something extra to it, fine but that's the base. She gets it wrong....ON PURPOSE. She does 2 giant cans of store brand soup, to 1 little can of beans, and nothing else. It's green bean soup! My eldest will sometimes get mad at us and say he's moving back to Texas. We say fine, where will you live? He says "At Aunt Jennifers!" and my husband will say "That sounds good. You know you'll get to eat her cooking when you live with her". He always straightens up and tells me he loves me, afterall. :)

As a young teenager with parent in the middle of divorce and Mom having to work outside the home for the first time, I was in charge of dinner. I was making a fabulous beef stew and it smelled great. I wasn't feeling the greatest with a head cold but was excited about my meal. For some reason it wouldn't thicken though. I kept adding flour to it, a little at a time, thinking it would surely thicken eventually. It never did. Then Mom and little sis and I all sat down to what looked like a great meal, even though it was more like soup than stew. Mom took a bite and asked if I had tasted it. I hadn't, so I did. I had been adding powdered sugar instead of flour. I was so disappointed and felt so bad that I had wasted so much food.

I love JFF [sigh]... perfect day for these questions too!!

Every time I make any kind of lasagna, it's so watery I have to serve it with a slotted spoon, WTH. They always taste amazing, but they're not the consistancy I'd like.

The one thing I can only do right about 50% of the time... make toast. Yes, like put-the-bread-in-the-toaster type of toast. I don't know if it's me or the toaster I've had for 6 years... everything comes out burnt 1/2 the time. So dumb. I waste so much bread with that ____@____.com thing!!

Chicken Verde Enchiladas w/ Spanish rice.

I am a pretty good cook but every time I try to make this (sister's recipe, I LOVE it when she makes it, it's SO good!) it doesn't quite work for me? Enchiladas too 'mushy' and rice not flavorful enough?

I'm starting to think she is leaving out spices in the rice and doing who knows what with the enchiladas differently than what she is telling me :) J/K!

oh my Epic Fail- Kentucky Brown- Open faced sandwiches that ended up terrible I made them about 4 years ago and my boys have never ever let me forget it.

I'm a pretty good cook, but for some reason, every time I heat up a stinkin' can of creamed corn, I burn it! Go figure--lol

Oh--and I can't make a decent meat loaf to save my life--it's always a new surprise when I make a meatloaf.

There is only one food i messed up...homemade donuts. Not round but odd weird shapes. One looked like it had a head with two legs. Weird but delicious.

I'm a terrible cook. I've been working at it, but it's still a disaster a lot of the time. I tend to use my oven so infrequently that we've occasionally used it to house baked goods that are too big to put anywhere else- like french bread, big cakes, etc. Sometimes I remember to stick a reminder over the oven controls, but more often, I set off smoke detectors when I preheat and forget the plastic plate, covering, whatever's in there. I have melted plastic on my oven shelves and no clue how to get it off!

anything in a crockpot, i mess it up. Everyone says they're sooo easy and fool-proof, but I prove those fools wrong! I tried to make a mexican pot roast type dish when my hubby and i were engaged. We dove in at the same time--took a bite, looked at each other and he said "What can I get you from McDonalds?"

The two most recent are: Just a couple weeks ago I made a curried fish stew recommended by another Mamapedia poster. Thank you for the recipe--I totally forgot how averse I am to curries with coconut milk in them! I used to like coconut milk, but then I had a curry right when I was in early days of pregnancy with my daughter. And just the smell of that sweet curry just turned my stomach. I had one tiny serving. The rest of the family liked it. Me? Not so much. And then about six months ago I was trying new recipe for a Cajun-maple salmon. Sounded about a thousand times better than it was. We had pizza that night. Cooking, what an adventure!

Awww, that was very cute of your husband, hope he got desert (wink, wink)
For me It was in Christmas , I "try" to made a turkey and it was soooo awful that we end up having pre made pigs in a blankets for our dinner, lol.

My husband has an epic dinner failure. He made meatloaf once and misread the recipe. He added way, way too much pepper. I couldn't eat more than one bite. He forced himself to eat a slice and then had to lay down on the cool kitchen floor because he felt like he was overheating.

One of the more memorable moments of my childhood was when my dad made us french toast for breakfast. We choked it down because we didn't want to upset him and then when we got to school we kept burping all day. It was awful. We got home and told mom that there was something wrong with the french toast dad made. She told him. He blamed the skillet (he said my mom always cooked onions and garlic in the skillet and it retained the flavor). It turns out he had used garlic flavored cooking oil. Ewww.

I am sure I have failed at making some dishes, I just can't remember what.

For our first Thanksgiving that was just the two of us, neither one of us knew how to cook a turkey. We didn't realize that you were supposed to let it defrost in the refrigerator a couple of days before, so when we took it out it was still partially frozen. We stuck it in the microwave to defrost it. And we took pictures of it first, because it was quite a memory.

:-)