One Year Old Still Won't Go to Daddy

hi M.,
I had the same problem with my son who will be 3 this august. But about 8months ago, my husband was "laid-off" & has had to care for him. the first couple of days were rough but they're great together now! when I'm home he wont go to Dad for anything! I like the attention I get now. LOL!
Just allow some alone time for the 2 of them to spend together. some playtime, a park visit. It will be something they do together.
Good Luck! (this is not as uncommom problem with babies, you know?)

When I was a child I wouldn't go near any man with any trace of facial hair. Not even the slightest bit of stubble. I also had a problem with strong odors like colognes and certain soaps. Also some men tend to be loud, and that can also be scary for a child. A very deep voice also may be an issue. Just take your time and have patience and let her learn to trust him on her own terms.

I'd try having you sit on your husbands lap and cuddle with him in front of her with lots of big smiles and laughs. Keep saying how happy you are and how much you love daddy. Then, ask her to come join you guys. You'll probably have to do this a bunch of times but eventually she should feel more comfortable and should start to venture on her own. My daughter went through s short phase like this when she was little (which was odd because she was fine with him one day and then all of sudden was afraid). Anyway, keep modeling constant affection for your husband and eventually you're daughter will feel comfortable copying you and then do it just because she enjoys it! Good luck!

I know it's hard for your husband - our daughter would not go to daddy until she was 13 months old. The best advice I can give you is don't force her to go to him. I know it is heartbreaking for him to be rejected, but when she does decide to go to him it will be so much more rewarding when he knows it's coming from her heart. My daughter would not go to ANYONE - if she couldn't be with me then she was happy to play by herself. But as she has added people to her "safe list" the happiness glowing on relatives faces "She likes me!!!" has been priceless, and we all know that her love is genuine because she is the one deciding that they can hold her or touch her.

Actually, that gives me another idea. Suggest that your husband spend time playing with her or talking to her WITHOUT touching her or trying to pick her up or hold her. My daughter has very firm personal boundaries and if someone - even a "safe list" person - crosses those boundaries, they basically start at square one re-earning her trust. Maybe if your husband played/chatted without physical contact she would start to come around? Even if for a while you act as a buffer and gradually remove yourself from the room or game?

Good luck - she will come around but our experience has been that the more you force it the longer it will take.

All kids go through this phase. I feel like it is a way of getting a reaction as well as exerting independence. My son at 5 still has "mommy days" and "daddy days" as he calls them where he wants only one of us.

One thing I see a lot of parents do that does not help this though is that they immediately grab the child back when they cry a little or express nervousness. This makes the child feel like they were right to be upset and it continues. You need to make her stay with daddy and just reassure her that daddy loves her and they will have so much fun. Daddy can play her favorite game or sing her favorite song, etc.

If your child is very attached to you, you will need to force the issue. Leave her with daddy while you go out for an hour or go in another room for an hour. You may be surprised that she is perfectly fine when you are not there. I knwo it is hard, but you know she is perfectly safe with her daddy and she will not get used to him being a part of her life if you don't let him take care of her (not saying you do this, just something I've seen other people I know do).

I know some people will probably say I am cruel for saying let her cry a little, but if you take her back everytime you are reinforcing her fear. Give her a little longer each time until she is comfortable.

Good luck.

My daughter was similarly resistant (and still is at 22 months somewhat but to a lesser extent) to her Daddy's attention. She definitely prefers me, but what helped was what another post said - as hard as it is for him he should try NOT to touch & hug her when he sees her - just engage her in playing and activities that she likes so that she can get used to him. My husband used to insist on trying to hug and pick her up when he came home from work which got him nothing but a screaming fit in return. Now he knows to gently approach and engage in play and then after awhile she warms up. She still doesn't like to be held but he knows better and accepts it. It took awhile for him to get it right but now she is more comfortable with him. I think before she was always afraid he was going to try to hug on her!

Good luck!

My daughter is the same way. If we are all together she always wants me and will scream if daddy tries to pick her up. But he watches her two days a week while I am at work and they are fine together some times having more fun than mommy days. So my suggustion to you is to allow her some daddy time when you are not even in the house. I'm sure your husband will keep her safe even if the first few times she wants nothing to do with him. She will learn that daddy can give good love too.

My son is 2 and is just starting to enjoy spending time w/ daddy I still can't leave the room for very long or he'll start crying for me.

Hi M.,
Does your husband have a beard? My friend's baby was scared of his beard. It got better when he trimmed it to a tight goatee.
Good luck,
Z.