Did I Do the Right Thing? School Situation....

dead-on parenting! Good job.....you've tossed the ball into the teacher's hands, which is part of her job. I would expect a note/email/call from her.

Good job Mom. Teachers try really hard but sometimes miss teachable moments like this. Now she can watch for it and address it as it happens.

Bullies suck. Yes you did the right thing. Good idea on the note. Teachers have so much to focus on that they don't always catch everything. A school is a community; it takes all of us working together to make it great. Fortunately these days many schools are taking aggressive behavior more seriously and hopefully the teacher will put a stop to it.

so sorry your little guy is having a rough time.
i can't think of any way you could have handled this better. your son feels safe talking to you about his fears, you neither dismissed them nor blew them up into bigger issues, you gave him tools to handle it, you sent him to school feeling better about it.
role-playing at home will help him continue to develop his tools, while the teacher is alerted to situation while he's in school.
i hope it works out well. you certainly handled it right.
khairete
S.

Sure--teachers need a head's up, as these types of children can be super sneaky and mean. I'm sure she'll now keep a closer eye out.

Definitely follow up with her via phone or email, and again, mention how upset your son was on that day. I don't think it warrants a meeting demanding action unless this continues and no improvement occurs.

What you're describing is really, really normal. Especially in the lower grades.

And some kids are more sensitive than others...they're just not used to a certain personality type, and sometimes have never been exposed to a truly MEAN person! Sadly, it's a learning curve of experience sometimes.

Also, empower your son by role playing and teaching him to use strong "I" statements like "I want you to stop." "I don't like it when you make fun of Joey." "I don't care to hear your opinion right now", etc. Then he won't feel so helpless.
Explain that not everyone he meets in his school "career" will be a friend, or even friendly, but we must respect everyone else, as we all have a right to be in school.

Yes, you did the right thing. I know it is hard.
The note is perfect. You may want to email the teacher also, just so you can make sure she gets the note..

Tonight, speak with your son about how our words really can hurt. So we all have to be careful..

Also he has a right to tell other people they are not being nice. They are hurting his feelings or to just ignore them and walk away..

Also let him know when he is at school, he can always ask to speak privately with the teacher.

He also is always welcome to talk to you and dad. You love him and want him to be happy and feel safe.

Your little guy sounds like a brave boy! I think you made a good decision and I respect your reasons for them.

I think how you handled this is just perfect.

:)

You did just fine. Sometimes the teachers are not aware of things going on in class or children don't tell.

I substitute a lot in 1st grade and I know the children well. Last week the teacher I was subbing for asked me about a specific child who is new to the school this semester. She said a couple of parents had complained that this child was being mean/bully type behavior to a their children. She said she had never witnessed such and the girl was so sweet. The girl is much bigger than the other children, she is at least 7 and looks like a 3rd grader. This is intimidating for smaller children.

Well, I had witnessed such. Just the week before, I sat the girl out at recess due to behavior like this that I witnessed and I reamed her out and told her this is wrong and you do not treat your classmates like this.

I assumed the regular teacher knew and she did not. I told her what I had done the previous week and the children the girl was mean to were the children whose parents complained. Rest assured, her parents have been called in for an extra conference.

Some children are very mean. I had another child, bless his heart but his parents named him a name such that when it is spoken properly it sounds like " Any Rude". He does not like to be called by his given name because some children chant.... Any rude, any rude. We call him Ani for short and have that on his name tags to prevent the chants.

Teachers need parents to address issues, even if they seem small. We are there to be the advocate for our children. It is appreciated when parents are involved (not overly like a helicopter).

I would have done exactly the same thing.

T., I want to second the answers that you did the right thing to send him, and now you need to take the next, proactive step and inform the teacher that this other child has made your son so worried that your son was crying and refusing to go to school.

The teacher should know that this other child has distressed your son to this point; however, keep your descriptions objective and straightforward, not emotional or defensive on your part, and she will take it more seriously.

If you inform her (assuming this is the case) that your son usually is glad to go to school, and is not super-sensitive and usually does not melt down about little things, she should realize that the situation does call for her attention.

I also would add: Time for some anti-bullying lessons for your son:

First, like others said, teach him those strong "I" statements -- "I don't like it when you do that," "I want you to stop right now" and so on. You can find lots about anti-bullying techniques for young kids online, I'm sure. Don't just tell him what to say; role-play with him a lot, and have him act it out and say it "loud and proud."

Second, remind him strongly that no one -- NO one -- is allowed to put their hands on him in any way that makes him uncomfortable. This situation does not sound like it's gotten to that, and it sounds more like the other kid has a bad case of "class-clown-itis" and wants to make everyone laugh by poking fun at some victims. But remind your son that if anyone touches him it is OK to report it that instant.

Third, dealing with the "joker" bully is tougher than dealing with the purely mean kid, I think (my daughter has had a joker type in her class this year and the other boys just think he's funny while the girls he picks on look on him as a bully). You may want to explain to your son that this boy doesn't understand that what he thinks is funny isn't, to the person on the receiving end. Teach your son that this kid wants to get a reaction from your son -- the kid really wants to see your son cry, or squirm, or get upset or mad, and it's time for your son to learn (hard as it is!!) that he must stay in control or he is making the bully happy by giving him the reaction he wants.

Fourth, teach him that telling a responsible adult about a real problem is NOT TATTLING. Tattling is when kids run to an adult with every tiny problem that they can resolve themselves, or with things that aren't problems at all. But if someone is hurt or about to be hurt, or about to hurt someone else, they must tell an adult. "Hurt" does not just mean someone is hitting or getting hit! But it's hard for six-year-olds to understand just when they do need to involve an adult; they are afraid other kids will label them "tattlers."

Fifth, does the school have a guidance counselor? Does the counselor do regular "guidance lessons" with every class? Our school system requires all classes, from K on up through all of elementary, to have a monthly "guidance lesson" where the counselor comes into the classroom, talks with kids and does an exercise of some kind on a topic. The topic often is bullying, how to react to a bully, etc. If your school system does not do this, get involved and see if you can push for counselors to do this form of education. My daughter (now 5th grade) has always talked about these lessons and I know she remembers things taught in them. More immediately, ask if your son can see the counselor one on one for some ideas on how to handle a kid who bugs him. This is why the counselor is there! So use the counselor -- it's your right.

I think you handled it well. I would also call/email and schedule a meeting with the teacher soon. Let your son know that's important to let an adult know. At the 1st grade level, there is a lot of tattling coming from kids for every little thing...this is why I think it's important for you to talk with his teacher about it, she needs to know that he's upset to the point that he doesn't want to come to school. I would go ahead and notify the principal as well.

Yes, you did the right thing..... I would also follow up with the teacher and see if she is seeing this behavior (the other kids making fun of others) and ask her what she is doing to try to stop this.

If it is happening on the playground, other teachers need to be alerted about this as well.

If necessary, go talk to the teacher and/or counselor and find out what can be done about this teasing.

And... as others have said, document!

I'd mention it to the teacher. If bullying is going on in her class, she should be aware of its impact, even if your son isn't the main target.

When we are not sure about going to school or not and lean toward going, we remind the kids there's a guidance office or nurse's office.

You did good mama.
Keep and in touch with the teacher and keep asking your son to know if this keep happening.
In this world there are people of all kind, including Pre-K. start also teaching your son how to respond to.
This in the long run would be more beneficial for him because not always teachers would be as involve or couldn't catch everything.

I think you handled it right. I would also schedule a meeting with the teacher and find out what she is going to do about it. Document everything. If things don't change - you can use your documentation to go to the principal and keep going!

You did it right mama!!!

I think you did the right thing. You might consider following up with a phone call to the teacher to make sure she got the note as well as the school counselor to find out how they handle bullying in your son's early grade. If it continues, take an hour off work and park yourself in the principal's office until he/she can speak with you. It worked for me. Our little problem with boys bullying my daughter cleared up in 24 hours after having talked to the principal.

If your son is upset to the point he doesn't want to go to school you need to address it aggressively and let him know that you are not going to let anything hurtful happen to him. I would have gone to school with him and spoken to his teacher in person. I would have told him in no uncertain terms that if things got bad he could be excused to call me at work or whatever.

There is an epidemic of children YES CHILDREN and young teens committing suicide over bullying and we as adults must be on our toes about making our children feel safe.

Google bullycide, here's one article that has some quotes from a parent who lost a child as a result of bullying. http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/10/04/o.grief.of.bullycide...

You, of course, walk the line. You don't want to blow things out of proportion but you don't want him to feel like he has to keep a stiff upper lip about something he's not emotionally or socially capable of dealing with yet. And school is important, school work may be his job, but my husband once had a HORRIBLE bully boss and he ended up having a nervous breakdown...as an adult. So, imagine what a scenario like that would do to your child?

If he continues to be upset and not wanting to go to school, I'd work harder at getting the FULL story than you did during your talk in the car.

I don't think you got enough information yet to wipe your hands of the situation.

These days bullying is serious stuff..not your garden variety pecking order stuff of yester year.

You owe it your son to get the whole scoop and help him to make the best decision possible on how to handle it in the future. If he's too scared to go to school, something very bad must have happend to him. He's probably not telling you everything because he's reading your body language and sensing you are going to just make him tough it out, regardless of the situation.

Telling a kid he has to go to school because it's his job...even if he's getting threatened by someone that he'll get the stew kicked out of him (if that's what happend- threats) isn't going to teach him to be a responsible adult. It will however, make him begin to dislike school.

Sure teacher can help, but they can only do so much. Your son gets his sense of security and well being from the support of his family at home. If he feels he's not getting support at home and gets the sense he has to tackle the demons and dragons at school all alone, he may just become one of those kids who hates school, gets picked on unnecessarily, or worse becomes a bully himself to survive.

See how today goes, and be more open to working on a solution with him next time. Don't just put it on him and the teacher.

Just stay on top of it. Being bullied makes life miserable. Those taunts make a person so upset. They keep hearing them over and over and over. It fills them up and then they start accepting that role and become what they were called. He needs your protection, his teachers protection.

He should be able to go to school and enjoy the heck out of it. If you have to go volunteer and see for yourself how it is playing out.

That's what I would have done. You just never know with kids if they are exaggerating the truth or not. My 7 year old tends to have sensitive feelings and will take a situation that should not bother him and let it bother him a lot. It just takes me talking to his teacher and bring it to her attention to help him.

I think you did the right thing. Great job, mama!

You did the right thing. The other kids are probably "bullies in the making", so the sooner they learn they can't get away with it, the better!

Well although school is your son job. I tell my children the same thing its diffucult if you know your going to be picked on to want to attend school. I was verbally picked on in school and many days I begged my mom to let me stay home. She didnt let me.
We lived in NJ and they have a no bully policy. No students are allowed to be picked on. My kids told me it is enforced. Good luck.

Sounds to me like you handled that perfectly - good job, Mommy! :)

As several other moms have noted, you did the right thing by sending the teacher a note. I have an older son who bullied other kids (I do not tolerate this and the school doesn't either so he was suspended then eventually expelled as he should have been) but now my youngest is being bullied and have been for years. He never wanted to go to school then he told a teacher he wanted to harm himself so the school Safe Counselor called me in to talk to her and my child while the school officer was present but I didn't get as much information out of him as far as the "current" situation but more like the "past" situation so he told my mom everything and I emailed the Safe Coordinator which she in turn copied the principal cause there is a zero tolerance policy for bullying in schools. I started him back with his LMHC so he can have someone to talk to and the LMHC will start visiting his school as well because my son has behavior issues as well because he is ADHD. I watched this movie on lifetime called "Sexting in Surburbia" when the 16-year old who had everything going for her...good grades, scholarship to college because of sports and popular and etc and she lost it all because of one jealous mother of one of her classmates who maliciously sent out a nude pic of her to all her classmates from another person's phone and the kids started picking and jeering until she eventually killed herself. I don't want that to be my child. You have to fight for your child. I know my son's recollection of things is usually fuzzy so I know once my mom talk with him, she gets more out of him than me cause I am always busy and he seems to take longer to talk to me and I lose the patience but once I know then I jump to action. I emailed the dean at the school and had him to talk to my son. The school has cameras so they did see the kid saying something to my son so they issued a "no contact" agreement so that has worked. We as parents must be advocates for our kids because if we don't then no one will. Please stay on top of it because it saddens me to no end when a child is bullied in school because it affects their grades as well as their self esteem. Best of luck to you!

You know I think I might have let him stay home in the morning call the school and make an appointment with the teacher. Then sit down after school or tomorrow morningwith the teacher to go over the issue. Follow up with an email or text to the teacher going over the points you discussed. make sure you take notes at the meeeting so you have it in your head . I know we get emotional when dealing with the kid and you want to make sure to get it all down. I'm not talking every word just the key concerns and the theachers key responses and what her plan of action is to resolve the issue. Giver her a week or two to resolve the issue. If the behavoir starts again or doesn't stop then go in ,make an apointment with the principle, and get his class changed. Again make sure you follow it up with a fax or email. make sure you get the kids names.