My poor DD got the wits scared out of her a couple of weeks ago when Grandpa and Daddy were rough housing... She started freaking out and crying. Usually when she does this, we will include her in the rough housing (obviously a baby-fied version) so she sees that we are having fun, not actually fighting. Normally she LOVES it. Not this time! Grandpa is a really big man, with a really loud, deep voice... when all other men in her life are fairly small and quiet. It has been a few weeks, and she is still TERRIFIED of Grandpa! We live in the same house, so she sees him every day. Next to Daddy and I, he was her favorite person EVER! she loved playing in his beard and would always be smiles and giggles when he had her. Now she screams and cries when he holds her, sometimes if he even looks at her funny. I can tell that it hurts his feelings... but what can I do about it? We hoped that it would get better with time, but it's been 2.5 weeks and she's still terrified! He has tried getting down to her level on the floor to play with her, just talking to her while I held on to her, reading from her books while she was on the floor, joining in when she and I are playing, lots of things but nothing seems to help. Any suggestions? I'm sure she will feel better about him eventually, but who knows when eventually will come?
SORRY! she's 8 months old. :)
It will just take time and be on her terms. She'll come around. Grandpa should probably remain "low profile" and she'll want the attention from him again soon enough.
** It shows you you how sensitive kids are when adults argue in front of them. Always take the madness out of eye and earshot of a child.
She's at the age to pay attention to people and react to what they're doing or not doing. You have to wonder what is going through her mind. Please tell Grandpa to be very patient and not take her current rejection of him personally. Ask him to continue to be friendly to her and allow her to stay at a distance. She will come to love him and play with his beard again, but it may not be tomorrow or next week.
My granddaughters all did this to me at one time or another, and I don't even have a beard! They really wanted nothing to do with me. It was hard not to feel hurt. But I still saw them, smiled, talked gently, let THEM decide to come to ME... and sooner or later (I had to be patient, too) they decided I was acceptable. I wonder if I'll still be acceptable when they're teenagers... but that's a whole different matter.
I think he just needs to back off and give her time to recover from her fear. Pushing it is only going to make it worse. She needs to sit back and observe grandpa in a loving and calm fashion and when she is comfortable again she will go, but on her terms. I had an uncle who had the deepest voice and my mother told me I screamed every time he came near me, he turned out to be one of my favorite uncles. Just be patient and explain to your father in law that it is not him it is what she saw. She can't tell the difference between true violence and rough housing she is very young. Good luck!!
Oh boy. I know how you feel and how he feels - I have the king of mama's boys; has been since he was 6 months old and he is now 17 months almost 18 months old. It will get better, it just might take longer than any of you want it to.
She's at prime stage for separation anxiety etc and the whole rough housing thing may have just triggered some sort of anxious feelings. Have him keep trying what he's doing. My son gave nobody any love and he's still very shy and reluctant to left with other people but gets over it eventually, the last time we tried, it took about 30 minutes of him crying to realize he'd be ok. It's hard especially when it comes to grandparents!
I suggest giving her time and telling the adults not to horse around like that in front of her. also since she is only 8 mnths it just may be that age where anyone other thn mom or dad freak her out
I see, 8 months? Awww. That's still very young to know what's real/not. She will outgrow her fears soon. I feel bad for Grandpa, am sure he would like her to be comfortable around him again asap. It will pass, am sure, hopefully soon. Many hugs to you!
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Have him be calm and quiet and not look directly at her for a few days or weeks. He should ignore her so she can just watch. And the rest of you, in front of the baby, hug him a lot, and talk softly to him close to him. Touch him. Be sure she sees all the rest of you be very friendly... all the while, giving her space.
Please let us know how this goes. I had a baby that was very cautious with everyone. And it took her 6 months once to re-accept one person she rejected like that. Patience.
Wow, she's very perceptive for an eight month old...and I think the only thing that will help is if she sees her Daddy "playing nicely" with Grandpa, and talking to him...have them hug, and shake hands, sit down and "play" together with her toys, etc...hopefully erase the terrifying memory and replace with a good one!
my ex mil used to try to bite my middle DD when she was a baby, and DD remained scared, screaming at the sight of her, forever pretty much. They were Italian, and this was the 1st grandchild to "dare" reject grandma, however she was also the 1st to love grandpa with his wino breath breathing all over her, she just adored him. Drove mil crazy, but it was kinda funny. (the grandparents had an amusing rivalry and competed for the kids' attention) Maybe suggest that he remain uninterested, meaning he doesnt even look at her, and see if her interest comes back, she might seek him out again, & hopefully he can soften his voice and be gentler till shes a bit older.
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