Difference Between Boys & Girls Vs. Ages

Dear C.,

I have 2 girls, one that is 12 and the other is 4. Even though they are far apart in age and are into differnt things, we always do something once a week that they both can enjoy. I think it is important to have your children set time aside for eachother. Maybe you can do this as a whole family, at least once a week, where you all play a board game together or play outside with your son. In return you could also do stuff together that your daughter likes. Maybe alternate weeks, allowing eachone to pick the activity. Hopefully, this will help keep them connected, at least until they grow up. Once they are grown, I'll bet they will be close again.

This is just a guess, but I see that you also have a new baby, another boy. It is possibly that your son was used to being your "baby" and the only boy, and at seven it is very hard for him to accept that that has changed. A 21 mo old is pretty demanding of parents' time (and he is the child of your new husband, right?) and the baby is likely to get the attention of outsiders as well. I think your sense that he feels abandoned may be accurate - but I would guess it is at least as much because of your new family as it is because of your daughter.
If I were to make a suggestion, it would be to try to catch him doing things right. When I wanted to do this with my daughter, I woke her with a bright happy voice and said "look at me!" in an excited tone. Of course she looked, so I popped an M&M in her mouth and complimented her on doing what I asked so quickly and nicely. She caught on in no time, and we had a lovely morning and great day, and a real turn around in her behavior. You could also set up a reward system (this always works better with my daughter than a punishment or consequence) and agree that good behavior at the store, or helping with chores, or whatever, will earn a game with you or a trip to the park. You can also name it for him: "Sweetie, I've noticed that you've been having a hard time lately, and I think you may be feeling left out. It can be really hard when a family changes. But we are a family and Mom and Dad will work with you to help you learn to handle it. We love you very much and you are very important to us." (This can be when you offer your reward incentive.)
And of course, kids go through stages for no apparent reason. And just when you think you have things figures out, it will be something new....

Good luck!

A.

This is simple, I'm also a Mother of three and what the problem is , is that the seven year old is jealous of the other two. Think about it, the older one is a girl and of course thats different. The other one is a baby and that's different. You just need to give the middle one a little bit more attention and he'll come around. I don't think this has anything to do with gender, it's just the middle child thing. The oldest gets to do more and the baby is paid more attention to , since it's needs are greater and the middle child always feels abandon, hope this helps a litlle

Since you don't seem to be experiencing problems with your daughter, this is my "take" on your little boy: Your statement that your scheduled (work, planned sports, etc.) activities for your son says a lot! In my opinion these scheduled activities should be loosen up, allowing time for the boy to relax, interact and play with neighborhood kids (even if their "play" just means lying in the grass, chatting about comic heroes, observing clouds,insects, nature etc.). Let him to get in touch with his inner self, give him time (or make time!!) to discover his own individual interests/talents/relaxations ... in short, lessen the treadmill of planned activities and just give him more space to relax and discover for himself things meaningful to his own special temperament rather than pidgeon-holing him into activities. Hope you'll give the above some thought and a try-out!

He may be feeling the lonliness from sister, or he may be having problems at school. Is he enrolled in an extra curricular activity? I found with my oldest that karate or some form of it, gave him great self esteem.

it may just be that your son is trying to figure out who he wants to be. i have noticed that 7 is about the age that i start to find other peoples kids irritating. bad to say i know, but it is pretty consistent. i think that at 7, kids are torn between kids and adolescents, so they are struggling to know what they want and who they are.

There are 3 1/2 years between my boy and girl. My girl is the oldest, I experienced this with my children. Your son may be jealous if your daughter gets to do more or has more because she is older. Try to allow him to have sleep overs, invite friends over ,ect, I feel this helps.