Daughter's Best Friend Joined a Rival Cheer Team

My granddaughter, almost 11, has been in soccer for about 5 years now, and 2 years ago left her team because she didn't care for the dynamics, gossipy girls and parents. But she is such a kind, loving person and great player that when her old team was short a player for a special game they brought her in as a sub, she helped win the game, then went on to play her regular game later in the day. None of the girls hold anything against her, nor she them. Activities are one thing, friendships are another.

Being on another squad is fine...but it is how you do it that is at issue. How about this....treat others with respect and courtesy. These 5 moms need to learn this and teach their kids.

These moms/kids need to...get a spine and tell the current coach (you) and team that they have decided not participate in the team any longer, thanks for the fun, but they are moving on. Fine. They did not necessarily have to tell you that they changed teams, just that they will no longer be participating in your team. In my opinion this would have been the right thing to do.

Use this as a teaching lesson for your daughter and the remaining girls on how NOT to behave. Make whatever decisions you want in life...then have the "chutzpah" (aka guts) to let others know in a respectful way what your decision is so that they can adjust accordingly.

These other moms were likely trying to avoid conflict, but really just showed no class or respect for others.

I would drop this mom from your "friend" list - you are now acquaintances - when your paths cross treat her with respect as an acquaintance (not with an "embrace" as a friend).

Explain to her that sometimes people do things for selfish reasons - that it was unfair to just not show up and quit without telling anyone (and very childish of the parents to let the girls do that without calling). I would tell her it's okay to be mad/upset/etc but I would try to steer her towards contacting (emailing, texting, calling, going over) to her friend's house and talking with her openly. I think communication is key in relationships so although it may be hard for her to confront her, it will be good in the long run. If the girl ends up being snobby/not caring/etc then your daughter can walk away from the friendship with her head held high and know she was open and honest with her.

As far as the five parents - did any of them call you? Do you have any type of quitting policy? Since it's competitive cheering, I would assume they have to sign some sort of consent/agreement, etc? I would maybe sent out a letter or email in a nice manner effectively 'closing out' thier position on the squad (ensuring you get poms, outfits, etc that you require back) in a timely manner.

Good luck - I am sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this but hopefully it will be for the best in the end.

One piece of advice i heard my older brother giving to my younger sister was that "If something doesn't happen the way you want it to (say you do'nt get a job, or get into X college, or date that guy, it means that THAT particular thing was not FOR YOU. There is something better out there." So with your daughter maybe you could equate it to maybe the other cheering squads are a better fit for these girls and if you two were in the same situation, you could talk about how you would have approached quitting. This could be a very valuable lesson for her on what not to do when quitting something!

I agree that business is business, but I also would not want to be friends with this person due to the character, or lack there of she has shown to you over your experiences. Honestly, I would have cut ties with her a long time ago. Cheer should be FUN and Competative, now you have a leg up - you know 5 of their squad member's strenghts and weaknesses.

Just do what the other mother and daughter did.
Move on.
I know it's hard for a girl to lose a BFF but trust me she'll get over it soon enough. Friends change, teammates change, life goes on. And like you said, it sounds like a blessing anyway.
And of course encourage your daughter to spend time with her other friends. As long as she's happy and busy she won't (and shouldn't) have time to sit around feeling sad and lonely.

I think your daughter's instincts are correct. This other girl either a) does not understand how to treat a friend; or b) does not view your daughter as a friend. Either way I would not subject myself to that type of person in any great depth.

I *WOULD* encourage my daughter to be polite/civil with this girl. It's not a good idea to get down in the mud with pigs (figuratively speaking of course).

In other words don't sink to their level. But don't delude yourselves either. It's a great teachable moment on how to BE a good friend, and how to discern good friends.

Good luck. <3

team sports and personal friendships are two VERY different things in my opinion.

Moving from one cheer squad to another has NOTHING to do with personal relationships and friendships. That would be like saying I shouldn't move to a different town because they are a rival of my town. I go where the opportunities are ... plain and simple.

Your daughters friend left a CHEER SQUAD ... she didn't leave your daughter outside of the cheer squad. Unless the cheer is all they had in common in the first place.

gotta say though ... I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy my daughter never got into cheer or anything like that ... gah what a bunch of silly drama.

I suggest remaining friendly in this situation. The best friend may turn into just another friend though. It sounds like the girls who left and their mothers are a bit snobby. I hate it when parents live through their children. You and your daughters should be proud of who you are, and let the cards fall as the may.

Ok, so your daughter feels a bit hurt, and you feel a bit angry but at the same time - relieved.
Seems like what they did was a bit abrupt, maybe even rude BUT it saved you from a lot of pointless drama.
Try not to look at it as an insult.
This is an opportunity - it's best to view it as such.
Now you have room for new people / new talent to join the squad!
New friends can be made!
When former team mates are seen at competitions - genuinely wish them good luck!

Business should not affect personal. It's cheerleading! She wants to be on a "better" squad with perhaps more opportunities for her daughter. Nothing wrong with that, plus it sounds like she wasn't a proper for for your squad anyway. Use this as an opportunity to teach your daughter about respect and integrity, and maybe a time to look at how you can rebuild and make your squad better as well!

Wow, what a slap in the face. Yes, they have every right to switch teams but it was done in a very disrespectful manner. Kudos to you for handling in such a calm manner. You showed great self control and left emotion out of it. Yes, your daughter is hurt and doesn't quite have the ability to keep emotions at bay but you are setting a wonderful example. As far as it being "business", if they were truly friends then yes, they should have handled it differently. Friends do not blindside friends. Just go with the natural distancing and if your daughter and her friend decide to work things out, great. If not, she will find true friends elsewhere. Again, kudos to you for handling it in such a positive way!

Here's what you wrote in your post:

"I was very gracious to them, wishing them well at their new team. I told my daughter what happened by making it sound like it was no big deal, and that everyone has a right to choose to change teams...This is cheerleading, it happens all the time."

You answered your own question. You need to listen to your own words, and you and your daughter need to enjoy cheerleading, and mellow out.

If your daughter sees her friend at a sporting event, she should smile, wave, and then try to out-cheer her friend, (and this is the key) ALL IN GOOD FUN.

You and your daughter need to not take this all so seriously.

So what's the problem? You got rid of people that are not the best company. In my book, I would be doing cartwheels. Your daughter will make other friends and life is good. Do you really think I have the same friends as I did in grade school, middle school, high school and college? No, there are times people out grow each other. Why keep drama in your life? Got rid of in-laws and life has been great without them and made my husband more happier. My opinion is quit being sensitive, move on, build up another team, and beat the pants off them.