My grandson is 6 & in 1st grade. I pick him up after school at the bus stop & we spend the afternoon together until his mom & dad get off work, about 2 hours later. The family across the street has a 6 year old too,& the boys play together when they can. They ride the bus together & get along good. Yesterday, they got home at the same time & neither had to go anywhere. the neighberboy ran over & the boys deceided to play. No problem. He asked his dad if it was ok & they came in the house to play in my grandson's room. That is when the problems began. Drawers were pulled out & were in the miiddle of the floor, toys were broken, the neighberboy wanted to play baseball & took a bat & hit a ball in the house, He said that all my grandsons toys were for babies & started hitting him. I told him to leave & go home. He argued & said that he was going to stay. It took 10 minutes to make him leave. I watched until he got to his own home. My grandson was crying, thinking that he did something wrong. When he calmed down & we talked about what happened, he straighten his room & said that he was sorry about the mess. He also realized that his friend was not really his friend after all. I told him that from now on, they can only play outside. I was told that this was the way boys play & I was getting old. NO I would not allowed this when my daughter was young. Do you think that I was overreacting?????
A few of you asked who told me that this is how boys play. One was my sister, one was my husband, & a couple of friends. My daughter said I did the right thing & so did my younger sister. The boys parents "pretend" not to speak English & only talk Spanish when anyone is around. I found out from a neighbor that CPS was at there house a couple of times & this boy has gotten in trouble on the bus. I guess that we really don't know what goes on in other people's homes. My grandson is very busy with Karate & is starting soccor this week. If & when they play together, I will be outside with them. Thank you everyone for your kind words. And, I am not old yet. My grandson told me that I was young & fun.
Nope...... there is no reason for a child to behave that way, especially in someone else's house....
Boys play that way because they are ALLOWED to play that way...... because parents are not bothering to correct them.
Nope. Sounds like you did the right thing. I would probably talk to the parents so they know the whole story, but you did the right thing.
This has nothing to do with boys or AGE. This has everything to do with an out of control brat with no respect for people or things.
You did the right thing. You did not overreact. Perhaps you feel you might have because it's so much easier when children can be corrected with a few words (or just a little more than a few), as well as because of what you were told.
It's too bad the neighbor boy did not know how to play well. If he can't play any better outside than he could play inside, he'll have to stay home, won't he? It will be too bad for your grandson, but you could not have let that kind of behavior go on then, and you can't let it go on any other time, either.
The only thing I would have done differently would be to take the boy by the hand and deliver him to his own house, rather than let him waste ten minutes of my time refusing to leave. Where did the boy learn this way of acting?
Who told you that your handling of the situation was because "you were getting old"? Your age had nothing to do with it. If you were twenty-five years old, your handling of the situation would have been the same. Boys can (and do!) certainly play with energy without being destructive or bullying one another.
Not in my house.
My kids have never played like that, and if they thought they would with a friend over, or a friend thought it was ok, they would be set straight pretty quickly. If a simple "we don't ____ in this house" and a "no hitting balls in the house" were in adequate for the guest to correct his behavior, you're darn tooting he would have been sent home. Pronto.
I don't abide disrespect. For me, or our home/belongings. Things break, but that is different than things being broken from inappropriate play with them.
Playing outside only is a good next step. Just watch, b/c this little neighbor boy might decide to pull up the flowers and break the branches off the shrubs, too. :/
This is the way undisciplined naughty boys play and it has nothing to do with your age.
No ma'am I don't think you overreacted at all! I personally would have told the other boy's parents about what their son did so they could discipline him. And it sounds like the boys shouldn't play together much, as to me it sounds like the other boy is a bully. Bullying is not acceptable and neither is destructive behavior. No, it's not just how boys are. Yes boys are rambunctious but that other boy's behavior was more than just typical boyishness.
WHO told you that this is the way boys play and you were overacting?
If it was your son (son-in-law), then next time HE has to clean up the mess in his son's room and you need to send your crying grandson to him. You also will need to take this child who tells you he won't leave straight home and then have a talk with his parents.
Now, I would ignore the comment and not let him come in the house. When he says he wants to, remind him of what he did, including that he disrespected you when you told him to go home. Tell him that until he figures out that he may not act this way, he cannot come in the house.
I would not let your grandson go over there either. Something is really wrong that this child started hitting your grandson, so if he goes to HIS house, he'll get hit again.
Please ignore this about boys playing that way. So what if it's true about some boys? That doesn't mean that your grandson wants to be hit. We purposely try to teach our boys NOT to act like this.
Dawn
You were right. That's BS that it's the way boys play. Being rough and tumble is one thing. Mean and disrespectful is totally different.
I am so sick of the "boys will be boys" cop out. The kid is a brat, plain & simple. I'm not even sure I'd want my child playing with the boy at this point. The bad behavior could eventually rub off on him & he could end up being a bad influence. Plus, there's no way they'll be able to have a 100% type of friendship.
Grandma, you did it right. I'm horrified to see how this country ends up with so many disrespectful children being "raised."
C., I am so sorry you were so disrespectfully told that that's the way boys play and that you are getting old. That was a horrible thing for someone to say! I am 33 years old and would have done EXACTLY what you did.
You did a great job handling the situation and following up with your grandson.
No. I would NOT let him inside again either.
Not overreacting. I would have done the same thing. It's one thing if they were just rowdy and making a mess, but that child was completely disrespecting other's property, saying mean things and then hitting him? The fact that your grandson was crying confirms it was not simply boys getting a little out of control having fun together. And then he wouldn't even leave when told? I wouldn't invite him in the house again either.
you were told by whom that this is the way boys play?
i'd have marched that little ogre home and informed his parents about his behavior (not angrily but quite seriously.) if they respond appropriately i'd let the boys play together again, but only after discussing house rules and consequences. if they respond with anger or dismissal, no more playdates inside the house for their son.
khairete
S.
what a little punk! I would have demanded he leave to!
You did the right thing, he is a lucky boy, that all you did was send him home and that you actually took the 10 minutes to get him to leave. The minute he wouldnt leave I would have been on the phone to his parents to come and get his bratty a@@. Doubt I would let me son play wiht him even outside without a heartfelt apology and promise not to ever do anything like that again. And if he ever did do it again it would be the LAST time they played together
Sounds like you did everything right. I probably would have used my mean mommy voice to get the kid to clean up.
Did the parents say this to you or the grandson? I think he may have just not wanted to let go of his friend. If it was his parents, they weren't there. Let it go but stick to your guns. They can play outside when you can be outside with them so you can listen to them and keep your eyes directly on them at all times.
i too am wondering who told you this is how they play. not okay in my book. not to mention that little boy sassing you and arguing for 10 minutes about leaving. not only would he not be allowed in our house, i'd keep an eagle eye on them when they play outside. that's not just indoor misbehaving. there is all kind of trouble to be had outside too.
Yep, you reacted perfectly. I have two boys and they never did that neither did their friends when they came over.
I don't think you are overreacting at all. And I'm not sure I'd let him play with the boy outside either. If he doesn't have enough common sense to not hit a baseball inside the house, plus he argued with you for 10 minutes about him leaving your house, I'm not sure he is the type of kid I'd want my grandson hanging out with. I'd wonder what other disrespectful things he is teaching your grandson.
C.,
You sound like a wonderful grandma, and your grandson is lucky to have you in his corner!
Not over-reacting at all. Nor does this have a thing to do with your age. The other child was way, way out of line, and adult intervention was necessary to stop his behavior before someone got hurt or your home destroyed.
When kids are this young, I have always found it best if the children play nearby....not necessarily in the same room where I am (usually the kitchen)but somewhere where I can provide some intermittent supervision and be within earshot, especially until I know the other child better. That way, if things start to go wrong, as they did in this case, I can give them a chance to work it out but can also stop it before real damage is done.
I'm not a big fan of smart-mouthed kids, and in my home, I do feel the need to protect the values of our household and have done so when occasion called for it. For example, when I hear another child who is a guest in our home using words/phrases we don't use or making fun of another child, or hitting, etc., I believe it's my job and my duty as a mom handle the situation. When my son hears me tell an unruly child that we don't hit others or smash baseball bats into the wall or call people _____(insert derogatory name), it reinforces that our values are important, that they are worth standing up for, that it's not just lip service, and that we don't accept bad behavior from anyone.....even "friends."
I say that last part because peer pressure starts early, and very often, young children are afraid to stand up and tell another "friend" to stop. They know what's happening is wrong but want the other child to like them. They take it to heart when another child says their beloved toys are for babies. They don't have the skills to stand up for themselves unless we show them how to do it.
You gave your grandson a good lesson in not accepting bad behavior in order to have friends, fit in, be liked/popular, etc.
Who knows? Maybe there is hope for a future friendship with this child, but in the meantime, if you do allow them to play together, it would be best if you could do it in very small increments and provide some remote supervision. Maybe work in the garden or pull weeds, straighten the garage while they're playing outside just to see how it goes.
Take care and never doubt you did the right thing. Ignore anyone who suggests otherwise!
Wishing you and your family the best.
J. F.
I dont think that you overreacted. I would keep a close eye on this kid even outside. This may be someone you don't want around.
Hell no! I would have carried that little monster home!
Years ago-I made the same mistake, I had a little girl over to play with my daughter. She was like the "Tasmanian Devil" meets a demon-in a flurry-she had everything out of toy boxes and bins and books and toys off of the shelf and cushions off the sofa-and the mother was there!!! After hours of sheer, torturous hell, the mother of the little girl said, "ok-we're going out to dinner now"-and they left without lifting so much as a finger to help tidy up the house. I never had her back. Get it?
I would have done the very same thing. There is a 7yo that visits her dada few doors down and always wants to play with my daughter (every other week). She is out of control, doesn't listen and has no respect for anything. She had left my daughters room in such a mess pulling out every toy and not offering to help clean up.
My daughter has had plenty of other play dates and the kids always play nice together without destroying each other’s belongings.
.
No, that's NOT "just how boys play." That's how boys without respect and rules play.
This boy sounds like a budding bully because of what goes on in his home, which really sucks for this little boy. It's not his fault that he's turning into what he is. He's a product of his environment.
However, it's also not fair to your grandson that his property was destroyed for no reason at all. It's not fair that this boy was hitting him and disrespecting him. It's not fair his room got messed up and he was stuck cleaning it by himself. It's not fair that he feels guilty for what the other boy did and encouraged.
Nor is it fair how the boy disrespected you throughout this whole mess, especially when you informed him that it was time to go. I would have taken him by the hand firmly and brought him to the door, walked him across the street and back to his own house. That's just how I roll.
I would NOT allow these boys to play together again. Sure, you can give him one more chance or two and make sure that he knows the house rules prior to playing and see if he follow them, then kick him out as soon as he breaks the first rule, but when it comes to this type of behavior I'm a hardliner.
I am with your daughter. You did the right thing. This is not the way boys
play. Rough house yes, destroy a house, absolutely not.
I agree with you i would have made him leave also even though it wouldn't have took 10 mins. I hate when other kids come play with my son toys and act like that i tell my son this is your room and your rules. I would hold out on them playing outside also for a while cause the other kid sounds very unruly.
You were right. You already know that those who say "this is how boys play" are totally wrong, unless they actually DO want today's boys to grow up disrespectful and destructive.
I wanted to add: Please do not let your grandson play with this boy outside, either. The kid hit your grandson -- if that happens inside the house, it will happen outside the house. It indicates he's at the least a brat and at the worst a budding little bully. You said your grandson will soon be busy with karate and soccer and I'm sure school will keep him busy too, so ensure he's too busy to mess with this kid.
Just because another chiild is a neighbor, that does not mean the child should also be a playmate. I see a lot of posts on here from moms stressing because their child has issues with neighbor kids whom the moms, or the other kids' parents, expect to be built-in playmates who come with the neighborhood. Don't fall into that trap or let your daughter and her husband fall into it. Proximity does not mean kids "have" to play together. Invite over your grandson's real friends from school, soccer and karate.
Even if boys play harder, they should learn not to trash other people's place, and if they were both making a mess, they should both clean up. I hope you didn't send him home because he made the mess but that he began to hit your son. I am glad you didn't ban them from playing together but just not in the house.
No, you did the right thing. That is not how boys play - at least not my son and his friends. Sometimes they do make a big mess in his room, but most of the time they get out something they want to play with (like the nerf guns) and then run around playing. They don't take all the drawers out, or hit each other, or hit balls in the house. If this little boy ever does come over again in the future tell him you have house rules and lay them out for him. Your grandson sounds sweet.
I think you handled it ok. I would have taken the boy and brought him home and talked to his parents and told them that he was awful at my house. I wouldn't welcome him back ever. Even to just play in yard. If someone disrespected me or my son, I wouldn't have them back. The boy should have cleaned up the mess, apologized and his parents informed about the things he broke, the definance and his attitude. Gl
