I'm a single mo who's been diagnosed with clinical depression and have been working hard to get a grip on it, with different meds, counseling , etc. But my daughter is expressing to me that she is angry because I always seem unhappy. And that she may be the cause of it. I've been battling depression since she was born, but she is at the age that she's starting to notice it. I don't think I should be telling her about my depression, but I also am very sad that my daughter sees that I am unhappy. She is ten and dealing with emotions and hormones of her own and I feel like a horrible mother because she doesn't want to be around me when I'm depressed. What am I supposed to do?
**On another note, I have had her have a few sessions with the same counselor I see. The counselor tells me she is doing great and seems very happy. But that she does just want me to be happy, I think every girl wants that for her mom..I know I did...I still do**
Hi N.-
I like the idea of explaining it to your daughter and then following up with meeting w/ your therapist, that way she can understand it's a medical issue and can ask whatever questions she has in a safe place.
It's not your fault!!! Please remember that!! Your daughter just needs that explained and for her to understand that it's not her fault either.
Please take care of yourself. You have a whole country of support!
Stephanie
N.,
Are you still doing counseling and taking medication? Maybe you should try to explain to her that it is a medical condition that you have. Look it up on the web and show it to her. Show her that it is not that you are unhappy because of her, but it is an illness that you suffer from. Explain to her that you are taking medications and are going to counseling because you want to get better and because she is so important to you and you love her so much that you don't want her to think that she is the problem.
At this age you need to reaffirm to her that she is the most important person in the world to you, and because of her and how much you love her and your relationship with her that you seek medical attention. Because you want your lives to be better and you want to be able to be there for her at all times. Try seeing a christian counselor, get involve in church if you can. Try planning activities to do with her, even if money is tight, you can still take a walk at the park, or around your neighborhood, or go to the movies one day (an early show), go for icecream or something like that. Go to the library and take a book out. Read together. Cook together. Try doing little things together. But you need to educate her about your condition, she needs to know that this is not something you are making up or something due to her!!! Knowledge is the best weapon you have to help her out. Give her the knowledge she needs to be able to understand you. And if you can, have her go to counseling with you.
I'll be praying for both of you.
Blessings
Hi, Nicole:
Honey, you do have to find ways to understand what anger you are harboring inside of yourself.
Find a support group near you at www.coda.org
Attend a workshop on Life Space Crisis Intervention skills.
Good luck. D.
The two of you should see a therapist together. A professional will help explain the disease the proper way to her and help guide the two of you though this tough time. She should not think that she is the cause of it, don't ever let her think that. I have had times where I was so stressed and depressed about problems in life. I would save my energy for my kids (at the time they were younger than 10) and yes, my oldest would notice that I was stressed/depressed. I decided to rid my life of the cause of my problems and had to accept that some things that depressed me I would never be able to get rid of. I had to learn to cope for the benefit of me to be able to be the best I can be for my kids. I didn't have money for therapy (even though I had insurance--the co-pay at the time was even an extra expense). I found a program at the local YMCA and spoke to counselors there and that helped my relate info to my kids. Things are great now. I never needed meds, I was able to overcome with my own strength and determination. Give it a try....get help from a free program, a clergy, or a therapist. Sending you hugs and prayers....
First of all you are not a horrible mother. You are honest and can let her know what is going on. Second, I do not know if it is her or you that is attempting to make you feel like a horrible mother, but stop this cycle now. She should not be permitted to make you feel more bad. You are getting the correct treatment, you are not in denial and you demonstrating that you stand up against those demons. I admire you for that I was about the same age as your daughter when my mother went into hospital care for nervous breakdown. We do see things at that young age. Share with her. She could be nervous about her own life. And keep up the good work.
Do tell her about your depression. Tell her that you have been sad - NOTHING that she has done, and that you are getting help for it. You are taking medicine and talking to someone (you should also bring this up with the counselor). It isn't a bad thing for her to see that you realize something is wrong and you are getting help for it. Make sure that you keep your communication open and honest.
