Deciding to Have Another Child

I was scared to have another one as well. Mine are 17 months apart though. So, when we said we would try it came right away. There was no trying. Anyhow, you don't have as much time for the second one, I am a stay home mother even. I cook and clean and take care of them all day and when that is done it's hard to have fun time. We always try to have some fun time through out the day, whethere it's playing in the bath tub, or at dinner time, or movie time.
It is very normal to be scared. I was very scared with both of my children. I am a young mother, and so I was more scared then most mothers. Now, that I have my two together and a boy and girl, I love it. They play together, they help each other out! It's great. Now, they will have a play buddy and I love it. It's utimalty you and you're husband's choice but I love having my two close in age together. Good luck and let us know what you decide

I had my first son almost 5 years ago and was like you scared to have another child in fear of having a preemie he was born at 28weeks and was 2lbs 8oz. I did have a second child which I went on medication to help me not go into labor early and was able to hold off until I was 36weeks along he was 4lbs 14oz. its normal to be scared to have another child after having a preemie but know that every pregnancy is different and there is also medication they can give you to keep you from going into labor early

I have that same feeling you do . My son was preemie , he born 4lbs 6oz . I was afarid to have another preemie baby again then out of sudden I was pregrant again unexpected and yes I did have hard time to take care of my son awhile I was pregrant in the summertme ,till my daugther born on righ time about one week early , she weigh 7lbs 6oz. now my son is 3 years old and my daugther 18 months old. Honest ,when my son was 2 years old , he was little jealous if when I feed Emma but the imporant I always be attention both of them same time so Ty won't feel left out and now They love each other, they play together so I can be rest and something to do at home but yes they do sometime fight over the toys that normals for the siblings right? smile its worth it to have 2 kids , I wish I could have one more kid! but I already have my tubes tied by essure . Hope it help you and ready to have another baby? :)

M.:
Hi! It is absolutely normal to be having the feelings that you're describing. I remember that I too was scared when my husband and I decided that we wanted to have our second child. As my mom told me during my time of deciding about baby #2, there's no perfect time to have a baby. You'll never have enough money, time or energy but that's not why you're having a child. Having children means that their lives (and yours) will be unpredictable. You hope for the best but even if child #1 rebels, you can't prevent that by not having another child. Focus on the positives; another baby to love, giving your first son a sibling that he'll have for the rest of his life, another new life to impart your wisdom and understanding of the world.

You have to be ok with your decision. Your world will never be perfect, but it's those moments when you're watching your child sleep or the first time they say "mama" or give you a hug, that you'll know that you were meant to be a parent. Parenting is an art form, there's no instruction manual, so you can change things up as you go along. As long as you're committed to your children, you've given them the best possible start to life. Hope this helps!

Hi M.,
It is funny to read this because I felt the same way almost 3 years ago.My oldest daughter was 4 when we got pregnant with are 2nd.We waited till then because I was afraid of the same things as you my daughter was 5lbs. when she was born and drop to 4lbs. 8oz. she got dehydrated and was on a billi blanket for Jaundice.To make a long story short that is what made me wait 2 more years then I would of liked.When I did get pregnant I was worried I could not love the baby as much as my oldest.After all was said I could not love her more and she was 7lbs 2oz.My 6 year old and 22 month old love each other very much.The only advice I would give you on that is make sure you and your husband do one on one dates with your oldest after you have the baby.It really works for my oldest.Goodluck!!

Actually I completely understand your worries. I just found out I'm pregnant with my second. I have a 16 month old daughter and she is my pride and joy. My husband and I are worried how she'll react, that we won't be able to spend as much time with her(my mother said we would and will) or that she'll act out. I've talked to a couple of my friends and they said having these fears are completely normal and that i'll never stop giving my daughter attention. It's just a different kind. There is always an adjustment period but my friend says that once everyone is used to having a 4th person in the house all will return to normal!

It is vary scary to decide to have another child. Somehow you adapt. I was terrified and I also was going to be a single mom so I was really scared. I always made sure I gave them the same love and attention. When I was pregnant I keep telling my son it was his little sister in mommy and he would rub my belly and kiss it. I even have this perfect picture of him hugging and kissing my belly. When I had my daughter as soon as they cleaned me up and gave me some light pain meds(epideral did not work so I was in some pain) my dad brought him in and I brought him in the bed with both of us and told him this was his sister that he would have to help care for and he kissed her forhead and has ever since always helped out. I just included him in on everything from pregnancy to after birth to at home and they love each other and I truley don't belive he remmebers life without her. As far as having a premmie yes you do run the risk of it happening again but thats not to say it will. My son was 6 weeks early at 4lbs 5oz and my duaghter was born on her due date at exactually 7lbs. So each pregnancy is different. Life is a lot busier but it is never a dall momment and I am gald my son has his sister to play with. Good luck

Hello M.. You have received some great advice so far. I think it is always a little scary when planning to have more children. I do have a suggest for you though. You could babysit a little baby if there is one in your family and your son will see first hand that you will have time for him and the baby. Also, when I was pregnant with my youngest one I had my four year old (three at the time) wait when she needed something (even if I wasn't busy) so that once the baby came home she was use to waiting before I helped her with something. I would say, "okay honey, just wait until commercial" or "as soon as I am done with these three dishes I will be up". Once we brought the baby home she was use to waiting to get something and no longer demaned attention right now. Best of luck!

Hey M. My name is C. and I have 2 girls 6 and 4 and my hubby and I felt the exact same way.. we didnt want to give my daughter up so to speak but then I thought about when she was older and needing someone to be able to relate to being our daughter/child and to have someone when we are gone... someone to play with someone to hate..loland they are very close but they do fight and thats the worst part...dont rush it..start when your ready and you feel your son is ready but things will be fine as long as you include him in the pregnancy and make him feel apart of it he will be just fine

My daughter had very little jealousy when I had my son. She was 2 years 2 months when he was born. We let her in on it all the way. She saw my sonograms, she helped us get ready for him. We pointed out that we wanted her to have somone to play with and be friends with. We also told her that being a BIG SISTER is a big deal. She has to teach him so much. That made her feel big. When he was born she was allowed to hold him and play with him and feed him. You find time for both children, you really do. Good Luck

Hi M.,

I think that your feelings of being afraid & scared are normal. I can imagine even more so due to the fact that your son was born early. With all the worries that go along with a preemie makes you feel even more uncertain and nervous. Because your son was early doesn't mean for sure the next one will be also. The Dr/Midwife will watch you closely.

I'm sure you're a wonderful, loving mom to your son. You will be amazed how as to how much love you'll feel and be able to share with 2 kids.

Most older kids will usually have some degree of adjustment to a new baby. Some kids have more difficulty then others. There needs to be discipline now and continue to enforce after baby. You still need to be in charge of discipline. You don't want to allow him to get away with things after baby, although he may try.

Preparing him for the new baby, with books from the library, and sibling classes @ hospitals can help. After baby is here, spending special time with him, while your husband watches baby and vise versa. Allowing him to be involved with the baby according to his abilities due to his age. Ask him to get you the diaper, pacifier, encouraging him to talk to baby makes him feel big & very special. Give him lots of praise & encouragement.

I wish you good luck!

K. :)

M., I dont think you are crazy at all. Me and my husband are discusing trying for another this summer and our child will only be 10 or 11 months when we start trying, so actually many would say we are crazy!! I have the same feelings you are having. I think it is common. Although I don't have experience with having a second child yet, I have some friends who have shared thier experience with me. Most said it is an adjustment of course for them and the first child, but they all enjoy everymoment of it. And as far as having time they have all told me somehow the time and love just happens naturally. So I think if you want another go for it!

I completley understand you are worried about having another premiee. It is scary, and hard to go through. I think maybe if you talk to your doctor about the risk of having another born too early, and anything you may be able to do to help to carry full term.

I wish you the best of luck M., whatever your decision may be. Let us know.

I got pregnant with my second child within the month that my son turned 2. I think it was good timing. Every child is different so I can't tell you how your son will react, but my son did great. I think he was young enough not to fully understand the impact of a new sibling, but old enough not to need my full attention all the time. As for your other concerns I can't help there, I would speak to your OB/Gyn about the risks of premature birth the second time around. That may help alleviate some of your fears. Good luck!

M.,

Don't worry you are not being nuts!! Remember, though, that all pregnancies are different and just because you had a preemie the first time does not mean that you will have one the second time. With my first child I was a week early and with my second I was a month. However talk to you doctor and ask what the likelihood of having another preemie is.

I too was worried about the time issue and how my first child would feel about the second child. I received two pieces of advice.

1. stagger nap times - that way you can spend that time with the other child and give them uninterrupted time - also plan days where you take one child out and your husband takes the other child out. You don't have to do it often but just sometimes so that each child feels special.

2. buy something small for your first child to give to him when you are in the hospital having your second child and tell him "this is from your new baby brother/sister" - that took care of two things for me - my son wasn't mad at me for being away for 4 days ( I had a c-section ) and he thought that his sister was awesome because she bought him a present and he couldn't wait to meet her to thank her and tell her how much he loved her.

good luck and take care,
Mel

I, too, had a lot of anxiety about having my 2nd child, and I think it's totally normal. Having a second child is as much (if not more) of a life change as having your first child. It sounds like your concerns are stemming from the love you feel for your first child. You don't want to rock his world, and you don't want to short-change him on love or attention.

As young parents, we tend to think of our children as little ones, so I'll offer another perspective to think about. My ex-husband was an only child, and he LOVED being an only child. In fact, he loved it so much that he almost convinced me not to have a second child. However, both of his parents died by the time he was 25 years old, and his idea of family died with them. He has nowhere to call "home" and no one to share childhood memories with. He feels very stranded. Sure he has aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, but it's not the same. My point is that you need to think about what's best for your son in the long run -- beyond having to share his toys with his baby sister/brother.

I can't tell you what's right for you. I can only tell you that I have NEVER regretted my decision to have another child. I can't imagine our family without her, and I get sick at the thought that I almost chose not to have another child. I've learned that I have enough love and attention to share with both of them, and the love and attention they get from each other is more than I could ever offer. In most cases, the benefits of having a sibling (in the long run) far outweigh the negatives.

Don't think of this as taking something away from your son. Instead, think of it as giving him the greatest gift ever. Your son is young enough that he will probably not remember what life was like before his sibling came along anyway. Will they ever fight? Sure. Will your son ever say he wishes his little sister/brother was never born? Probably. But, they will also share a bond that can never be matched by a friendship or other family relationship. The first time you see them holding hands or playing together or saying "I love you" un-provoked or kissing the other's boo boo or sharing an inside joke or snuggling together in bed, you will know without a doubt that you made the right decision.

I wish you the best of luck.

M. I felt a little scared to when we started thinking about having another child. It is completely normal to feel a little scared and unsure as to how you might handle two kids. I can tell you that having two kids is definitely more chaotic then just one! I have a 28 month old son and a 6 month old daughter. My son was great throughout my pregnancy, kissed baby in mommy's belly and really never showed signs of having trouble with it. We took him to appointments too so he could hear the heartbeat. And even after she was born he was great. Always wanted to hold her and play with her. He didn't have a problem with her nursing either. Something that I was really nervous about since I nursed him until he was one. It wasn't until she was able to sit up by herself and play that he started to show a bit of angst towards her because she could then play with his toys. But really they get along well. He has his moments with tantrums and what not, but that is normal. I think he would be doing that even if he was an only child. It is up to you and your husband to help your son adjust to the new baby. And believe me, he will. I don't think you are crazy for having those feelings, and I completely understand why you do! You get used to having the one child and then add a second one in there, life is bound to get busy! But it is a great busy and crazy!

M...I was SOO scared I was naucious for a long time, before I ever got pregnant and then in my third trimester I was a MESS emotionally worrying about all of this.

I don't know for sure but for my sanity sake I would like to say that it is TOTALLY normal for some people.

My kids are almost 4 years apart..God's choice, not mine on the timing. But I LOVE it. They are best friends and even though my son is 8 yrs and my daughter is 4, he chose HER to play with at an elementary school dance last week ! Granted that is probably NOT typical ! LOL But it was very sweet to see him leading her around the gym holding hands with her. She looks up to him sooo much.

Anyway, it will all work out. I KNOW how hard it is NOT to worry about things, but God knows what He is doing. If you are meant to have another child, you will and everything will be wonderful.

Blessings.
M.

I am the mother/stepmother of 6, and I think your feelings are normal...I believe yoiu will be a great mother to your second child, just as much as the first...from my experience, the sooner you have another child the less your son will rebel.....my daughter was 7 when I had my 2nd child...she was way used to being the only child and didn't like the fact that she had to share me...