Daycare Feeding Son Peanut Butter, Despite Our Request Not To

T.,

I am a daycare provider and I have one little boy who has a peanut allergy. I don't serve peanut butter at all if he is at daycare. A peanut allergey is a serious thing and should not be taken lightly. I think it is time to find a differnet daycare provider, one who will put the childs' best intertest ahead of her food menu.

Good Luck,
J.

T.,

That is horrible. I am afraid I'd have to pull my child if a provider was deliberately ignoring my requests (of any kind). Allergies are a huge problem today, if she can't get with the times and listen to parents and doctors about waiting to introduce a food, she shouldn't be caring for children.

J.

You are absolutely correct about not feeding your son peanut butter until he is three years old (per my daughter's allergy doctor). A regular pediatrician will say two years old is okay, but that's not really accurate anymore. Also beware of even trace amounts of peanut/tree nut by products which are in a lot of things.
My daughter had never had "peanut butter" until Easter last year when she wanted a taste. I put a dot of it on her tongue and she had a reaction almost immediately. Within 5 minutes her face was swollen and blotchy and her eyes were red and watering and she said her ears, eyes and nose itched and her breathing changed. I rushed her to the ER (only a few blocks away) and they said she would have gone into anaphylactic shock had I not got her there in time. We were there for 5 hours and she had to have intravenous steroid and a shot of epinephrine. It was a rough 5 hours. We now know that a child cannot develop this allergy without some previous exposure to it (pre-processed foods with even only trace amounts). The body builds up a defence against the nut protein so that the next time the body is exposed to it, it will react the way it did with my daughter. For more thorough information please visit this national website advocated by my daughter's allergy doctor.
We were also made aware that nut proteins can be passed to the fetus and through breast milk to a nursing child.
thushttp://www.foodallergy.org/allergens/index.html
Also, nut allergies are different in that for examply my daughter is not even supposed to be in an environment where any nuts/nut butters are used/eaten.
Lastly, a person can develop a nut allergy at any time. A person may have had it or by-products from it many times before suddenly developing this allergy. My daughter's doctor is Dr. Kettelhut (http://www.allergyasthmaimm.com/) if you would like to contact that office for more information.

T.: This sounds like the kind of person who doesn't realize the severity of things that can go wrong until they actually do. You DO NOT want it to go wrong with your child! Get him out of there! I would also write a letter of complaint to her and any other licensing board that looks at her facility. She probably means well, but that is not good enough when we entrust our children to her care each and every day. Good luck with your decision and in finding a new daycare if you continue to work.

C. M in ND

I hope that your provider does follow your wishes now, but if not, I would remove your son. Not because she feeds him PB or popcorn, but because she doesn't have respect for your wishes.

I know with the USDA food program, peanut butter is allowable, as is popcorn. So I have fed my daycare children both. Since starting to focus on toddler care I don't serve either as with PB it is mess, and popcorn they don't finish a whole bag and there is a lot of waste, but not because either is a risk. If I had a child with a family background as yours, I certainly wouldn't give that child PB, especially after you request not to! My own 19m old son has had both for months. I don't mind cleaning up one messy toddler covered in peanut butter as much as cleaning up 3-4! Haha! That being said, neither I nor my husband have much beyond my own seasonal allergies. If there was a history of allergies, then of course I wouldn't give my son high allergen foods.

It is often a big hassle and pain to have to accomodate every parents request. With the food program (if she is in it), there are steps to go through if your provider refuses to follow your requests. First of all, if there is no true medical reason, you can only request, but since it appears your son may have an allergy, you can have a form signed by your doctor stating that he cannot have peanut butter.

Having said all that, I pride myself on being a very "accomodating" daycare provider, and while I have only had one request for a special diet, and the mom actually provided the foods (they were trying to avoid artificial dyes to see if they caused her daughter's behaviour issues... turned out she had ADHD), I do try to follow any of my parents' wishes from special diets to avoiding cold temps for a previous RSV sufferer to keeping a child awake so they would nap for a long car ride and so on. So in my own opinion, if your provider continues to refuse to follow such simple requests as no PB and no popcorn, I would seek care elsewhere as there will probably be issues with other aspects of your sons care down the road.

Also, if you do have issues and decide to stay at home, I highly recommend child care! I myself have only 4 extra kiddos, and 2 of them are part time and only overlap by a few hours a week. I make enough to pay for groceries and such (diapers, cleaning supplies, etc) as well as my student loan and car loan. Not a huge money making business, but I love it, and I am then able to stay home with my children. There is no rule that says you have to take 12 kids or anything. Just taking on one or two other children around your son's age would work great.

She should have listened to your wishes. I am wondering how old the kids are that she's feeding popcorn? She definately should not be feeding it to kids under 4. If it were my kids, I'd be thinking of pulling them too.

Is she licenced? I don't know all the rules and regulations licenced care providers have to follow, but I would think they would know about popcorn and listen to your request about peanutbutter, especially since you and your husband are more sensitive to allergies.

Trust your gut and get out of there ASAP. I don't think you need to give 2 weeks if there's a safety issue. If she's licensed, report it right away. As a daycare provider she should have the proper training and knowledge to know the dietary needs/restrictions of young ones, esp. those under 2.

I worked in a daycare and as a nanny, and even though I didn't always agree with the parents (usually it was opposite, like switching a 10 month old to whole milk... but I was the nanny and that was what they were providing), I always went by the parents wishes. Every child is different, and I beleive it is up to the parents to decide what they want for their child. And when you are caring for someone elses children, you need to respect their wishes. For me, that would be time to find a new daycare. That is a very serious issue, and if you are having problems with her respecting your wishes with that, you will likely have the same problems with other issues too. I know you said it is not intentionally trying to harm him. To me, it is more of a respect issue. You told her you did not want him to have peanut butter AND explained why, and she chose to not respect your request and do it her own way. For some kids, it wouldn't be a big deal. With my son, I waited until almost 2 just because they say the younger they have it, the more likely the allergies are. I had no family history or reason to worry, but I just didn't feel it was necessary for him to have and would be better to wait on. If he was in a daycare that didn't respect that, I would find one that did.

T.,
I have to agree with the other Moms here put your son in another day care. I know that this may be a challenge, but you need to protect you son. What would happen if he has an allergic reaction? Some reactions are mild at first and then they get worse. I wish you and your family the best and I hope you can find someone who is willing to work with you while caring for your son.

Trust your gut. It is hard enough to be a working mom and endure all the feeling of guilt that go with it. The last thing you need is for your toddler to be cared for by someone that you feel you can no longer trust. This is obviously something that bothers you and makes you question her common sense and her ability to care for your child, and these feelings are probably not going to just go away. I'm sure it is discouraging searching for childcare again (and I know, my 17 month old is just settling into her 3rd daycare since 3 months old) but I think it is important that if you choose (or have) to continue to work that you find a person that is just the right fit for your family. Try not to feel guilty about having him start a new daycare, it is better that he is safe and you feel good about where he is. He will get used to it and remember that if the most important part of his life **YOU** are constant and stable and the love is always there, he will adapt ok other places. Feel free to contact me if you want any tips on ways to search for daycare, one time I had FIVE interviews in ONE DAY! I am a pro. ;) -Ali

First off, you are not over reacting at all. Allergies these days are so much more severe than when we were kids 20+ years ago. My mom always tells me that I over react a lot, but in the end she see's my side.
1) Find a new daycare, start looking ASAP and than give your two weeks notice.
2) Some parents will provide alternatives for peanut butter (sun butter, etc). In this case, I think she's doing it intntionally.
3) Make her licensure aware of this behavior (serving popcorn and peanut butter when told NO). You can get the providers info on the website of your county.
4) Where do you live/work and I may be able to provide you a few references for a new daycare.
5) Hugs to you, its difficult confronting people and having to find new daycare.

T.~

I would never tell someone that they are over reacting when it comes to their children. He is your son and how you deal with this situation is your business. However, I will tell you that I, myself would not be so uptight if I were in the same situation. The first time w/ the PB&J, was probably a miss communication. And now that she knows, hopefully she'll never do it again. Popcorn, I agree can be a choking hazard, but so are grapes, hotdogs, chicken nuggets, animal crackers, you name it. As long as the children are being supervised, popcorn should not be a problem. Now, the PB crackers shouldn't have been given to your son. You are right she should have remembered, that you were upset before about the PB&J. I hope your son is alright. And if you are that concerned I would get him checked out, right away. As for staying with your daycare provider, I would advice you to leave. You obviously don't trust her, and you are going to drive yourself crazy everyday with worry. I'm not sure why your other Daycare's didn't workout, but 3 daycares in 15 mos seems like a lot. If you can make ends meet without your income, you should probably just stay home. I myself am an in-home daycare provider. I offer all my children over 1 year, PB and popcorn. There is only one child that I do not give corn to, because her parents said it gives her yucky BM's. Anyways, I hope you are able to be at ease with this situation. Good Luck!

~J.

I am a mom of 3 and used to do daycare and we avoided any peanuts or peanut butter unless the parents said it was ok and i still waited till 2 years old even though they said it was ok and absolutely no popcorn was served durring daycare hours popcorn is not even aproved on most food programs if she is part of one. I would tell her you are looking for new daycare she should never think it is ok if a parents has told her many times there are so many alternatives out there for PB.

I work at a daycare. It's at a healthcare facility so it is usually about 1-2 hourse that children stay. We allow both peanut butter and popcorn. However, I personnally don't like the idea of even having peanut butter at all. A family came in a few weeks ago, they have four children, one of them being about a year. They brought in popcorn for their children. I didn't let the little one eat it because it makes me uncomfortable. I personally would find a different daycare provider. She should already know these things without you having to tell her, and she has been going against your wishes.

I worked at a homedaycare and we ALWAYS honored the parents request for things like that even if we felt they were being paranoid it wasn't our children so we had to honor the parents request.

I would find a new provider asap.

Now we did feed the children grapes,popcorn,hotdogs,peanutbutter you name it unless the parents specifically told us not to. Basically if you were eating table food everyone ate the same thing over age1 unless a parent didn't want their child to.

My daughter also was in alot of daycares too til I finally gave up my job and took a paycut to work at a inhome daycare for a friend.

If you have made it absolutely clear to this daycare provider that your son is NOT to have peanut butter and told her WHY (allergy or possible allergy) and she has continued to feed him peanut butter, I would get your son out of that daycare right away!

Whether she is just clueless about child safety or is purposely defying you, this is not someone I would be comfortable leaving my child with!

If she has twice ignored your warning about peanut butter, what else might she ignore?

You have to feel your child is safe when in a daycare situation. If it was me and it was my son, I would not feel he was safe there. Maybe I am overprotective, but you can't mess around with allergies.

My mother fed my son whole grapes and hot dog chunks until I educated her about the choking hazard. But this lady is running a daycare- she needs to know how to properly care for children. Feeding young kids a choking hazard like popcorn and certainly ignoring a mother's warning about a food allergy is just plain irresponsible and dangerous.

That's my take on it anyway.

What were the reasons for ditching the other two daycares?

So are you using a home day care or a business daycare? If they don't know and follow the rules, then find somewhere that does.
Check with them the menu for the month if a liscensed daycare.

Hi T.,
As a mother to a 2 year old with food allergies, including peanuts, I do not think you are overreacting at all. I don't even think it's acceptable for her to have fed him peanuts once; I believe that it is now recommended to wait until your child is at least 3 or 4 to give them peanuts or peanut butter; no matter whether there is a history of allergy or not in the family. As a daycare provider, she should know not to give peanut butter to a child so young! That's just crazy. I used to work at a daycare and we actually had a peanut-free facility, just because of the rise of peanut allergies and I think that was a wonderful idea. I'm lucky to be able to stay home with my daughter during the day and my husband watches her at night while I work; I'd be scared to death to have her a in a daycare, I really would. I know there are good ones out there, like the one I worked at, but they are hard to find. I would definitely get him out of there and report her too. Especially since you asked her once to not give him peanut butter and then she gave it to him TWICE; it just makes me really mad! And then the popcorn too. You are the parent and you get to decide what is best for your son, not her; especially at the risk of his life possibly; you don't know. They can have just a hives reaction once and then the next time it could be worse. Not to scare you, but it's true. I hope that helps and let us know what you decide.

Hi T.! I'm an in home daycare provider and you should always respect the parents. I can't believe her. I can maybe see doing in once by mistake, but I don't think you as a parent should have to tell her that twice. You are suppose to trust your daycare provider to provide a safe environment and feeding the kids safe foods is one of them. Good luck with everything.

L. :0)

Is she licensed daycare? If so and this has been brought to her attention more than once I would contact her licensing worker. This could end up being a hazzard to your child or someone else's child. Her worker needs to know that she is doing against you request. Even more so since your child is problems as a result of this. Your complient is help confidental with the county worker. If she isn't licensed I would look for someone else to care for your child. To not honor your resquest as the parent is not good standing with someone who is suppose to be resonsibile for your child. Good luck

I'd take him out of that day care, chances are there are lots of other violations of your rules that you haven't seen. I have heard some mom's say that they have had to switch to a nanny because they just could not find a good day care provider that they trusted. Maybe getting a nanny is an option? If you cant afford a professional one, maybe a college student or a recent grad in Early Childhood education? Or Maybe an older lady at your church is looking for something to help fill her days? Just a few ideas...Good luck

Hi T.,
I am a licensed Daycare Provider and I always respect the wishes of the parents. I am wondering if your provider is licensed because popcorn is not an approved food program snack. Aside from it being a choking hazard there isn't enough nutritional value to count it as a snack. I would be concerned especially because you specifically told her no peanut butter. Just know there are capable, caring providers out there. It’s sounds like you have had some back luck.

Hi T., sorry to hear about this situation, if you havent done so already I reccommend finding a new provider.

I myself have been a home daycare provider for over 10 years, I have 3 boys of my own, 11, 8 & 4! I absolutely LOVE what I do everyday, although I also know it is not for everyone!

As a provider, state licensed and educated beyond normal req. I will say that P. Butter should NEVER be served or offered in a daycare setting or a school setting for that matter. I am working in my own area to ban it from school lunches!

One of the most common allergies is peanuts. Peanuts are found in so many products that it is hard to start out looking around and beginning new diets. When I first started out with daycare there was no big message about p. butter, however in the last 4 years that has changed. I currently have one child that is allergic to Peanuts, any tree nuts, and also dairy, just for kicks, lol! At first it was a difficult task for me to adjust my grocery shopping, menu planning and cooking, but I made it work. I researched online before going shopping or meal planning, I made sure I would not contribute to his alllergies or anyones in the future.

I read your post a couple of times and see that there were 3 occassions for which your provider fed your child something that you did not want him to have, your child is around 1 yr of age, sorry but WAKE UP - 3 strikes and your OUT! A provider that is going to continually make up excuses, like, I didnt know or oh a misunderstanding is lying and guilty! I will bet that it was NOT the first time your child had crackers with PB, believe me, they are SOOOO convienant to buy and serve, and cheap too, why not throw them out to the kiddies! There are millions of items of food that are cheaper and healthier than POPCORN too, try a banana! I dont think your provider understands how important this is to you and all her clients, PB is NOT recommended! In my daycare I dont even allow parents to send snacks or treats for fear that they may contain or been made around peanuts, it is truly a deadly alleregy. Did you all ever hear about the teenage girl who kissed her boyfriend and died 2 hours later, come to find out he had a reeses pb cup for a snack that day and fragments of the peanuts were passed on to her! Please stress to your providers out there to NOT serve PB or Peanut products!

Best of Luck
G.
Gingerbread House Daycare

I am a mom of a 1 year old little boy who loves peanut butter. I as the parent chose to give my son Pb at one after talking to my doctor. That being said I also work at a daycare and we are a peanut free facility due to a child with a severe allergy. The first time he had peanut butter (he was at home thank goodness) reacted immediately which required a trip to the emergency room. We do not allow anything that even says manufactured in a plant with peanuts to come threw the door. We have had a few parents who just don't understand this and have taken their child elsewhere so they can bring in peanut butter sandwiches and cereal to daycare. Most parents are understanding. You as the parent have the right to say no don't give my child that and if your daycare provider can't respect your wishes what then what else might she be doing that you would like her not to do. She needs to understand how dangerous this could be. Would she let your child run around with matches just because he hasn't started a fire yet with them? Definately find a new daycare provider.

If this is a licensed daycare I would turn her in. I have a son who is allergic to peanuts and it didn't show up until he was over one year old. It is a very scary thing seeing your child start having trouble breathing from something they eat. I would imagine if she is breaking your wishes for this, she is breaking a lot of other wishes and imagine how hard it will be down the line for other things like potty training etc if she won't abide by your wishes.

Good luck and no I don't think you're over-reacting.

T.,

Being a mom of 3 and a previous licensed daycare provider (before moving), I would have to say take him out of there, before something serious happens!! This provider seems to go by her own rules and forgets these kids are not hers and she needs to listen to the parents wants and needs (within reason). I am not sure why he is in his 3rd daycare, but I am sure there were good reasons to pull him out of the first two as well.

For your sons health and safety I would give your 2 weeks notice (if that is what your provider requests) and look for a new daycare. I know it can be difficult to find child care, but when you interview, make sure the provider is aware of your concerns and see if they will be able to accomodate them.

Good luck and let us know what happens!!!