Dealing with In-laws

Sounds like my life! :) My husband agrees with me, and we eat organic unprocessed foods at home, but when it comes to doing that around others, he's not willing to be upfront about it. I've just learned to be the bad guy. What my daughter eats is more important to me than what they think about it. I'd also turn it around on them. Let them know you love them and you're looking for their support with how YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND choose to raise your daughter. Then just turn your head and let them be pissed, what else are you going to do? ... Also, yes, give in now and again... Let her try a taste of this or that. If she eats well 80-90% of the time, a little bit here-and-there wont make an impact.

You're not crazy - or strict...you're a wonderful mother.
Your husband however, is now a father and needs to advocate for his daughter by putting his family in their place.

It won't be easy, for sure.

My kids are not allowed with my dad over issues such as these...it caused a big family "to-do, but oh well...they're my kids.

If someone doesn't like it, too bad...the fact they do it behind your back is horrible, and shows what kind of people they truly are...they don't respect you, or your hubby...and he needs to either change that (good luck) or keep them at arm's length for a long time.

Best wishes to you - and good for you for keeping baby healthy!!!
J.

Hi M.,

It sounds like your in-laws have trouble respecting boundaries. My own experience has been that people who do not respect boundaries will not change on their own and that I cannot get them to change by arguing and expecting to win the argument. I have learned that if I am setting a boundary I have to be ready to enforce it. For example, if I tell someone I do not eat dairy (I don't) and the person keeps trying to shove dairy at me, what am I ready to do? In that case, I can put down the plate and walk away. If the person still pushes I can leave altogether. I can try to limit occasions that I will be with those people where there will be food.

The bottom line is that you are likely to have a lot of occasions where you will see your in-laws and there will be food. You know the drill. You know what they will do. What steps can you take to enforce your rules about what your daughter may and may not eat? Can you let your in-laws know the next time you are invited to something that you are happy to come but cannot stay if they cannot respect your parenting decisions as to your daughter's diet? Yes, they may argue, and at that point, I have found that when I respond that I am not looking to argue, but I am giving them the courtesy of letting them know beforehand. (You might want to discuss this with your husband before and make sure he's on board with that one.)

Can you have them at your house and then let them know that certain food items cannot be brought in? Can you ask them to leave if they do not respect that boundary?

I have learned that at the end of the day, setting a rule or boundary, by itself is not effective if I have no way of enforcing it. If I tell my son no tv until homework is done and he goes to the tv every day after school and I do nothing about it, then that rule means nothing. If I remind him of the rule and then unplug the tv if he persists (just an example) then there is now a consequence for violating the rule and he has to decide if in the future he will abide by the rule or risk the consequence.

I found it very hard to set and enforce boundaries with people in the beginning, but over time it gets easier. Those times where I have trouble now indicates that there is some other issue involved that I need to explore and resolve for myself.

Just some of my thoughts. Please feel free to use whatever works for you and discard whatever does not.

Good luck!

J.

my husband also waits for me to deal with all of these issues. i'd simply outright say to them, "you don't need to agree with my decisions,b but she's my child and i'd appreciate that you respect my rules." btw, this will only get harder as she gets older. by next summer she'll be telling you "but mommy, i want it!" then you'll have 2 problems!

Hi M.,
I just want to support you for your decisions to use cloth diapers and feed healthy foods and limit TV viewing. My husband was the one who thought I was crazy for these decisions! Anyway, I would continue to limit your daughter's time with the inlaws as much as possible. Go girl GO!
L.

I completely agree with you, they are being unreasonable. I've been making my baby's food for the past few months, but my family still expects we should be buying the jars anyway. Have you actually told them that they can't babysit their niece/granddaughter unless they adhere to your rules regarding the upbringing of your own child? Better yet, your husband needs to do it. It'll make a bigger statement. Also, if they agree, have them babysit at YOUR house, so you know they can't give her anything you don't want her to have (no big purses, though!). And they need to be reminded that just because a baby reaches for something, doesn't mean they should have it... they don't understand what it is you have and are curious, and that's ok. You and your husband just have be united and come out and say it, that she is your child, not theirs, and they should respect your decisions. In the end, take a deep breath, look at your daughter and know you are doing a great job. Try to move on. They are being petty and rude by being upset at you and they will just only miss out on spending time with your daughter.

It is your child, you make the rules. What a rude group of people. It's hard and sucks, but be strong. I find it amazing that they are upset because you want BETTER for your baby. Be honest with them and tell them you are getting to the point of not feeling comfortable even leaving them with her because they undermind your rules and requests. That not only are the being disrepectful, they are teaching your daughter to be.

It is my opinion that every grandparent trys to do "the fun things" and give them "goodies", perhaps when she gets older you can tell them what are exceptable goodies and give them that little freedom. BUT it is YOUR choice. Be honest, it's hard, but being honest will save the relationship and hopefully give them reason to admire your decision making.

stick to your guns - it is your baby - not theirs! i suggest you write the offender's a letter, with your sincere thoughts. they can take it or leave it. it's is their decision, but it sounds like you are dealing with ignorance & immaturity so don't expect much but if you word & present the letter correctly, they may get it - or hate you - either way, you can at least feel like you made an effort.

i am in the same situation, mother-in-law & her family don't get why i do some of the things i do, although they don't voice it, i know they question and talk about it & my husband doesn't say anything. as for that, it is hard b/c it is his family & althought he may not agree with their thoughts, it is still his family & he loves them.

i also don't let my in-law's watch our child unless absolutly necessary due to several situations i've witnessed with their interactions with our son. mostly due to personal hygeine & cleanliness. as well as the few times they did watch him, i asked them specifically to do a few things with my baby & they did the exact opposite - i think just b/c i wasn't there. either way - if you can't trust the people to watch your baby, then they don't watch your baby - bottom line - no matter who's family it is. your child will grow someday & you will have freedom to do what you want again, until then, if you can't go anywhere w/o your baby & don't trust some to watch them - then stay home!! I do - and will continue to so i know what is going on all the time. call us overprotective but it's our babies we are talking about!!! good - luck!

hi i am probably a day late reading this post, but i would say that to keep the peace, maybe you should let your daughter try (a bit) of new foods when she is around her extended family. it may make you uncomfortable, but a taste of ice cream or hot dogs is ok occasionally.

M.,
Reading your story here, it sounds as though your inlaws come from a different era. Things have changed so drastically in the past 30 years. It's difficult for people who were schooled in those times to understand the knowledge we have now regarding good/bad foods, healthy lifestyles and how we control possible health problems through our diets.
My parents, rest their souls, were fantastic and very loving grandparents, but lived much of their youth in a time where you ate and fed your family whatever was the cheapest. We had a large family. Consequently their views were much different than mine.
They may just be ignorant to certain facts in which you are more knowledgable and concerned with. However, you are doing what is right for your child and being the child's parents, you and you husband should be the ultimate decision makers for your child until she is of age to make them for herself. Stick to your guns, honey!
Best wishes for a healthy, long and prosperous life to all of you.
K.

lighten up with the in-laws. control what you can and let go what you can't. nothing "bad" is going to happen if you child eats 3 potato chips. the bulk of her nutrition comes from you and she may not like that stuff. not every kids likes hotdogs-trust me!

I completely understand where you're coming from!! I ebf our 5 mo, and neither my nor my DH's families can understand why we haven't started her on solids, yet. Plus, I cloth diaper and we limit tv for our older 2 (and try to make the healthiest choices possible on our budget), so we're just "weird." I am not quite as strict as you are re: the foods (I've given our DD tastes of things like mashed potatoes, squished peas, soft scrambled eggs, & even a dab of ice cream on the tip of my finger, but that could be b/c she's my 3rd child and I'm not stressing about stuff as much as I did the first, lol), but I still get upset when others try to give my DD solids. On Mother's Day, my FIL tried to feed my DD Heavenly Hash icecream, and I exclaimed, "Oh, no, she can't have that!" as I raised my hand between my baby & the spoon (and accidentally knocking the icecream onto the floor). Now, they think I'm totally irrational & fanatic, but DD reacts strongly after I've eaten corn products, and commercial icecream almost always contains corn syrup. (I discovered that tidbit after I let DD taste some icecream myself & she broke out in a rash & got a bad case of the spitties.) Plus, Heavenly Hash has NUTS!! My brother has a peanut allergy, so there's no WAY I'm going to let my baby eat something that contans nuts. :o(

Anyway, not much advice (except keep doing what you think is best for your DD and DON'T let your in-laws babysit - good call there!) but you may want to speak to your DH about keeping a united front for his family. His admonitions may have more clout than yours, in his family's eyes.

stick to your guns. my father-in-law tried to feed my little one beer, and she was only 3 months if that old. i was not going to have that. he tried to undermine my reasoning and i looked at him and said, that is MY child and she will be raised MY way. NO BEER. Tell them that you respect that they see and do things differently, and now they need to respect that you do things differently. You will be surprised. They need to respect this. You stick to your guns.

If I was one of these relatives I would be very hurt. You are really placing judgment on them and the choices they make. Don't expect to be the judge and not be judged.

You are a good mother. Stick to your guns with your in laws. Just simply tell them that either they respect your decision and choice for your child or you will in fact stop bringing her to the family functions, this simply lets them know you are going to make some changes. Don't argue their responses...simply tell them you understand how they feel and drop it. Don't get involved in a power struggle with them. You said what you had to and know nothing is going to change these people. For any future family events with this side of the family that you are invited to...let your husband decide for himself if he's going alone or not...if he wants you to go with him, then hire a baby sister or leave the child with a friend or family member that you do trust. If his family asks why you or the baby didn't come...They should be told it's because your decisions aren't respected and supported and change the subject. If they make a fuss, get up and leave.

I think its ok for you to have different views on child rearing than other people in your family. Times have changed quite a bit since I was raised 30 years ago, and I cannot blame my family for potentially giving my child bad habits. I can, however, teach them some of the things I am doing for my baby, and why I am doing them.

I would suggest sticking to what you believe, however, cut your family some slack. They come from a different mindset obviously. You can calmly remind them what is appropriate...without being cast as the "strict" mom. Relax. Your extended family is going to be very important in your baby's life. You don't want to completely alienate them because you can't agree on things. Grandma/grandpa's house is supposed to be a pleasant experience....eating those things you aren't allowed at home, and being spoiled rotten.

I do agree with one of the other posters -- many times when you say "no, you can't have that", kids will find a way to get it just to spite you. I know she's too young to feel this way, but its very possible in the future that restricting things can sometimes be detrimental.

Good luck, continue with what you believe in, and educate those around you as you see fit. Try not to burn bridges so early in your child's life. Have your husband stick behind you, and calmly remind your in-laws of certain no-no's....and let them enjoy spoiling your child (within reason).

Hi M.,

I'm sorry you are in this uncomfortable situation. Often when you choose something different than the parents or inlaws, they take it as a criticism, that their way isn't good enough for you. And it's not good enough, or at least what you want for your child, and they need to be able to accept that you aren't trying to say "You are/were bad parents" but that you aren't required to do what they did. Your husband really needs to assert that these are his wishes as well, because if you do something different than how your inlaws did/do it, they'll assume it's what you want, not your husband. Is your family supportive? If so, I'd use competition, let the inlaws know what while you are raising your child differently than how your parents raised their family, that your family is supportive, encouraging and cooperative.

There are some thing that are just different choices, such as not allowing ice cream cake and chips, but then there's just bad judgement, like giving alcohol to a baby. That's someone who you just can't leave your child with. And if your inlaws are "sneaking" your baby foods that you don't want her to have, I would not have them watch her either.You can let them know that it is fine for them to disagree with your childrearing, but that it is not their right to over ride your parenting choices. What benefit would a baby get from soda or cake? It's for the adults to enjoy watching the baby have them. It's not even like a 4 year old watching all the other kids having soda and cake, your baby does not know that she's missing these things (even so, it would be wrong of them to sneak your child foods that you don't allow)

While I wasn't that strict about foods, I did have to limit the time my kids could spend with the inlaws, because MIL just had such bad judgement. She didn't know when to set limits. She would take my daughter for the weekend when she was 3 or 4 years old, and take her to McDonalds both days for lunch and dinner. I didn't mind if she took her there once, but 4 meals? Her reasoning "But she likes it." When my daughter was 6 and went to visit them for a week, apparently she was drinking two 12-ounce cans of soda a day. My MIL had a cooler of them for Kayleigh in the car because "She gets thirsty when we're driving." Ummm, have you ever heard of a water bottle or a juice box? It's not like she didnt' know that we only allowed soda if we went out to a restaurant or to a party.

Have you actually spoken to them at a time when it's not confrontational? Not when it's a holiday or party and everyone is having ice cream and chips, but a sit down chat at another time when none of this is going on so that you can tell them what your dietary rules are?

good luck!

PS Debbie, I don't think that M. is saying that milk is bad, but at under a year, it's normal that her daughter hasn't had milk, as it isn't recommended for babies until they are a year. And if you're still breastfeeding, many women don't introduce milk at a year if they continue.

Dear M.,

I completely agree with the feeding practices you're following. You sound like a wonderful mom!

My only suggestion around dealing with your in-laws is to try to give your daughter an opportunity to connect with them in spaces that don't involve food. Could you have them join you on a trip to the zoo or a children's museum, for example? Or could you have them over to your place? I guess what I'm trying to say is that challenging them on their own turf (their house) may be harder than setting boundaries in your home or in a neutral place.

I do think you have every right to clearly set boundaries, but once you do so, you might also try to soften it by praising them for things that have nothing to do with food, e.g., making your daughter smile or giggle. If they feel like you value them, they might be more willing to respect you as a parent, if that makes sense.

Good luck!

Mira

Looks arounds at all the food Nazis and slowly backs away. So your saying milk is bad ok whatever lady get a grip. the giving the child a drink is bad but you tell you child anything processed or has sugar in it is bad they will sneak the stuff just because they was told NO..my children eat a wide varity of foods and get alot of exercise as wego on Nature walks with them. yesterday was out walking 2 hours. But no one should think their way is the only right way

hi M.,
I am with you. It sounds like you should never leave your daughter alone with your inlaws. You are the mom and they need to respect your wishes regarding your child's eating and otherwise. I am a grandma and although I agree with most of what my daughter and son in law do there are a few things I would do differently but I am not the parent. So I do as they ask me to as much as I know to do.
It would be your husband's place to tell this to his parents but if he is too intimidated then you need to step up to the plate. Your child's health and early learning patterns are at stake.
M. - pediatric nurse

AHHH! In laws...I was chuckling as I read your post. I had the same problems after my first som was born. My Mother-in-law was constantly making sly comments on the way I was doing things...(schedules, routines...). She didn't do those things and her boys turned out fine. My husband always said he would speak with her but would sugar coat things. So, my point was never really well taken. I finally told her exactly what you stated at the end of your post. HE is my son. When I'd like your opinion, I will ask for it. She has gotten better. I've just learned to give it right back. to her. You are doing a great job! Don't let her ruin this time with your child. This situation put a TON of strain on our marriage. It was the only thing we ever argued about. Good luck.

M., You should be very proud of yourself and your husband for trying to do the right thing for your child. Don't change your ideas. Time and time again children are given anything their little hearts desired. What happens to them? Some became over weight, and are made fun of at school. Some became hyper because of the sugars and carbs and parents are told they have ADHD instead of telling a parent to be very careful of his/her diet, that fast foods,junk food and sodas are not good for a healthy body. Then those people who gave a small taste of a drink to a child because of the cute face they make and the child ended up liking it began drinking at and early age of 14 or sooner. People always say its the parents fault when a child acts up or gets in trouble. Some parents need help and guidance but in my eyes you are doing GREAT! Keep you child Healthy, its her future!Oh by the way, sometimes there is no polite way of telling people what you think is best for your child. Just tell them how you feel and keep repeating it until they get it.
Chris V

I have to agree with you 100%. Your daughter is only 11 months old. Giving her any type of food you don't want her to have, let alone ALCOHOL, is not anyone's right. Some people are saying you're being judgmental but it's your child. I was the same way w/ my daughter. Then there comes a day when you will allow her a little more. Unfortunately around age 3 I let her have chicken nuggets and now that's all she wants. I hate it, but she refuses to eat all the healthy food she used to love. It happens, they grow up and are exposed to more and different kinds of foods. But now at 4 years old my daughter has not ever tasted soda. I think it's poison in a can and I will keep her away from it as long as I can and will never buy it for the house. My brother and his family drink it but I have made it beyond clear that they are never to give it to her and they have respected my wishes. I think if your husband's family just can't get it and what you're trying to do for your daughter then you just have to have her in your sights at all times at family gatherings. And unfortunately that means no baby sitting for them unless they come over to your house to do it where there is no junk food for them to feed her. Good luck.

Stick to your guns, I think you are doing the right and the healthiest thing for your child! She is only 11 months old! They are being very disrespectful of you, if you ask me. I think in this situation you have to continue what you are doing and hopefully they will eventually learn to accept it, even if they don't agree with it. There is plenty of time when you daughter is older that she can and probably will eat junk, for now you are providing her with a healthy start and being a very good role model.

To put it is simple terms that your mother in law will understand.... she had her children already and this is YOUR daughter. My husband and I were and still are very conscious of what are now 4 1/2 year old is eating. She does not eat any candy or "junk food" nor does she ask for it. Occasionally she will have a cupcake or chips but because of nursey school and parties. Although she scrapes off the icing herself! She will ask for fuit instead of cake. It's harder to control what she eats sometimes. But because she never ate these kinds of food when she was younger she sees it as a special treat. My mother in law was the same way. Her other grandchildren (my daughter is her oldest) eat whatever they want, ice cream with all the toppings, push up ice pops, candy, etc.) She now sees the importance of the good eating habits that I have formed with my daughter.

You got lots of advice already and I agree with alot of it (boo to those who were grumpy and judgemental of you though). I ran into some of that as well (we cloth diaper, EBF'd for the first 6 months and then did baby-led weaning, and limit processed foods and TV). At first they thought it was "cute" I think...and then I think it made them feel a bit judged themselves (like the choices they made were "wrong" in my eyes, just because I was doing it differently).

How I handled it was this: for the milk issue, I told them my daughter was "dairy sensitive" and the milk caused her eczema and sleep problems. Once there was a "medical" reason for it, they respected my boundary (although I did have to explicitly clarify that yes, cheese comes from cow's milk, as does whipped cream, ice cream, etc). That way, you can "blame the doctor".

Another thing I did that seemed to diffuse anyone who might have been overly sensitive and perceiving my restrictions as critical of their choices was to say, "I know that by the time my kids are having kids, all the choices I'm making now will probably have been proven to be completely wrong, but all i can do is what I think is right, at this moment."

My oldest is 22 months now, and my parents are slowly catching on to what is important to us diet-wise. When we go visit now, they know to have lots of fresh fruit and yogurt on hand. I just deal with the lack of healthy meal options and "let it go" for the weekend. My daughter seems to be able to compartmentalize that when we are at grandma and grandpas we eat X, but when we're home, we eat Y, and frankly, she prefers "our" food. And as another post-er mentioned, because we have such a healthy balance of foods (which includes minimally-processed treats such as cookies at times), she doesn't seem to crave junk food, but incorporates it with balance. she'd as soon have grapes as she would a cupcake.

you're doing a GREAT job, keep it up, and I hope your husband gets on board and helps present a united front with his family!

M.,

Always follow your gut. If they are disrespecting you and your rules now it will only get worse. My in-laws were the same way. My son has ADHD and they thought we were too strict with him and with what he was eating. My daughter has food allergies and if I said no to certain foods Grandpa would just do it behind my back. Of course my daughter suffered because she would get sick. I would find candy in their coat pockets that Grandma and Grandpa gave them. They would give them ice cream before dinner. Then it got worse with the discipline. They made our children feel like they didn't have to follow our rules at their house. Thank goodness my husband spoke up. We finally had to tell them that we would no longer be coming for visits because they were undermining us in front of our children and we couldn't trust that our children were learning right from wrong and would be as safe as possible at all times. We no longer left them alone with them. We stuck to our guns and when they realized we were serious and that they did not have contact they started to follow our rules. If we were there and Grandma and Grandpa started back to their old ways we would pack the kids up and cut the visit short. They finally caught on and things have been much better. My sister-in-law is thankful because they have never tried to undermine her. Your husband needs to help you with this and it will get better. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Only you and your husband can protect them and you are making the decisions for your child as good parents. No one has to agree they just have to respect you and follow your rules. Good Luck!!!

11 months is still pretty young for junk food. I'm with you feeding as healthy as possible with almost all organic food when i feed him. When we go out, i splurge a little on an occasional french fry or pizza crust. A tiny taste of whipped cream is one thing, but that doesn't sound like that is the case at all.
Now dealing with the inlaws, i have learned that it is ALWAYS best to have you husband talk to them cause you don't want to look like the bad guy. Maybe you can talk to your husband before you get together with in laws to have a plan of what to say if one of these situations come up. Another thing that works for me is i often say that the pediatrician said not to do it, so i don't. If they want more of an explanation, then you can say, "i don't know why, but i'm not risking going against the doctor's wishes." I do this sometimes cause it takes the pressure off me being the bad guy. I obvioulsy know why no junk food, seafood, honey, etc... but explaining can just get me into an unwanted long debate. We don't have food issues with my family but we sure have perfume/cologne issues.

When all is said and done, you are mom and you get to decide what your kid eats, and so what if you seem strict, is it worth it to let your child get sick?

Your husband needs to grow a spine. I had a huge fight with mine about his family and we've been married 20 years. He finally got the message because I blew up at him and now he stands behind me where he is supposed to be.

please DO NOT be pressured! stand your ground! its your child, your life, your decision. cloth diapers, unprocessed food, and limited tv are very good practices that will benefit your child!

First its hard when its your first child. I think I am a bit more easy going now that I three kids.
It doesn't matter what your opinion is they should respect you on it. Just continue to be pleasant.

Tell them how much you enjoy getting together with them and you would prefer to be in charge of what your baby eats.

Some people just don't get it..if its not how they do something then they have a problem with it.

Don't become defensive. Try to have her fed before you get together with them. Try to sit down and talk calmly and tell them why this is so important to you. That you value them but this decision is up to you and your husband. Denise

I think you are right in your decisions about how to raise your daugter. Your husband really should get a back bone and stand up to his family. He has the right to do so, in love. But if he don't, then he leaves you no choice but to tell them yourself, in love trying to be nice. The best thing that you are doing is keeping them away from your daughter. You have the right to raise your family the way you and your husband chooses. They need to respect your wishes and if they don't then you don't have to have your child (ren) around them and I would tell them so. (in love).

your husband needs to gather up his courage and talk to his family. it's his job to set clear boundaries with them by being firm and direct. i wouldn't leave my child alone with them either...

It's too bad that your husband's family doesn't appreciate all your efforts to give your baby the best or respect the boundaries that you set. It's absolutely insane that your baby's aunt tried to give her alcohol (and citrus). Your husband needs to stand up to his family that it's your baby and your rules. They might take it more seriously if these things came from him. As for having his family babysit, maybe if they came over to your house, they wouldn't have all that junk food handy to give to your baby but first they need to earn your trust.

M.,
I can really relate. My son knew that dessert was delicious strawberries, blueberries, cantalope, etc, until he started hanging out at his cousins' house a lot. At that point he started reporting how amazing and delicious Oreos, bubble gum, AirHeads, etc. were and I would let him have one candy/day. Now I have a child with a weight problem. Don't give in--hold your limits. At some point it will be out of your control, but at this age you absolutely must stick to your guns. Hopefully your child will hold on to your lessons about healthful eating more effectively than mine...
A.

You are not too strict. Hang in there with what you know is right. Your daughter should watch 0 hours of tv for at least the first 2 years. You should also continue to very carefully monitor the foods she eats. For her overall health, for allergic reasons and choking hazards. My mother in law gave my son beer at his first b-day and then I wondered why he was sooo tired. Things will work themselves out over time-in a couple of years she'll help you monitor what she eats by politely refusing. These are tough times but hang in there b/c it is your job to be a "jerk" sometimes in other people's eyes.
Good luck.

J.

I'm sure you'll get hundreds of replies - I'll keep it short. I had/have a similar problem with in-laws and food. It takes all of my strength, but I let lots of things slide now. We don't visit very often and the snacky, sugary foods make me crazy, but it's only allowed at their house so when we get home we are back to our routine. It ruins nap and meal time, but it keeps the peace with the grownups. I always bring healthy food and try to fill my kids first, but I don't make it an issue (very often). As for alcohol, caffeine, and dairy-too-early, you need to put your foot down and so does your hubby - that's inexcusable!

My mom always tells me that when I married my husband I married his family, too. They raised a person that I love, so they must have done (most of it) right. You'll raise your daughter to make good decisions, but as she grows let her love going to grandmas and getting special treats - she'll be fine. :)

I have a similar situation. I finally got to the place where I relaxed and decided that at their house was one way and at our house it was different. My children respect that and in fact, although they like the T.V. and junk food over there, I think they feel much more comfortable with our way at home.

We don't watch much T.V. and I see a huge difference from other children and from when they have been at my in-laws. They are MUCH happier when not watching T.V, (with all the violence and weird messages). They get along well and are more cheerful without it. On the other hand, I figure the little bit they do watch at my in-laws keeps them in touch with what other kids are experiencing and talking about. My children are very creative and play well which I think is also because they don't sit in front of a T.V or computer much.

For me the hardest thing is that they give them medication that I am not okay with. I figure they will survivie the bad diet a bit here and there. My solution is that I don't leave them there alone very often, but we do see them every week or two. I don't make a big deal about it. I love them and they adore my children. I realize that we are from entirely different cultures. They think they are helping my boys.

Good luck. Don't forget that your in-laws, for all your differences, have good hearts and love your children. Then do what you feel is sane.

imo, thats really bad. total disrespect for you as parents. you could bring them a hundred studies telling about good eating habits and childhood, and they are still going to do whatever they want. honestly, why do they feel the NEED to feed her these things. she is too young to get excited or ask, so its not like they are getting the favorite aunt medal. so its almost like they are doing it just to go against you esp behind your back.
i wouldnt let them watch her at all, until they show some respect. you are the parents. i would have my husband do the talking, but basically sit down and explain to them you are doing everything possible to give your daughter the best care. everything you do is with a great amount of research(hand them a pile of papers on the subject with lots of studies), and you would hope they would be pleased that their son/nephew was raised to have such concern over his child. ect ect ect.
your only way to be safe is to get them on your side, have them be your advocate. you need them to be sitting there telling thier friends "well MY dil doesnt give (blank) that, they say it leads to (blank)" until you pull them over to your side, you will never build the trust. also something i learned quickly regarding in laws- if you give an inch, they take a foot. you need to have them know you are in charge. im sure you will allow your daughter to have treats, but the point is you should be the one to give it to her when you feel sure. good luck.

our 3yr old was only drinks water or milk, she has had juice like 5 times and never anything like soda, doesnt watch tv, is allowed movies starting at 2 1/2, and until 3 had no special snacks(now we will allow her chips or cookies, that type of thing) except at special occasions like bday parties. we cloth diaper, cosleep, babywear, attachment parent. in order to do these things, you have to be able to speak up as everyone thinks you want their advice.

I think it's important for your in-laws to know that as a result of their behavior they will never be left unsupervised (by you and your husband) with your child. At this point there is a trust issue which is too bad. Stick to your guns. There is absolutely no question that you are giving your child the best possible start in life, while they are just out to have some fun. They don't have to like the way you are raising your daughter, but they have to respect and abide by it. It's nonnegotiable!

I suspect your inlaws feel critisised. This is probably not your fault at all, but that makes the whole thing a bit more difficult. Perhaps if you can add some neutral info. to the discussion, ie. her doctor recommends...or her doctor advised us that she should... that makes it sound less like you are the healthy parent making them look bad, it might help. It takes it out of the realm of what you like and dislike, and becomes a medical issue.
And your husband does not need to stand up to them, that would mean it is a battle, which it may have become by now. He simply needs to state his desires for his daughter, and ask them with a smile to please respect his choices. He may want to add that he is more than happy to respect their choices, and you can buy chips for their kids when they come to you.